Around the World in 80 Martinis : The Logbook of a Remarkable Voyage Undertaken by Gustav Temple and Vic Darkwood

by Gustav Temple, Vic Darkwood

This title is a spoof of the Jules Verne classic and a "Rough Guide to the World" for "Chaps" everywhere. On a wet November evening, in the refined surroundings of the Sheridan Club on London's St James's Street, Messrs Temple and Darkwood entered into a Is it possible to travel the entire world, crossing all five continents, using a different method of transport for every leg of the journey? This is the story of their remarkable attempt. It is an adventure that takes the "Chaps" into territory previously unchartered by gentlemen, such as three-star hotels and standard class railway carriages, and involves some of the more curious forms of travel, including balloon, yak, elephant, Kon-Tiki raft and a sperm whale. Along the way they have to negotiate the unpalatable cuisine of North America; cross the entire Congo jungle in a sedan chair; and resort to selling their internal organs after a disastrous night spent at a seedy casino in Bangkok. Their journey is eased by the indispensable "Trubshawe's Handbook for the Gentleman Traveller" and by Ahmed, their quick witted Moroccan boyservant, who can always be relied upon to locate the nearest opium den or baccarat table. Principally though, it is an adventure fuelled by dry Martinis - the only food stuff that Messrs Temple and Darkwood feel they can trust at every corner of the globe.

Hardcover

First published October 6, 2003

About the author

Gustav Temple has been the editor of The Chap magazine since 1999, when Britain’s finest gentlemen’s quarterly was launched. The Chap, now bi-monthly, recently celebrated its 15th year of publication and continues to spread the word of anarcho-dandyism through its pages, as well as via its annual gathering of the excellently dressed, The Chap Olympics. Mr. Temple is the author of six books, including The Chap Manifesto (2001) and Cooking for Chaps (2014). Mr. Temple’s grand quest is to rid the world of pantaloons de Nimes, sportswear off the sports field and uncouth behaviour. He believes that a man who is properly dressed has much more to offer the world than a slovenly fellow, and that society ultimately benefits when there is more dandyism on the streets.

Reviews

[Aimee Lowe]

Entertaining enough satire, but the whole time I kept thinking why read something so strongly influenced by Jerome K. Jerome when you can just read Jerome K. Jerome.

[William Blake]

This is taken from the Chap (www.thechap.net) manifesto, and should suffice as a thorough review for this most excellent chronicle of two bounders' remarkable journey:

Society has become sick with some nameless malady of the soul. We have become the playthings of corporations intent on converting our world into a gargantuan shopping precinct. Pleasantness and civility are being discarded as the worthless ephemera of a bygone age - an age when men doffed their hats to the ladies, and small children could be counted upon to mind one's Jack Russell while one took a mild and bitter in the local hostelry.

Instead, we live in a world where children are huge hooded creatures lurking in the shadows; the local hostelry has been taken over by a large chain that specialises in chilled lager, whose principal function is to aggravate the nervous system. Needless to say, the Jack Russell is no longer there upon one's return.

The Chap proposes to take a stand against this culture of vulgarity. We must show our children that the things worth fighting for are not the latest plastic plimsolls but a shiny pair of brogues. We must wean them off their alcopops and teach them how to mix martinis. Let the young not be ashamed of their flabby paunches, which they try to hide in their nylon tracksuits - we shall show them how a well-tailored suit can disguise the most ruined of bodies. Finally, let us capitalise on youth's love of peculiar argot Ð only replace their pidgin ghetto-speak with fruity bons mots and dry witticisms.

It is time for Chaps and Chapettes from all walks of life to stand up and be counted. But fear not, ye languid and ye plain idle: ours is a revolution based not on getting up early and exerting oneself - but a revolution that can be achieved by a single raised eyebrow over a monocle; the ordering of a glass of port in All Bar One; the wearing of a particularly fetching cardigan upon a visit to one's bookmaker. In other words: a revolution of panache. We shall bewilder the masses with seams in our trousers that could cut paper, trilbies angled so rakishly that traffic comes to a standstill; and by refusing the bland, watery substances that are foisted upon us by faceless corporations, we shall bring the establishment to its knees, begging for sartorial advice and a nip from our hip flasks.

[Robert Godden]

A bit awkward as is written by two people with differing styles; but a gallivanting good read nevertheless.