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The Secret Loves of Geek Girls

Hope Nicholson (Editor),

Marjorie M. Liu (Goodreads Author)

Mariko Tamaki

Marguerite Bennett

Margaret Atwood (Goodreads Author)

Trina Robbins

Noelle Stevenson

Carla Speed McNeil (Goodreads Author)

, more…

3.88 · Rating details · 2,152 ratings · 449 reviews

The Secret Loves of Geek Girls is a non-fiction anthology mixing prose, comics, and illustrated stories on the lives and loves of an amazing cast of female creators. Featuring work by Margaret Atwood (The Heart Goes Last), Mariko Tamaki (This One Summer), Trina Robbins (Wonder Woman), Marguerite Bennett (Marvel's A-Force), Noelle Stevenson (Nimona), Marjorie Liu (Monstress ...more

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Paperback, Expanded, 279 pages

Published October 18th 2016 by Dark Horse Books (first published December 9th 2015)

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· 2,152 ratings · 449 reviews

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Aug 04, 2016 Nat rated it really liked it

Shelves: feminism, graphic-novels, diverse-reads, arc, short-stories

The Secret Loves of Geek Girls is a non-fiction anthology mixing prose, comics, and illustrated stories on the lives and loves of an amazing cast of female creators.

Can I just say that this was exactly my kind of anthology?

There are a lot of short stories in this one (around 50), so I decided to feature the ones that captured my heart the most:

This review contains mild spoilers.

Comics by Margaret Atwood:

We start out with 4 comics from Margaret Atwood that I throughly enjoyed.

Minas Truth ...more

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Jan 03, 2016 Karly rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Ahh what a book. I loved it so much. The contributors are so diverse: LGBQ, trans, poly, asexual, demisexual, you name it, there's a geek girl writing about it. I had to take a break every few essays because I was so emotional. It's really nice to feel understood by something you're reading, but it can be overwhelming when it hits SO close to home. If you call yourself a geek or nerd, there's a story in here for you.

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Nov 14, 2015 Sharon rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: re-read, comixology

The Secret Loves of Geek Girls is a nonfiction anthology about crushes and friendships and romantic relationships. It tells a variety of stories, written by contributors that include trans women, bisexual women, and women of color. Most of it is prose, but there are some short comics and illustrations interspersed throughout the book. Some of it is written as advice, and a few pieces play around with format, but lots of pieces are straight-up memoir. The book is full of references to big ...more

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Jan 03, 2016 Heatherblakely rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: own, signed

Me, while reading this:

It took me a long time to get through this book. Longer than it should have. I couldn't connect with some of the stories, but man, I (overly) connected with others. I laughed a few times, but I cried many times, because the words hit too close to home (looking at you, Marguerite Bennett). This collection is great because there are a lot of stories by many different women, and there's something for every geek girl to connect with.

It's very difficult to get through if ...more

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Dec 15, 2015 Emily rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I'm sitting here in my Doctor Who shirt, after having read two books in three days, reviewing this book while also possibly bawling. Maybe. Okay, I'm bawling.

I'm a late in life geek. Most people realize they are a geek early and have time to acclimate. I was a weird amalgamation of multiple labels growing up. I hung out with the smart kids. We were in AP classes, and were good at school and stuff. I read a great deal, willingly, which was weird at the time. But I was also a fairly gifted ...more

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Sep 15, 2016 Cat (cat-thecatlady) rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-i-own

ok guys, I really LOVED this. some stories hit me harder than others but when they did, damn, they hit hard. this anthology is so honest, and fun, and dark, and simple, and complicated: everything love is. also, it's inclusive AND diverse!

the comics are wonderful and the stories too. there's so many ladies I admite in this!

URGH I JUST REALLY LIKED THIS AND CAN'T MAKE ANY SENSE OF MY FEELINGS

full review here: https://catshelf.wordpress.com/2016/0...

