Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him

by Sally Clarkson, Nathan Clarkson

Nathan was different and Sally knew it.
From his early childhood, Nathan was bursting with creativity and uncontainable energy, struggling not only with learning issues but also with anxiety and OCD. He saw the world through his own unique lens―one that often caused him to be labeled as “bad,” “troubled,” or someone in need of “fixing.”

Bravely choosing to listen to her motherly intuition rather than the loud voices of the world, Sally dared to believe that Nathan’s differences could be part of an intentional design from a loving Creator with a plan for his life. She trusted that the things that made him different were the very things that could make him great.

Join Sally and Nathan as they share their stories from a personal perspective as mother and son. If you are in need of help and hope in your own journey with an outside-the-box child, or if you’re an adult trying to make sense of your differences, you’ll find deep insight, resonance, and encouragement in the pages of this book. Dare to love and nurture the “different” one in your life.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Memoir, Audiobook, Family, Education

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 24, 2017

About the author

From working on college campuses, to sharing the Gospel behind the Iron Curtain as a missionary, traveling around the United States, Canada, Europe, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia to speak on discipleship, Sally Clarkson has tenaciously sought after God's kingdom, and has used her ministry to encourage others to do the same. From her best-selling books such as Own Your Life, Desperate (with Sarah Mae), and her latest, The Lifegiving Home, Sally has shared from her heart and home about the value of motherhood and the potential for home to cultivate life, love, and faith. In 1995, She and her husband Clay founded Whole Heart Ministries, which has encouraged thousands of families around the world in discipling their children

Reviews

[Brianna Preston · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book, and my cheeks are still wet from the tears that fell unbidden in the last chapter. Raising a child with a "difference" is challenging, but Sally Clarkson chose to see her boy as a gift and a blessing. She was determined to whisper God's love into his heart, faithfully cementing the truth that even though her son Nathan was different, he was uniquely designed, loved, and accepted by his Heavenly Father. This book is special because we hear from the child himself--Nathan, now a man, gives us a glance inside the heart and head of a child who feels like he never quite fits, no matter how much he'd like to be "normal". He tells us a little of what it was like to be a boy with ADHD, ODD, and OCD. We see his frustration and angst as he struggles to find his way, as well as his relief and security in the warmth of his home where he had a champion and confidante.

If you have a different child, you'll find wisdom and hope in the words of this mother and son team.

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars.

This is an autobiography that covers the parenting of children who are "different" and it covers what it's like to be different as a child with OCD. I appreciated the story that is told. It seems like OCD, ADHD, ADD, and others, are the plagues of the new century. More open and honest discussions need to take place because the problem is not going away as more more people are diagnosed with this.

Now with all that being said, two things kept this from being 3 or even 4 stars. One is that it seemed slow at first and a little in the middle. The wrap up at the end was nicely done though. I almost rounded up to 3 stars for that.

But this also felt a little too orchestrated so that it fit perfectly in a little box. It had me wondering if there was more to this story. I was wishing I could see past that.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book gave me so much hope for my kids who the world perceives to be "different." I now have more tools in my toolbox for reaching their hearts and renewed vision/hope for our days together as a family. I am so, so incredibly thankful to Nathan and Sally for sharing the story of their journey and would heartily recommend this book to any moms out there who feel like they don't know how to reach the hearts their "different" children. This is a must-read!!!!!

Disclaimer: I received an advance-copy of this book in exchange for my thoughts on it. However, I will be purchasing my own copy when it is released for sale and will be giving it as gifts as well.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

We are in the beginning stages of meeting with an educational psychologist and testing one of our children for "differences" so I had high hopes that this book would be encouraging and helpful. In some ways, it was what I was hoping for. It made me cry a little a few times when I saw my struggles reflected in their story and was challenged to think differently about my son's difficulties. Nathan's portions are the most helpful parts, honestly. Sally Clarkson's books tend to make me feel inadequate; she comes across very idealistic. Apart from a few encouraging portions, the rest of the book was pretty redundant. I also wished there had been a bit more biblical language. Lots of discussion about "brokenness" and "forgiving yourself" and "self-actualization" (and these terms are either euphemisms, nowhere found in Scripture or a product of secular thinking). I think Sally would say that she believes Scripture is applicable to our real lives but I didn't see much of that in this book. It's also a pet peeve of mine when all Scripture references are either from The Message or the New Living Translation; it just always makes me feel like the author didn't think I was smart enough to handle a normal translation.

