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The Power of Female Friendship: How Your Circle of Friends Shapes Your Life
A compassionate, practical, and science-based guide to finding friends for life
Psychiatrist Paul Dobransky, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love , once again looks to the brain, this time to examine the full range of female friendships. A recent study has shown that women have fewer friends than they used to. In the years after college and before children (and even after that), many women find that they have fewer friends, and new ones are harder to make. Taking his three-parts-of-the-brain theory, Dr. Dobransky breaks down the primal codes of friendship that many women aren’t even aware of and gives scientifically grounded advice for understanding how to be a better friend and how to cultivate new friendships. Women of all ages who are searching for deeper relationships or are trying to break free of a toxic friendship will find help and hope in this enlightening and prescriptive exploration of how the brain makes friends.
Psychiatrist Paul Dobransky, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love , once again looks to the brain, this time to examine the full range of female friendships. A recent study has shown that women have fewer friends than they used to. In the years after college and before children (and even after that), many women find that they have fewer friends, and new ones are harder to make. Taking his three-parts-of-the-brain theory, Dr. Dobransky breaks down the primal codes of friendship that many women aren’t even aware of and gives scientifically grounded advice for understanding how to be a better friend and how to cultivate new friendships. Women of all ages who are searching for deeper relationships or are trying to break free of a toxic friendship will find help and hope in this enlightening and prescriptive exploration of how the brain makes friends.
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
September 30, 2009
It took me several weeks to finish this book. I had to renew it twice from the library, and each check-out period is three weeks. Granted, I had other readings for my four classes, but if I'm really into a book, I will stay up to finish it, or put my class readings on the side burner. (I know, bad student.)
Dobransky lost me, a lot, when he was exulting over evolutionary psychology. I believe this was in the introduction. This is a bias of mine -- I have problems with evolutionary psychology. It doesn't seem like it's really "provable." You make guesses as to why we have the traits or emotions we do now and say that makes sense. Well, since you can't really test it (ethically) or peek in parallel universes to see what humans would be like if, say, we didn't bond with others, it's impossible to say if bonding does what people say it does now and if they have a strong case for it. (Sorry for garbled sentences...)
So I lost interest, but decided to pick it up sporadically after a while. It was a bit of pride, and not wanting to believe a book I looked forward to so much was a dud.
Dobransky repeats himself a lot. It sometimes felt like it was like separate articles put together in a book, and the way he tried to link them together was "Remember what we learned earlier about [a, b, and c:]" or "Go back to your master checklist."
I did find his examples illuminating, though, and some of them I could relate to, or could imagine myself in such a position.
He also has lots of equations ("quantum psychology" and he seems so...prideful of his tactics. I don't know; am I the only one who felt turned off by his writing? He says someone who says "should" a lot was...I can't remember, but someone who tries to control the uncontrollable or doesn't have strong boundaries/borders... I sometimes get the feeling he's insinuating "this is what you, the reader, should do to make things better for you" and "you should do, and that, and not this" though he doesn't use the phrase "should" a lot. He also seems to give you a checklist of what to aim for, what actions are appreciated, but doesn't go into detail of possible actions that could lead to such a happy conclusion.
Also, I felt like he disagreed with "acquaintances" and "friendships of convenience" as useful in our life. In some classes, I do have "friendships of convenience" where we talk mostly and only about the homework or lean on each other for notes and such, but otherwise, we don't talk outside class. Or with activities/clubs. There are some people you will only hold some common interests with, but no deep emotional trust with and that's perfectly fine.
That example of that woman having to choose between hanging with her friends or her mom's 50th birthday and his suggestion of bringing the woman's friends to her mom's birthday party -- WTF??? He seems to take it for granted that it'll go all hunky dory. And yet in another example he says a woman takes too much on herself when she introduces her circle of male friends to her circle of female friends. HERGH.
Overall, this book didn't live up to my expectations.
Dobransky lost me, a lot, when he was exulting over evolutionary psychology. I believe this was in the introduction. This is a bias of mine -- I have problems with evolutionary psychology. It doesn't seem like it's really "provable." You make guesses as to why we have the traits or emotions we do now and say that makes sense. Well, since you can't really test it (ethically) or peek in parallel universes to see what humans would be like if, say, we didn't bond with others, it's impossible to say if bonding does what people say it does now and if they have a strong case for it. (Sorry for garbled sentences...)
So I lost interest, but decided to pick it up sporadically after a while. It was a bit of pride, and not wanting to believe a book I looked forward to so much was a dud.
Dobransky repeats himself a lot. It sometimes felt like it was like separate articles put together in a book, and the way he tried to link them together was "Remember what we learned earlier about [a, b, and c:]" or "Go back to your master checklist."
I did find his examples illuminating, though, and some of them I could relate to, or could imagine myself in such a position.
He also has lots of equations ("quantum psychology" and he seems so...prideful of his tactics. I don't know; am I the only one who felt turned off by his writing? He says someone who says "should" a lot was...I can't remember, but someone who tries to control the uncontrollable or doesn't have strong boundaries/borders... I sometimes get the feeling he's insinuating "this is what you, the reader, should do to make things better for you" and "you should do, and that, and not this" though he doesn't use the phrase "should" a lot. He also seems to give you a checklist of what to aim for, what actions are appreciated, but doesn't go into detail of possible actions that could lead to such a happy conclusion.
Also, I felt like he disagreed with "acquaintances" and "friendships of convenience" as useful in our life. In some classes, I do have "friendships of convenience" where we talk mostly and only about the homework or lean on each other for notes and such, but otherwise, we don't talk outside class. Or with activities/clubs. There are some people you will only hold some common interests with, but no deep emotional trust with and that's perfectly fine.
That example of that woman having to choose between hanging with her friends or her mom's 50th birthday and his suggestion of bringing the woman's friends to her mom's birthday party -- WTF??? He seems to take it for granted that it'll go all hunky dory. And yet in another example he says a woman takes too much on herself when she introduces her circle of male friends to her circle of female friends. HERGH.
Overall, this book didn't live up to my expectations.
January 23, 2010
Given as a Yule gift by one of my girlfriends. I find it interesting that an analysis of female friendship was written by a male psychiatrist ... and analyze he does, in a scientific/statistical way rather than a Freudian way. There are plenty of charts and diagrams to explain things, and some very good insights into the differences between male and female relationship strategies.
Overall, I enjoyed this book, and think I learned some things about myself and my interactions with others. Like most self-help books, of course, the challenge will be remembering to put the lessons into practice.
Overall, I enjoyed this book, and think I learned some things about myself and my interactions with others. Like most self-help books, of course, the challenge will be remembering to put the lessons into practice.
November 18, 2010
Full of psychological "equations", it was hard to understand where the author was going. I skipped ahead a few chapters to get to the meat of the book, the application of those equations, but again was disappointed and decided not to finish the book.
March 15, 2008
I learned that positivity and mutuality are the things that keep friendship alive...something I guess I knew instinctively as a teenager but kind of forgot over the years.
January 26, 2022
I was skeptical at first that a book about the Power of Female Friendship was written by a man. A M.D. by profession but still a man. I was pleasantly surprised at how informative it was and accurate, as I used it as research for my own book, Lady and the Tribe.
I especially enjoyed the section on the mammalian brain and friendship. It was a great read altogether.
I especially enjoyed the section on the mammalian brain and friendship. It was a great read altogether.
September 28, 2009
Some of the information was rather obvious, and other information/examples I couldn't really relate to, though I'm an unusual person. I did identify with the best friends scenario toward the end of the book. It's upsetting to remember.
December 1, 2008
Learning that female friendships are crucial to a woman's life.
September 21, 2013
Fast read. Simple. Seemed to focus on getting people to the website.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews