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The Dead Inside

Cyndy Drew Etler (Goodreads Author)

3.62 · Rating details · 723 ratings · 162 reviews

For readers of Girl Interrupted and Tweak, Cyndy Etler's gripping memoir gives readers a glimpse into the harrowing reality of her sixteen months in the notorious "tough love" program the ACLU called "a concentration camp for throwaway kids."

I never was a badass. Or a slut, a junkie, a stoner, like they told me I was. I was just a kid looking for something good, something ...more

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Hardcover, 304 pages

Published April 4th 2017 by Sourcebooks Fire (first published June 22nd 2012)

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May 22, 2017 Mischenko rated it really liked it · review of another edition

To learn more about Straight, see the Q&A with the author, and meet another Straight Survivor, please visit www.readrantrockandroll.com

This review may contain some spoilers...

The Dead Inside is a compelling memoir written by the author Cyndy Drew Etler. Cyndy was a troubled teen in the 80's who had some experiences that aren't all that uncommon. She was making wrong choices while trying to find her place in the world. She spends some of her time smoking weed and drinking alcohol with her friends To learn more about Straight, see the Q&A with the author, and meet another Straight Survivor, please visit www.readrantrockandroll.com

This review may contain some spoilers...

The Dead Inside is a compelling memoir written by the author Cyndy Drew Etler. Cyndy was a troubled teen in the 80's who had some experiences that aren't all that uncommon. She was making wrong choices while trying to find her place in the world. She spends some of her time smoking weed and drinking alcohol with her friends, until she finally runs away from home because she just can't take her family anymore, especially her step-dad, Jacque. There were things going on in that house that no child should ever have to succumb to. After making the decision to enter Foster Care, Cyndy finally has some peace. She's able to still see her friends, have a safe environment and doesn't have to deal with the turmoil from home. It's not long after that, at the age of 14, her mother decides to throw her into a drug rehabilitation for throwaway kids who are deemed out of control. Cyndy is told that she is under evaluation for three days and she's counting down the minutes to when she can leave and she'll do whatever it takes, including lying. Straight, Inc. will now be Cyndy's home for 16 months.

The story itself is unbelievable. I had a very hard time reading parts of the book that describe the physical and mental abuse these kids are exposed to in this program. They are basically in this building with a load of other drug users who have been sent there for the same reason and are used against each other. I can't believe that it went on for so long and these kids had to endure it. They were locked down and not allowed to have any interaction with the outside world for a very long time. It's violent and almost seems like torture at times. As I continued reading, I couldn't wait to find out what was going to happen to Cyndy. Would she ever escape? Will her mother ever realize her and her husband are the majority of the problems here? Will Cyndy be able to endure this treatment without losing it and causing herself to be set back?

The book is written very well and it doesn't sound like there are many details spared. I liked the music references. I did wonder throughout the story just exactly how bad was Cyndy as a teen? It seemed like all of her problems were stemming from her treatment at home and the lack of love from her mother. I was very happy that there was an epilogue included in the back which explains these programs and how they were eventually shut down, but at the same time shocked at how, in a way, they worked. The kids were basically brainwashed.

This is NOT an easy read or for the faint of heart. It's extremely revealing, raw and horrifying at times and I wanted to get up and do something about it. I wanted to help Cyndy. It's no surprise that she ended up in the career she has chosen and I commend her for her bravery in taking a very negative human experience and turning it into a lifetime career in helping others.

If you don't feel like visiting my blog, you can see videos online that show what it was like inside these institutions. Here's one. There are so many available and I do have more on my blog.

Check out a short video about the movie "Over the GW"

Thanks to Netgalley and the author for sharing this book with me in exchange for an honest review.

4**** ...more

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Apr 25, 2017 JenacideByBibliophile rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction-ya, positive-wtf-books, hidden-gems, coming-of-age, unique-concept, series, life-changing

Disclaimer: This book was sent to me by the publisher, Sourcebooks Fire, via NetGalley for an honest review.

Opinion:

WOW.

When I say WOW, I mean...Holy S*** WOW.

I have to say guys, I wasn’t expecting this story to turn out like that at all. A few months ago I was looking through the new books on Netgalley, found this story and immediately requested it. I had heard about these types of camps and institutions years ago, but I have never looked into them that deeply. This story follows Cyndy Etler Disclaimer: This book was sent to me by the publisher, Sourcebooks Fire, via NetGalley for an honest review.

Opinion:

WOW.

When I say WOW, I mean...Holy S*** WOW.

I have to say guys, I wasn’t expecting this story to turn out like that at all. A few months ago I was looking through the new books on Netgalley, found this story and immediately requested it. I had heard about these types of camps and institutions years ago, but I have never looked into them that deeply. This story follows Cyndy Etler as she recounts her adolescence and her time in a “tough love” style rehabilitation camp.

At the young age of fourteen, Cyndy is thrown into a boarding school by her mother, or so she thinks. Cyndy quickly realizes that her new home is called Straight Inc., and it is actually a drug rehabilitation center for youths. From her first moments stepping inside Straight, Cyndy begins to realize that the methods used in the facility are far from normal. From being dragged down hallways by her pant loops, group meetings where teenagers wave their arms around erratically chanting, and frightening moments of being broken down by her peers…Cyndy has to decide how she is going to survive in this program.

So let’s first begin with how SERIOUSLY BIZARRE these programs are. Cyndy explains the more than frightening and psychologically damaging rules and things that went on at Straight, and I am still in shock. Kids are lead around by the back of their pants, forced to believe they have drug problems even if they don’t, screamed at and put down by their peers, and encouraged to report each other in order to get ahead in the program. The rules that the program instills is even more absurd. If you lean on the back of your chair in group, a peer will roughly drag their first down your spine to remind you to keep your back straight. As a newcomer, Cyndy wasn’t allowed to look or speak to any boys, and she was monitored at all times…even in the bathroom.

I think the oddest aspect of this program for me was what they called “motivating”. “Motivating” entails all these kids to be sitting in plastic chairs, boys and girls separated on either side of the room. Basically what happens is they flail their arms around above their heads, jerking and screaming about. Cyndy describes this process as a way to motivate each other to want to share your experiences, but admits that many of the kids “motivate” so hard so that they won’t be called on. Once called on, the kids are expected to stand up and admit a story from their past…but in most cases these kids are forced to make something up in order to impress the staff. If you mess up or do something wrong, you are confronted. This is where a peer may run up to you and start screaming in your face, or even psychically harm you.

The list truly goes on and on with all of the strange things these kids were forced to do, and from the outside this program made it look like they were only using tough love and peer pressure techniques to get these kids off drugs (see video on my blog post). Cyndy expresses that it took her years to get “back to normal” after all of the psychological abuse and brainwashing that she went through at Straight. She wrote her story in a way that it felt like the reader was actually with her at fourteen, listening to her describe the horrors that became her life. Her writing style becomes a little confusing when she starts to describe “THE BEAST” or her group when she is first introduced to the “motivating” technique. It got me a little jumbled up, but as I continued to read her writing started to feel like a horrifically beautiful style of poetry which I really began to enjoy.

Honestly, EVERYONE needs to read this. For parents who are thinking of giving this to their kids to read, please keep in mind that there is a bit of sexual abuse that happens in the beginning of the story. That aside, this is a tale that anyone would be enthralled by. As soon as I finished this book I immediately started researching Straight Inc. and other programs like it. This is a disturbing story that will make your heart droop, but it is a MUST read! GO GET THIS!! You will not be disappointed.

For more information and personal stories on Straight Inc., check out http://survivingstraightinc.com/

To see more reviews, head over to my blog: Jenacidebybibliophile.wordpress.com
...more

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Apr 15, 2017 Christine Flannery rated it it was amazing

For me, the worst, most terrifying part of being in Straight Inc. was, as Cyndy called it…the beast (group). Etler nails it in her description. The beast (group) was an instrument of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. "Positive Peer Pressure" as Straight called it, was actually untrained teenagers attacking, bullying, insulting, belittling, humiliating, screaming, yelling, cursing at and tearing down the victim over and over until the kid was completely destroyed. Kids hurting kids. At a For me, the worst, most terrifying part of being in Straight Inc. was, as Cyndy called it…the beast (group). Etler nails it in her description. The beast (group) was an instrument of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. "Positive Peer Pressure" as Straight called it, was actually untrained teenagers attacking, bullying, insulting, belittling, humiliating, screaming, yelling, cursing at and tearing down the victim over and over until the kid was completely destroyed. Kids hurting kids. At any moment, you could be the next target, the one who was viciously ripped to shreds, to the point you would say or do anything to make it stop. And the only way to make it stop, was to "get honest" (real or false confessions), participate in the abuse, "apply your program" and become a compliant robot, a "happy Straightling."

