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Defensive Eating with Morrissey: Vegan Recipes from the One You Left Behind

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Poor Morrissey. He's just so... so... hungry. And meat is murder, so that narrows his options by a lot. Until now, at least! With the arrival of the Defensive Eating with Morrissey cookbook, our dear Moz no longer needs to suffer such terrible hunger, such ruthless indecision, or the emotional impact of a major blood sugar crash at the worst possible moment. These 100+ vegan recipes make enough unbelievably delicious, poetic food for him to eat his fill and have plenty left over for later. Sweetness, he's even saved enough for you.
--back cover

128 pages, Hardcover

Published October 11, 2016

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Profile Image for karen.
4,009 reviews173k followers
August 8, 2019
MARCH PROJECT IS OVER! WELCOME TO MARCH PROJECT PART ONE!
part two can be found here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...



the cartoons in this book are outstanding. however, i am one of the least vegan-y people on the planet. if it's not covered in cheese, why would i put it in my mouth? and yet, something about this book calls to me, so i'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. i might cheat a little bit, because margarine is gross, and some of these products are probably expensive and then i'll just be stuck with some icky pricey half-jar of...whatever this stuff is, so i will either skip the recipe altogether (i'm not buying lavender essence or rosewater, for example), or i will sneak in some of the good stuff - i will NEVER use a fake cheese product. ever. but some of the recipes seem straightforward enough, so i will concentrate my attentions there. sorry, morry...

SPICY KALE & SWEET POTATOES



MISE:



this is not a very good picture. i’m all old school with my little camera that doesn’t also make phone calls, and sometimes the light in my apartment combined with ancient technology makes photos look a bit washed out, causing vegetables that were exceptionally glossy and colorful to look anemic and sad. and you may be wondering as you read this,“but where is the kale?” oh, i’ll show you the kale.



there’s the kale.

and that’s one of my first complaints with this cookbook so far (apart from the factual-but-not-very-fun name of the recipe. greg suggested it be called “the boy with the kale in his side,” and then went on a riff replacing words from number of different smiths/morrissey song titles with the word “kale” which was exactly as sidesplitting as it sounds). these recipes, from what i have gleaned from skim-flipping, are not very precise. these proportions seem insane: 2 heads of kale to 2 c of sweet potatoes. that’s a lot of kale. and the cooking methods are imprecise:

Cook sweet potatoes in olive oil with salt, pepper, and paprika until browned and crispy (doesn’t really matter whether on stove top or oven.) Separately, cook greens with onion, garlic, lime juice, red onion, chili powder, cumin, coriander, and salt and pepper.

doesn’t it matter? where should i cook the greens? i chose to roast the sweet potatoes in the oven and then remove them and roast the kale and that, but i think it would have been much better if i had tossed the greens in a stir-fry pan and done ‘em that way, because the flavors would have blended better, and the components would have been soft and mulchy instead of crispy kale studded with raw onion power.



this is why directions need to be clear, because SOME PEOPLE decide that the hands-off roasting method would be preferable so that mangoes can be cut and dishes can be washed in the meantime without thinking about pros and cons and outcomes because of being so sleepy and THESE PEOPLE need a cookbook to be very bossy and direct.

anyway, it was spicy and tasty and all, and very pretty



but i think it would have been better if i’d roasted the sweet potatoes (also, more sweet potatoes, less kale-this is only 1 1/2 of those bunches and it’s still too much) and sauteed the greens n onions and stuff. sean of the house even had a bite, despite railing against both sweet potatoes and kale. and it’s not like an irish catholic fella has much of a choice on a friday night during lent. this recipe makes a lot, though. so tonight i’m getting a rotisserie chicken and turning these into flesh-filled tortillas. sorry, book.

two more complaints:

1)i had to go to FOUR places to find ground coriander, which is not cool.
2) the recipe itself has nothing to do with morrissey, except when its last sentence makes a lame attempt at tying it to the theme by, apropos of nothing at all, stating: And no, I cannot steal a pair of jeans off a clothesline for you. which is from what might be my very favorite morrissey song, so i’m especially peeved at the half-assery. i suspect greg may have written this book.

PEAS



MISE:



peas. the name of this recipe is peas. way to phone it in. but it certainly is peas.



i have not actually eaten it yet, because it is meant to be served cold, so that's happening right now and i will report back.



the recipe just said to roast the garlic and then "cool and peel" it, but it didn't say anything else, so i guess it's supposed to have huge cloves of roasted garlic plopped throughout. doesn't bother me, but people sitting next to me on the subway might frown.

i'm not sure what the last part of the recipe means:

works well with arugula or other tasty greens.

should the arugula be substituted for the peas, or should the pea dish should be served on top of greens? either way, mint and arugula seems like a suspicious flavor combo.

once again, the hat-tip to morrissey is clumsy:

Okay! Now mix all ingredients together and season to taste.

