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Beanstalker and Other Hilarious Scarytales
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Beanstalker and Other Hilarious Scarytales

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3.78  ·  Rating details ·  528 ratings  ·  165 reviews
Once upon a time, a girl skipped into the forest and became a zombie.

Wait, no, that's not how this story is supposed to go. Let's try again.

Once upon a time, a boy did a horrible job as a sheep-sitter and burned his tongue on stolen pie.

No, children in these stories are always good and virtuous. From the top.

Once upon a time, a king and queen tried to find a princess for t
...more
Hardcover, 224 pages
Published July 25th 2017 by Scholastic
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Average rating 3.78  · 
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 ·  528 ratings  ·  165 reviews


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Cori
Nov 04, 2018 rated it liked it
Cute book! This was geared towards pre-teen/teen, but it was quirky and fun. Couldn't pass it up for a quick Halloween read. Kiersten White takes multiple fairy tales and children rhymes, turning them on their heads. We end up with zombies and vampires and a giant snake, oh my! Be mindful of sensitive younger ones who may find this a little scary, but overall, her humor and informal writing style soften the edge and make this a funny, little book most younger readers and adults will enjoy. I lov ...more
Elle (ellexamines)
Damn, I want to be Kiersten White's best friend so much.

Unfair Hair: 4 stars. This is such a solid, funny intro.
Snow White, Blood Red: 4.5 stars. The meta stepmother jokes and the LOVE MOME tattoo all got me laughing.
The Princess and the...Pea?: 5 stars. This is legitimately one of the funniest things I have read in my entire life. It's so meta.
Little Dead Riding Hood: 5 stars. The plotting of this is so creative and interesting and twisty-turny.
Cinders and Ashes: 4.5 stars for creativity,
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Tiffany PSquared
I loved this quirky little book of scarytales! Kiersten White really knows how to spin a tale and her slightly spooky spoof of our classic fairy tale characters made for hilarious reading for my daughter and me!
Yvonne Olson
Aug 18, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I love Kiersten White.
I love fairytales.
I love when Kiersten White writes fairytales.
This book is full of the classic tales, twisted in ways to get kids excited about reading!
Plus, there's witty quotes on every page, and I found that great.
I only wish that this was geared to an older audience, because some of her ideas could have turned really gruesome, and that would be amazing.
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Mandy
Sep 15, 2018 rated it it was ok
This was such an odd little read. I don't really know quite what to do with it. There were parts that were great and sort of funny, but for the most part I was just blinking rapidly, trying to understand what was happening. The writing, I think, was the biggest issue for me. At some points, it sounded a bit like it was trying way too hard to be funny and quirky and it kind of resulted like it sounded like it was on speed? There was literally a page about how people were days of the week and I li ...more
Carina Olsen
Feb 19, 2017 rated it it was ok
This book is so gorgeous. And I wanted to love it so badly. Which is why I'm so disappointed to say that I did not. I love fairy tales. And retellings are amazing. And I love middle grade books the most. Which is why I was so sure that I would love this book. As I also adore the author. But oh, I was a bit disappointed with this.

I don't think I will write such a long review of this book. Because it isn't really long, and because of the way it is told, there is not really that much to say about i
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Stephanie
Oct 15, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: short-stories
The humor didn't really hit for me, which is weird because usually Kiersten White cracks me up. I don't read much MG though, so maybe that was the problem? I'm perplexed. ...more
Ami
Three and a half stars for such a lovely snarky play on words and a twisting of familiar tales. This could have turned so much darker, and while I wish it had, it was still well done, even with the occasional silly dialogue which was easily forgiven. My children love this so much that three of the four are trying to read it at the same time and are fighting over whose turn it is; all three were caught with it in their school bags at different points during the same morning. (Which is why I decid ...more
Mehsi
"Once upon a time, a girl skipped into the forest and became a zombie."

I just knew I would love this as soon as I spotted the book on Twitter. I always love it when authors write a retelling of fairy tales. Especially if those retellings are filled with zombies, arsonists, talking sheep, vampires, and more!

The book also has a narrator, and while I often did like it, other times I was just bored by it. Especially the whole spelling/grammar stuff just got annoying. We get it. Pee and Pea, Reign a
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Bunny
Apr 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Bunny by: Chris Davis
Read for Book Roast's OWL's Magical Readathon 2019. Subject: Ancient Runes - Read a retelling.

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails and puppy dog tails,
That's what little boys are made of!

What are little girls made of?
Brains and wails and people entrails,
That's what little girls are made of!


Sooooooooooooo, this is basically the funniest book I've read in an incredibly long time?

When Chris sent me this book, I was already terribly amused by the title and descripion. It wasn't until I pi
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jenn
Sep 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Now that was fun! Loved the humor, the way each story was linked together and how she turned beloved fairy tales upside down with a horror aspect. to appreciate this book you’ll need to first realize it’s a kids book so don’t expect super sophisticated writing and secondly be light hearted- if you’re going to be persnickety with a stick up your bum you won’t find the peas vs pees humor funny at all. To me it was a great little read.
Billie
May 23, 2017 rated it liked it
There's a lot of clever jokes about homonyms (rein, reign, rain; hair and Herr; and, of course, pee and pea) and some unexpected zombears, but the concept itself—re-told and interwoven fairy tales and nursery rhymes with a narrator who inserts herself into the tale— is about as fresh as one of White's zombies. ...more
Sean
Dec 21, 2017 rated it really liked it
This is a fun and hilarious book. I love the twisted comedy and the wonderful narrator. I do feel though that this is a book that is best consumed slowly. It is a very quick read but I found myself getting tired by some of the shtick. It is a great addition to our library and a great pick for those who love twisted and hilarious fairy tales.
Mrs. DL
Mar 01, 2021 rated it really liked it
This was so much fun! Never thought I´d be rooting this hard for the Stepmother, but Kiersten White always does that to you: turning tables and twisting stories. Re-telling is definitely where she shines the brightest.
Theresa Grissom
Sep 18, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 4th, 5th, 3rd, middle-grade
Loved this hilarious book! Can't wait to share this with the upper elementary students at school. For fans of A Tale Dark and Grimm series. ...more
Chelsea Campbell
Jan 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I LOVED this book! So funny and so well written!
Liliana
Reviewed on Lili Lost in a Book


Vampires and Zombies and Stepmothers, Oh my!


I can always count on Kiersten White for a fun, humorous read, and this was no exception! While yes it is an MG novel, I do like to read them every once in awhile, and this one was amazing! I thoroughly enjoyed it!

So this book basically has fairy tale retellings but with a spooky twist! Plus, it has some nursery rhyme story elements thrown in too! I totally loved the blend of fairy tales with the nursery
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Nicole (Reading Books With Coffee)
I really liked Beanstalker, but that's no surprise, considering I love Kiersten White.  What is surprising is that I still haven't started Slayer, but I'll have to read it soon.  

Beanstalker is a really cute middle grade.  The versions that White did of the different fairy tales are really funny, and really original.  It's still the fairy tales we all know and love but with vampires and zombies and lots of other cool stuff.  

It's quirky and she did a great job at turning every single story on it
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Dominique
Jul 03, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: audio, 2018
This was a really grate story. It is the perfect combination of stories and characters. I think that it’s very clever how the different stories and characters were intertwined. I love the stepmother she was just trying to do what she thought was best and I hope she has better luck with this child. I can see myself reading this book to some of the older children that I watch. Thank you Kiersten for these terrifically twisted tales.
Becky
Aug 02, 2019 rated it really liked it
This was exactly the sort of creative, snarky, scary-but-not-too-scary fun I hoped it would be. (Not that I'm surprised by Kiersten White producing amazing work.) Reminiscent of Gidwitz's Tale Dark and Grimm, but leaning into the humor in a different way. Definitely going to be recommending this one! ...more
Becky B
Rapunzel, Snow White, Jack, Goldilocks, Cinderella...you know their stories, right? Think again. Keirsten White takes the stories and characters you think you know and tie them together in a tale about a boy who can't hold down a job, a slowly spreading zombie problem, a vampire bent on gathering a crowd of adoring fans, a girl with a really weird pet, a pyromaniac, some royal parents having a really hard time finding a good wife for their son, and an overworked stepmother trying to keep her ste ...more
Rustin Verret
Prepare to be surprised. What if all the elementary fairy tales you thought you knew were different. What if Snow White was undead? What if Rapunzel didn't have long hair, but a very slimy herr? What if Cinderella could make ashes and cinders? That's exactly the kind of surprises this story holds. The kinds you wouldn't think of your favorite childhood fairy tales. One thing you should know by the end of this story is spelling matters! Will all the characters survive or join the undead and turn ...more
Monique


“There were wolves and bears going about, minding their own business, unaware that very soon they would be descended upon by monsters. Or little girls. In this book, they might be the same thing.” (Pg. 3)

Well started this one as a nod to the upcoming Halloween season to see if I could add this to my evergrowing list of booktrailers and books that I talk about to my kids ad nauseum LOL..it is what I do..This one begins with a prologue introducing a remorseful horse lamenting on how he didn’t mea
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Natalie
Super fun twist on fairy tales! The more I think about it the more I like it. I typically find Kirsten White's books amusing, so I had high expectations. It's definitely not a book to take seriously.

My favorite twist? The "evil" stepmother is just a woman doing the best she can to take care of all these dysfunctional children she's been saddled with. There are zombies, vampires, pyromaniacs, and kingdoms getting grounded. There's just only so much a woman can do!

Here are some of my favorite qu
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McKenzie Richardson
For more reviews, check out my blog: Craft-Cycle

This book was absolutely fantastic. It's basically all of my favorite things. Creative fairy tale retelling? Check. Zombies and other slightly spooky things? Check. A ton of grammar/spelling puns and word play? Check check check check check. Such a hilariously awesome read.

Going into it, I wasn't sure how "scary" it would book. "Hilarious scarytales" is a difficult term to figure out. For me, it was the perfect amount of scary. It was nice for a l
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Cindy Mitchell *Kiss the Book*
Apr 25, 2018 rated it did not like it
Shelves: not-recommended
White, Kiersten Bean Stalker and other Hilarious Scary Tales, 240 pages. Scholastic, 2017. $7. Language: G (o swears); Mature Content: G; Violence: G.
Short chapters containing twisted re-tellings of classic fairytales like: Unfair Hair, which is a re-telling of Rapunzel. It features a wordy horse, a prince with grammar issues, and a very surprising Rapunzel. Snow White, Blood Red features a dark and creepy snow white and a vain but well meaning step mother. Some illustrations scattered throughou
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Catherine
May 22, 2017 rated it really liked it
? In this very twisted fairy tale collection favorite characters have undergone some creepy changes. Snow White is a vampire, Cinderella and Prince Charring are pyromaniacs, Red Riding Hood is a thug and Goldilocks is a zombie hunter. Linking all ten short chapters is the Stepmother who tries to keep all of these creepy kids in check. Humor appears in some mistaken wordplay. Jack mistakes p-e-a for p-e-e, making for a quite disgusting version of The Princess and the Pea (Pee?) Each chapter ends ...more
Stephanie Bange
Jul 19, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
White has taken several Grimm Fairy Tales and Mother Goose nursery rhymes and retells them, weaving each together into a longer narrative. Spoiler: The connecting link is the stepmother and Jack. Along the way, the narrator (a character) tells each traditional folktale and adds a twist. For example, Goldilocks picks locks and swings locks around; Red Riding Hood is a vampire; Cinderella and Prince Charring are pyromaniacs; Snow White is a vampire; everyone the stepmother marries dies; only Jack ...more
Devann
Little girls go into the woods because the woods are wild places, and little girls are told they must never be wild. [...] And many little girls know, deep in their darkest heart space where no one else can ever see, something no one else does: They are actually monsters.

actual rating: 3.5

It took a little while for me to warm up to this book, but once I did it was a really fun read. I like how the author took all the popular fairy tales and combined them all into one big story, sometimes combini
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Sally
A funny remix where one story thread includes Cinderella, Jack and Jill, The Princess and the Pea, Snow White, Rapunzel, little Red Riding Hood and the important evil stepmother. The stepmother in this book is quite the busy stepmother. Oh, and there are werewolves and vampires. These aren't the fairytale and nursery rhyme characters you might think you know.

The narrator has a strong voice and addresses the importance of spelling. The king and queen who invite princesses to audition for the hand
...more
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Kiersten White is the New York Times bestselling author of many books for teens and young readers, including And I Darken, Now I Rise, Bright We Burn, The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein, and Slayer. She lives with her family near the ocean in San Diego, where she perpetually lurks in the shadows. Visit Kiersten online at KierstenWhite.com and follow @KierstenWhite on Twitter.

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