The environment of terror and fear never let up. For me personally, I was terrified the entire time I was in Straight Inc., all 15.5 months and during my “aftercare." As a result, I have PTSD. I’m not the only one either. Many, many Straight survivors have PTSD because of Straight. Some survivors even committed suicide because of Straight/PTSD. Many survivors, including myself, believe the type of PTSD we have is actually C-PTSD, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I know many people who read this book never heard of Straight Inc. I keep hearing it’s hard to read. Please, read it anyway. Take this book seriously because kids are STILL being subjected to abusive “troubled teen programs." And, like Straight survivors, some survivors of other programs are also walking away with PTSD because of the “treatment” they received.

I also wrote a review for this book in 2012 when it was self published as "Straightling." I want to include it in this review (I hope thats ok). Here is what I wrote then:

As difficult as it may be for someone to believe Etler's harrowing tale of survival in Straight, Inc., every word Etler wrote about Straight Inc.'s daily abuses is completely true. "Straightling" takes you on the darkest journey through hell where every freedom imaginable is stolen from a child by Straight, Inc.: freedom to move about a room unrestrained, gone; freedom to speak to whomever you chose, gone; freedom to use a bathroom alone, gone; freedom to choose one's own friends, gone; freedom to dress as one wishes, gone; and worst of all, freedom to think for oneself gone; freedom to have one's own identity, gone. "Straightling" illustrates the horror and pain of being systematically tore down until there is nothing left except a shell recreated in Straight Inc.'s image. "Straightling" sounds a loud warning of the dangers caused by not listening to a child, warns of the destruction caused by allowing broken children to have power over other broken children, and warns that a trail of human wreckage can be caused by zealots with seemingly good intentions. "Straightling" is a must read for all parents and for all professionals who work with "troubled teens." Straight, Inc., under that name, is closed now, but other abusive private programs still exist to this day. Cyndy is a gifted writer and courageous woman. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Cyndy for writing such a powerful and moving memoir. ...more

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Jan 29, 2017 Mika Reyes added it

I am in no position to rate someone’s life so this will be a rate-free review.

To be honest, I do not know how I’d be reviewing this one because it is a memoir. I cannot judge the characters, plot or setting. Those aspects were not invented or carefully weaved and structured in the mind of the storyteller to come up with a great plot and narrative to tell.

These accounts are memories of a real, living person. This story happened in real life, specifically to this person named Cyndy.

Cyndy Drew Etle I am in no position to rate someone’s life so this will be a rate-free review.

To be honest, I do not know how I’d be reviewing this one because it is a memoir. I cannot judge the characters, plot or setting. Those aspects were not invented or carefully weaved and structured in the mind of the storyteller to come up with a great plot and narrative to tell.

These accounts are memories of a real, living person. This story happened in real life, specifically to this person named Cyndy.

Cyndy Drew Etler didn’t have an easy childhood. She tried everything she could to look cool and to fit in: she wore pants (since according to her, the type of pants you wear determines whether you’re one of the cool kids or not), smoked pot with her friends, pretended to be asleep when someone tried to molest her and so on and so forth. Approval was so important for her and that was the thing she had a hard time getting. She ran away from her mom because she hated her stepfather, slept in the houses of her friends while she’s trying to be gone and away and ended up in a warehouse called Straight Inc. where chaos continued and intensified.

This book feels like a Lana del Rey or a Ginger Bronson song. It also reminded me of some fiction books I’ve read before. This, for me, is a good mix of Girl Interrupted, The Fault in Our Stars and The Bell Jar.

I think what I loved the most about this book is the writing style. I love how poetic this book is. The metaphors stated here were beautifully painted in my mind as I read them. The mention of some old music is amazing too. (Shine On You Crazy Diamond and The Wall by Floyd are my favorites.) While reading this book, I felt like I was either watching a sad 90’s movie or listening to a friend talk. It was an easy read but the contents are not easy on my eyes and my heart. And that’s okay. I think I can take that.

