What do you think?
Rate this book
Not by Nature but by Grace: Forming Families through Adoption
Working from within the contours of Christian faith, this book examines the relation between two ways of forming families—through nature (by procreation) and through history (by adoption). Christians honor the biological tie between parents and children, for it is the work of God in creation. Yet Christians cannot forget that it is adoption, and not simply natural descent, that is at the center of the New Testament’s depiction of God’s grace. Gilbert Meilaender takes up a range of issues raised by the practice of adoption, always seeking to do justice to both nature and history in the formation of families, while keeping at the center of our vision the truth that it is not by nature but by grace that we can become adopted children of the one whom Jesus called his Father.
Meilaender begins with reflection on the puzzling relation of nature and history in forming families and proceeds to unpack the meaning of huiothesia, the word used in the New Testament to name the grace by which a follower of Jesus becomes an adopted child of God. That perspective is applied to a range of questions that regularly arise in Christian theological discussions of adoption: Is adoption only for the infertile? Should single persons adopt? Is it wise for adoption to take place across racial or national boundaries? Special attention is paid to the relation between adoption and new reproductive technologies and to what is called “embryo adoption.” Interspersed between the chapters are letters written by the author to his own son by adoption. But if the argument of the book is taken seriously, these letters are written not to one who falls within a special category of “adopted son or daughter,” but to one who is, simply and entirely, a son or daughter.
"Gilbert Meilaender writes as a Christian, and he finds help in sorting through his perspective from Muslim and Jewish sources. His tone is patient (even when discussing arguments he finds wrongheaded) pulling out the best and the worst strands in questions regarding adoption, ART, and cryopreserved embryos. The chapters are informative and winsomely written. He has also notably managed to bring books I read to my daughters together with arcane theological documents that are relevant, but tricky to introduce." —Amy Laura Hall, Duke Divinity School
"One of the great theological ethicists of our generation, Gil Meilaender has gifted us with a book that is absolutely essential reading for anyone whose life is touched by adoption and wants to make moral sense of it. Meilander’s pithy, lucid style is perfect for conveying deep theological truths, and his arguments are consistently compelling and civil. Having lived a life with adopted children, Meilaender shows us deep and abiding wisdom on every page." —John Berkman, Regis College, University of Toronto
"Readers of Meilaender’s work have come to expect beautiful prose wedded to probing theological and ethical analysis. Both are in evidence in this engaging exploration of how adoption challenges Christians to understand the complex balancing of nature and history that is required for a proper understanding of family life. That Meilaender can weave together literature, philosophy, theology, and personal experience so seamlessly in developing his account of adoption is a marvel." —Paul Lauritzen, John Carroll University
Meilaender begins with reflection on the puzzling relation of nature and history in forming families and proceeds to unpack the meaning of huiothesia, the word used in the New Testament to name the grace by which a follower of Jesus becomes an adopted child of God. That perspective is applied to a range of questions that regularly arise in Christian theological discussions of adoption: Is adoption only for the infertile? Should single persons adopt? Is it wise for adoption to take place across racial or national boundaries? Special attention is paid to the relation between adoption and new reproductive technologies and to what is called “embryo adoption.” Interspersed between the chapters are letters written by the author to his own son by adoption. But if the argument of the book is taken seriously, these letters are written not to one who falls within a special category of “adopted son or daughter,” but to one who is, simply and entirely, a son or daughter.
"Gilbert Meilaender writes as a Christian, and he finds help in sorting through his perspective from Muslim and Jewish sources. His tone is patient (even when discussing arguments he finds wrongheaded) pulling out the best and the worst strands in questions regarding adoption, ART, and cryopreserved embryos. The chapters are informative and winsomely written. He has also notably managed to bring books I read to my daughters together with arcane theological documents that are relevant, but tricky to introduce." —Amy Laura Hall, Duke Divinity School
"One of the great theological ethicists of our generation, Gil Meilaender has gifted us with a book that is absolutely essential reading for anyone whose life is touched by adoption and wants to make moral sense of it. Meilander’s pithy, lucid style is perfect for conveying deep theological truths, and his arguments are consistently compelling and civil. Having lived a life with adopted children, Meilaender shows us deep and abiding wisdom on every page." —John Berkman, Regis College, University of Toronto
"Readers of Meilaender’s work have come to expect beautiful prose wedded to probing theological and ethical analysis. Both are in evidence in this engaging exploration of how adoption challenges Christians to understand the complex balancing of nature and history that is required for a proper understanding of family life. That Meilaender can weave together literature, philosophy, theology, and personal experience so seamlessly in developing his account of adoption is a marvel." —Paul Lauritzen, John Carroll University
136 pages, Hardcover
Published September 15, 2016
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
June 27, 2025
Excellent ethic of the family, the Christian institution of adoption, and childhood. Riddled with natural law reasoning, Scriptural reasoning, reverence to God, and eloquent rhetoric. Some of his argumentation failed to convince me, and some was weak. In his final chapter, Meilaender’s dismissal of Catholic reasoning against embryo adoption was notably weak. He failed to interact with the bioethical paradigm of “procreative powers” married couples have a unique use for. The analogy he draws between the womb and the home is also weak. This failure (I believe) stems from his principle of “moral neutrality”, where he allows for certain ethical responses to situations which aren’t clearly illicit or evil, but we should “discourage” or “be inclined against,” nonetheless. This sort of moral posture, while commendable for its humility, doesn’t provide Christian laymen the ethical weaponry to handle controversial problems, like embryo adoption, which we should either be ready to handle or ready to admit we can’t handle. All that to say, while I was unsatisfied with that principle and some of his arguments, I was delighted by this book. His interaction with his adopted son Derek was heartwarming, and his inclusion of Anne of Green Gables at the end brought me to tears.
April 26, 2023
Really moving book on adoption. His letters to his son are absolutely beautiful
August 11, 2017
I thought this was an excellent book that delved deeply into heavy topics, and yet didn't linger too long or get bogged down (it is barely 100 pages). Meilaender brings to the topic of adoption a keen theological mind, but also the personal experience of being an adoptive father. This book has chapters discussing the philosophy, theology and ethics of adoption alternated with personal letters which the author wrote to his adopted son. It makes for a nice dynamic and deeper understanding of the issues that are addressed.
The book does an amazing job at presenting (fairly) different theories and opinions of how families are formed. The author pulls images and ideas from children's books, psychological papers and theological books, as well as, of course, the Bible. I found the early discussion about nature and grace the most compelling part. At the end of the book, Meilaender addresses ethical questions like the adoption of frozen embryos. It felt a little out of place with the rest of the book, but I can see why he went there, and his discussion is both interesting and informative.
The book does an amazing job at presenting (fairly) different theories and opinions of how families are formed. The author pulls images and ideas from children's books, psychological papers and theological books, as well as, of course, the Bible. I found the early discussion about nature and grace the most compelling part. At the end of the book, Meilaender addresses ethical questions like the adoption of frozen embryos. It felt a little out of place with the rest of the book, but I can see why he went there, and his discussion is both interesting and informative.
July 8, 2017
Recommended for all families that have adopted or thinking of adoption or if you've been adopted. Gilbert uses the biblical teaching of adoption in Ephesians 1:5 to emphasize how having children and forming families is part of "the ethics of everyday life." Then he wrestles with notions of nature and nurture while also critiquing how Christian notions of a family may be at odds not only with secular culture but also other theistic faiths. He does chase a few theological/cultural precepts and with these, I just shook my head and turned the page. Stay with the overall power around forming families and you'll definitely enjoy while being challenged. After all, with 17-18 million children orphaned worldwide, the implications are crucial.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews