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Be the Person You Want to Find: Relationship and Self-Discovery
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Be the Person You Want to Find: Relationship and Self-Discovery

4.26  ·  Rating details ·  326 ratings  ·  27 reviews
This guide to self-discovery through intimate relationships offers a spiritual perspective on healing childhood wounds and destructive patterns that are learned early on and later cause relationship dysfunction in adulthood.
Paperback, 228 pages
Published September 1st 1997 by Keep It Simple Books
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This is the third book I've read by Huber and it's my favorite, so far. Whatever the topic she's writing on, the messaging of her books is usually around the practice of mindfulness and how using that strategy can free a person to make better choices and be closer to who they want to be.

I don't mind the repetition. Sometimes we need to hear or see the same thing over and over, said in different ways, until a concept lands and we just get it.

The overall practice is simple: notice without judgemen
May 07, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Great book that may appear simplistic at first but contains some very important truths. To make the most of it I suggest working through it rather than just reading it. I took lots of notes in the plentiful white space on every page. Really enjoyed how it grounded me: "Don't struggle to change. Struggle strengthens what you're trying to change." ...more
Oct 31, 2017 rated it it was amazing
I read this for a couples counseling class. Simple, unpretentious and profound. I highly recommend it to anyone seeking to improve self-understanding and relationships.
Aug 22, 2007 rated it it was amazing
This is a simple, beautiful workbook about self and relationships. It's often funny, yet there are passages from it that have stayed with me over the years... especially stuff about childhood. I recommend to anyone who wants to undersand himself and his responses to external events better. ...more
Jul 22, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Life changing book for me.
Oct 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I think this is the best book on relationships I've ever read.

It make so much sense, understanding that most of the drama and feeling is all in your head and you ego responding and using techniques learned in childhood to get what you want.

It also makes huge sense that if you can't be happy with yourself then no one else can make you happy, at least not long term.

Pay attention and be aware of your own conditioning.
Jul 02, 2021 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfic
I can see this is a helpful book, but I struggle to quiet my mind and not judge. I'm surrounded by so many assholes and I know they reflect my soul. I blame my parents. I blame EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

But every day I get up and and reread passages of the book and try again. I would recommend this book to those with more self-control. Quieting the mind is a very hard task!
Jan 01, 2021 rated it really liked it
Very simple outline on accepting yourself, others, and sitting with your thoughts on why you do what you do and believe what you believe (i.e. conditioning.) It made me feel quite peaceful and I do see reading this several times before the practices can become a bit more automatic.
Alex Schweitzer
Sep 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Would highly recommend. An amazing way to look at yourself and your way of thinking in relationships. Advocates for self awareness and being at center instead of staying caught in cycles of learned behaviors. Easy and engaging read.
Al-Hussein Abutaleb
Mar 15, 2021 rated it it was ok
Ayana Mishelle
I read this book .I have this book. This book is about loving yourself just the way you are. it gives tools for self forgiveness and acceptance. I think now i actually am the person I want to find !!! I have flaws and things that I definitely could stand a lot of improvement but I am loved, loving , lovable and capable of forgiving myself and others. This book is simply written the font is very unsual for a book. You wil be the Person you want to find whether you are in a relationship or not. th ...more
Danielle Loosbrock
Jan 15, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I really loved this book. It was a great book for exactly the right time in my life. It helped me heal from a relationship that had just ended and I started to recognize my own dysfunctional patterns in relationships... things that held me back and weren't honest or fair to either of us. It was a quick, easy read that I found myself going back to time and time again. Definitely worth a read if you're ready for a positive change! ...more
Feb 28, 2010 rated it really liked it
This casual little book has tons of things to think about. I choose to read it on the suggestion of my daughter. She, my son and I were all reading it at the same time. This is a book you need to purchase, and re-read often. It takes awhile for Huber's perspective on conduct of life to sink in. It is not intuitive but it is worth the time you need to invest in the book to understanding it. ...more
Jennifer Dobson
Nov 02, 2008 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone
Shelves: spiritual
Hands down the best book I've ever read! Whether you're in a relationship (good or bad) or like me and still looking for someone, this book will teach you that being in the moment (zen) is the key to attracting the kind of relationship(s) you want. Easy and delightful read; conversational tone; excellent examples anyone can relate to. ...more
Erophili Kaparakes
Dec 04, 2012 rated it it was amazing
It was amazing! I learned that I shouldn't depend on anyone else to make me happy. It's all up to me to be the person I want to find. This book teaches me to take myself out of the conditioning I've learned as a child, and to live as an adult. This book is based on Zen, and I've learned so much! It's life changing for me and I recommend anyone read it...even if you have a significant other! ...more
Feb 09, 2009 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
It would have been a better book if I actually had some issues with relationships. (at least, I don't have enough issues that I needed this book.) However, I'm interested to read more of her books-maybe I'll find one that's more applicative to me. ...more
Feb 27, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Best book on all kinds of relationships. If you are married, have a girl friend/boy friend/lover, read it. Get a copy for your lover or read it together. It will change your life. Best book by Cheri Huber on relationships.
Dec 28, 2012 rated it really liked it
This book really made me think. It doesn't offer easy to follow instructions that give a quick fix...but it does prompt you to embark on an ongoing journey of self-awareness and discovery that will lead to much growth and positive change in the long run if you stick with the process. ...more
Rachel Y
Sep 02, 2019 rated it liked it
3.5. Started out really strong and then tapered off in a marked way. Regardless, I do really love the main concept and was struck by how Huber reframes common relationship problems in a Zen context.
May 27, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Transformative, life changing! You could spend a life-time integrating this wisdom into your life!
Debbie Legare
Jun 27, 2012 rated it it was amazing
What a neat book!! I really enjoyed this book and learned a lot from it.
Aug 19, 2008 marked it as to-read
I'm waiting for this book to come in from Amazon. ...more
Coyora Dokusho
Jul 02, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Really helpful book. Useful for applying mindfulness techniques to everyday situations and really looking at the psychology of it all. Passed it on to my boss at work XD
Sep 27, 2008 rated it it was amazing
anyone interested in a better reationship with any other person in your life will appreciate this ...i heart cheri huber
Jun 21, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Everyone should give this book a shot. I think it has the power to improve so many lives.
Tara-Jenelle Walsch
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Dec 17, 2015
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Apr 09, 2018
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Aug 06, 2018
Emily Naber
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Jan 03, 2018
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Mar 19, 2017
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Cheri Huber, author of 20 books, has been a student and teacher of Zen for over 35 years. In 1983, Cheri founded the Mountain View Zen Center, and in 1987 she founded the Zen Monastery Peace Center near Murphys, California. She and the monks at the Monastery conduct workshops and retreats at these centers, other places around the U.S., and internationally.

In 1997, Cheri founded Living Compassion,

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