Overall, I like this memoir. I like the courage that Cyndy displayed both on what happened to her and in writing this story, her story. Nothing like this happened to me– I have never run away from home, been to a rehab center and all that– but I can sympathize with her. I’m really glad that what happened to her in the past didn’t totally drag her down but instead, made her a better person and a stronger woman: The woman she’s always made to become. ...more

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Aug 21, 2017 Linda (un)Conventional Bookworms rated it it was amazing

Shelves: arc, non-fiction, netgalley, review-books, read-in-2017, sourcebooks, coyer-summer-2017, 2017-releases

The Dead Inside brought tears to my eyes more than once. I find it so hard to think that parents believe their spouses over their children. That they won't give their own children a safe place to stay. And that they willingly send their children to places like Straight Inc. ...more

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Mar 19, 2017 Dannii Elle rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction-nuances

I received this in exchange for an honest review from NetGalley. Thank you to the author, Cyndy Drew Etler, and the publisher, Sourcebooks Fire, for this opportunity.

This is a memoir chronicling Cyndy's teenage years. She wasn't a bad kid and she wasn't a perfect kid, she was just an average one. She struggled to belong in her own skin and to find her own crowd. Every bad decision she ever made was one calculated to allow her to fit in. But what Cyndy soon realised was that every one of these de ...more

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Jun 25, 2012 Lorca Damon rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

I had the honor of reading an ARC of Straightling and it was an amazing read. I can't put into words the experience of reading this little girl's nightmare. On the one hand, you want to close the book and pretend these things don't actually happen to children, but on the other hand you had to finish it because you have to know that she survives her nearly two-year ordeal.

Beyond the compelling story, Etler is simply a brilliant writer. Even when describing scenes that are so foreign to me as some ...more

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Feb 18, 2017 Mandy Peterson rated it it was amazing

What makes this book so horrifyingly gripping is that it is real. A true story. Starting out in the 1980s, 13-year-old Cyndy had casually tried marijuana and alcohol as a way to cope with her disgusting step-father and her turn-the-other-cheek mother. While Cyndy's friends were more into drugs and alcohol, she preferred their company and the loyalty she received when she made the choice to run away from her destructive home life. Unwilling to admit what was really going on, her parents told Cynd ...more

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Apr 28, 2017 Leilani rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

My heart goes out to Cyndy. What a brave soul to have to endure endless evils that keep coming her way.

Pervert, alcoholic stepfather, a mother who sees, but chooses not to help, and this terrifying, cult like institution, Straight.

Cyndy found strength to survive through it all though.

Throughout the book, I kept screaming, "RUN! RUN!" Because Straight CLEARLY is a dangerous place to be. It somewhat reminded me of the Stanford Prison Experiment.

Thank you, Cyndy, for sharing your brave, and ter ...more

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Apr 24, 2017 Laura rated it really liked it

I was very drawn to this book because I had a similar experience in my teens. Fortunately, my parents enrolled me into an outdoor program. It ended up being the opposite of Etler's experience. Hiking in the Northwest mountains empowered me and I gained many life skills. (Such as, starting a fire with flint and steel, ha! I haven't had the opportunity to use that skill as of yet. But if I am ever in the woods and need to start a fire...)
When I found out that I was going outward bound, I thought ...more

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Feb 15, 2017 Brittni (The Long Island Readium) rated it really liked it

Shelves: arc-net-galley

As a teenager, Cyndy Drew Etler lived in an abusive home. Her stepfather was an alcoholic who attacked her physically and sexually with no fight from Cyndy’s mother. Cyndy runs away often to avoid being near her stepfather when he was drunk and looks to spend the weekends with her friend who has a second home in another neighborhood. Cyndy is looking for approval in this gang of kids and that leads her to some unsettling situations for a girl of her age. Like many other teenagers, Cyndy experime ...more

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Dec 28, 2016 Arousa added it

Shelves: memoir

*I didn't feel the need to rate this because this was someone's personal life and I don't think that it should be rated by a scale.*

I've never, ever read a memoir before and I have no idea why I requested to read The Dead Inside (thank you NetGalley & publishers!) but I am thankful that I had a chance to read it. I have never experienced what this author went through and it was really, really difficult to read. It was...horror. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to bare her soul out ...more

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Nov 24, 2016 Ginger McNulty rated it it was amazing

I read an earlier edition under the title Straightling. As a program survivor myself, I can tell you that this book was really hard for me to read. Cyndy Etler tells the tale so vividly and well. It brought back some deeply buried, troubling memories along with a sense of relief. Finally! Our story is getting out there. I can't wait to read the 2nd edition. I've heard there may be a prequel in the works too. ...more

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Apr 22, 2017 Hans Watts rated it it was amazing

Think you know anything about the "troubled teen industry" and drug treatment facilities?

This story will take you into the bowels of one of the most destructive (and yet "successful") centers the US has ever had- and it was supported by Nancy Reagan and her "Just Say No" campaign.

Had this story seen the light of day 30+ years ago, who knows if anyone would have listened. I hope you're listening now.

Be sure to read it with an open mind- willing to accept that there are NO exaggerations in this ...more

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Mar 14, 2017 Sandy rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, memoir-bio, netgalley, abuse

4.5 stars
Oh, to be “cool.” This novel was one of those books that after I read it, I stopped and reflected about what actually I had just read. I thought there were moments inside this novel that had excellent issues to ponder and the novel being a memoir made it hit home even harder. It wasn’t that Cyndy was a bad kid, she had just wanted to be with the cool kids and get away from her home life. She experimented with drugs just a few times to look “cool” and after reading the novel, I thought w 4.5 stars
Oh, to be “cool.” This novel was one of those books that after I read it, I stopped and reflected about what actually I had just read. I thought there were moments inside this novel that had excellent issues to ponder and the novel being a memoir made it hit home even harder. It wasn’t that Cyndy was a bad kid, she had just wanted to be with the cool kids and get away from her home life. She experimented with drugs just a few times to look “cool” and after reading the novel, I thought what could she had done differently because what she did now would change her life forever.

Cyndy thought she had finally become someone as she was now “cool” but this “coolness” came at a cost. No longer listening to her mother, her mother had her arrested and foster care became her new home. She loved it here, she had rules but no one touched her and she was accountable for herself. Her time was up and her mother found her a new place, Straight, Inc. To me, it felt it was like a cult, the children all behaving in automation. This drug rehab center for teens was in a warehouse, where it was worse than boot camp, where the teens lie just to get a ticket out. With honest accounts, Cyndy tells her story of being a straightling. I listened intently as she told her story, absorbed as she lives her days out in the straightling facility. She doesn’t feel she belongs there but she has no choice now, she crossed the line. I had a hard time sitting still at the meetings, her mother gathering the support of the others around her, she played the victim well. Her child, Cyndy carrying the weight of her childhood, feeling alone in the sea of others around her. Did it really need to come to this? When did it all go wrong? She was so desperate to fit it, the ramifications of her actions she didn’t see coming and what other choices could she had made? This was an excellent novel and a hard one to read thinking that this was a true story.

I received a copy of this novel from NetGalley and Sourcebook Fire in exchange for an honest review,
...more

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Dec 31, 2016 Dani St-Onge (Literary Lion) rated it liked it

Shelves: owned-ebook, drugs, review-copies, mental-illness

http://literary-lion.tumblr.com/

Disclaimer: A free copy of this book was received through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Cyndy Etler isn’t a model child, but she’s certainly not a druggie or a slut or anyone who should have ended up at Straight Inc. To the outside world Straight Inc. appeared as a drug rehabilitation centre for teens, but inside it was frighteningly more cult-like. In her cutting and honest memoir Etler shows us inside Straight Inc. and how it affected those unlucky http://literary-lion.tumblr.com/

Disclaimer: A free copy of this book was received through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Cyndy Etler isn’t a model child, but she’s certainly not a druggie or a slut or anyone who should have ended up at Straight Inc. To the outside world Straight Inc. appeared as a drug rehabilitation centre for teens, but inside it was frighteningly more cult-like. In her cutting and honest memoir Etler shows us inside Straight Inc. and how it affected those unlucky enough to be inside.

Etler shares her story with shocking honesty and all the dirty details. What we end up with is a book that is difficult to read when you remember that it’s all true. It is difficult to believe that anyone lived the way that these teens were forced to during their time at Straight Inc.

As always, it is difficult to review a memoir of someone’s life as the plot and characters are all drawn from reality. Nevertheless, The Dead Inside proves to be a chilling and eye-opening tale of a child from a damaged family being forced into the worst circumstances and brainwashed. The slow descent into believing that Straight Inc. is a positive experience is captured expertly by Etler. It’s heartwrenching to watch her fighting spirit die and to see her slowly start to believe that she is the one who has done something wrong.

I do feel that the story was cut a little short. The sequel will cover Etler’s reintegration into society but it might have been nice to hear a bit more about that in this novel as we already know that Etler’s story ends with her thriving above and beyond any expectations. I also believe that this memoir would have benefit from a little more of Etler’s adult voice interjecting. It is fascinating and important to hear teenage Etler’s voice but the memoir seems to lack a lot of the women that Etler is now and I would have liked very much to hear more of her opinion.

The Dead Inside is not the most exciting or well-rounded novel to deal with this topic because it’s a true tale. But it is precisely because this is a real story that it is one of the most important. Anyone looking to work with teens, particularly troubled teens, should read this book. Etler’s insight into the psyche of a teen who wants to be good is absolutely invaluable.

...more

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Feb 12, 2017 Elizabeth Barnes rated it it was ok

"I don't like depending on people because people leave all the time."

Let me start out by saying that I do not know how I will be reviewing this book because it is a memoir. I cannot judge the characters, plot, or setting. The accounts that happened throughout the book were memories; they happened in real life, specifically to a young woman named Cyndy.

Cyndy Etler isn't a model child, but she's certainty not a druggie or anyone who should have ended up at Straight Inc. To the outside world Straig ...more

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Apr 16, 2017 Wendy Bright rated it it was amazing

Miss Etler is totally accurate in her description of Straight Inc.
She presents the horrors that occurred there in a vivid and true portrayal of what it was like to be a teenager in one of the most damaging, violent, "soul breaking" rehabs that America has seen.
This book will astound anyone that read it... Especially those of us that were there.
I did indeed feel as if I was "back on front row" while reading her very scary and very true book.
The suffering we endured there carries through for a lif ...more

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Oct 18, 2015 Barbara Cable rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Since so many people confirm that the events in this book did in fact happen, I have to believe it. What I had trouble with was the author's poor writing, which kept me from feeling any sort of empathy for her. ...more

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Apr 27, 2017 Julia Robinson rated it it was amazing

My sister actually introduced me to this book. When she first told me about this book, I immediately wanted to read it. When I read this book I could see the locations and people that Cyndy was talking about. I could feel the fear, sadness, desperation and hope she was explaining. I hate that there are people that could not seem to get through this and just "gave up" because there are so many children in this world that are going through this same situation and most people are none the wiser abo ...more

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Apr 16, 2017 Michelle (FabBookReviews) rated it really liked it

Shelves: raincoast-books, arcs-or-gifted

As I read the harrowing true story of Cyndy Etler's time in the Straight Inc. program, I felt as I had when I read Garrard Conley's brilliant memoir Boy Erased: floored, aghast, enraged. A memoir of Cyndy Etler's time in the "rehabilitation" centre for "wayward" and "druggy" youths, The Dead Inside is an incredibly detailed, eye-opening, disturbing read that brings to light a very troubling so-called recovery program that existing only decades ago in North America (...and one that perhaps not ma As I read the harrowing true story of Cyndy Etler's time in the Straight Inc. program, I felt as I had when I read Garrard Conley's brilliant memoir Boy Erased: floored, aghast, enraged. A memoir of Cyndy Etler's time in the "rehabilitation" centre for "wayward" and "druggy" youths, The Dead Inside is an incredibly detailed, eye-opening, disturbing read that brings to light a very troubling so-called recovery program that existing only decades ago in North America (...and one that perhaps not many know about).

The Dead Inside is an emotional, bleak read- and a very important one at that. Not only is the memoir insightful about one particular kind of 'treatment' program that was tested on youth, but it is also read that stirs thoughts regarding opportunity (and limits to) for forgotten or hidden youth; parental abuse; as well the dangers inherent in labeling teens as 'bad' kids. Many intense subjects are openly approached in this title: sexual abuse, verbal abuse, psychological and physical trauma for a start. Etler does not broach any subject matter in a benevolent, timid fashion- and The Dead Inside makes all the more impact for it. Etler's memoir is one read that I feel needs to be experienced for the full impact; I fear that I cannot do justice to aptly describing or condensing the dark and compelling nature of this memoir.

A little side story here before wrapping up my thoughts: while in the middle of this read, I actually stopped to tweet about my reading experience (so many thoughts and emotions were running through my head) and Cyndy Etler herself (unexpectedly and so sweetly!) responded back...which is all kinds of incredible. Any readers who appreciate darker, no holds-barred memoirs, or the writing of authors such as Ellen Hopkins or Patricia McCormick might especially take to this read. Interested readers: take note that a follow-up to The Dead Inside called We Can't Be Friends, detailing Cyndy's recovery and life after leaving Straight Inc. is due out in the fall of 2017.

I received a copy of this title courtesy of Raincoast Books in exchange for an honest review. All opinions and comments are my own. ...more

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Apr 26, 2017 Elaine rated it liked it

Wow! That's what comes to my mind after reading this book. It astounds me that this large-scale institution described in this book can exist and that ones like this still exist. I am completely disgusted.

The story is what makes this book good, the writing is nothing special and, in truth, confusing at times. I feel like the tenses and pov change without proper transition, which is understandable for the story being told, but not for style in this context.

I appreciate this expose and hope it insp ...more

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Apr 13, 2017 Beth rated it liked it

Shelves: net-galley-books, end-of-year-8th-grade, high-school

THANK YOU TO NETGALLEY AND THE PUBLISHER FOR A COPY OF THIS E-BOOK/BOOK!!!

This book is a such a tough and heartbreaking read. It's so hard for me to imagine how hard some kids have it at home...it just shouldn't be that way. I will admit that I am on the fence about booktalking this book (8th grade) because of how graphic it can be at times, but then someone reminded me that a lot of kids live in this type of situation and need to know there is hope. That's what this book is...HOPE. Why we conti ...more

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Apr 27, 2017 Brittany rated it really liked it

This book. man.

I had the pleasure of meeting cyndy etler the other day, and I gotta say...she is awesome. she is no longer dead inside. her story is tragic, involving things I didn't even know existed. for all that, she is so kind and upbeat and positive now, it's absolutely amazing.

This book is kind of all over the place, and you feel confused throughout a lot of it. that's the point. you have to be confused to be at straight. the stuff they did to these kids is just awful, makes the blood bo ...more

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Apr 19, 2017 Terri rated it it was amazing

I haven't wanted to finish a book so quickly to see how it ends in ages. Compelling and scary first-hand account of one woman's experience in a cult-like residential treatment problem for "troubled teens" called STRAIGHT, INC. Ever since reading the book I've been researching online all about this 'teens for cash' industry and how unqualified these organizations are. I look forward to reading her follow-up book which is scheduled to come out this Fall ...more

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Aug 16, 2017 Jonathan rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Although I did not experience this abuse, I was with Cyndy Etler every step of the way. I could not put this book down. The raw, direct writing pulled me through every shocking experience. What a writer! How she ever made it through this ordeal only goes to show what an amazing person this author is. She is one heck of a human being out there now helping others despite all she went through herself. The information at the end of the story is a needed eye opener. We cannot let this kind of thing h ...more

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Apr 28, 2017 Douglas Blackwell is currently reading it

This book was great read. A quick read. Very well told story of a sad kid. It should be the number one tool for parents seeking help for their kids and for parents who need to recognize abuse.

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May 07, 2017 Rosella LaFevre rated it it was amazing

Cyndy Drew Etler's been through hell. And she came out of it and had to learn how to survive the aftermath. She's turned that hell into art that makes the rest of us feel less alone. I became Cyndy's friend because of her book. I read an early self-published version. This one? It's tight, beautiful and epic. I want everyone to read this book.

This book is especially for those who favored books like The Bell Jar in high school (or who currently favor such fare). Cyndy PROVOKES the reader into feel ...more

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Jun 14, 2017 Germ Magazine added it

"Etler tells her painful story without restraint and gives teens a tool to explore abuse, sexual assault, and drug use. While extremely intense and brutal at some points, the narrative was always very interesting, and readers are sure to be glued to the pages, watching as Cyndy fails, strives for survival, and discovers the truth in her own life." http://www.germmagazine.com/the-dead-... ...more

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Mar 06, 2017 Dani Iglesia added it · review of another edition

I didn’t finish the book, I really wanted to but it is pretty disturbing for me. I just don’t want to see the hardships she’s been thru because I end up crying… So I spoiled myself and read the ending which is so good! So this maybe different review. I feel the grip, the heartbreaking and as I imagine what happened to the author itself is really shocking.

Cyndy didn’t have a good childhood past. Instead, it’s heart breaking and really bad past. She tries to be fit in the society where every kid i ...more

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About Cyndy Drew Etler

Cyndy Drew Etler

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A modern-day Cinderella, Cyndy Etler was homeless at fourteen, summa cum laude at thirty. Currently a young adult author and teen life coach, Etler spent sixteen years teaching troubled teens in schools across America.

Before she was paid for teaching Etler did it for free, volunteering at public schools and facilities for runaway teens. Today she speaks at fundraisers, schools and libraries, convi ...more