Fucking Apostrophes

by Simon Griffin

Alternate cover edition of ISBN 9781785781414

Apostrophes are a pain. The rules about how to use them are complicated, and have evolved haphazardly. Originally written as advice by a copywriter for designers – wont to insert and remove apostrophes at will, for visual effect – this is a light-hearted pocket-sized guide to getting the things right.



Simon Griffin lets off steam so that we don’t have to, showing precisely why ‘Rhianna and Jennifer’s photos were all over the internet’ is quite different to ‘Rhianna’s and Jennifer’s photos’ or what words apostrophes are replacing in sentences such as ‘He’d like you to buy him some cocaine’, or ‘They’ve got it all on camera.’



Elegantly produced, this is the perfect gift for any pedant, as well as an indispensable guide in all our moments of grammar-related frustration.

Genres: Nonfiction, Writing, Language, Linguistics, Humor, Reference, Short Stories

62 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2015

Reviews

[Manny]

[Original review, Nov 6 2016]

I was minding my own fucking business this afternoon down at Imprint's, leafing through this book and it's amusing comments on the most treacherous punctuation mark in the English language, when I was rudely interrupted by a person who's name I will not fucking mention, though it could possibly have been Nots.

"Its inappropriate to read the stock without paying for it," she primly admonished me, in the tone of someone quoting one of Jesus's lesser-known moral precepts, together with further unwanted advice about minding my Ps and Qs when visiting bookseller's establishments.

I guiltily put it down and hoped I hadn't been spotted. Fuck!
___________________
[Update, Oct 30 2024]

From today's Guardian:

Biden’s comment came during a zoom call with Voto Latino, in which Biden referred to Hinchcliffe’s comments and said the Puerto Ricans he knows are “good, decent, honorable, people. The only garbage I see floating out there is his supporter’s – his – his demonization of things is unconscionable, and it’s un-American, and it’s totally contrary to everything we’ve done.” But it wasn’t entirely clear whether he had said the singular “supporter’s” or the plural “supporters”, describing Trump’s base more broadly.

So it turns out that the fate of the world may depend on a fucking apostrophe.

[Rocky Flintstone]

Simon... I should have read this book before entering the murky world of self publishing's... thank you for pushing some of the fog aside and doing it in a very entertaining way'. I refer to it a's I write and promise no more fucking apostrophe mistake's!! Well done!'

ps could you do one on semi colon's?

[Elizabeth]

A fun grammar guide that is clear and concise. It should win extra points for being low-key; it covers some complicated rules but never makes the reader feel pressured to remember all the details. Neither does Griffin fall into the trap of trying too hard to be more fun than the subject matter: other grammar book authors have gone to such over-the-top lengths to be distracting and funny, or they have tried to make fun of grammar and even belittle it. Griffin’s only gimmick is the swearing, and he only uses it in specific places; I was expecting to be put off, but it worked surprisingly well and was even a little funny. (I would have preferred “doggone,” but I suppose one can’t have everything . . .)

[Jo]

Rather amusing look at apostrophes and where to fucking put them.

[Lys Ng]

As an almost English tutor trying to explain what apostrophes are and where they come from, this book speaks to me on a deeper level. Nice short hour read, a jading level of profanity and I learnt the traumas of the grocer's apostrophe. Would recommend.

[Christian West]

Amusing and quick book about where to use apostrophes. May contain slightly rude language... maybe.

[Natalie aka Tannat]

O little book, you have amused me.

This short little book covers apostrophe usage with little asides like:
“See that fence over there? Take a nice comfy seat on it with me and watch them fight it out. The important thing is to know the meaning of each one, and remember, it’s just a fucking apostrophe.”

I should mention that this book covers current British usage, so North Americans may argue with some of it, but I’ve been noticing that NA has been following the British trends in apostrophe usage more and more anyway, so it may just be a matter of time. Also, although Griffin acknowledges the changing usages over time, he doesn’t really cover the evolution. It’s a really short book. I don’t regret getting it though.

Perfect for grammar geeks and those who appreciate a good swear. Some sections are best read out loud to unsuspecting people.

[J.P. Willson]

I wish to f*ck they would have had textbooks like this when I was in school...
F*ck!
Too funny, and useful also.

[Erin Kernohan]

Mostly wanted to read this for the comedic value the title would give to my Goodreads updates. Turns out this is actually a handy little book on a topic that we debate in the office quite a lot (the mystery of Kids Craft vs. Kid's Craft vs. Kids' Craft is finally solved!). The use of the f-bomb does get a bit gimmicky after awhile. But the book is short and the humour self-deprecating, so it doesn't get too annoying. Good humorous addition to the grammar nerd's arsenal.

[Ellie Denniss]

As a teacher, Fucking Apostrophes definitely comes in handy.
I feel like I need to lend this book to a few people I’ve met in life.
Hilarious, concise, and extremely helpful, this is something to keep in your handbag to whip out when you’re not quite sure how to differentiate between Ladies room or Lady’s room.

[Kristina]

How could I NOT love this well-titled gem filled with punctuation reminders?!

[Ghazaal B.]

-فارسی می‌نویسم-
عالی. عالی. مختصر و مفید.
کاملا مشخصه که نویسنده سالها کظم غیظ کرده تا که دیگه نتونسته این وضعیت رو تحمل کنه و با فک‌ منقض و صورتی کبود و صدایی که سگ‌های وحشی در آستانه‌ی حمله کردن از خودشون در میارن، این کتاب کوتاه رو نوشته.
کاش یکی می‌آمد و درباره‌ی هکسره و واوضمه و گذار/گزار و الف یا واو‌الف و سایر اشتباهات رایج نوشتاری یه کتاب اینطوری کوبنده می‌نوشت و یه بار برای همیشه تکلیف رو معلوم می‌کرد.
کیف داد خلاصه.
چند جمله‌ی آخر کتاب رو هم می‌ذارم اینجا چون بسیار بجاست و قابل تعمیم به تمام گافهای گرامری:

“Mistakes will always be made with fucking apostrophes, especially when it comes to things like attributive nouns and false possessives. My advice is simply to apologise and politely point out to the person correcting you that apostrophes aren’t as fucking simple as they might think they are.”

