Contact: the first four minutes,

by Leonard Zunin, Natalie Zunin

243 page hard cover book detailing how to develop and improve techniques for establishing and strengthening meaningful human relationships.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

250 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1972

Reviews

[Semi-Academic Eric]

"When a person (among the Babemba tribes of southern Africa) acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe, regardless of age, begins to talk out loud to the accused, one at a time, about all of the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his life time. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, kindnesses and strengths are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to fabricate, exaggerate or be facetious about his accomplishments or the positive effect of his personality..."

This part of the book, shared with me by an acquaintance, has intrigued me enough to want to find and read more of this. Yet, other reviews suggest that this may be the best part. Shall I sully this experience with more than four minutes of contact with this book?

[Brian]

A little dated and a couple very dull chapters but if it sounds interesting to you you'll probably appreciate.

[Michael David]

This book hasn't aged as well as other self-help books such as Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones, or Berne's Games People Play, but it still presents a number of sensible suggestions in order to improve one's social interactions especially during their first four minutes.

Positive phoniness was a novel idea that Zunin introduced in this book, which he described as:

In my judgment, a segment of our society has gone overboard in asking people to be direct and honest at all levels, all the time. When we understand the relationship of behavior and feelings, perhaps we can better subscribe to my conjecture that being phony is not necessarily being insincere ... Call it functional fraud or appropriate deception, the truth is there's a distinct social grace in not expressing anger or criticism at times and kind words may also help alleviate your own wrath." (p.203-204)

In my line of work where one's patience is stretched to its limits, it's heartening to know that I'm actually becoming more emotionally mature because I have implemented such an idea in my general practice (although I don't implement it all of the time).

[Ankur Choudhury]

A Good One!

[John]

An analysis what happens in the first four minutes of meeting someone new and how to make a lasting first impression with someone.