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Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon

3.66  ·  Rating details ·  388 Ratings  ·  44 Reviews

Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.
After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Paperback, 325 pages
Published September 9th 2008 by Three Rivers Press (first published January 1st 2008)
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(showing 1-30)
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Dec 04, 2008 rated it it was ok
I tried. I really did. I love Ninjas. I love satire. I love ridiculous and over the top humor.

I did not love this book.

I think that it was perhaps too over the top and I felt like the whole time I was being excluded by inside jokes, or being thrown ludicrous names and situations in the hope that I would feel like I was being excluded from inside jokes.

I didn't finish, much to my chagrin. Maybe I'm a decade or two too old for it, or maybe I didn't know enough of the 'Ask a Ninja' back story to re
Sep 07, 2008 rated it did not like it
The only thing I want to ask a ninja is "How did you get a publishing deal?"
Sep 24, 2008 rated it really liked it
If you've ever wondered when to slash or when to stab, you're going to need this book.
Henrik Harbin
Jun 02, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Never give a dragon an even break, unless it's in the spine :)

Essentially this book is an extended text version of the "Ask a Ninja" video blogs on Youtube. That's not a bad thing; it's actually good, because it attracts people who might not like Youtube itself.

The essays and stories are humorous, in a sophomoric way that appeals mostly to teens and young adults. I liked it because it takes a mysterious subject and makes it fun and accessible.

WARNING: Don't read more than one or two chapters at
Jun 03, 2017 rated it did not like it
I'm not sure I can even read this, I am trying...I know it is satire. I know it was published in 2008.
But it's not funny. It utilizes incomprehensible inside joke type humor (which I could look past, as I am sure that's part of the appeal), ALONG with undercurrents of misogyny, slut shaming, fat shaming, unnecessary descriptions of self harm (I don't care it's satire, it's not cool), transphobia, homophobia, slight racism, and general clueless white male privilege.
Blah blah blah it's satire, you
Laura Roberts
Aug 15, 2012 rated it really liked it
Shelves: fiction, humor, ninjas, 2012
If you dig ninjas, this book is an essential volume. Naturally, it is a tongue-in-cheek guide to the secrets of the ninja, and is therefore quite helpful as a primer for those interested in the comic book or movie versions thereof. Indeed, with the subtitle "This book looks forward to killing you soon," those who are pissed off by its comedic premise should be immediately clued in that this in no way seeks to enlighten the non-ninja about true ninja secrets. But I guess some people just take thi ...more
Jul 29, 2011 rated it it was amazing
There was a ninja hiding in every page. I didn't see them because whenever I turned the page they jumped out and stood behind me until I had finished the book, put it down and turned around. The ensuing battle was epic but thanks to the lessons I learned from the book I was able to fend them off. I was rewarded for my efforts by a) living and b) getting to take a picture with none other than THREE itself, whom was kind enough to auutograph it for me...before stabbing me in the eye with the pen.
Oct 01, 2008 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Ninjas and Pirates
Recommended to Maria by: Noelle
Shelves: howto, humor
This was a funny book. I felt that it was a little long. The beginning was hilarious and flew past. After awhile I got used to the humor and it seemed to drag a little. This was not helped by the blatant grammatical errors that made reading difficult the further you got through it. In my opinion the author is hilarious and the book a good read, unfortunately the editor seemed to give up and this turned a delightful read into a chore each time I had to decode a grammatical mistake and figure out ...more
Linda huang
Nov 02, 2009 rated it really liked it
this book took the longest time to read. probably it wasn't interesting enough. but it's hilarious to read if you have to time. i would recommenr this book to people who are VERY into ninja books. they have monsters and killings and gore everywhere. their quotes are funny, their ninja ways are funny, everything is funny. sometimes i even find myself laughing at the book when I'm reading at home. READ IT! IT'S A GOOD BOOK TO HAVE AROUND.
Dan Jones
Jun 10, 2009 rated it really liked it
The Ninja Handbook is interesting and humorous. It follows the same sort of humor found in the "Ask a Ninja" webseries, although it goes much more into the fantastic. In fact, it would be perfectly accurate to describe this book as a fantasy textbook.

There were parts where the fantastic got a little absurd, and it distracted from the main theme of the book.

All in all, though, a humorous, fun book to read.
Mar 12, 2011 rated it really liked it
I wish I could write an amzing review for this, but I am laughing so hard remember it that I cannot form words. Besides, words cannot quite articulate the awesomeness of ninjas.

So, in the words of Grand Master Power Switch:
My grandfather would often run straight up a dinner roll.

...and to understand that, or any of the book, you need to read it!
Apr 28, 2009 rated it really liked it
I mean, I was already well versed in many of these techniques, but this is a great refresher course for an already seasoned ninja. This is also a great how-to for a ninja novice. Not to say that everyone that attempts these skills can properly execute them. Read up for "ninjafied enlightenment".
Chris Youngblood
There's only so far you can take certain jokes, and the authors of this book seem determined to stretch this particular one to (and sometimes beyond) the limits. There were some entertaining sections, and the overall idea is amusing, but writing a 300+ page book out of what is ultimately a one-note joke is asking for too much from too little.
Nov 22, 2008 rated it it was ok
The Ninja's humour does not translate well into book form. Even imagining the prose delivered in the AskANinja ninja's voice does not always make it funny. On a scale of Ben Stiller to Demetri Martin, I give it an Eddie Murphy.
Abby Rosmarin
Apr 01, 2012 rated it liked it
It was alright. It provided a few good chuckles in the beginning and it was a good mindless read when I was on the train. I've read better, I've read worse. I don't know if I'd full-out recommend it, but if someone wanted to read it, I wouldn't stop them.
Jan 01, 2009 rated it really liked it
This book is humorous, not necessarily something you read straight through, but it is great in lightning the mood after a long day. The jokes are sharp, and fit a certain type of humor that isn't met with warm reception from everyone. Some jokes do seem to reach, but I enjoy it on occasion.
Stephen Kennedy
Oct 23, 2008 rated it liked it
Shelves: humour, ebook
While I love the Ask A Ninja podcast and I liked the book, I didn't love it. It was just too much nonsensical data. Found I couldn't read lots of it in the same sitting.
While some parts are very funny, I didn't give me the laughs that I get from watching the podcast itself.
Oct 07, 2011 rated it liked it
not bad for my first saterical book, but i felt they took it a bit too far, it was funny but then again maybe my non-ninja mind couldnt handle all the ninja-ness, perhaps i'm not ready to be a ninja.......................yet. I did enjoy the book though, it was a good read.
Mar 19, 2009 rated it it was ok
It started out really funny, and parts of it did stay amusing until the end, but with the last fifty or so pages, it started to dry out. The introduction was hilarious and gave me such high didn't completely deliver.
Dec 27, 2008 rated it liked it
The humor from the Ask a Ninja website translates to print fairly well (though I imagine an audio book would be better), but even in a fairly short book it can be too much. The humor is so over the top that you need a break every section or so.
Mar 13, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: adult-fiction
A hilarious guide to becoming "almost a ninja". You, too, can progress through the levels of nonja, ninjaish, ninjalike and ITAN (Is That A Ninja?) if you follow the pointers set out in this handbook. Be prepared to laugh your socks off!
Dec 26, 2011 rated it liked it
Shelves: informational
Makes cracks to pop-culture, has some offbeat humor but not terrible to get through. I imagine it perfect for those of slapstick humor, or perhaps in the middle school age range. I'd at least recommend browsing through the pages, as it is indeed comical.
Sep 06, 2008 rated it did not like it
Had to review this for Library Journal. It sucked.
Aug 18, 2009 rated it liked it
Shelves: humor, books-i-own, 2009
It was funny, and I'm glad I read it. Still, I'd rather just watch the webcast.
Regina Hunter
Apr 21, 2012 rated it did not like it
Who published these nerds?
Ryan Roy
Jul 21, 2010 rated it did not like it
so far... I'm kinda skipping pages, it's kinda all non-sense
Jun 15, 2012 rated it really liked it
great parady book!
Mar 03, 2009 added it
I listened to the first couple of chapters presented in audio feed, bought the book and this will be my bedtime read. More to follow...
Oct 02, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone. and ninjas.
Amazing. I re-define the world of ninja.
Dustin Tatman
Jul 27, 2009 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Those who wish to die
My true feelings of this book are tattooed on the back of a cross dimensional pain dragon. Only those who are worthy may read it.
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