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The Descent of Man

Grayson Perry

4.05 · Rating details · 4,894 ratings · 486 reviews

Grayson Perry has been thinking about masculinity - what it is, how it operates, why little boys are thought to be made of slugs and snails - since he was a boy. Now, in this funny and necessary book, he turns round to look at men with a clear eye and ask, what sort of men would make the world a better place, for everyone?

What would happen if we rethought the old, macho, o ...more

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Hardcover, 151 pages

Published October 20th 2016 by Allen Lane

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Sep 10, 2017 Warwick rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: gender-stuff

What with this and Robert Webb's recent How Not To Be a Boy, it feels pleasantly like the UK is having a prominent polite debate about what masculinity is. This makes me happy, because I've always felt that gender relations in the society I grew up in were less polarised and less weaponised than they are in the cultural America to which, as an expat, I am now primarily exposed when I engage with the Anglosphere via mass media or the internet. The subject is notoriously fraught, though. As Perry What with this and Robert Webb's recent How Not To Be a Boy, it feels pleasantly like the UK is having a prominent polite debate about what masculinity is. This makes me happy, because I've always felt that gender relations in the society I grew up in were less polarised and less weaponised than they are in the cultural America to which, as an expat, I am now primarily exposed when I engage with the Anglosphere via mass media or the internet. The subject is notoriously fraught, though. As Perry points out, ‘A discussion about hipster fashions or who does the washing-up can rapidly spiral into a debate about rape, war, terrorism, religious oppression and predatory capitalism.’

If you want a simple, conversational introduction to these ideas that's aimed at men, then this is perfect – and there isn't much aimed at men out there (once you discard the various men's rights diatribes, whose main ideology is opposition to feminism). This means that, for instance, he is unusually sympathetic towards the kind of MRAs that hang out on extremist red-pill website, making an effort to understand their grievances. ‘A lot of men are sold the narrative of male domination, but lead lives of frustration and servitude,’ he suggests. ‘No wonder they get angry.’ On the other hand, he does not attempt to sugarcoat his assessment of men's overall influence on society:

I sometimes watch the evening news on television and think all the world's problems can be boiled down to one thing: the behaviour of people with a Y chromosome.

As a cross-dressing potter, Grayson Perry might be thought to have a particular relationship with masculinity (which he calls ‘the lumbering beast within me’). But in fact, what's in here is, I think, more or less what any thoughtful, vaguely leftist guy already feels about the subject – there's nothing particularly new or groundbreaking in Perry's man-ifesto, although one or two conclusions did take me by surprise a bit (he favours national service as a way of ‘dealing with unsocialized masculine energy’).

The great unspoken assumption behind it all, though, is the degree to which social factors shape ‘masculinity’ in the first place. He can't seem to decide where he stands, first arguing that nothing is inherently masculine or feminine, but going on to make several asides that suggest otherwise – commenting, for instance, that ‘in a typical masculine way, [architects] lacked empathy for an average user’. ‘I'm happy to believe genetics do play some part in gender,’ he eventually concedes, ‘but not much’. But this conclusion seems to be based mainly on the fact that it would be nice if it were true. I would love to believe that male and female behaviour is mainly determined by social factors, which is exactly why I am so suspicious of people assuring me that it is. Whenever I read books that go through the evidence (most recently, Out of Eden), it seems to point the other way.

I suppose it doesn't matter that much – it's hard to object to someone arguing about how society should more productively and healthily set out men's roles and role models. But testosterone is a hell of a drug, and its effects are still being selected for. While Perry can announce that ‘We need to breed smaller, more sensitive men,’ we see that on average women still prefer larger, taller, more assertive men as mating partners. In general, the important role of (hetero-) sexual desire in all this seems underplayed here. (I know I always say that, but in this case it really seems relevant.)

Perry does refer gloomily to the famous 2013 study Egalitarianism, Housework, and Sexual Frequency in Marriage (which showed, basically, that men who do their share of the housework get less sex, ‘suggesting the importance of gender display rather than marital exchange for sex between heterosexual married partners’), but it isn't clear to me what he thinks we should conclude from it. To me it seems very scary for his thesis. In the last twenty years, as men have happily become more emotional, vulnerable, empathetic and less aggressive, the figure of the hyper-macho man has receded into a sort of powerful fantasy figure (as can be seen here by the prevalence of "alpha male" tags in the erotic romance lists). On the one hand, it's probably good that people are dissociating this kind of figure away from real life and into fantasy. On the other hand, though, as long as those ideas are out there, there will always be men who play up to them since, as an aggregate group, they'll pretty much play up to any archetype if they think it'll get them laid.

