Divorce Is a Mitzvah: A Practical Guide to Finding Wholeness and Holiness When Your Marriage Dies

by Rabbi Perry Netter

If your marriage must come to an end, do it the right way―with wisdom, practicality and understanding. What does Judaism tell you about divorce? What guidance, strength and insight can Judaism provide? In this first-of-its-kind handbook, Perry Netter―divorcé, father, congregational rabbi and pastoral counselor―shows how wholeness can be found in the midst of separation and divorce. With a title drawn from the words of the eleventh-century biblical commentator known as Rashi, Divorce Is a Mitzvah provides practical wisdom, information and strength from a Jewish perspective for those experiencing the challenging life-transition of divorce. Drawing on wisdom from centuries of biblical and rabbinic teachings, as well as modern psychological research, Netter offers suggestions for transitioning through the stages of separation and building a new life. This indispensable guide for people in crisis―and the family members, friends and counselors who interact with them―shows us how to transform a traumatic time of life into one of growth, right behavior and greater spiritual understanding.

210 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2002

Reviews

[Rena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book to guide yourself or clients through the process of a civil and religious Jewish divorce. Relevant to all branches of Judaism as the Torah and the Talmud are referenced and expounded upon through encountering various aspects of divorce including: why me, to leave it not, is divorce kosher, what about anger, how to tell kids, how do I get closure, to litigate or mediate, and how to continue to raise children together.

[Cathy M. Rosenthal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book with tremendous heart.

A much needed book on a topic that causes a lot of grief for many people. Written from the perspective of a rabbi who has gone through a divorce, the book is practical in its suggestions and spiritual in its perceptions. I highly recommend this for anyone going through a divorce.

[Ruth W · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the book but much of it was not relevant because 1) I was married 30 years and my child is an adult and 2) I was a Reform Jew in an interfaith marriage. I would have like some advice and perspective that was a closer match to my situation.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rabbi Netter helped me understand that under Jewish halachah, if I was willing to go through the pain of divorce, and kept my children intact, I would be able to survive the process. It helped me keep the Jewish perspective in mind, and was highly recommended to me (and my ex-spouse, who unfortunately never really understood the purpose of the book) by a dear friend who will have his smicha soon. I am indebted to him for helping me through this awful, but necessary process. I would recommend this book for anyone who is searching for a modern interpretation of what Judaism says about divorce, including how to obtain a get, how to talk to your children, and how to move on to the next step.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book. Easy to read. Great for Jewish scholars wanting to learn about Jewish views on divorce as well as divorcees. Well-organized and well-researched and easy to understand. I like that the author is both a rabbi and divorcee. The book has both personal narrative and facts regarding divorce. A difficult subject but one that needed to be addressed. This book mostly targets divorcees in mid-life with children, however, I think that people who get divorced and don't fit in those categories could still find this book useful.

[Doug Pell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enlightening and compassionate.

This book fills a much needed gap in bringing holiness, spirituality and reasons for choosing 'the next right thing' as one takes the steps necessary to traverse the narrow path that leads out of the dark and into the light.

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great guide if you're going through a divorce. It helps you deal with the guilt and disappointment of divorce.