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Dog Training the American Male

L.A. Knight

3.57 · Rating details · 58 ratings · 21 reviews

Meet Dr. Nancy Beach, a relationship counselor who hosts a local radio show called Loves a Beach. One problem: The relationship guru cant seem to make her own relationships work, sending her credibility and ratings into the toilet. Meet Jacob Copea walking thesaurus of phobiasa Lehman Brothers casualty whos lost his job and swagger and now yearns to be a ventriloquist. Whe ...more

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Paperback, 326 pages

Published September 13th 2016 by Wjm Books (first published May 28th 2013)

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Apr 29, 2018 Happy Booker rated it it was amazing

Dog Training the American Male is a humorous fictional tale about a Doctor. Her profession as a counselor is going well but, her own personal life is not. Once Jacob Cope, another dashing character comes into play, things change. The two have to blend their families together passing through all the fluffy parts of the initial stage, move in together and make things work with the additional new dog.

The plot and storyline seemed very simple. There wasn’t anything novel about it. What made it enjoy ...more

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Aug 26, 2013 Steven rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: l-a-knight

Hilarious!! A highly entertaining read definitely aimed at a mature audience. This title shouldn't be read in a library though, with outbursts of laughter, it could get a person thrown out. ...more

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Jan 17, 2017 Sara rated it it was amazing

Originally reviewed for Chick Lit Central (www.chicklitcentral.com)

Relationships are rarely easy, especially between two people who are riddled with their own hangups and baggage. Nancy has never had success where love is concerned, despite her degrees and career status. Jacob’s past has completely crippled him from living any sort of normal existence, filled with bizarre phobias and rules on how he feels life should be lived. They couldn’t be more opposite, which is exactly why they’re drawn to Originally reviewed for Chick Lit Central (www.chicklitcentral.com)

Relationships are rarely easy, especially between two people who are riddled with their own hangups and baggage. Nancy has never had success where love is concerned, despite her degrees and career status. Jacob’s past has completely crippled him from living any sort of normal existence, filled with bizarre phobias and rules on how he feels life should be lived. They couldn’t be more opposite, which is exactly why they’re drawn to one another, providing the perfect environment for comedic debauchery!

Dog Training the American Male made me laugh. Hard. Conversations between various characters, like Nancy’s sister’s bodybuilding girlfriend, or Jacob’s gynecologist brother, the quips and one-liners were hilarious, and very real. I could imagine having similar conversations with my husband, or with close friends. Subjects which would normally be considered slightly taboo and off-limits unless in the company of those you trust the most are on full display here, enabling the reader to live vicariously through the story.

And the story is a unique one. Using canine training tactics to keep her man in line, Nancy is sure she’s found a way to live harmoniously with Jacob, and like with most things when dealing with the male persuasion, it works. For a time. Even an old dog can learn new tricks. But for how long, and will re-programming someone lend to a happily ever after?

Underneath the comedy and fun, there are deeper issues, ones I could appreciate. Can any of us learn to live with someone, as is? Ultimately, should we work on changing someone, versus finding someone who already has the qualities and characteristics we think we’re looking for, and even then, is there ever a real sure fire guarantee of a successful relationship? Dog Training takes an honest look into these questions and more, showcasing the psyche of what women want, and what makes a man tick, offering up a deliciously hilarious doggie treat along the way. ...more

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Jul 21, 2014 Tara Chevrestt rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: netgalley, kindle

In the aviation world, and I presume many other careers, the workers are divided into two categories: the white collars and the bluecollars. The whites are your supervisors, engineers, planners (though these guys toe the line), managers. The blues are your actual workers: your mechanics, technicians, anyone who gets a bit of a dirty under their nails.

On an aircraft dock or in a shop, every hour or so, something such as this happens:

Mechanic makes a vulgar joke or maybe a fart joke. The blues lau In the aviation world, and I presume many other careers, the workers are divided into two categories: the white collars and the bluecollars. The whites are your supervisors, engineers, planners (though these guys toe the line), managers. The blues are your actual workers: your mechanics, technicians, anyone who gets a bit of a dirty under their nails.

On an aircraft dock or in a shop, every hour or so, something such as this happens:

Mechanic makes a vulgar joke or maybe a fart joke. The blues laugh uproariously. The whites frown or shake their heads.

Perhaps the whitecollars have a different sense of humor or perhaps political correctness has just been too ironed into their shirt collars and minds.

Why do I bring this up? Well...this book is FULL of bluecollar humor, vulgar bits, that will easily offend the politically correct. If I read this book aloud at work, the blues would laugh until tears came into their eyes. The whites would pull me into the office and fire me.

There's a gynecologist who at times enjoys his job a bit too much. This comes with yeast infection jokes and scenes I can't mention on this blog but which I am almost ashamed to confess I found hilarious. Yes, I'm a blue. There's a psychologist who hasn't stayed in a relationship in years, yet is supposed to be a marriage expert. She hooks up with the first man to come along when she realizes this and proceeds to attempt to dog train him, complete with shock collar. There's a senior citizen center full of horny old folks. There are body-building lesbians who run a moving company called PMS. It's quite a cast of characters, with the story line being, basically, how similar men are to dogs.