Still, none of this should be any excuse for shrugging our shoulders and excusing shitty or damaging behaviour, and the more men talk openly about the problems with male stereotypes, restrictive gender roles and questionable socialisation, the better. This short, clear, jargon-free cri de cœur is a great contribution to that debate. ...more

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Feb 05, 2017 Emma rated it liked it · review of another edition

3.5 stars

Greyson Perry is honestly self-reflective in this treatise on masculinity. As a transvestite, he sees himself as having been contemplating his own responses to ideas of femininity and masculinity from a young age, and therefore as particularly capable of identifying the problematic gender constructions of modern society. For this is book is not about the failure of men, but rather the issues in how maleness is defined and determined by society. From blue baby clothes and toy fire trucks ...more

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Apr 07, 2018 Paul rated it really liked it

Shelves: masculinity

3.5 stars rounded up
Rather brief and pertinent little book about the history, nature and future of masculinity wound around Grayson Perry’s own struggle with his masculinity. There are no references and Perry can be repetitive, but there is some great artwork as you would expect from one of our foremost artists.
The best part of the book is when Perry talks about his own life, the abuse from his stepfather, his teenage self as a skinhead and skateboarder, his passion for motor biking and mountai ...more

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Sep 15, 2017 Julie Ehlers rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: galleys, goodreads-giveaways, feminism-and-gender

As Philadelphia writer R. Eric Thomas is fond of saying, "masculinity is a prison." By now it should come as no surprise to anyone that rigid gender roles limit everyone, and while women have made some advances in areas previously seen as "male," men generally seem more reluctant to embrace their so-called feminine side, despite the obvious drawbacks to having to be seen as hypermasculine all the time. It's not clear how much farther the project of gender equality can go without men being fully As Philadelphia writer R. Eric Thomas is fond of saying, "masculinity is a prison." By now it should come as no surprise to anyone that rigid gender roles limit everyone, and while women have made some advances in areas previously seen as "male," men generally seem more reluctant to embrace their so-called feminine side, despite the obvious drawbacks to having to be seen as hypermasculine all the time. It's not clear how much farther the project of gender equality can go without men being fully on board, though, which makes books like The Descent of Man especially valuable.

This book definitely makes some fascinating points, particularly in its first half. Chief among these points is the idea that men's traditional advantage—brute strength—has become less of an advantage in a world that's become more and more geared toward emotional intelligence. "The brain, the very organ that has given the human race its success, may have long ago set in train a process—modernity and democracy—that may be incompatible with traditional masculinity," Grayson Perry notes. Men's traditional conditioning to feel superior is at odds with the notion of a world where everyone is truly equal, which explains why some men "feel feminism is an attack on their core identity rather than a call for equality."

Perry then goes on to discuss the idea of gender performance and how being forced to limit themselves to the most narrow idea of masculinity can have a disastrous effect on the lives of men and boys, leading to widespread unhappiness and discontent, not to mention violence among men and between men and women. The "men's rights" movement and generally appalling internet behavior of a certain segment of the male population are touched upon. For me, this second half of the book contained fewer new insights than the first half did, but the fact that these points have been made before doesn't make them any less important. In fact, repetition of these ideas may be one of the only things that will eventually make them stick, so their inclusion here is a no-brainer, both as a logical aspect of the book's argument and as a vital element of the larger ongoing project of equality the author seeks to foster.

I was less enthused by Perry's conviction that the only way to get men on board with feminism is to show them how it will help them (i.e., men). Shouldn't decent people recognize that equality is important regardless of what side of the divide they're currently standing on? And, practically speaking, will men genuinely learn to embrace feminist ideas if they're allowed to believe it's still all about them? The whole notion is depressing to me, but it's admittedly still worth thinking about.

Grayson Perry is apparently well-known in the UK but, as far as I am aware, not at all known in the U.S., so it's something of a mystery why this book was released here. I wish a different, less "who's this guy?" cover design had been used for U.S. audiences who won't recognize the author photo. Still, there's no doubt that the messages in this book deserve to be heard, and if Americans don't embrace this particular book, perhaps it'll open the door for others that have a better shot at getting noticed here.

I won this book in a giveaway here on Goodreads. Thank you to the publisher. ...more

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Jan 23, 2019 Bea rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook, non-fiction, read-in-2019, 3-5-star-reads

3.5 stars. This was interesting but I didn’t completely agree with everything Perry says in the book. It’s definitely good to read other people’s opinions so I’m glad I decided to try it out. It’s also a fairly short audiobook so I didn’t get bored even though nearly all the chapters talk about very similar things leading back to the same points. Would recommend.