[Alicia C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such an encouragement for anyone with a child who is "different". Walking that path can feel lonely and what you get from Sally and Nathan is insight, encouragement and understanding for the journey.

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

A helpful and easy read of a mother and son navigating his struggles with OCD, ODD, and ADHD. The wisdom shared from Sally's perspective was a high point, but I valued Nathan's perspective most of all. I rated this book with three stars for a few important reasons. First, the lack of struggle revealed. The difficulties shared were glossed over. This is purely at the authors' discretion, however sharing some of true depth to their difficulties would have lent a more relatable tone - and a more impactful read. Second, because of the first point, it read very much as a know-it-all friend. For example, glossing over the dark times while speaking to all the ways their parenting was successful comes across as terribly patronizing. Most families dealing with these issues are thrown back on their heels for a significant amount of time. Writing with platitudes on commitments to minimal screen time, incredibly successful homeschooling, and parenting ideals that are a struggle for "normal" families - these things do not win an audience who are in the thick of it. Third, the flow was redundant. I felt like she repeated the same things so often that it solidified the condescending tone.

In spite of these things, I am glad I read it. There were several main themes that were helpful to our family right now. For that reason, I would recommend it (with the above qualifications).

[Christina DeVane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this very interesting as her son was finally diagnosed with severe OCD and ADHD. Parenting takes loads of patience much less working with kids who struggle in unusual ways.
I feel like I grew in my understanding and sympathy for those who live in this world, and I appreciated their honesty and transparency.
I may not agree with all the choices they’ve made, but then again I’ve never walked in their shoes.❤️

My favorite quote:

“Only when we have walked through the dark can we appreciate and crave the light.
Those whose goal is to feel better about themselves often find their journey one of escape, addiction, blame, denial, a cycle of deeper pain, but those who are actually dedicated to becoming their better selves will have a story of hard work, realization, dedication, introspection, and humility which will lead ultimately to strength and wholeness.”

I loved how they worked together to bring him to his full potential and didn’t let excuses and diagnosis determine his success.

[Jennifer Squire]

I really loved listening to mother and son perspectives. There’s “no self help” prescribed, but brave, honest, and hopeful reflections. I cried through many parts of this book as I heard some of my own mothering thoughts said out loud and as I heard the deep thoughts and hurts of someone often misunderstood by others. Our out of the box thinkers are a gift to be cherished! I was so encouraged by their honesty throughout, and that now as adults they have a deep friendship. ❤️

[Mandy Keel · Rating 3 out of 5]

As the mom to a teenager with high functioning autism, I was encouraged by Nathan's success as an adult even through his struggles. I feel like I have learned some things from Sally and the way she has handled her relationship with Nathan, and I desire to be able to show the same grace and patience for my son in his struggles. I do wish Sally had been more in depth in how she messed up in her parenting. There was a lot of attention given to triumphs and how they were able to work through things, and failures were mentioned, but almost just in passing. I think it would be more relatable if she could have shared more in depth where they failed and then how they overcame those failures and learned as a family.

[Kim Huxley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is truly a gift from Sally and Nathan Clarkson, who have chosen openness and vulnerability, in order to reach the hearts of many. I have longed for a book that would give me encouragement and wisdom on my journey with an outside-the-box child, but so many have left me feeling inadequate with just more items to add to my to do list. After reading this book I felt like I had been cheered on, been given a big hug, and assured that God has an amazing plan and purpose for my "different" daughter.

[Polly · Rating 5 out of 5]

The last chapter alone is worth the price of the book. What an encouragement. People accuse the Clarksons of painting an unobtainable family and home environment, but the one thing I've heard Sally Clarkson repeat over and over is how imperfect she is, her mistakes, and her own struggles in life - but she doesn't give up, quit loving, or lose hope. So, light all your candles and sip your tea, Sally!! And Nathan gives a honest, sometimes difficult, account of what he's gone through. Having two atypical girls to guide into adulthood, the Clarksons give me hope.

[Joanna Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book changed my view of Sally Clarkson. I liked her before, but knowing her experiences with an extremely difficult child raised my admiration considerably. Her humility and perspective changes were refreshing and eye-opening. God’s grace is sufficient for every gift He gives.

[Mackenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first read this I was slightly disappointed because it wasn't what I expected. I wanted tips and tricks, a plan to "fix this." But in the past few months, as we've been working with our child, who is different for reasons we are still trying to figure out, I've been able to look back on this book again and again as a huge source of encouragement. It's given me the courage to continue to err on the side of grace when it comes to certain issues. Yes, we have boundaries and structure and consequences but those might not be done in the way another mother would, or even I would for another child, and that's okay. I'm not parenting for the benefit of anyone but my child and under the judgement of anyone by my God. And I'm obviously not a perfect mother but I can trust God to fill in the gaps. This child was given to me and my husband for a reason, God trusts us to raise him the best we can while relying on Him daily to do so, and we will be okay.

[Laurel Williston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! This book is a must for any parent of a child who is different in any way. It is so honest and encouraging, telling this family's story from the perspectives of both parent and child. Parenting is so hard, and this book gives hope as well as practical insight into how to parent well a child who may not fit the norms. And it does so from a faith perspective, not with merely human reasoning.

Disclosure: I received an electronic advanced readers copy in return for my honest review. But after it is released, I will be buying copies for myself, my family, and several friends.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite book thus far for 2017 - While I don't have a different child, I found this book had much to teach me. It speaks volumes to the expectations that parents place upon themselves from Church and society, and the importance of loving your child for who they are.

[Rachel Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a newfound respect for Sally Clarkson. Her other books have seemed so idyllic— like our days with our children should be so magical and profound. But hearing her struggles raising a child with severe OCD really helped me see her message has been more about choosing joy in the midst of suffering rather than effortlessly parenting.

While I started reading this book primarily through the lens of a mother I found it really ministered to me in working through my own childhood having several family members with clinical OCD. Reading through the eyes of Nathan gave me so much compassion for these family members.

A quote that captures what my last two years of parenting have felt like:

“Realization dawned on me slowly through the years that because God loved me so dearly and because I said I would be His girl, committed to Him with my whole life, He gave me the privilege of being Nathan’s mother. Nathan was one of the instruments God used to get my attention, to show me I could not live this life without His help, and to teach me where the heart of my ministry would be.

I had a deep desire to become more spiritual. But I had always imagined it would be by accomplishing heroic acts or serving God in some public arena. Yet God wanted me to understand Jesus, our humble servant King. So He used Nathan to show me that my righteousness would not be learned in my public life but in the hidden life of our home where no one would see. My most important ministry would unfold one obedient moment after another as I learned to love and understand and serve those who are closest to me.”

[Lacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m an in-the-box thinker, very average and normal. None of my children are wildly “different”, but there have been many times I’ve wondered “where did these crazy kids come from?!” or they are different than the child I envisioned I would have, or as Sally mentions the child may be “too much.” This book was an encouragement to love them deeply in spite of challenges or differences, lean into their differences, acknowledge strengths as well as continue to give the guidance and polishing all children need. It has helped me give more grace and empathy to frustrating kids I know and step back and give the parents more grace as well. (I know that sounds judgmental but it’s true!) This may be one of my favorite of Sally’s books because it feels more raw and real, and not so pie-in-the-sky. I loved her motherly wisdom woven in. Chapter 5 brought out two fundamental parenting principles she espoused: 1. Jesus, the Master Teacher, was continually speaking positive words into His followers and urges us to follow His example with our children. 2. Jesus emphasized the importance of heart issues. I appreciated Nathan’s perspective and appreciation of heroes in his life. I listened at 1.5 speed. Well worth the listen.

[Kelsey Burnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

All the stars!!! This is a book that I think I will remember all my life- it was huge for me as a mama to a different boy. Was so thankful for their honesty in the daily struggles but so refreshed by the hope they had in the Lord! LOVED hearing both perspectives- genius idea for this book!