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Jan 28, 2016 Victoria | victoriashaz rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites

5/5
I adore this anthology. There are a lot of amazing Canadian writers and artists that are showcased in this anthology (which I love seeing as a Canadian!)
But with this anthology, I found a lot of resemblance to myself and I think that is what made it so appealing. Realistically, I think that's why it was made, and why it's so important that it was made.
I think this work finally shows the three dimensional female figures that we all know exist in the geek world, but are rarely seeing when ...more

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Feb 21, 2019 destiny ♡⚔♡ [howling libraries] added it

No rating for this one because I honestly just skimmed it. It was pitched to me as a graphic novel and I was really bummed to see that most of it is actually just essays written in text with the occasional illustration or brief panel. It's not a bad book, just not what I wanted it to be.

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Feb 16, 2016 Kate rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: books-i-own, favorites

I backed this on Kickstarter so, full disclosure there. Also I did not intend to sit down and read this in one sitting but I did. I feel like I read it a bit too fast (I definitely didn't; I've apparently been sitting here for a while). When I read this again, and I'm sure there will be several repeat readings, I may need to stretch out. One work a day or something.

Being a Geek Girl (nerd girl, fangirl, whatever your preferred nomenclature) can be an isolating experience as much as it is a ...more

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Apr 08, 2018 Maria rated it really liked it

Shelves: i-heart-my-public-library, e-book, short-stories

THIS!!
This non fiction literally touches on so many aspects that are either me or so close to me that it felt too good to be true!!
I'm reading this and literally having to stop because these are the people I've been looking for and I understood so much of the sentiments and feelings that it was hard to dismiss this as anything but facts.
Growing up in a large city has it's own nuances and yes, makes finding like minded people just as hard as in a small city. As a fellow lady nerd who's also an ...more

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Jan 12, 2018 Greyson | Use Your Words rated it liked it

Shelves: read-2018, rep-6-feminist, rep-1-lgbtqiap, rep-43-trauma, category-anthologies, how-libraries, rep-12-sapphic, rep-14-bi-pan-queer, rep-3-disability-chronic-illness, rep-2-poc

What's your Patronus? I ask, and it seems strange that I have not asked until now.
These are the questions that matter more, more than how many siblings we have, than what our parents do for a living, then what television shows we follow in the fall. What is your Patronus?
What is the thing that represents all protection to you, all reassurance, all strength, all love?
What is the happiest moment you can remember, to summon the spell to you? What drives away the dark in your heart?

The Secret

What's your Patronus? I ask, and it seems strange that I have not asked until now.
These are the questions that matter more, more than how many siblings we have, than what our parents do for a living, then what television shows we follow in the fall. What is your Patronus?
What is the thing that represents all protection to you, all reassurance, all strength, all love?
What is the happiest moment you can remember, to summon the spell to you? What drives away the dark in your heart?

The Secret Loves of Geeks Girls is a collection of essays and comics from the Geeky Girls of the world exploring the trials and tribulations of love.
For some reason that was not what I thought I was getting into. Okay, look here's my problem, I'll go into a library looking for something specific, have loads of other things that catch my eye and look vaguely familiar from Goodreads and borrow them too. I really should stop doing it, but I know that I probably won't because sometimes it really pays off. My memory is not reliable, so often, what I grab is not what I thought it was. That brings us to The Secret Loves of Geek Girls.

But, honestly, enough with all of these questions. You should know better than to kiss a writer. They always tell.
First off the bat I kept reading the title as The Secret Lives of Geek Girls so, right off the bat, not doing great. I thought it would be a fiction story about girls geeking out over their pop culture loves. I also thought this was a very thick graphic novel so yeah, kinda was very wrong there. Anyway, once I got over my initial thought of 'WTF is this, I'm so confused?', I settled in for what I hoped would be an enlightening experience.
Boy was I enlightened. I mean I didn't really learn anything about love and relationships that I didn't already know. But I did learn things about myself, was reminded of lessons already learnt and was hit fucking hard by the roller coaster of emotions that came with some of the entries.
The thing about TSLOGG (I refuse to keep typing out that damn title, its just so long) is that every single geek girl should be able to find a piece of herself in this book. I found pieces of myself spread through out the whole thing, and I did possibly learn something about myself but I'll get to that a bit later.

I am only ever half-tamed. And the happiest moment of my life was the moment I knew I could be free. Riding my selfishness, my ambition, my stories, ever to the ends of the earth, ever from the dark and the cold.
The first entry I fell in love with was Minas Tirth by Marguerite Bennett. It was just so beautifully written and Bennett got me. I mean the woman chose a fox as her Patronus!
I felt this huge connection with her, it reminded me that my choices are my choices and although they may be viewed as selfish, they are mine to make regardless. I'm sure that is not what I was meant to take away from it. I'm sure I was probably meant to be reminded that romantic relationships with people I care about should matter more to me than my career, my ambition but honestly it just cemented my belief in what I already know, and that is that I need to look out for myself and do the things that make me happy. Ambition, having something to strive towards, being able to list my achievements, that does make me happy and I won't apologize for it.

While I was touring university campuses, I screwed up my courage and told my parents I was bisexual. It was the label that made the most sense to me at the time.
I like fantasizing about Methos. But I liked Xena, too.
"How can you know that?" my mother asked. "You've never even kissed a girl."
I hadn't kiss a boy then yet, either. Yet it was assumed that I was straight because that was the default, even though I hadn't done anything with anyone.
That shocked me.
For the first time I really understood that people were assumed straight until proven otherwise. That people around me that that the world really was like it was portrayed on television, and not at all as diverse and colorful as I had read about in fanfiction.
How Fanfiction Made Me Gay by J.M. Frey taught me that I might be demisexual and/or greyace. I had heard of demisexual before but never really new what it meant and greyace was entirely new to me. So when Frey explained further what those terms mean, I was excited. This is the closest I have ever been to figuring out how I identify in the entirety of my sexual and romantic attractions and that is thanks to TSLOGG.
Not only that, Frey spoke to the part of me who felt like she couldn't include herself in with LGTBQI+ people. I felt like I was a fraud trying to do so. I'd spent so long assuming myself to be straight that my attraction to girls or anyone anywhere on the gender binary was normal. That I was just super comfortable with my sexuality. Nope. Wrong. Greyson, ya big dummy, you were the opposite. It wasn't until very recently that I have finally been comfortable including myself in the LGBTQI+ community, labeling myself as queer/questioning, being okay with not knowing just yet, and maybe never knowing for sure. Now I have so much to explore, so much research to do (I love me some good research). I've been wondering around the woods aimlessly not understanding any of the signs and someone's finally pointed in a direction and told me "try there". For that alone I am so very thankful I picked up this book. For that I am thankful for Frey.

I'm at the point where I feel like normal courtship is a human ritual that is awful from top to bottom, but we've just convinced ourselves that we enjoy it. It's a hassle. It's a time suck. The highs can be high, yes, but the lows are often so very, very low. When you add any kind of modifier to your person-nerd, hipster, black, queer, female-the highs become unreachable peaks and the lows are the valleys that you live in.
Gita Jackson's URL>IRL reminded me of Nola Darling from She's Gotta Have it. I think it was Jackson's incredible and beautiful way of communicating her point, explaining things in way that helps others understand, who perhaps otherwise wouldn't have. I just really loved this one.
When people demand that I explain myself, I don't think they care how long it took for me to understand the whole arc of my life. How long it took me to wipe off a veneer of irony when I talked about liking games or anime or K-Pop. How long it took me to look in the mirror and appreciate the lines of my own face, my wide nose, and my big lips.
When I inevitably deliver my lecture, it's like being asked to learn to love myself all over again. It's hard to even like the people who ask me to do that. It took a lot of work to love myself. How dare you ask me to justify that?
I connected with Jackson's unwillingness to explain herself, that it took her a long time to get to a place where she unashamedly loves herself and she is not in the business of questioning that every time someone wants her to explain who she is, so she refuses to comply. She cuts out a part of life that everyone else seems to think is mandatory, they're obsessed with it. She's unwilling to carry on with a process that is not benefiting her. She chooses self-love. That is something to aspire to.
I don't date as an activity anymore because the work of loving myself is enough. I have long-distance relationships and crushes I'll never act on because the feeling of liking someone and being liked back is enough. I am enough. I don't want to have to explain that again.

You were so afraid as a child. Did anyone ever realize that? Is that one of your great secrets?
You would wander into the woods surrounding your home and stay there for fours with the dogs and the cats who followed you from the house, and in those shadows you prayed for magic to find you and that didn't frighten you, not in the slightest, not the solitude of nature, but oh my God you were wary of people. You were not born that way, but you learned a lesson early on, and it took you many years to unwind from that coiled place.
Ghost by Marjorie Liu ripped my fucking heart out. This essay is so heart wrenching that if you finish it and it didn't leave you an emotional wreck then you have no soul, you're probably at least a little fucked up and should be locked away from others. It was intense, and emotional, and just... there's not real way to relay how important Ghost is.
I mean huge trigger warning: rape. So if that's a trigger for you then please for the love of God don't hurt yourself by reading it. If that's not a problem for you then you have to read it. No, I'm being 100% serious here. This is a must read, especially in our climate, especially as fellow geek women but especially if you're a man. Just fucking read it. If you read nothing else in this book, read this if it's safe for you to do so.
Also a small mention to make is that Ghost deals with the tangled mess that is trauma and memory and it's so fucking rare to see it portrayed in a way that I actually related to. So there's also that too.

Boys say that we girls gossip too much-maybe we do. Or maybe we gossip just enough.
And maybe that's our secret weapon. Pass it on.
Listen there were a number of entries in here that I didn't like, or just didn't connect with me at all. And that's okay. What was great about this book was that it was so fucking diverse. It was a collection of thoughts from all across girl geekdom. It's what makes this so amazing.
TSLOGG felt like a call to arms for all the fellow geek girls to get together and just fucking talk. Not just about are mutual fandoms but about the actual real shit in our lives. To be open and honest and communicate with each other even if we're scared that our thoughts and feelings make us weird. Because hello, that's why we're all friends in the first place. We already know we're seen as weird by society, so why not fucking embrace all of it, be honest and help each other? We are so much stronger when we're together. Female friendships are so fucking important. Share with each other. Get too deep. Tell each other you're deepest fears and wildest dreams.
I wasn't going to review TSLOGG, but I'm extremely glad I did. I recommend everyone pick it up, even if it is just so flip through and read just the parts that interest you. The only reason why I have rated it higher is because I didn't connect and/or love all of it but boy when I did...
Just do yourself a favour and pick up a copy, whether you buy or loan it, please just give it a go.

You know where God lives and God is in paint and ink and pencil and the page;
you fell in love and became that love. Transformed, like in a fairy tale. A girl who became a wolf,
focused and hungry for only one thing; story.
You never stopped hunting stories. Little wolf, persistent but timid, prowling shelves and stacks;
anywhere there were books, that was the forest you claimed. You found a frontier in your school library, rushing inside every morning where you were most alive, books were places you could pretend you were brave. Books were walls against everything that frightened you.

—
I read this book as part of my 2018 Library Love binge, where I read as many library books as possible to take advantage of my great local library network before I move interstate!
___
│Blog│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│ ...more

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Nov 17, 2015 Antonis Lamnatos rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: comics

Halfway through reading this, a friend asked what I thought of it. I told her I liked it because it gave me a POV on realities I've never experienced. I appreciated the stories from a female/geek/lesbian/coloured/ethnic minority/social outcast perspective. Various combinations of these traits gave me a lot to think about what I felt was by definition "different" than me. The stories themselves are all sorts of funny, touching and consistently interesting. The same holds true for the comics ...more

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Nov 15, 2015 Csenge rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I would pay good money to someone to take a side-trip in a TARDIS and drop this book off into the mailbox of my 14-year-old self.
Or, even better, for a mysterious rich patron to distribute a copy of it to all CURRENT adolescent girls. Geek and non-geek ones alike.
Even at the age of one-week-short-of-30, The Secret Loves of Geek Girls seriously changed my life. It's going to be a while before I can put it all to words, because right now I am just sitting like a happy little bundle under the ...more

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Sep 11, 2017 Melissa rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-2017

A great mix of stories about the Secret Loves of Geek Girls. I personally loved that it mixed stories, short comics, and essays covering loves from fandom to loving relationships, from friends to lovers, happily ever afters to heartbreaks.

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May 31, 2017 Dee added it

Shelves: own

This anthology about geek girls and their relationships was an interesting reading experience. It's a mix of short stories and comics. The artwork is beautiful. Some of the stories were fantastic; some were dull. Overall, I enjoyed it, but no need to race to your nearest book buying facility.

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Apr 04, 2017 Stewart Tame rated it really liked it

Positively delightful! This is an anthology, a mixture of comics and prose revolving around the theme of the title. Most of the stories seem to be autobiography, not surprising really. There are tales of first loves and crushes and the awkwardness of figuring out how dating and relationships work anyway (hint: It involves much more improvisation than is apparent at first glance. Most people are just as nervous about it as you; they're just putting up a good front.) Although I've never been ...more

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Dec 11, 2016 Sue rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I loved this book. There were some that were a little weird and random but, for the most part, completely relateable. The awkwardness of not dating when all you other friends were or not dating until you were a little older. Finding people who really get you and all different types of relationships. These woman talk about it all. There many times where I wished I had this in my early 20s.

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Jan 22, 2017 Margo rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: dnf, short-story, graphic-novel

Borrowed this from the library as Margaret Atwood was a contributor to the mix of short stories and graphic novels (can you call them graphic novels when they're less than 5 pages long?). Only dipped in here and there as it wasn't really my cup of tea. Stories were too short and tried too hard to be clever.

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Feb 10, 2017 Amber rated it liked it

Shelves: comic-books, nonfic-misc

Kinda all over the place, but I blame that mostly on the changing media and how many contributors there were. I feel like it would have benefited by dividing and expanding.

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Oct 25, 2017 Marie the Librarian rated it really liked it

Some of these stories are amazing! But overall I really like this anthology! So diverse and geeky! Love it!

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Mar 30, 2017 Eva rated it liked it · review of another edition

Interesting, for sure, with some insightful essays and stories, but a lot of the stories were too genre-specific for me to really connect to.

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Jun 06, 2018 Alexandra rated it really liked it

i checked this out of the library not really knowing what it was about--i actually assumed it involved the various interests of "geek girls," and while it definitely had comic books, video games, LOTR, etc. in there, it also was about how "geek girls" find and experience love

there were long distance relationships, online dating stuff, not settling for who you just like, and many different sexualities were represented here.

i actually found a label that i had never heard of before:
demisexual-- ...more

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Nov 16, 2017 MochaGeek rated it liked it

3.75 Stars

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Apr 15, 2019 Aimee rated it liked it

I found a lot of the essays either not super well written, or entirely too dependent on fandom metaphors to hold my interest. That said, some of the art was gorgeous, and I immediately loved Love In The Time of Ethernet.

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May 28, 2017 Julie rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Recommends it for: literally every nerdy girl

Shelves: collected-stories, nonfiction, gender-issues, lgbtqa, graphic-novels

This book is about love. The love of all things geeky, the love of other people like us. Learning that love isn't just about liking the same things, as in the story "Nerd Love" by Irene Koh. Reticent and reserved love, trapped in a world that seems sex obsessed as related by Megan Kearney.

Love of movie stars who represent something they're not. Love of superheroes. Love of everything with David Bowie in it. Long-distance love conducted entirely by computer terminal and iPhone. Love we can never

This book is about love. The love of all things geeky, the love of other people like us. Learning that love isn't just about liking the same things, as in the story "Nerd Love" by Irene Koh. Reticent and reserved love, trapped in a world that seems sex obsessed as related by Megan Kearney.

Love of movie stars who represent something they're not. Love of superheroes. Love of everything with David Bowie in it. Long-distance love conducted entirely by computer terminal and iPhone. Love we can never have in real life.

Love of books.

Love and a life of the mind.

Because the mind is the best aphrodisiac.

And so, with love, read on.

I borrowed this as an ebook from the library, but I 100% need to buy a physical copy of my own, just to have it on hand and revisit some of these stories -- screencaps aren't enough. It's a nonfiction anthology about, yes, love, of all shapes and sizes and types. Most of them are memoir-y, some in the form of short stories, others as short comics. There's some great diversity here, too, with queer, trans, poly, ace, and demisexual ladies telling their tales.

As I mentioned in status updates, there was something almost-painful about reading this, because it hit too close to home, and made me feel seen and known -- in a way that was comforting, but also vaguely unsettling in how it touched on the exact experiences I've had. Looking at all of the top Goodreads reviews, I see a lot of women pointing out how they saw the resemblance to theirselves, how we saw ourselves echoed in these stories; all showing that you are not alone, you are not the only one going through this. I'm not even going to specifically namedrop which stories struck the biggest chord with me, because it's actually too personal.

But there is just something so refreshing and powerful about having these subjects on display, and being discussed in the open, and hearing from so many different perspectives of the eponymous 'geek girl'.

So, yes. I loved this.

Some other favourite quotes below:
(view spoiler) ...more

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Jul 31, 2019 Deepti Jawale rated it it was amazing

HOLY FREAKIN SHIT! What is this amazing level of relate?? Though some stories weren't relatable at all, some are OVERLY relatable. Again, why did it take me so long to finish this? Also, great comics and cute illustrations, definitely a huge plus.

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Sep 17, 2017 Dolly marked it as dnf-or-set-aside-for-now

Recommends it for: women

Shelves: feminism, graphic-novels-comics, other-usa, nonfiction, lgbtqiap, short-stories-essays, own-voices

This book offers a large collection of short stories by and about women. The tales cover myriad subjects, not the least of which is sexuality. For those who think this is 'just another graphic novel,' please be warned that the subject matter is often mature and should be targeted to young adults and, perhaps, very mature middle graders.

The stories are important and validate many of the feelings that women have felt unable to express in other media. It is an inclusive book that does not shy away ...more

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Nov 19, 2016 Kaitlin rated it really liked it

This was a mixed one for me but the majority of the book I did really like or related to in some form or other. It's a hard one to review because there are so may different formats and styles throughout that you're bound to like/love some and not like others, but I definitely think there were more I enjoyed a lot than not.

This is a book which includes various female creators in various medias talking about their loves, lives and passions. We see most 'stories' take up between 1-5pgs and so each ...more

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Mar 12, 2018 Yvensong rated it it was amazing

Shelves: library, graphic-novel, non-fiction

As many of my friends and followers know, I very rarely give ratings of 5 stars. Also, I'm not a huge fan of autobiographies, which this collection of essays, prose, comics, and illustrated stories can be viewed as autobiographical. Yet, this anthology really grabbed me. I had to take it in chunks, at times, because many of the stories contained within really hit close to home, and some are just so full of emotion, that I had to take time to process those feelings.

Growing up geeky or nerdy, in ...more

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Dec 19, 2016 Arielle ⭐ Cursebreaker ⭐ rated it really liked it

Shelves: read-2016, graphic-novels, nonfiction, 4-stars, ya

This was super cute and I loved the stories but I actually was expecting something else out of this. I really thought it was going to be more about what geek girls love, not geek girls in love. But like I said, still super cute and the confusion was totally based upon my own neglect to actually read the blurb about what this was about haha. I saw "love" and "geek girls" and got excited and that's about it!

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About Hope Nicholson

Hope Nicholson

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Hope Nicholson is the owner of Winnipeg-based publishing Bedside Press. She's an ardent comics fan passionate about bringing new stories to light, and author of the book "The Spectacular Sisterhood of Superwomen" which shines light on characters forgotten by comics history.

Books by Hope Nicholson

Moonshot: The Indigenous Comics Collection, Volume 1

The Spectacular Sisterhood of Superwomen: Awesome Female Characters from Comic Book History

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Quotes from The Secret Loves ...

“Dreams, stories, art- they were, and are, instruments of divine intervention that molded you into a woman who dwells in possibility: who now feels herself serene with comfort and strength.” — 5 likes

“Writing is hard. Writing that is good, writing that is powerful enough to evoke a change or an authentic emotion or even just an idea in another human being is about as mysterious as an alchemical recipe, but there are a few known ingredients. Craft? Yes, absolutely. Devotion? A load - yes! Humility? Not vital, I suppose, but all my favorites include at least a dash. Before those can be added to the cauldron though, you must have a base of Honesty. Honesty is difficult to find in public spaces these days (and getting harder every goddamn day) but if you're quiet, and patient, you can usually find some hidden in your room somewhere. (It helps to turn off the lights, for some reason.) Problem is, Honesty is invariably bound to Vulnerability and the only thing that cuts the bitterness of Vulnerability is Courage. And Courage?
Well. Courage is the hardest thing of all.” — 2 likes

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