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Jan 17, 2017 Emily May rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, feminism, arc, 2017

The most pervasive aspect of the Default Man identity is that it masquerades very efficiently as 'normal' - and 'normal' along with 'natural', is a dangerous word, often at the root of hateful prejudice.

Grayson Perry is known mostly for his artwork and transvestism. Here he draws on his own experiences with masculinity and femininity to explore traditional ideas about what it means to be masculine, and challenge those ideas. It's an easy, interesting read, complete with some great artwork.

Wh ...more

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Jun 11, 2019 Hilary rated it liked it

Recommended to Hilary by: Found in the library

Shelves: male-author-or-illustrator

I did enjoy reading Grayson's thoughts about masculinity and what men can do to change the stereotypes that are there. I found his memories of childhood interesting and he comes across as someone I would love to talk to and really like as a person. He seems like a really nice guy. Overall the ideas in the book were perhaps too polarised, black and white and neatly tied up to be interesting to someone who generally agrees with them. Also I feel he will be preaching to the converted, will someone ...more

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Dec 06, 2017 Trish rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Recommended to Trish by: Warwick

Shelves: funny, nonfiction, psychology, parenting, social-science, politics, sexuality, british, philosophy

Until a friend recently pointed him out, I’d never heard of Grayson Perry. I have since looked at his artwork online and am as impressed over his painting and his clothing choices as anyone would be. They are quite…wildly spectacular and suggestive…of a world where sexuality is a choice.

Somehow, despite Perry telling us that he experienced and acted out of a deep well of rage in his youth, we feel comfortable with him telling us what he thinks we’re misunderstanding about sexuality and gender di Until a friend recently pointed him out, I’d never heard of Grayson Perry. I have since looked at his artwork online and am as impressed over his painting and his clothing choices as anyone would be. They are quite…wildly spectacular and suggestive…of a world where sexuality is a choice.

Somehow, despite Perry telling us that he experienced and acted out of a deep well of rage in his youth, we feel comfortable with him telling us what he thinks we’re misunderstanding about sexuality and gender disparity. Perry calls himself a transvestite, and I guess we’ll have to accept his definition of that. He doesn’t go into detail (thank goodness) but he does mention his wife in this work and she is female, so far as I can tell.

Whatever. This book is an amusing and non-judgmental look at masculinity and the effect it has had on the female sex psychologically and every other way. Perry makes some really funny and caustic observations on his way to telling men they can let down their compulsion to carry the world on their shoulders. Half the world is ready to take up their share of the burden, and, oh by the way, you can get yourselves some better clothes while you’re at it. Something pastel, perhaps?

“Actors, when they are preparing for a role, often talk of the clothes as key…So, in the great gender debate, maybe clothes are one of the key drivers of change…If we want to transform what men can be, maybe central to their performance will be a costume change.”

Much of what Perry writes in this book is what women have been saying for some time, so I never felt uncomfortable or surprised by his ideas. However, Perry had a unique set of questions I’d never seen raised before, like

“I asked a men’s group what women may not know about men. What came up was just how attracted to risk men are. These were middle-aged, middle-class men in therapy, yet they all had tales to tell of reckless driving, drug taking, sex and violence, and they told them with relish. In all-male company, risk is a shared enthusiasm.”

Perry goes on to say that if the popular notion of masculinity is in need of an update, who better to figure it out than concerned groups of men? But ‘the men’s movement’ tends to lay the blame at the feet of women, whereas if traditional working-class men feel left on the rust heap, they would be better served to look at the sexist patriarchy—the very thing feminists are attacking—rather than women and feminism.

“…Men are their own worst enemy.”

In a chapter entitled “The Shell of Masculinity,” Perry explains that in childhood men aren’t given the tools they need to be expressive of their needs and feelings, and this can hamper their development later in life and in relationships. I think this is pretty much received knowledge, and knowing it means we need to have mothers and fathers prepare their sons for a world that is fundamentally changed, more rewarding of introspection and insight into one’s own behavior rather than the dog-eat-dog, first-man-to-the-top-of-the-heap-no-matter-the-human-cost attitudes we had been rewarding.

Another thing Perry tells us is that for many men,

“sex boils and ferments below a crust of civility. The comedian Phill Jupitus describes masturbation as the ‘male screen saver.’ If a man is not concentrating on something, his brain goes into sleep mode and sex swims into his awareness. [I particularly like this analogy.] Instead of a view of Yosemite Valley or a swirling universe, a back catalog of diary porn shuffles across his mind screen, and the desire to jerk off takes over.”

My sympathies entirely, gentlemen. What effort you must expend to keep from reaching over and putting your hand up the skirt of the nearest babe. I’d no idea what you were wrestling with, and yet…friends of mine do not report such overwhelming urges that they cannot keep themselves well under control.

Perry moves from this discussion to “a strong component of masculinity is nostalgia.” This piques my interest because I have noticed that definitely among the men I have known. Mothers are so practical and utilitarian and not so backward-looking, in my experience. Perry suggests our sex drive is always on the hunt…for the past, for our childhoods. The emotions we attach to our sex lives,

“the power plays and dramatic roles we act out in our sex lives, we learn as children…The scripts of our sexual fantasies are usually roughed out by our experiences as children. [Including fetishes.]”

Perry has spent so long in therapy he has really talked out among men many of the things people discuss when they talk about gender equality. And yet, he says, gender “difference and an imbalance of power are big components of what turns us all on, not just the kinky ones.” From here Perry notes fetishes often have a distinctly nostalgic flavor, and sexual nostalgia may be the reason men are hanging on to old stereotypes. What turns them on is sexually and politically out of date.

This is something I’ve never heard articulated in quite this way before, though I have seen it manifest often. It seems a worthwhile avenue of exploration.

In his final chapter, Perry reminds men that they can lay down the burden of holding up the world, and they are allowed to declare a few things; for instance, men have “The Right to be Wrong,” and “The Right Not to Know,” and maybe most important, “The Right to be Weak.” Yes, this is the part where we can all enjoy the power imbalance for a little while at least, pulling out those sexual fantasies for something entirely novel… ...more

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Nov 05, 2017 Viv JM rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audio, z-2017-author-male, author-male, non-fiction, read-in-2017

Men's Rights (according to Grayson Perry's manifesto):

The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not to be ashamed of any of these

Hard to argue with that.

In The Descent of Man, Grayson Perry argues that the current concept of masculinity needs to change. He approaches the subject with warmth and wit. I enjoyed this book, and will encourage my husband and sons to read ...more

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Oct 22, 2016 Udeni rated it it was amazing

The "Descent of Man" is a critical analysis of masculinity, disguised as personal anecdote. While feminism is much discussed, masculinity is not. That alone makes the book worth reading. Grayson Perry defines masculinity as "a construct of conditioned feelings around people with penises." and is on a mission to rescue men from a predisposition to violence, self-harm, depression and cruelty.

For non-UK readers, Grayson Perry is a man and a famous British artist. He has been a transvestite since he ...more

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Apr 25, 2017 Quirkyreader rated it it was amazing

Thank you to PenguinRandom House for the ARC of this book.

Read this book along with the most updated version of "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Klein. And have the whole thought narrative turn you sideways.

Perry questions what masculinity is and why certain types of behaviour are associated with it. And also, how can masculinity be adapted to the 21st century world. But all in all, what makes a man?

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Nov 15, 2017 Tina rated it it was amazing

Shelves: essential-fact

An essential, accessible read that everyone should have on their bookshelves. This does not blame, it shows where responsibility lies and the damage forcing men into the patriarchal narrow box of toxic masculinity does to everyone. Written with humour and bite, a wonderful book!

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Jul 18, 2018 Sarah rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, feminism, gender, essays, read-harder-2018

You'd think I'd be burnt out on reading about gender and feminism as I'm currently writing my Masters dissertation on the topic, but I couldn't resist giving this a go when my friend offered to lend it to me.

To those with more than a passing interest in the topic won't find too many new ideas here, but they were written about from a fresh perspective and with other ideas interspersed, making it a wholly engaging read. I found Grayson Perry's ideas about masculinity particularly thought provoking ...more

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Oct 08, 2018 Simon rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I'd strongly encourage all of my male friends to read this book, and all of my female friends to encourage the men in their lives to read it. It's a meditation on masculinity and its toxic effects (on men and women), short at 140pp but packed full of the kind of creative, funny, distinct and unsettling insight that you'd expect from Grayson Perry. It's hard to imagine how any man could read this and not be prompted into some serious self-reflection.

Some of the most significant passages for me a I'd strongly encourage all of my male friends to read this book, and all of my female friends to encourage the men in their lives to read it. It's a meditation on masculinity and its toxic effects (on men and women), short at 140pp but packed full of the kind of creative, funny, distinct and unsettling insight that you'd expect from Grayson Perry. It's hard to imagine how any man could read this and not be prompted into some serious self-reflection.

