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In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want
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In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want

4.19  ·  Rating details ·  7,815 ratings  ·  307 reviews
“The most powerful spiritual healer, fixer, teacher on the planet.” —Oprah Winfrey

The #1 national bestseller from the host of the show Iyanla: Fix My Life on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) that answers the question: What’s love got to do with it in the meantime?

You know where you want to be, but you have no clue how to get there. You know exactly what you want in life,
Paperback, 336 pages
Published September 14th 1999 by Atria Books (first published 1998)
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Average rating 4.19  · 
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 ·  7,815 ratings  ·  307 reviews

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Jun 26, 2009 rated it it was amazing
Don't let the title fool you--whether you have the love you want, are looking, or don't have any interest, the focus is on learning how to love yourself. I have read and re-read this book many, many times. It is hi-lighted and rabbit eared to the point that I would never be able to lend anyone my copy but it is one of the best self-help books I have ever encountered (and I have read a TON of them, believe me). I find Iyanla's voice very real and she seems to "walk the talk"-very genuine. I also ...more
Phoenix Brown
Jan 31, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
This book saved my life! I am not saying that to be dramatic...this is my truth! I was in an abusive relationship (verbal, mental & physical) when I came across this book. It was a GODsend! This book taught me that my inner peace was more important than pretending to be a family. My sanity was more important then my son having a father in the house because if I stayed he may not have had either one of us. If you are in the meantime...This book is definitely for you! The love and appreciation ...more
Jan 10, 2009 rated it really liked it
The truth is that love is buried in your soul, and no relationship with anyone can unearth it or activate it in your life.

I was no longer angry about what i could not and did not have in a relationship. In the meantime, I learned how to mind my own business. The business of loving myself and being excited about me.

The interference from my relationship channel was creating static on every other channel of my life.

In the meantime, if we can remain loving of ourselves and toward other people by
Vonda Roark-martinez
Dec 07, 2011 rated it it was amazing
I read this book the first time in 1998, I'd taken a self prescribed sabbatical from dating to embark on a journey of self discovery. In The Meantime, became my doctrine my handbook to learning who I was, what I needed/deserved and how to stop sacrificing myself for the sake of others.

Four years after I had turned the last page and closed the book from a second read, I met and married the love of my life, my truest life partner, my husband.

This book taught me about me that I needed to be
Jul 30, 2007 rated it it was amazing
This book is very helpful, especially if you are having relationship trouble. The author helps you to look at your life from an interesting perspective. She uses the metaphor of moving up through the floors of a house, needing to take care of each level before moving on to the next. The basement is where you are miserable and hopefully realize that things need to change. As you move up the floors, you need more self-love and appreciation, more spiritality, more honesty, etc. I found this book to ...more
Mar 04, 2009 rated it it was amazing
The title really says it all, but Vanzant gets to the heart of the matter by using personal experience and the trials of others to show that loving yourself enough to make difficult personal choices is where love and joy abound. I often found myself in a myriad of emotions reading this book, and abandoned it for some time before picking it up again. I recommend this read to anyone looking to discover real change through learning the secret of truly loving yourself and others.
Yvonne Riggs
Nov 30, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Must read for women ages 22 & Up. If you are in the reflecting stages of you life wondering where your relationships went wrong, this is for you. Never give up on love. Your meantime is for a reason.

I bought ever copy at a local bookstore and gave it out to friends to read. I highly recommend reading this.
Aug 17, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Another phenomenal read from Ms. Vanzant. I love her writing style and for me this is one of my favorite self-help books. In a nutshell it really is about loving yourself. When you love yourself everything else falls into place. When you love yourself you become open to the abundance that the Universe has to give. I love it, love it, love it! As with most of her writings I can never say that I've finished reading the book because my personal growth journey leads me to different places at ...more
Apr 10, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I have upgraded my rating from four to five stars. Not because of the book itself, but because of how I feel about myself after having read the book, which I suppose is a comment on the book itself. I feel bigger, brighter, more centered, having found myself first, but then read the book like someone wandering a slightly overgrown path, discovering the truth in the words and trampling the grasses to make the truth more permanent, more prominent in my life.

I loved the analogy of moving through a
Milestone Jazz
Dec 09, 2008 rated it it was amazing
I would recommend this book to anyone that feels like they can't start over. I would definately recommend this book to someone who is trying to find there place in this world. It's a must read...

Susan Burke
Jun 24, 2014 rated it really liked it
Sometimes we come to a time which may just be the "meantime" of our lives. Iyanla in all her brilliance paints a clear and undeniable picture of just what being "In the Meantime" looks and feels like. She is poignant yet stern in her no-nonsense approach, leaving no stone unturned right down to the actually birthing of our lives having some sort of impact or meaning. Yes, how we actually entered the world, what kind of birth did we endure and how were we taught for the first crucial years of our ...more
Dec 03, 2010 rated it really liked it
I love this book! I felt like she was my mentor speaking to me in a spunky yet compassionate manner (just like I need- a soul sister!) She painted a mental picture for me, that helped me to visualize and recognize the different levels I am going to have to work through and acknowledge; in order to fully love my self and my past. This book helped me go lighter on myself in terms of feeling like, I need to change all at once, or that I am bad for my behavior in relationships at times. I felt ...more
Amelia Wise
Feb 27, 2013 rated it really liked it
This is a book I can see myself picking up again and again when I'm unclear or unsure of life's trials and tribulations. While I think that Vanzant has a great process of getting yourself to a better place in life, I think I might cast aside some of the advice she gives for the "little things" in life. The way in which she compares cleaning yourself up spiritually and emotionally to cleaning out your "house" is brilliant. So simple, yet so true. I don't think there's a one size fits all approach ...more
Jan 24, 2012 rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction
My excuse for reading this and yesterday I cried, was Oprah. So melodramatic. I remember being reading it on the tube on the way to work and saying 'bullshit' out loud and the woman opposite me burst out laughing saying that she felt the same way reading it.....
Vanessa Thompson
Mar 09, 2014 rated it really liked it
This is a self help book, which you can never finish the read. It is always used as a guide. I enjoyed the book, cd and other writing material by this writer.
Asia Henshaw
May 16, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Great read.... Makes you really stop to take stock of yourself in the realist way possible. You may not connect to all the stories but will be able to relate to one. This book teaches you alot.
Oct 09, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
This book was a prayer answered after my breakup of a five year relationship in 2007. My life has presented opportunities to return to it over the years, as I've learned more lessons through love in the meantime. Reminders, always.

"Love is the only thing we need. Love is our peace. Love is our joy, health, and wealth. Love is our identity. We go into a relationship looking for love, not realizing that we must bring love with us. We must bring a strong sense of self and purpose into a
Rob Murphy
Jun 04, 2018 rated it it was amazing
The simplicity of this book is what makes it great. Vanzant uses an extended metaphor of cleaning your house, floor by floor, to helping the readers understand how to better understand themselves and what they want out of life and out of the relationships in their lives. It outlines how you need to clean each floor of your house one at a time, each relating to a different type of issue you may need to face in order to maximize your life, build up your relationship with yourself so you can be ...more
Mar 21, 2018 rated it it was amazing
This was a reread for me. Sometimes I just need a shove to get back on track. This author always provides the most loving shoves and reminders.
Jenifer Holland
Jul 03, 2017 rated it liked it
I read this with a friend and enjoyed it. Not everything in this book was fully and totally revelatory, but the chapters beginning on page 200 were worth the price of admission alone. Another structure that comes earlier in the book is also quite helpful, e.g. moving forward through challenging times with the following questions:
a - what do I feel?
b - what do I want?
c - what do a feel about what I want?
Rya Jenae'
Jun 17, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book was amazing, it really makes you spend time figuring yourself out as an individual. I love her story. I definitely recommend!
Blanca Hindle
Jul 24, 2011 rated it really liked it
In The Meantime is one of the few self help books I have ever read. Honestly, the first time around I didn't even finish it when I began it roughly four years ago. I liked the message well enough but at one point I just felt like there were other things out there that I preferred reading to this.

Last Sunday, I saw it on my book shelf as I was taking out the book I was going to start to head towards my 75 book goal and thought it may be a good thing to pick up again. What I didn't anticipate is
Sharrod J
May 24, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this book a while ago. I read In the Meantime while reading One Day My Soul Just Opened Up. I appreciate the way that Iyanla Vanzant walks you through the nooks and crevices of your mind to help you get clear. This is the second time that I've read those two books together.

Whenever I find myself feeling overwhelmed and off course I look for books that show me how to change my attitude immediately. Because I worked at the crazy house. I needed help in changing my view and attitude about
Michelle Wood
Apr 26, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This is one of my ALL time favorite books. That is saying something because I read quite a few books! I read this back in the 90s when I was in my 20s and I absolutely loved it. It was one of the first books that made me go into myself and be more self-aware. It was also written so simply that I felt any1 at any reading level could understand the concepts at what she was trying to get across. It also helped me to know that while I am single there is always plenty of self-work that I can do ...more
Feather Snowglitter
Feb 01, 2009 rated it really liked it
Read this book, I must say a few things about what she said it's true, and you can learn from it if you want to.
And there are some good tips you can add into your life. I read it not because I have relationship troubles, yes I'm a divorcee, but my divorce was loooong way back before I even know about this book. Could this book help me in my relationship if I read it back then? I think it will give me some peace of mind that the decision that I've made it's the right one.
Back then I have to
Blair Hodgkinson
I listened to the abridged audio book version from Simon and Schuster/Audible. Like many such self-improvement books, there's much here that is true, if a little obvious, but when you are taking the time to put yourself together in a time of transition, sometimes it's good to review some of these ideas. The book was recommended to me and was worth my time, even if I found the book's concentration on finding a lasting and healthy love relationship a little off target for my needs right now. ...more
May 04, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I like Iyanla's work it seems no matter what. Though to be fair this is only the second book of hers that I've read... I love the concepts and how you end up with so many things to think about and ponder about yourself and how you see the world. The idea of your 'birth story' and what you learn and carry from that alone! Then think of all the times your mother or father (or both!) have told their variations of that story and what you've learned just from that... That ONE story about your life. ...more
Feb 16, 2016 rated it really liked it
I love Iyanla even though her writing style is hard to follow at times. This book is full of gems that have accumulated to enrich my purse of wise pursuit. My favorite part was her idea to forgive ourselves for ever even THINKING that we made mistakes. We don't have to be forgiven for having made these "mistakes" becausce they have all formed us into the people we are today. We had to know what was wrong, didn't feel right, and didn't fit into our lives in order to find the pathways that felt ...more
Cristina Oliveras
Apr 10, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This book saved my relationship and it saved me. Regardless where you are in life and love, this book brings you to the depths of understanding and grasping self love. It revealed so many things about myself that I needed to face. It helps you understand that it is you that is responsible for how you feel. Your emotions are neutral and it is you and your experience that gives a name to how you feel. Relationships are a mirror of what you give out to your external energy. My children will learn ...more
Renee Cascone
Aug 26, 2008 rated it really liked it
This book was such an easy read and I could really relate to the stories. It's about finding the love you want from within. It's pretty basic knowledge that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. This just reinforces the idea that we need to love ourselves unconditionally and that wherever we are in life, is where we are supposed to be in order to further our personal growth and enlightenment. To sum it up, love yourself unconditionally and trust in the flow of life.

I gave
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