Simple but great. You'll feel like you're being transported from this unhappy planet with all the carnivores and the destructors on it.


do you not see how the illustrator did it? let her be your example in food/moz integration!

update: i have eaten it. it is fine. you know what it tastes like? peas. it tastes like peas. minty peas.

REFRIGERATOR



MISE:



i let it marinate overnight. in the REFRIGERATOR



and there it is:



the recipe instructed me to "be fairly liberal with the salt" and to "go light on the vinegar." i wish i had switched these two around.

more vague instructions: 2 to 3 tablespoons herbs, minced

i used parsley and oregano because that's what i had fresh on hand because of this book.

more lazy tying of recipe to morrissey: Place in fridge for a few hours or overnight. Make sure to adjust seasonings so you don't wind up with a disenchanted taste running 'round.

again, refer to the illustration to learn how to do this properly. drawing=funny. recipe=not funny. and too salty, dude! and i like salt! was i too liberal?

ASPARAGUS



MISE:



i'm playing this cookbook pretty safe so far by just making vegetable dishes that don't have any vegan trickery in them where they try to pass something off as a meat substitute. if you like asparagus, you'll like this.



if you like talented photographers, you should probably look elsewhere.



points granted for at least trying to make the morrissey lyric fit into the recipe:

Roast at 375 degrees for 20 minutes. Drizzle with balsamic vinegar, and then mix again.

You can cook it for less time, if desired.

But with a bit more time and a few more gentler words and looking back we will forgive.


points subtracted because it's a bit forced and it made proust cry.

TEARS



MISE:



i was very excited to use the gunpowder salt erica sent me, because it made for a more dramatic salted rim.



also, not bad for baby's first salted rim. full disclosure-i am not a fancy person who owns a shaker for alcohol, so this whole procedure was accomplished through the wonders of tupperware and a pasta strainer. and this is my version of a martini glass. it holds more. probably far less fancy than what morrissey gets up to, but if this is what being vegan is all about, i may have to reconsider. until i hear the siren call of fontina. pretty good morrissey lyric-use in this one: Have a drink and join me, join me, join me. I'm certain I heard you cry.

SANDWCH



MISE:



this one was wicked good, but it takes some time. you have to make a sauce, sauté some onions, make a batter, fry some eggplant, assemble a sandwich. but most of your time will be spent trying to figure out where the red peppers the ingredient list calls for are supposed to go, because the recipe itself never mentions them. i wasn't sure if i should fry them up with the onions or add them to the purée of artichokes and herbs and all that. i opted for purée, and i regret nothing.





i made the sauce super spicy, and i would definitely make it again. maybe without the whole curry/flour/water batter-paste on the eggplant. i really like eggplant so i'm happy enough to save some time and dirty dishes and just cook the eggplant with olive oil and salt. the morrissey-nod is particularly weak this time, especially since the one in the art above is perfection: You're probably wondering what sort of bread to use. I would recommend baguette or other grinder-style bread for this. A crack on the head is what you get for not asking.

ugh.

BREAD



MISE:



i have never made bread before. but if there's one thing i know about bread, it's that it needs butter. soft, salty, delicious, dairy-laden butter. vegan bread is all well and good, and for my first time out, it tasted fine, but dusting cornmeal over the top just makes a dry, dusty top



i feel like a pilgrim. or a pioneer. the recipe manages to quote both morrissey and the smiths, so points are given: Allow dough to rise until it has doubled and the air hangs heavy like a dulling wine (about an hour and a half: maybe less, maybe more).

but points are taken away because all of the recipe titles feel inspired by a dulling wine.

CHOCOLATE



MISE:



the recipe called for agave or maple syrup, and i found maple-flavored agave, so BOOM! winner! also, i thought i had bought vanilla-flavored almond milk creamer, but turns out there was also coconut in the mix. i had a sip of it before i added it to the pan and holy moly-delicious! it was seven dollars, so it's not going to be an everyday treat, but it still gets a thumbs up. as does the cocoa itself



but i'm not going to drink it straight out of a saucepan; i'm not an animal! but this is!



look, erica! the mug you sent me WORKS!



the drink was outstanding, the morrissey tie-in more groanworthy than usual: So, you've been dreaming of a rich, decadent hot chocolate? I don't believe you. You don't dream about anyone except yourself. Well, now you can! c-minus for humor and awkward grammar/syntax/all of it. but an a-plus drink, it must be said. in an a-plusplus mug.

VEGGIES



MISE:



i may have gone to the non-vegan vegetable store by accident. oh, how these carrots screamed! oh, and pretend this is there amongst the ingredients, because i forgot to snag it from the cupboards for the group photo:



here's what the veggies looked like after they FINALLY stopped whimpering:



many root vegetables gave their lives for this endeavor, but the biggest loss of the day was my casserole dish:



which, depending on how long you have been on here, you may remember was an ordeal to even get my hands on during the great casserole dish famine of, oh i dunno, 2015 maybe? at any rate, a moment of silence, please, for sprouts and crockery.