Some of the most significant passages for me are those about men's tendency to retreat into themselves ('the self-sufficient hero but also the lonely suicide') and the central importance of stable, intimate relationships - and here Perry means friendships as much as romantic relationships. He describes his own realisation in his late 30s that he had no close male friends, and how the process of finding and making new friends - people who make you laugh, with whom you share interests, and crucially, who live close by and with whom you can spend time on a regular basis - can be as hard as finding a life partner. I look around, and I think about my own experiences, and I see this. I see friends who have invested everything in their career and their marriage, and when the job or the relationship turns sour, when crisis hits, then they're adrift. I think about some of the deepest friendships I have, forged at university, and how we're now spread to the four corners rather than just around the corner. I think about how men don't invest at the school gate in the way that women do, and how we waste that massively important chance to build lifelong local friendships through the ultimate shared interest, our children. And I think about how men are still so reluctant to reach out, and how reaching out only becomes harder the older you get and the more socially calcified you become. Perry's view is that regular intimate contact with friends is essential for good emotional health, for our happiness, and I'm sure he's right, but it’s not always easy to get out there and open yourself up.

There were a couple of points in the book where Perry’s metropolitan tendencies grated a little. Firstly, his praise for therapy as a way of untying our personal psychological, emotional, circumstantial and societal knots. I’m sure therapy is great, but who can afford that, really? And secondly, he’s critical of the way that men dress - the standard ‘logo t-shirt and jeans’ – and seems to be arguing that it’s a form of unhealthy self-repression. Well, perhaps, but I’m not sure this is an issue that’s particular to a particular gender. I think temperament’s more important in that respect – introverts are more likely to dress to blend in or blend out, regardless of gender. And besides, simply not every man is going to be stylish enough to carry off a party dress at a gallery opening. ...more

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Nov 28, 2017 Wiebke (1book1review) rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobooks, non-fiction

Very interesting take on masculinity and what it means for today's society.

The audiobook was really well narrated and it was a joy to listen to it.

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Oct 22, 2016 Alex Sarll added it

Grayson Perry is a bit like Marmite or Mansun; I quite like him, while getting the feeling that most other people who like him like him much more than I do. So too with this illustrated essay on masculinity, its travails and possible ways of allaying same. I suspect many will love it, as they did the Channel 4 shows on a similar theme which I never quite got around to watching; meanwhile, the usual suspects will be as outraged as ever when Perry points out the emperor is naked and not half so 'a Grayson Perry is a bit like Marmite or Mansun; I quite like him, while getting the feeling that most other people who like him like him much more than I do. So too with this illustrated essay on masculinity, its travails and possible ways of allaying same. I suspect many will love it, as they did the Channel 4 shows on a similar theme which I never quite got around to watching; meanwhile, the usual suspects will be as outraged as ever when Perry points out the emperor is naked and not half so 'alpha' as imperial propaganda likes to pretend. Myself? I found it a largely unexceptionable restatement of some stuff I already knew. At times there'll be a very nicely put bit: just when I was getting narked at the idea of men's clothes as boringly plain, when in fact I struggle to find anything plain enough for me and not marred by some silly logo or detailing, Perry astutely pulls it around: "Men are into frippery as much as women, but they cloak it under spurious function". Elsewhere, things tip over into the self-flagellatory tone I find so offputting at the extremes of online left discourse; once or twice Perry lapses into blanket nastiness about straight white men, which is no less vile than blanket nastiness about any other [orientation] [race] [gender] combination.

Still, as he says himself early on, Perry's hope is that this might be some people's first book about this stuff, and if so, they could do a lot worse. Yes, it would be a good thing if a greater space of available emotional response opened up for men, as it already has for women (even if that project too is obviously far from complete). Yes, the world should no longer be set to a default setting of Default Men (though I dispute the example of air conditioning, set to a temperature comfortable for men rather than women: surely it's always better to set it such that people who are cold put more layers on, rather than people who are hot take them off, especially in an office environment where nudity might be taken the wrong way?). Yes, the constraints on male friendship (which must generally be couched in a hobby or similar excuse) leave far too many men lonely, sometimes unto suicide. His conclusions aren't always predictable; for someone so sceptical of machismo, he's oddly positive about the idea of national service. And while it's practically de rigeur these days for non-fiction to include glimpses at the writer's own life, Perry's example here is instructive; he's a cross-dressing artist and self-described sissy who nonetheless admits to anger management issues and a tendency to get incredibly competitive when cycling. And at the core of it all are some very useful concepts: I was already aware of the aforementioned Default Man, mistakenly believed to be the neutral setting for the world, but I'm quite taken with the Department of Masculinity. This is Perry's useful shorthand for the internal and external policing of acceptable male behaviour, which you can only ever hope to escape by at least being aware it exists. A handy concept, though also one to whose seductions he's not immune himself, at one stage proposing to write a new memo for the Department. Which felt like a bit of an Animal Farm moment; surely if Perry is entitled to dress as a little girl, which of course he is, then equally the Clarksons of this world are entitled to their leather jackets?

(Netgalley ARC)

Correspondences to Jerusalem, because they seem to arise in every book I finish while reading Jerusalem (except possibly the sub-par Doctor Who anthology and the sex blogger's memoir for which I skipped this bit): the dismissed working class loom large in both books, and in particular the obsolescence of the proud manual labourer. The responses are very different, but I can definitely see Moore and Perry getting on. ...more

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Jul 25, 2017 Alice Lippart rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2017, non-fiction

Interesting enough, but a bit too basic for me.

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Jul 15, 2017 Katie Lumsden rated it liked it

This was an interesting exploration of masculinity, though possibly more interesting than enlightening. I enjoyed reading it, and found several of the facts, statics and Perry's thoughts, engaging and interesting to read, though I am not certain that much of it was new to me.

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Jul 23, 2017 Tanja Berg rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: anyone who wants to explore stereotypes

Shelves: feminism, non-fiction

"
Men's rights
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not be ashamed of any of these
"
I am a declared feminist in the sense that I consider equal rights and opportunities between the sexes a given. Women's rights are human rights. It's quite refreshing to read a Greyason Perry's thoughtful little book on how masculinity is bad for everyone - particularly men. The cons "
Men's rights
The right to be vulnerable
The right to be weak
The right to be wrong
The right to be intuitive
The right not to know
The right to be uncertain
The right to be flexible
The right not be ashamed of any of these
"
I am a declared feminist in the sense that I consider equal rights and opportunities between the sexes a given. Women's rights are human rights. It's quite refreshing to read a Greyason Perry's thoughtful little book on how masculinity is bad for everyone - particularly men. The constraints it puts on man are narrow and unfulfilling.

The other striking thing about this book is that I exposes the progress in my adopted country of Norway. Although I of course encounter self-declared machos, the majority of men that I associate with are caring husbands and fathers, in tune with their own feelings. Men who happily spend months at home with their small children, a particular perk of being employed in Norway. As mentioned during a lunch discussion, I am not automatically treated as dumb by strangers because I'm a pretty blond female - as was most definitely the case in some other countries I've lived in. It's not like Norway is the perfect ideal equal society, but it's come pretty far.

"Masculinty is not a condition in isolation. The Departmen of Masculinty has a hand in everything. If we manage to reframe a version of masculinty fit for a happy future then perhaps we would be less likely to go to war, more empathetic to the weak, less bound up in the status of wealth and more concerned about the rewards of good relationships. This would be great. We can talk about masculinty until we are blue in the face, but if the world's other huge problems are not confronted, the unhelpful versions of what it is to be a man will surely thrive. Masculinity will not change unless the economic, cultural and social conditions welcome that change."

Less masculinity would be beneficial for everyone - particularly men themselves. The defined rules of old school masculinity are constricting and inconstructive. Let's look forward to a more tolerant society with fluid, rather than rigid, roles for men and women.
...more

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Jul 19, 2017 James rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: society

"I smelt a basic feeling looking for a rationale... and then came up with a semi-plausible motive"

There were so many problems with this book that I don't know where to start. I liked a recent Grayson Perry documentary about Brexit and thought he brought an even-handed perspective to a divisive issue, and assumed he would execute this book in a similar manner. I am not a particularly masculine man, as a cursory look at my reading history can attest to, so whilst I am not immune to having the trai "I smelt a basic feeling looking for a rationale... and then came up with a semi-plausible motive"

There were so many problems with this book that I don't know where to start. I liked a recent Grayson Perry documentary about Brexit and thought he brought an even-handed perspective to a divisive issue, and assumed he would execute this book in a similar manner. I am not a particularly masculine man, as a cursory look at my reading history can attest to, so whilst I am not immune to having the traits and advantages Perry discusses, I am no aristocrat complaining about a wealth tax. And I did actually find myself liking the author more than I did before I read this, so had it just been marketed as a cultural commentary, I might have been more of a Feminist Sympathiser. Because that's what this book really is: feminism, but focusing on the other side of the coin.

The structural problem with the book is that this is neither a manifesto nor an analysis. It is in fact a 150 page pet theory. There is nothing wrong with having a pet theory, but this is a published work which pretends to be more, with only a smattering of evidence in it. The first notable quirk of this exploration is that it doesn't really define masculinity that well, nor argue what is so wrong about it. It's as if we are starting from an assumed premise, namely masculinity is bad, and that will do. Though he doesn't endorse these forcefully, he does quote two social psychologists who have posited the big four features of 'No sissy stuff', 'The Big Wheel', 'The Sturdy Oak' and 'Give 'em Hell', and I will have to take them as Perry's Masculine Traits. Yet Perry starts off with a discussion of a Default Man, which amounts to a man who wears a suit and has a very good job, in a senior position in western society. This is an interesting discussion with some merits about a group that is fairly homogenous, but this is already a subset of the male population, indeed a minority of men, and fundamentally, they do not embody masculinity. What I think most people think of as a Masculine Man is the typical 'real man' that is discussed later in the book, someone who is physically capable and fairly unemotional. Indeed these Default Men are always getting accused of not living in The Real World, suggesting they are far from the norm.

