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How to Hit a Curveball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man: Learning What Our Fathers Never Taught Us
What guy doesn't need some pointers on how to be the man he wants to be? And we know that being a man is so much more than building a successful career and mastering the mechanics of daily life (like oil changes), those functional things are really important too. By addressing the basic, primal, and archetypal moments that all men experience, this book helps men become more invested in their passions, their families, their lives, and God.
257 pages, Paperback
First published April 11, 2008
About the author
Stephen James
6 books11 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Stephen James, LPC, MHSP, NCC is a private practice psychotherapist in Nashville, TN where he provides individual, couples, and group therapy as well as organizational and leadership consulting.
He received his MA in Counseling from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and his BA in English from Belmont University. He has published numerous articles and is the coauthor of five books including the bestselling Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys. Stephen has appeared in interviews on ESPN, Sports Illustrated as well various other media outlets. Stephen speaks and consults often in the areas of servant leadership, parenting, and family.
You can find out more about his clinical practice at www.sagehillcounseling.com.
Stephen James, LPC, MHSP, NCC is a private practice psychotherapist in Nashville, TN where he provides individual, couples, and group therapy as well as organizational and leadership consulting.
He received his MA in Counseling from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and his BA in English from Belmont University. He has published numerous articles and is the coauthor of five books including the bestselling Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys. Stephen has appeared in interviews on ESPN, Sports Illustrated as well various other media outlets. Stephen speaks and consults often in the areas of servant leadership, parenting, and family.
You can find out more about his clinical practice at www.sagehillcounseling.com.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
March 3, 2021
"It's not about performing or overachieving or mastering. It's about the process of learning to live in the freedom of knowing that it's not up to you to do anything."
"It's about having the courage not to pick up the ball after you've dropped it. It's about growing in your willingness to let God take care of the ball."
"Practicing the art of authentic manhood means that we acknowledge our willingness and desire to be transformed and our utter powerlessness to do anything worthwhile about it on our own."
"I have lived with the belief that my contribution will be minimal at best, that the people around me would be better served if I never got my hands on the ball. And the enemy has been victorious. I have been silent when I should have spoken. I have stood back when I should have stepped forward. I have lived in fear and shame. There was little to no chance that I could live out of any place of who I was designed to be."
"Asking questions required exploration, which ultimately led to a deeper connection - with my heart, with other people, and with God."
"The crap of our lives, when we surrender it to the hands of God, becomes the fertilizer of our future."
"But the litmus test of an authentic man is his willingness to make a fool of himself for what matters most to him."
"When we live our lives protected and guarded, those around us end up paying the price."
"Showing up requires that we quit faking it. Practice saying "I don't know" when you don't know."
"As husbands and fathers, our primary sense of futility will occur with our wives and children, who are also the source of our greatest joy."
"We can live in communion with the one who is both the builder and the wrecking ball."
"It's not about mastery. It's about mystery and surrender. It's futility giving way to dependence. It's allowing our hearts to be changed."
"Shame is the emotional experience that tells us we can't do everything."
"When we...embrace the experience of shame, we discover its gift: humility."
"we believe that if somebody really knew us, they would reject us, harm us, or abandon us. We don't truly trust that anyone else is for us - especially God. Toxic shame causes us to live in fear and it's this fear that then fuels our lives."
"In authentic community, a willingness to change is the only prerequisite for membership."
"The combination of grace, mercy, and acceptance is a concoction that God uses to set us free."
"We must learn to embrace (and even love) failure. The art of incompetence is learning to succeed at being a failure."
"The nature of confession is love (not shame)."
"It's also really important to identify how self-contempt rears its head in your life. In what ways do you discount your worth to others? How do you keep others from depending on you, or being interested in you, or being concerned about your fate? Do you deflect compliments? Do you not ask for help when you need it? Do you disbelieve someone's encouraging words for you? Do you feel sorry for yourself?"
"It's about having the courage not to pick up the ball after you've dropped it. It's about growing in your willingness to let God take care of the ball."
"Practicing the art of authentic manhood means that we acknowledge our willingness and desire to be transformed and our utter powerlessness to do anything worthwhile about it on our own."
"I have lived with the belief that my contribution will be minimal at best, that the people around me would be better served if I never got my hands on the ball. And the enemy has been victorious. I have been silent when I should have spoken. I have stood back when I should have stepped forward. I have lived in fear and shame. There was little to no chance that I could live out of any place of who I was designed to be."
"Asking questions required exploration, which ultimately led to a deeper connection - with my heart, with other people, and with God."
"The crap of our lives, when we surrender it to the hands of God, becomes the fertilizer of our future."
"But the litmus test of an authentic man is his willingness to make a fool of himself for what matters most to him."
"When we live our lives protected and guarded, those around us end up paying the price."
"Showing up requires that we quit faking it. Practice saying "I don't know" when you don't know."
"As husbands and fathers, our primary sense of futility will occur with our wives and children, who are also the source of our greatest joy."
"We can live in communion with the one who is both the builder and the wrecking ball."
"It's not about mastery. It's about mystery and surrender. It's futility giving way to dependence. It's allowing our hearts to be changed."
"Shame is the emotional experience that tells us we can't do everything."
"When we...embrace the experience of shame, we discover its gift: humility."
"we believe that if somebody really knew us, they would reject us, harm us, or abandon us. We don't truly trust that anyone else is for us - especially God. Toxic shame causes us to live in fear and it's this fear that then fuels our lives."
"In authentic community, a willingness to change is the only prerequisite for membership."
"The combination of grace, mercy, and acceptance is a concoction that God uses to set us free."
"We must learn to embrace (and even love) failure. The art of incompetence is learning to succeed at being a failure."
"The nature of confession is love (not shame)."
"It's also really important to identify how self-contempt rears its head in your life. In what ways do you discount your worth to others? How do you keep others from depending on you, or being interested in you, or being concerned about your fate? Do you deflect compliments? Do you not ask for help when you need it? Do you disbelieve someone's encouraging words for you? Do you feel sorry for yourself?"
December 18, 2022
Definitely a good book for the men in your life!
August 7, 2015
If I hadn't been through the three year course of Men's Fraternity I would score this higher. However, having been through that I can only say that this is a much shorter version leaving out some important material that Men's Fraternity covered. I'll probably give it to my son as prep for that course.
A few things I highlighted:
There is a myth that much of contemporary Christianity has bought into: If you do it right, think about it right, pray about right, and try hard enough, then your life will be successful and you will be "blessed." Introduction, pg. XVI
Speaking of the above church organizations...
They spend much of their time promoting an ideology that says, "If you want to prosper and you want your life to turn out ok, then all you need is to do the right things, the right way, at the right time." The problem with this way of thinking is that it is contrary to what the Bible teaches, and it doesn't square with the reality of life. Introduction, Pg. XVII
Productivity and competency are not essential for living fully as a man. One treasured gift that authentic Christianity affords to guys who accept it is that we are free to live without weight and pressure. Introduction, pg. XVII
In fact, full living becomes possible only when we recognize our powerlessness and surrender to God. Introduction, pg. XVIII
Whether we clear the bar or not, our manhood is determined by the content of our hearts, not the plaques on the wall, the size of our wallets, or even the goodness of our families. Authentic manhood is about living from the heart with integrity, passion, and intimacy. Introduction, pg. XVIII
Think the author is familiar with Men's Fraternity? Check out this shot:
[Speaking of men who feel they have failed} With all the self-will they could identify, they've rejected whatever passivity they could identify, accepted far too much responsibility for everyone else, led so courageously that they have ended up alone, and placed a lot of expectations on God to reward their efforts. pg. 242
Hear us well. It's not about making the best with what you've been given. It's about first recognizing what you've been given. Then it's about seeing the One who gave it to you. And finally, it's about the process of yielding what you've been given back to the One who gave it to you in the first place.
It's not about performing or overachieving or mastering. It's about the process of learning to live in the freedom of knowing that it's not up to you to do anything.
It's about God. p. 243
A few things I highlighted:
There is a myth that much of contemporary Christianity has bought into: If you do it right, think about it right, pray about right, and try hard enough, then your life will be successful and you will be "blessed." Introduction, pg. XVI
Speaking of the above church organizations...
They spend much of their time promoting an ideology that says, "If you want to prosper and you want your life to turn out ok, then all you need is to do the right things, the right way, at the right time." The problem with this way of thinking is that it is contrary to what the Bible teaches, and it doesn't square with the reality of life. Introduction, Pg. XVII
Productivity and competency are not essential for living fully as a man. One treasured gift that authentic Christianity affords to guys who accept it is that we are free to live without weight and pressure. Introduction, pg. XVII
In fact, full living becomes possible only when we recognize our powerlessness and surrender to God. Introduction, pg. XVIII
Whether we clear the bar or not, our manhood is determined by the content of our hearts, not the plaques on the wall, the size of our wallets, or even the goodness of our families. Authentic manhood is about living from the heart with integrity, passion, and intimacy. Introduction, pg. XVIII
Think the author is familiar with Men's Fraternity? Check out this shot:
[Speaking of men who feel they have failed} With all the self-will they could identify, they've rejected whatever passivity they could identify, accepted far too much responsibility for everyone else, led so courageously that they have ended up alone, and placed a lot of expectations on God to reward their efforts. pg. 242
Hear us well. It's not about making the best with what you've been given. It's about first recognizing what you've been given. Then it's about seeing the One who gave it to you. And finally, it's about the process of yielding what you've been given back to the One who gave it to you in the first place.
It's not about performing or overachieving or mastering. It's about the process of learning to live in the freedom of knowing that it's not up to you to do anything.
It's about God. p. 243
July 27, 2010
This is a good "how to be a Christian man"-type book. Interspersed in the discussions about being the man God wants you to be are practical instructions on things like grilling, tieing a tie, skinning a deer, delivering a baby etc.
The authors provide practical advice and back it up with references in the Bible and are also quick to own up to their own faults. I found the personal annecdotes to be particularly reaffirming. I also enjoyed the quick review at the end of each chapter.
I didn't find anything incredibly life-changing in the book but it did make me reflect on my current choices, especially in my relationship with my son, and make appropriate adjustments.
I will say that I liked the random instructions interspersed in the book but it always came in the middle of thought or a section in the book which caused me to either lose the flow of what I was reading to learn the instructions or finish what I was in the middle of and then go back to read them. I'd have preferred them at the beginning or end of the chapters, but that's just a minor quibble.
The authors provide practical advice and back it up with references in the Bible and are also quick to own up to their own faults. I found the personal annecdotes to be particularly reaffirming. I also enjoyed the quick review at the end of each chapter.
I didn't find anything incredibly life-changing in the book but it did make me reflect on my current choices, especially in my relationship with my son, and make appropriate adjustments.
I will say that I liked the random instructions interspersed in the book but it always came in the middle of thought or a section in the book which caused me to either lose the flow of what I was reading to learn the instructions or finish what I was in the middle of and then go back to read them. I'd have preferred them at the beginning or end of the chapters, but that's just a minor quibble.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews