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259 pages, Hardcover
First published October 4, 2016
Today will be different. Today I will be present. Today, anyone I speak to, I will look them in the eye and listen deeply. Today I'll play a board game with Timby. I'll initiate sex with Joe. Today I will take pride in my appearance. I'll shower, get dressed in proper clothes, and change into yoga clothes only for yoga, which today I will actually attend. Today I won't swear. I won't talk about money. Today there will be an ease about me. My face will be relaxed, its resting place a smile. Today I will radiate calm. Kindness and self-control will abound. Today I will buy local. Today I will be my best self, the person I'm capable of being. Today will be different.
1. Once I ate a bagel on the toilet.
3. I floss in bed.
5. I take the first bite of popcorn at the movies by touching my tongue to the top of the popcorn and eating what sticks. But Joe always says he doesn't want popcorn because it's too salty, so it's mine and can't I eat it the way I want?
6. I toss Milk Duds into the popcorn.
7. Actually, I bite the Milk Duds into four pieces and spit them back into the popcorn so they're smaller, giving me a better popcorn-to-Milk-Dud ratio. Yes, they're covered in saliva, but it's my saliva. Though I can see how, to someone reaching into the popcorn they said they weren't going to eat, it could be an issue.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned around.
"What are you doing?" Timby asked, his voice edged with alarm.
I was all butt as I attempted to clamber into the backseat.
"Don't," Timby said, a sitting duck in his car seat.
"I need to hold you," I grunted, struggling to pull my foot free from between the seats.
"I want to be worthy of you," I said, panting like childbirth.
I became stuck between the console and the roof in an unsightly gargoyle crouch.
"Oh, God, look at me."
"I don't want to," Timby said.
"I don't know what I'm doing!"
"Neither do I," he said. "Go back."