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Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken

4.22  ·  Rating details ·  488 ratings  ·  61 reviews
Buddhist-inspired advice for working through romantic breakups and other painful emotional periods--by the best-selling author of The Buddha Walks into a Bar... Buddhism has a lot to say about suffering--and there are likely few times we suffer more intensely than when we break up with a romantic partner. It feels like you may never recover sometimes. But Lodro Rinzler has ...more
Paperback, 144 pages
Published December 13th 2016 by Shambhala (first published 2016)
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Average rating 4.22  · 
Rating details
 ·  488 ratings  ·  61 reviews


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Gabrielle
Jan 28, 2018 rated it really liked it
Asking for help is really hard for me. I was raised by a incredibly stubborn, independent and self-sufficient woman, so, shocking no one, I grew up to be stubborn, fiercely independent and self-sufficient lady. I learned to ask for and accept help, but it took a long time, and my built-in reflex is still to tell people to go fuck themselves when they are like "I'm here for you". So when a writer is like "I'll be with you through this journey and it will be OK, we'll do this together", I have an ...more
Allison
Jan 19, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: giveaways
Any book that starts off with "Well fuck" is the kind of book I want to read, and that's how it feels when you've been heartbroken. But this book isn't just about romantic love; you can experience heartbreak in different ways.
The thing I liked most is that Rinzler doesn't sugar coat anything; he's direct and honest, but also sympathetic and supportive, and shares personal experiences. It's set up in a manner in which you can go to whatever chapter you need most at the time.
I don't practice
...more
Gina
Feb 12, 2017 rated it really liked it
Share this book with someone who is heartbroken. Consult this book when you are wondering if you should leave him. Pull it out when you are missing someone you can't see again. Pick out the chapter that fits the current hell you are experiencing. My favorites sections are: If You Wonder What Happens When a Loved One Dies; and If Society Has Broken Your Heart; and If You Feel Relief-Guilt.

Breathe, sleep, eat, read, meditate, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Survive.
Hayley Robertson
Jan 23, 2020 rated it it was amazing
truly an incredible approach to a self help book. there is something in here for everyone, I guarantee it. Ill be buying this book and sharing it with anyone who needs it. I want to hug the author. ...more
Tegan
Feb 18, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book is an absolute gift.
Passenger
Wow, I didn't enjoy this one at all. I had expected far more from a more spiritual guide to overcoming the pain of losing a loved one, either due to a breakup or a death, for instance.
I didn't expect the author to reinvent the wheel here but advice such as "just sleep, even if you think you can't" isn't very helpful. Thanks for suggesting meditation but there are plenty of reasons for people suffering from insomnia while trying to overcome a traumatic experience and meditation is first of all
...more
Daniel Swensen
Mar 14, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction, buddhism
If you're going through a hard time and have Buddhist sensibilities (or even if you don't), this may be one of the most simultaneously difficult and necessary books you could read. The text is supportive but unflinching, and the advice genuinely practical.

(Useful for all kinds of heartbreak, not just romantic heartbreak as the title and cover seem to imply.)
Mae
Oct 09, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Says what needs to be said (to the point, short, and sweet). Can be read where you can go directly to what you need right now, or what you want to hear. (view spoiler) I initially picked up this book to understand the heartbreak someone I care about is going ...more
Suzanne
Jul 20, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: buddhism
Well, as someone who has spent the last 30 years heartbroken (and who feels that it is entirely inadequate that I haven't "moved on") I found this sweet, wise little book a consoling pleasure every time I picked it up. First of all Rinzler gives the simplest meditation instruction I have ever read that offers ANYONE the tools to meditate (sit for 10 minutes a day, have decent posture, focus on your natural breathing, when your mind wanders, note that and focus on your breathing again). Each ...more
Jess Dollar
Jan 15, 2017 rated it really liked it
I love the library. I can go there and look at the "New Non-Fiction" shelf and pick something I've never heard of and take it home and fall in love. It happens all the time. This wonderfully little book is my latest random library find. It only takes an hour or two to read, but it's meant to be the type of book you go to again and again when you need encouragement.

This book is for everyone, as we are all heartbroken about something. I found it funny, relatable, and really heartwarming. I'll
...more
Catie
Jun 17, 2017 rated it liked it
"Another thing Suzuki Roshi once said was, 'Life is like stepping onto a boat that is about to sail out to sea and sink.'"

"The Zen master Seung Sahn once said, 'Being a bodhisattva means when people come, don't cut them off; when people go, don't cut them off.'"

"As the Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn once said, 'Understanding is the other name of love. If you don't understand, you can't love.'"