[Elisabeth Ensor · Rating 5 out of 5]

For both mothers who feel different and for kids who have either learning disabilities or just learning delays this book is such an amazing encouragement! Based on biblical principles, the emphasis on patience, loving, consistent attention and understanding lay the foundation for raising and keeping a close relationship with kids that seem different

[Melissa King · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is medicine to a weary moms heart. Thank you Sally.

[Chesca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a meaningful story. If you have had family or friends who have struggled with mental illness issues, it hits deep. I’m familiar with (and have loved) Sally Clarkson’s other writings and speaking, and this grew my appreciation for her wisdom, courage, and grace as a woman & mother immensely. You can see in this story that the Clarksons have had no easy road, and yet, as individuals and as a family, they don’t stop endeavoring to live rich, overflowing, worthwhile stories. That’s inspiring.

[Jessica Telian · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first time I read this was right after it released in 2017. My oldest daughter had recently been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and Dyspraxia, and I knew hardly any other mamas with "different" kids. Though the book was good, my daughter's neurological issues were quite different from those shared in the book, so I couldn't relate much beyond the general principles of being there for your out-of-the-box child.

(Interestingly, reading "Different" the first time was quite pivotal for myself personally as it was the first I started to realize that the thoughts and behaviors I had struggled with my entire life were more than just "struggling with fear" or a personality quirk. I actually have clinical OCD.)

I started reading "Different" for this second time, years later, as I have another neurodivergent child...and this one has been busting his box since birth! This reading has brought so many relatable moments as I work through how to best parent my extremely passionate, beyond intense, always moving second-born son. Now, this book is definitely one that I know I'll turn to again over the coming years. Outside-the-box kids require a different approach in parenting, and I'm so grateful for encouraging voices like this along the way

[Alison (readinginazaleawoods) · Rating 5 out of 5]

FROM THE INTRODUCTION:

And there in the silence I heard God say,
“My son, my son, I made you this way.”

I said, “God, you’ve got to be kidding me! My mind is all wrong.”
He said, “Son, don’t you see your mind is a song?
It’s a song I wrote for only you to sing.
It’s unique and it’s beautiful and it will help others to see.”

WHAT I LOVED: How honest and transparent both Sally and Nathan were. Neither one held back in sharing their own personal stories and struggles as they questioned, wrestled, and walked with God on this journey of parenting, childhood, and growing into adulthood.

I am especially grateful for Sally and how she did not shy away from sharing some of the harder emotions and feelings we mothers tend to experience but feel too ashamed to acknowledge and speak aloud. I am also grateful for the prayers Sally shared and the answers she received as the words God whispered to her heart have often been the words He has whispered to mine.

WHAT I WOULD HAVE LOVED MORE OF: If applicable or available, at the end, a list of books or resources that Sally and Nathan recommend for families on a similar journey.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: I enjoyed the book! It was timely, insightful, encouraging, and convicting, and one that I recommend.

[Brenda Oberholtzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came away from this book with a greater respect for mothers whose children don’t seem to fit the “normal” around them.

I love how each chapter is written by both Nathan and his mother. Her love for her son, the ways she tenaciously fought for him—are inspiring!

It isn’t a story of Do This—and you’ll Get That. It’s not even a story that ends with all problems solved. It’s very much a story of two humans and their struggle to survive in relationship. And you get the feeling that the story continues.

I was afraid at some points that the story would end with Nathan being excused from responsibilities that are a part of everyone’s life…but it does not. He himself, writes the most strongly about how being excused from these responsibilities would have had a crippling effect on him. He strongly encourages those who struggle with mental disorders to constantly strive to be the best version of themselves!

And my absolute favorite part is where Sally says “wrestling with God is a full-contact sport” He welcomes our questions and our wrestling. It’s how we get to know Him!

[Amanda Burke · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an encouragement to my heart. Lots of highlighted stuff for me to go back through and peel back as a mom. When you have an "out of the box" kid, life can feel lonely and the weight heavy and overwhelming. I found myself whispering "yes!" to her experiences and interactions with others that didn't get it or see the difficulties. The only two critiques I have are...wow they seemed to be perfect, even with the issues. A struggling mom (like myself) could get discouraged at the chipper perfection found in these pages. Though it was said they didn't do everything perfectly, it would have been nice for that side of things to receive more exposure. I mean, come on. Give me a "he was getting on my frickin' nerves!" That would have made me feel a little better

[Jayna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know that some people did not like the tone of Sally's portions, but as a mom going through a similar plight with a young child I found her portions encouraging. She does not say you need to be like her or her family, but encourages by enumerating some moments of failure and success while focusing on God and his perseverance.

Yes, Nathan's passages are deeply compelling. Hearing someone discuss his/her personal plights and how they get through it daily, especially moments of youth and how positive parenting affected him, gives this mama bear hope.

If you are struggling with a different child who is often misunderstood (even by you or your spouse), then I think that this is worth your time.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I almost didn’t finish this book, but Nathan kept bringing me back. Although a bit redundant at times, I appreciate his courage to share the real struggles of being different, and the hope and growth there is even if we don’t fully overcome what makes us different. His writing felt genuine. I wish Sally had done the same. She alluded to hard times, but rarely went into detail and instead seemed to tell us what worked for them. Which is helpful to many, I’m sure. But in doing so, it felt hard to really connect with her. Her portions read more stiff. I don’t doubt her love for her children, and the struggles she had in her parenting journey, but unfortunately it came across a little more polished and practiced than the raw and real emotion I was hoping for.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. I have followed Sally Clarkson's podcast for about 2 years now, and love her. I, too, have a son with "differences" and felt so encouraged to read of their struggles, triumphs, and all the lessons learned along the way. What I didn't expect was how much of the wisdom in this book also applies to our "neurotypical" children... just parenting in general. I loved hearing both Nathan's and his mom's perspective. Truly inspires me to draw closer to God so that I can be a better mama. ❤

[Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars.

This was a much needed read for me. So incredibly encouraging and convicting. I had a couple reservations, theologically. But Sally Clarkson is such a wise, inspiring Christian woman. I cried through most of this book-starting at the very first page.
As a mom, Nathan’s portions helped me to try and see things through my sons eyes. And Sally’s portions not only helped so much in showing that someone else *gets it*, but also was a much needed reminder of Gods sovereignty and purpose in creating these wonderful “different” kiddos. And I was greatly inspired by how much she turned to the Lord and PRAYED so much for her son and for guidance, especially when well meaning people offered well meaning (but horrible) advice or commentary, or she felt totally lost and unsure of how to parent him. That was convicting for me, and showed me how much more time I need to be spending in prayer.
This book definitely helped me to see areas I need to improve, convicted me over things I’ve been neglecting, but also really encouraged me and felt like it put wind in my sails for going forward with my “by faith” child. I think it’s a must read for any parent with special needs children.

[Anna || annareadsnshares · Rating 5 out of 5]

The subtitle of this book is The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him.  As one who made the choice to pull her own different kid out of school for good in third grade and bring him home. I knew this would be interesting. Thanks @ for putting it on my radar!

Different is a book that deals with behavior challenges such as ADHD and other mental illness’s in a thoughtful and Scriptural perspective.  This is not a clinical how-to book, nor do Sally and Nathan give you a list of 10 Easy Steps for raising a child with behavior and/or mental health issues. It is gritty and honest and at the same time... inspiring.

Different is one of those books that will prove "we read to know we're not alone".  It will educate you, encourage you, and give you hope.  It will help you to continue on today.  And tomorrow.  And the next day.  For anyone who is on this journey knows there is grace given one day at a time.  It will give you the courage to continue on when you want to give up.

I highly recommend this book to the obvious reader... the parent of an "out of the box" child.  However, this book will help grandparents, brothers, sisters, and other family member to perhaps understand more than they do today.  It is also a book I would give to a teenager who suffers from a behavior or mental health condition for it is extremely important they know they are not alone.

🎧 I listened to this book on the Scribd app and LOVED hearing the authors narrate it! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️