[Georgina]

My 7th & 8th grade teacher -- Mrs. McGilly -- taught me well!

[Stacia]

What's not to like? It's punctuation satire, complete with references to Kardashians and politicians. Sure, I disagreed with a few of their "rules," but if the world would abide by what they teach in this book, it would be a more literate planet on which to live.

[Maddy Fletcher]

My mother knew without reading this book that the pedantry it would engender would be the source of much amusement (Reid, 2026)

[Ross]

This book’s funny, factual, and fastidious. However, it’s clear that apostrophes are not always unambiguous.

[Rowena Aldridge]

You will literally never read a more entertaining style manual. LOL

[Annie]

Unleash a pedantic British grammarian on the world and sit back for the show.
The show, in this case, is a small hardback book of beautiful rantings, sarcasm, and punctuation knowledge.
It goes through examples of apostrophes used both well and poorly. And the author explains the rules as they apply to the real world.
It feels like Griffin wanted to publish this book so that he could have a small stack with him at all times. Then he could pick them up one by one and throw them at people who annoy him.
The books are sturdy, it would definitely make a statement. And it would probably be extra gratifying if the person had been stupid about f*cking apostrophes.
I’m here for the ranting blog post-turned small book genre. Especially since this one includes punctuation education for the masses.
It’s entertaining as heck. I hope we see more of it.
I highly recommend it for the English geek in your life.
Note: This book is covering British English rules, not American English. While there’s overlap, they’re not 100% the same.

[Joe]

My daughter got me this book for Xmas as a joke (I’m a writing teacher), and it’s actually a good joke, or perhaps I should say, filled with good jokes, but it’s also filled with good advice, and a nice sense of humility. This short book testifies to the difficulty, in many cases, of deciding whether to use a fucking apostrophe or not. So go easy on the people who wrote that sign for The Farmer’s Market, or The Farmers’ Market, or The Farmers Market. It’s (not its, good god!) complicated.

[Patrick]

A very short, slightly amusing guide to the use of apostrophes. Note, I did not write “apostrophe’s” or “apostrophes’”. That’s because I already know how to use them. If you don’t, you might give this book more stars.

[Cyril]

As a English language teacher I love books on grammar! I need a whole set of these on different topics. Way more fun than offer usage books ;)

[Tracey Allen at Carpe Librum]

Fucking Apostrophes by Simon Griffin is laugh out loud funny and is a book for book-lovers, teachers, librarians, grammarians and pedants everywhere; provided you're not offended by the 'f' word that is.

This is a stunning A6 size clothbound guide to the correct use of apostrophes that makes for very entertaining reading.

Griffin uses contemporary and up to the minute references to current affairs to demonstrate both correct and incorrect usage of the apostrophe and it makes for very easy reading.

Griffin's sense of humour shines through on every page, however he also manages to present a handy educational tool that's easily referenced and a pleasure to dip into again. This little gem no doubt falls into the gift book genre, but could easily sit under the self-help or writing genre.

I loved Fucking Apostrophes by Simon Griffin and recommend it widely. Only for adult audiences though.

* Copy courtesy of Allen & Unwin *

[Bill]

I feel like I should state that I did not buy this for myself. I bought it in good humour for a colleague who has difficulty with the subject.

What's impressive is that it isn't judgemental towards people who have trouble with apostrophes and when to use them. It has modern and relevant examples and I must admit, although I'm very particular about correct use of apostrophes, I learnt a few things from it too.

[John Naylor]

Swearing is not big or clever but when dealing with fucking apostrophes it helps to raise a point.

This is an entertaining look at a maligned and often wrongly used part of language. Informative and occasionally funny, it gives examples of how to use fucking apostrophes.

A short read that many need to read.

[Sarah Wolfe Ellison]

I love this tiny book with all of my heart. Are apostrophes difficult to understand? Yes. Does Simon Griffin make them more interesting by using expletives? Also yes. I wish I could have recommended this book to my students when I was a teacher because it would have helped tremendously. Now I just need Griffin to write a book about commas.

[April Helems]

Loved it. Surprisingly felt the f* word could've been used a little more, but it's a perfect, non-stuffy, pocket-sized reference to all those pesky apostrophe questions. Learn about the apostrophe and where you can stick it.

[Carolyn Halliday]

Hilariously Helpful

This tiny gem is riveting for any grammar geek who strives to follow the rules. There’s something about discussing grammar and reading “fucking” in every few sentences that can’t help but bring on the giggles. It nicely reviews what I thought I knew to be correct and helpfully informs me of my errors.

[Josh Epstein]

Fucking read this book, and you'll never point your fucking apostrophes the wrong way again! (Just remember: it looks like a 9 with the hole filled in.)

If you're a fucking writing teacher, you should assign it to your fucking students, too.

[Dianne]

An utter masterpiece. It's technically accurate and uses sublime examples (especially amusing if you're British and aged 45+). I've had it for a few years now, and it still cracks me up every time I read a bit of it. It's only a shame I can't share it with my 9-11 year old students, hehe. Sublime.

[Andrea (mrsaubergine)]

Lent to me by someone at work, not because I need help with punctuation but because she thought I'd appreciate the hilarious examples. She was correct. My only bugbear is that there are several missing commas in those examples. A fun, quick read.