But still Perry doesn't say what is wrong with this. He talks about war, he talks about the credit crunch, and supposes that since men are in power, it is the masculine ideal that has caused these. It might be so, but there is no evidence that a) this is the case or b)a more equal world would necessarily be better. He asserts society would be more successful, and he might well be right, but I can't look at a typical NBA roster and assert that the high proportion of tall, black, young men is inherently wrong unless I can at least suggest why it is.

One of Perry's heavily featured facets of masculinity is that of competition, that one-upmanship is a male trait and that men are only competing to impress other men, not women as you might expect. I agree that men do compete more brazenly 'as though it were like Top Trumps', but this raises two questions. Firstly, if we take this as true, is it this competitiveness and ambition that leads men to hold a disproportionate number of high status roles, or caring about 'The Big Wheel'? And secondly, are women really any less competitive? I can quote just as many women criticising others' looks and competency (by extension, making themselves look superior) as Perry can quote men comparing cycling speeds and car models. Ultimately, competition between men is what determines who has the higher status, and who attracts the hot women. The fact that the better BMW means more at the time to another man does not mean that this has no indirect effect on impressing potential partners.

I do, however, agree with Perry on the principle of 'Give 'em Hell', or propensity to violence, as being far more associated with men. He cites an experience in Skelmersdale of youths hanging around the streets with the threat of being violent, questioning why they are all men when women have the associated social problems too. But I think he misses a key point: most women aren't physically strong enough to defend themselves through force, so the option is only available to men. It's also implicit in his (and society's) domestic violence horror - this is more concerning because the men are exerting their physical dominance. So is this a male trait, or a trait only males can get away with, given the general lack of violence in modern society?

The last section has much less cause for disagreement - there is a social stigma about showing emotion, or admitting to having problems, and this is not ideal to move society forward as problems do not get shared and resolved. Though women tend to get accused of being emotional, men are afraid to show their emotions at all, a situation that negatively affects both sexes. This last chapter at least offers a way in which a less masculine society could be better: more empathy for those who suffer and a more emotional focus to improve relationships, both romantic and platonic. Quite what level of emotion is acceptable I'm not sure, and the awkward questions of jealousy and anger being just as real emotions as sadness and anxiety are not explored, but there is at least the notion of what change should look like. There is also an interesting (yet to me, largely irrelevant) discussion on sexual fantasies, which leads me, finally, to my conclusion.

If this is a look at modern society and a broad question of whether our ideals are necessarily suited to our current situation, then accompanied by some reasonable evidence, this could have been quite good. Perry also takes an objective look at which ways he succumbs to these ideals and which ways he doesn't, which was impressive and could have provided a good case study to any evidence he presented. But it wasn't that. It was meant to be a look at why masculinity is not good for society, and his manifesto for change. The former was terribly executed, the latter was finally laid bare at the end, but didn't suggest what this society would look like in any detail. The quotation at the top of this review is from the Skelmersdale section of the book, and feel it applies to Perry. He had some thoughts on modern society and tacked them to a topical, morally right concept, in this case equal gender rights. ...more

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Apr 18, 2018 Ali Benam rated it it was amazing

This is the best thing I have read this year so far. It was on organizer to my messy thoughts around masculinity. There was a clear vision of what it is, what's wrong with it, and what direction it should be headed at. This is the ideal book for me, something that makes me want to read more on the subject.

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Mar 30, 2017 Rebecca Gransden rated it it was amazing

Rating a reflection of how much I enjoyed my time spent with this. Not perfect but worth it.

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Jun 06, 2018 Chris rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, autobiography

It takes a bit of nerve to use the same title for your book as Charles Darwin did for his 1871 study, but in a way Grayson Perry seems to be saying that modern men are fully capable of evolving, and for the better. It should be possible for them to transition from their traditional dinosaur-like sense of what it is to be a man towards something more fitting for the future, more so now that we are in the era of #MeToo and with urgent demands for well overdue gender parity.

Who is Grayson Perry? Th ...more

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Jan 09, 2017 Jordan McKay rated it liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

The Caitlin Moran quote on the back initially deterred me...(https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...)

Not all bad though. Not all great either.

Grayson Perry is known for his eccentric artistry, television documentaries and his transvestitism. He is not known for his writing, and it will probably stay that way.

Perry provides us with a feminism-lite deconstruction of modern masculinity. It goes through everything you already know, whether you've read it elsewhere or because you're not an idiot. H The Caitlin Moran quote on the back initially deterred me...(https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...)

Not all bad though. Not all great either.

Grayson Perry is known for his eccentric artistry, television documentaries and his transvestitism. He is not known for his writing, and it will probably stay that way.

Perry provides us with a feminism-lite deconstruction of modern masculinity. It goes through everything you already know, whether you've read it elsewhere or because you're not an idiot. His argumentation could be vastly improved through a wider bibliography and cleaner writing but hey ho, popular social science this is. Nothing here struck me as particularly ingenious however I did find the concept of the 'Default Man' and this subject's inability to realise the patriarchy as intriguing. Perry's writing really takes a dive in his generalisations and lack of citations/referencing. He says a lot of words but these words need to have some extra weight behind them for the critical reader to have faith in them. Holistically the premise also feels underdeveloped, and as a young male I felt Perry's analysis was somewhat steeped in the antiquated values he derided. Altogether, despite preaching for masculinity to become essentially indefinable - which it should be, really, as it is a subjective human performance - he seems to be laying a blueprint. In effect, this contrast between the content and the form is problematic.

Perry includes some artwork, and these satirical pieces are probably the best part of the book. I'd much rather every page included one of these, instead of the mediocre literature.

This isn't a bad place to start if you want to learn more about constructed gender identities and the masculine side of feminism, especially if academic texts seem overwhelming. However, I'd recommend bell hooks or Judith Butler if you want some truly revolutionary ideas. (Oh, and Perry doesn't cite Butler when discussing gender performance - an act akin to academic suicide.) ...more

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Oct 20, 2016 Ben rated it liked it

Shelves: kindle, 2016

Very easy to read and although Perry's not saying anything particularly new, it's doesn't reduce the importance of the message surrounding the nature of masculinity - particularly in an ever increasingly automated age and future. Particularly interesting to read after watching his recent documentaries on the same subjects which he touched upon in detail surprisingly little here.

As short as it is, it still feels a little overstretched near the close and I'm not sure I agree with all his conclusio ...more

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Nov 27, 2017 Gisela Hafezparast rated it it was amazing

Really thoughtful and thought provoking book about what it is to be a man and what our current predominant model of manhood means not only for men but also for all of us. Grayson shows how so many problems we currently have, are directly correlated to the still predominant idea of manhood, which values, brute strength, dominance, power, rivalry and success more than understanding ones own and other people's feelings, being able to negotiate positions and teamwork. Do we still need a man to be ab ...more

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Jul 07, 2017 Sian Lile-Pastore rated it liked it

This was easy to read and covered lots of interesting stuff. I liked how Grayson Perry brought in his experiences and hang-ups and vulnerabilities as he discussed masculinity. I liked how he talked about men needing to change while acknowledging (and not in annoying way) that there are good men out there... But also how we need good male role models in the public eye like (his examples, but ones I'm on board with) Barack Obama, David Beckham, Chris Packham, David Attenborough and David Bowie. I ...more

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May 25, 2018 Jen rated it it was amazing

Wonderful. Grayson Perry writes with sensitivity and insight about something we could all do with thinking and talking more about. You'll finish this feeling hopeful.

"We need to get a philosophical fingernail under the edge of the firmly stuck-down masculinity sticker, so we can get hold of it and rip it off. It is a newsroom cliché that masculinity is always somehow "in crisis", under threat from pollutants such as shifting gender roles, but to me many aspects of masculinity seem such a blight ...more

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Jan 15, 2018 Eve Dangerfield rated it it was amazing

I saw a news article for a camouflage covered baby bag 'FOR THE DADS!' and all I could think about was this book. Both confronting and oddly lovely I laughed and winced while reading and immediately recommended to my brother. I would love for all men to read this book as I think it would speak a lot more to them than myself (understandably) but it was helpful to read this as a woman and think about the struggles of my y-chromosome having compatriots.

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Jun 19, 2019 Maria rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: _kärtchen

About unhealthy masculinity and restricted ways of coping.
For more freedom in emotion and expression for men in particular.

I find Perry to be very imprecise and he frequently overgeneralizes.
I missed him considering overlaps and distinctions between unhealthy masculinity, patriarchal ideals enforced on all of us and just general human tendency towards laziness and oversimplification.
I still found a lot of value in reading his personal perspective.

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