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352 pages, Hardcover
First published August 14, 2018
"You're a hallucination."
"Will you let your hallucinations carry you out of the cold? Will you let your hallucinations help you?"
"You keep saying that you make my life dismal and bleak. But my world never felt as bright, as worthwhile and full, until I met you."
"I go still with him. His hurt is my hurt and my hurt is his hurt. There's no way around that, and in this silent moment, we both concede."
"I accept that you're the most complicated, cold boy I've ever known."
"You'd sooner believe you're dead that believe I'd help you?"
“I’m not kind. Whatever warmth existed in me died long ago. I’ll treat you as well as I can because you’re linked to me, but anything more than that and you’re asking too much.”
For the first time, I realize they’ve been my strength, my hope, and they can be my peace. I just have to let them help me.
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If I told you in this moment that I’m the enemy—I will not save the day, I will not change the world for the better, that this is not what will happen—will you believe me?
I wouldn’t ask for another day. I wouldn’t swap places with the banker.
I lived hard, fast and full, like a Fast-Tracker.
I can do many things: wear their clothes, speak their words, walk their pace, lift my chin and steady my gait—but for some gods-forsaken reason, I decide that I can’t do this. No matter how much I should.
I—Mykal Kickfall, the little no-good Babe—provided for a village. I had purpose when I was told I had none. Babes, we take up space. We eat your food. We drink your drink. And then we die.
I had reason to live.