There's offensive discussions. Nothing is left out. From racism to diarrhea to circumcision. If you can't take it with a grain of salt, this book is not for you.

I found it really funny. I especially enjoyed the George Bush puppet. LOL Reminded me of that man on comedy channel with the grumpy puppet and the terrorist puppet.

I thought the writing a tad juvenile, but this isn't something one picks up if they're looking for literary fiction. I did have a few problems though. I didn't care for the attitude toward dogs. I'm a huge dog person and I am most def not in the choke and shock collar or rolled-up newspaper club. I also just found it a tad ridiculous at times, especially all these people--men, women, old, young--lusting after the bearded, fat, dumb, extremely phobic hippie. Just too preposterous.

Full review and funny quote: http://wwwbookbabe.blogspot.com/2014/... ...more

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Jul 07, 2013 John rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: humor, romance, dnf

This book was written under a pseudonym for Steve Alten, the guy who wrote the popular prehistoric shark novel MEG. DOG TRAINING THE AMERICAN MALE is perhaps not the most poorly written of Alten's books, but it's the first one I absolutely could not bring myself to finish. I'm giving it two stars instead of one, based on the understanding that I fall outside its target demographic. Personally, I found it both unfunny and demeaning to such a degree that it even makes Ashton Kutcher episodes of TW ...more

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May 04, 2018 Maria rated it it was amazing

I am in love with this book and think men and woman will love this. It is light, funny, witty, smart, has a good story line and hey you may learn a thing or two. Can a man be trained like you would a dog complete with being hit on the head with a newspaper (first attempt) to a shock collar (last attempt)?

Nancy is a doctor with an MBA and hosts a radio talk show that is sinking. She is in jeopardy of losing the gig and needs to make a change. Jacob lost his job, lives with his brother in a guest I am in love with this book and think men and woman will love this. It is light, funny, witty, smart, has a good story line and hey you may learn a thing or two. Can a man be trained like you would a dog complete with being hit on the head with a newspaper (first attempt) to a shock collar (last attempt)?

Nancy is a doctor with an MBA and hosts a radio talk show that is sinking. She is in jeopardy of losing the gig and needs to make a change. Jacob lost his job, lives with his brother in a guest house and makes love to an Asian blow up doll.

Nancy and Jacob meet, start dating and when Jacob has to move from his brother's they decide to move in together. How can these two relationship loser make a relationship work? Well with mutual love and respect of course. HAHAHA...what kind of story would that be? When Jacob brings home a dog for Nancy (not the fluffy, white, tiny dog she was hoping for but a big sloppy, uncontrollable German Shepherd) the story really takes off.

Nancy decides that she can use the training she is learning to train the dog to train Jacob to get what she wants. Not gold digger ideals but respectful things like putting the seat down, taking your shoes off and placing them in the closet, not in the hall where she can trip over them, hanging up the hand towel he uses instead of leaving it on the sink; you know...the little things! In turn Jacob will get a turned on Nancy who is up for anything (cough, cough). Demand-Reward like you do a dog or just be the alpha dog depending on which trainer you listen to.

I loved Jacob's gynecological brother (OMG some of the best scenes of the book) and Nancy's body building lesbian sister and girlfriend. Jacob is by far my favorite character, the poor dude can't get a break. Nancy is trying to train him unbeknownst to him, he is getting hit on left and right by men and woman and he really is an easy dude.

Steve (LA KNIGHT) does a great job of pulling of a funny, fast read with a lot of adult humor.

LOVED IT and highly recommend it.

...more

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Oct 26, 2020 Book collector rated it did not like it

I wasn't going to bother reviewing this rather trite effort from Steve Alten as its probably not really aimed at me. However a friend who is in its age demographic read it after me and when we discussed it I said I'd put a review on. Her thoughts pretty much mirrored my own despite a 25 year odd age gap. She thought it was stupid, badly written and the humour was childish. I agree. I do occasionally read romantic comedy. This is not romantic comedy. Its puerile drivel. The jokes fall far short o ...more

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Apr 14, 2018 Lovely Loveday rated it really liked it

Dog Training the American Male is not your typical romance novel. This laugh out loud love story is full of all the ups and down drama that many relationships face. Knight has created a unique love story that has a bit of comedy mixed in making this book very realistic and relatable. The characters are well developed and each has creative backstories that help to give this story a comedy twist. A story that is sure to stay with you long after you finish reading.

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Mar 24, 2018 Lisa rated it it was ok

It's juvenile. That wouldn't have bothered me, but the story was too predictable. ...more

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Aug 05, 2019 Savannah Thompson rated it it was amazing

Absolutely fantastic. So funny and well written! The characters all go so well together. I caught myself actually laughing out loud!

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Dec 15, 2016 Charles rated it really liked it

While this book is amusing, most readers will find it just that and not at the “laugh-out-loud” level. Dr. Nancy Beech is a relationship counselor that has a local radio show and a fatal flaw. So far, she has been unable to make any of her relationships work. Jacob Cope used to work on Wall Street and was very successful until he lost his job. His goal now is to be a ventriloquist, he has an old van and a job in phone tech support that he hates.
Nancy and Jacob are introduced by their relative While this book is amusing, most readers will find it just that and not at the “laugh-out-loud” level. Dr. Nancy Beech is a relationship counselor that has a local radio show and a fatal flaw. So far, she has been unable to make any of her relationships work. Jacob Cope used to work on Wall Street and was very successful until he lost his job. His goal now is to be a ventriloquist, he has an old van and a job in phone tech support that he hates.
Nancy and Jacob are introduced by their relatives that are desperate to get them to have a life and reduce their involvement in theirs. When they meet on their blind date, they hit it off and it is not long before they are living together in the same house. This starts the usual set of problems between people when they set up house together. Jacob tracks dirt in, leaves the toilet seat up and is generally unwilling to clean up the messes that he always manages to create.
Nancy’s radio show is on the verge of being cancelled when she develops the idea of women training their “Y” using the same tactics that one uses to train a dog. Without her prior approval, Jacob acquires a large male dog and it is necessary to hire trainers in an attempt to curb his enthusiasm. Nancy then uses the dog training techniques on Jacob as well as teaching them to her willing female students. Even shock collars and castration threats are used.
Jacob’s brother Vincent is a gynecologist that also performs labia surgery. Some of his patients are very open about showing off their new and improved condition. Some of the older women are aggressive in seeking male attention for sex but also sometimes just for the shock factor.
Throw in some other minor characters and this is a story that is amusing and unpredictable. Until you read it, you would never expect a female patient in a nursing home to spin donuts in her wheelchair with her female parts exposed for the viewing pleasure of the male patients. While doing it she shouts, “Look closely, the second look will cost you your next month’s social security check.” That is a great line that captures the essence of the book. Outrageous sexual expression without a great deal of actual sex being done.
...more

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Jun 17, 2013 Nancy Silk rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

"The Most Hilarious Novel I've Ever Read"

This is the first novel (or comedy) I've read by L.A. Knight. Right from the beginning, I was laughing up a storm. I would like to say right up front, this novel I highly recommend for adult mature females (PG17, as the author says) who are open-minded and enjoy over-the-top humor. Nancy Beach is a radio show hostess who is a doctor and holds an MBA. Her talk show deals with relationships, but her listening audience is falling off. Nancy shares her sister ...more

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Aug 29, 2016 Lissy Peace added it

Shelves: contemporary-romance

This is a very different romance book and I LOVED IT. It's a fun laugh out loud romantic comedy. The story is about Dr. Nancy Beach and her boyfriend, Jacob Cope. Dr. Beach has a failing radio show. Her station manager tells her she only has a couple weeks to turn it around. Jacob and Nancy meet on a blind date and begin dating. Shortly thereafter, both need a new place to live and decide to move in together.

After an initial period, Jacob comes home with a 4 year old German Shepherd that tears ...more

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Nov 03, 2016 K.J. Simmill rated it it was amazing

Nancy Beach hosts a relationship counselling show called 'Life's a Beach', but with two failed engagements and little success in making her own relationships work her listeners are losing faith. Her ratings are plummeting, her job is in danger. Then her sister sets her up on a blind date with Jacob, a man with as many, if not more, hang ups and fears as her. When the two were forced to move in together Nancy's sister imparted Jacob with some life saving advice, buy her a foofy dog. When the hone ...more

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Jun 24, 2013 Dan Barbier rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Very funny and sexy romantic comedy.
R-rated in language and in sexual content.
I smiled throughout and laughed at some situations. I had to remind myself that this guy writes Thrillers for a living. If you like dirty jokes, you'll have fun. ...more

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Jan 01, 2015 Kariane rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: 2014

This book is so funny. You are going to love Nancy and Jacob. I'm not going to give anything away here but if you want a book that will make you laugh and that you can't put down then read this book. ...more

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Oct 17, 2016 Staci Suhy rated it liked it

Shelves: first-reads

I received this book for free as part of a first reads promotion

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Jul 05, 2013 Dee Haddrill rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: read-2013, funny-fiction

Some genuinely funny, laugh out loud moments in this book. Thoroughly enjoyable.

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Dec 17, 2014 Amanda Middlebrooks rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Reads like an Adam Sandler movie. Entertaining but not too deep.

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Aug 30, 2013 Keith rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

One of the funniest books I've read. Alten does a tremendous job proving he isn't just an action writer. ...more

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Jun 14, 2013 Jamie rated it did not like it · review of another edition

predictable story, some sections enjoyable. The references to dog training are not positive reinforcement. Game over once the shock collar came out in the story. I do not recommend this book.

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