"Yet here's the simple truth: we are always creating society. Every time we interact with someone we are
...more
Renee
Feb 27, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
A tiny, enjoyable and quick read about getting through all of life's various heartbreaks (not just of the grownup relationship kind). Rinzler swears a lot more than I expected from a Buddhist, but it's cute and all meant in good humor. A great pick-me-up when you're having a tough day and just need to refocus and get your head straight.
Root_rambler
Jul 22, 2017 rated it liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
I did enjoy this book, but in the end, I thought that most of the advice was common sense and I didn't come away with too much new understanding. It is very short, and if you can't handle reading a lot, each "chapter" (really just a few pages) is standalone- you can read and think about it. On the other hand, if you're looking for something really in-depth, this is not it.
Mary
Nov 20, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-in-2017
If you need this book, Im sorry. However, if you have to be heartbroken, this book is the best companion possible. Mr Rinzler holds your hand in the most comforting way. Short sections can be read whenever you need them. And, they can be read day or night- whenever you need a friendly companion. This book is a blessing. It helped. ...more
Emkoshka
First book of the year! I devoured it in less than 24 hours, it was that compelling, inspiring and helpful. After recent recurrent heartbreak, it's helped me to refocus and recommit to what I'm doing with my life and to start planning for more healing spiritual encounters like this one. What a great gift from the universe!
Missy
Sep 08, 2017 rated it really liked it
My favorite part of this book was the definition of heartbreak. I don't remember it exactly, but it's something like "heartbreak is when your expectations aren't met." Good reminder that letting go of expectations -- of other people, of life in general -- is the path to ending suffering.
Sheelah
Feb 06, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Spot on observations about heartbreak and life. Lodro talks to many people about their heartbreak and in the process learns about his own and will guide the reader through theirs. A quick read and comforting buddhist perspective. Loved it.
Nicole
May 30, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2018
This book came at a conveniant and necessary time. It helps with all kinds of heartbreak. I loved the non linear reading style it encourages. i read a little 'chapter' whenever i was particularly down. i think it helped.
Maria
Jan 04, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Love is risk but we all crave human connection. This wonderful little book offers sincere and helpful guidance for navigating life's most essential component.
Lisa
Jan 06, 2017 rated it really liked it
I am not a Buddhist but found quite a few pearls in this book. I highlighted notes to return to later...I need to sit with this a while.
Pia Abrahams
[4.5 Stars]

This is a very big little book. I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you feel like you need it, read it.
Molly
Jun 18, 2017 rated it really liked it
I thought I was normal. This book made me realize that I am heartbroken. Aren't we all?
Bina Artiste
Jul 27, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This book made me laugh in parts when I expected it to be solemn. It was relatable to what I am going through. This author is good.
Becca Mac
Sep 13, 2019 rated it liked it
This book had some good insights, I just wish it went into more depth. The very short chapters are nice to read while commuting.
Colleen ~ The Clever Girl from Gallifrey
Alright, this book was awesome. Going into it I was not expecting much, just some Buddhism mixed with how to heal if you are hurt. And yes, that is what it was in a sense, but it could not have been more perfectly done. The second I opened the book and saw the first line that read "Well fuck. If you're reading this you are probably heartbroken." I knew I was going to love this book.

Rinzler does not get preachy or overly spiritual. He remains down to Earth and when you read his words you feel as
...more
Frieda
Feb 28, 2018 rated it really liked it
This book gave tidbits of sound advice. The best takeaways were:
1) Love is innate to who we are.
2) Heartbreak is based in expectations/feelings of how we think things should be and what they truly are.
3) The ego is based on a set of expectations and perceptions as to how we handle situations. This closes ourselves off to giving love, making it conditional.
4) Everything changes.
5) If you need to distance yourself from someone, still do not give up on them. Forgive and remain open to change.
S
Sep 01, 2019 rated it really liked it
Soothing. That's really the only way I can describe this book. It wasn't perfect, and some advice really wasn't good advice. For a book that's effectively religious-based (Buddhist), it didn't come off as preachy, which was nice. Reading this was comparable to listening to someone pretending to be your friend talk to you about the tragedies of life. (Or maybe that's just me.) It wasn't perfect, but made several good points and really helped keep me calm (for a few days), even when the anecdotes ...more
Grace Doyle
Sep 08, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I bought this for myself when I was in the throws of heartbreak (if you've been there, you know you'll try anything) and I was pleasantly surprised. It didn't heal my broken heart, but it was reassuring and comforting. Made me smile. Made me feel like maybe I wouldn't always feel so terrible. It's a cute little pocket book and I'd certainly buy it as a gift of encouragement for a friend going through something similar. I loved that the chapters were short and easily digested - the brain can't ...more
Rebecca
I was just browsing for healing self help books and found this one at the library. The structure is very refreshing and fun: the author tells you to jump around and read what you need.

The book talks about all kinds of heartbreak from the death of a loved one, to feeling failed by society to romantic heartbreak. This is great, but I really do feel like each of the these types of heartbreak are different. It felt weird and forced to be reading about a topic that seemed to be written for one type
...more
EunSung
Jan 24, 2020 rated it it was amazing
It is refreshing to have someone in my generation writing about grief. The author talks about all forms of heartbreak in the modern age, the heartbreak of loosing relationships to breakups, death, and the little heartbreaks of a culture that tells us we are not enough.

The book is well written, and a good introduction to the application of Buddhist principles in our everyday messy lives.
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Lodro is a practitioner and teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist lineage. He began meditating as a child and sat retreats as a teenager, even going as far as attending a silent month-long retreat during which he shaved his head and took monastic robes and vows.

When he left for college he received two heirlooms from his parents. From his father, a mala which he had used to recite mantras. From his
...more

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“Here’s the messed up thing: most of us take our ever-changing self and partner it to another ever-changing being, entering into an ever-changing romantic relationship, and think that all three of those things are supposed to come together in a way that is permanent and stable. It’s like multiplying impermanence times three and thinking we’re going to find everlasting happiness. In some sense, it’s foolish of us to think that we will go out and meet “the one” and will live happily ever after, based on how much everything morphs over time.” 2 likes
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