...

breaking the silence so the recipe can butt in: You probably thought I would have you make something overly complicated, but oh, I'm not the man you think I am.

another moment of silence to digest that

...

and now we can move on.

ALFCATS



MISE:



i was set to make these on friday, but after getting a late start because i thought i had ginger on hand and i did not, nor did i have enough brown sugar (are there spice goblins in my cupboards?) i made the batter and got to the point where it said "cover and refrigerate for 2 to 3 hours until firm" and i was all "NOOO!" because when you go to work at 5 am, you conk out early, so these had to be a saturday afternoon treat. and they were indeed treats:



to tie this into morrissey on my own dime-some cats are better than others. i didn't have enough dough left for another cat, so i made a cat-poop.



it looked more like poop when it was batter.

this was my first experience using coconut oil (which i found for half of what i paid for it when i went on that ginger/brown sugar run, grrr), and it was a little tricky but now i get it and i'll do better by it next time. also, spices-why are you so difficult lately? the spices are in four different places in the store closest to me, and yet they rarely have what i need. what gives, store? they only had one ginger on offer, and while i'm no spice snob, a lady likes to have options. even though i frequently shake my tiny fist at how expensive spices are, i also don't love having to buy the cheap-o kind. oh, well. it made the cookies, and they tasted good, although better when they were warm. they are reminiscent of hermits, but without the raisins and the gooey cakelike texture.

i honestly don't know why this is in the book. unless there's some morrissey b-side/deep cut about ALF, i just don't get it. this is all the recipe divulges:You may have loved ALF, hated ALF, or never heard of ALF. He ate a steady diet of cats and this truth is a central part of your mind's landscape whether you care or do not*. and later: Frost if you like**, adding coconut, cinnamon, or chocolate to the top to make a variety of different, tasty looking cats that ALF would approve of.***

is this recipe just so that vegans can eat cats? or to offer a vegan alternative should ALF come for dinner? because i think there are a handful of non-vegans (myself included) who eat meat but disapprove of eating housecats. everyone's got a line in the sand.

all footnotes are mine, not the book's

* but not part of your mind's landscape if you have never heard of ALF
** i chose not to
*** of which ALF would approve

i ran out of review-space here, so i'm going to have to pick this up in another part of town. meet me there?
Profile Image for mark monday.
1,907 reviews6,583 followers
Want to Read
December 7, 2016
Automne's a real life friend of mine and I didn't even know she put out a book! Just discovered this on a GR friend's feed.

Yay, Automne! I bet this is fun.
Profile Image for Celeste.
7 reviews7 followers
May 17, 2022
This should be right up my alley, but unfortunately the recipes are rather boring and uncreative and the humor is strange and nonsensical. You can get better vegan recipes and Morrissey jokes for free online.
Profile Image for Laurie .
546 reviews51 followers
March 12, 2018
I've only made one recipe so far, the almond butter cookies, which are great although they are too sweet.

Some of the illustrations and lyrics gave me a chuckle, but as others have pointed it, this book is very light on detailed instructions.
Profile Image for Meaghan Tosi.
2 reviews
December 24, 2025
Disclaimer of bias: I love Morrissey's music and, as it seems like a lot of his fans do, I love to make fun of him... in a playful way? Plus, I'm already vegan and don't love to cook, so the simple recipes are spot on.

Funniest cookbook I've read (not that I've read many). I haven't tried most of the recipes yet, but I can vouch for "Boy with the corn in his side". I also DID chuckle out loud, at some point, in at least like 60% of recipe descriptions. So... worth it to me.

Profile Image for Marcus.
1,217 reviews29 followers
December 27, 2023
Every recipe features a lyric from a song and a drawing of the man shoving various phallic foodstuffs into his mouth. What more could you want? One star off for the porridge recipe being a savoury gruel, could cause offence to many a Scotsman.
Profile Image for San Diego Book Review.
392 reviews28 followers
October 25, 2016
It’s not easy being Morrissey, but now, at least, he has plenty of things to eat. “Defensive Eating with Morrissey” is packed full of delicious meat-free, cruelty-free vegan recipes that will ensure that food, at least, is no longer a struggle. This slim cookbook is half recipes, half tongue-in-cheek drawings of the BritPop star. The recipes themselves cover a wide variety of dishes, from desserts like cake to roasted vegetables to savory porridge. (read more...)You can read this entire review at San Diego Book Review
611 reviews16 followers
January 17, 2017
Ugh, this cookbook is so damn funny. Some of the recipes are kind of weird but I don't even care because it makes me L.O.L.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews