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As If I Am Not There

4.20  ·  Rating details ·  1,414 ratings  ·  170 reviews
"While she was in the warehouse S. feared uncertainty. Any kind of certainty seemed preferable to her. Now she was at least rid of that fear. There was no more uncertainty. She was in a storehouse of women, in a room where female bodies were stored for the use of men."

The use of rape as a mode of warfare was one of the atrocities that made "ethnic cleansing" such a horrif

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Paperback, 224 pages
Published November 4th 1999 by Abacus (first published 1999)
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Steven Godin
Mar 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: fiction, the-balkans
Croatian journalist, novelist, and essayist Slavenka Drakulić has written a terrifyingly fierce and painful novel of a country's lost identity, told through the suffering of a nameless group of female inmates in a camp and their difficult attempts to rebuild their lives after liberation. All the characters are simply known by a single initial, with the main focal point being a woman called S. She has just given birth in a Stockholm hospital to a child she wants nothing to do with after being rep ...more
Lisa
Sep 01, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This was the first Drakulic I read, and at the time, I felt incapable of writing a review, although I consider it both very well written as a novel and immensely important as a historical reflection on the routine of rape during wars.

There was a double reason why I could not put into words what I thought. First of all, I struggled with the closeness of the atrocious events: both in a geographical and historical sense. This book took me to a war in Europe during my own lifetime, my teenage years
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Ines
Dec 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I don’t know why I have read this book at this very time, close to Christmas, it is a devastating book and it is nothing compared to the reality experienced by this woman, which the author will simply call S.
This woman will be deported along with other residents of her village, only to be Bosnian .... This was enough, during the terrible war in the Balkans in 1992, to determine the death of people....
I say immediately, the narration and the events that are reported are strong if not more' than m
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Emily May
Aug 16, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
When your country is at war with another, or perhaps many others, you are aware of the risk to human life. You know soldiers will die, you know that some of these may be people you know or even your loved ones. But, though the civilians at home worry about those who are away fighting for their country, they rarely see themselves as part of the war. The threat to them seems far away, almost unreal. So when the occupying forces marched into the Bosnian village where S. lived, her immediate reactio ...more
K.D. Absolutely
Apr 30, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to K.D. by: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die (2006-2010)
Shelves: saddest, war, race, 1001-core
Slavenka Drakulic (born 1949) is a Croatian novelist, sociologist and a journalist who writes mainly on women issues. This is my opening sentence because when I picked up this book, I asked myself: Drakulic, who? and thought that this was a horror book. Hmmm. Drakulic=Dracula. Bosnia=Yugoslavia=Transylvania. Enough, K.D. Stop. Must be the Halloween spirit. This is a serious book.

Very much, indeed. S: A Novel About Balkans a.k.a. As If I Am Not There is about rape, torture, and sexual slavery
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Steve Kettmann
Apr 13, 2010 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
My original review (2000) in the San Francisco Chronicle

S. A Novel of the Balkans By Slavenka Drakulic Viking; 216 pages; $22.95
Croatian writer Slavenka Drakulic has given the world a gift, digging into the twisted reality of the war that splintered the former Yugoslavia and emerging with ``S.,'' a searing story about a woman held in a Bosnian concentration camp. It is a haunting, difficult novel that is also somehow redemptive.

In the past, Drakulic has demonstrated in essays such as ``Cafe Euro
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Nataliya
"Perhaps that happens to people in wartime, words suddenly become superfluous because they can no longer express reality. Reality escapes the words we know, and we simply lack new words to encapsulate this new experience."

"Only now does S. understand that a woman's body never really belongs to the woman. It belongs to others—to the man, the children, the family. And in wartime to soldiers."

"Now, however, she sees that for her war began the moment others started dividing and labelling her, when n
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Dan
Mar 31, 2008 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2008
this novel concerns the systematized rape and torture of civilian bosnian women during the conflicts in the balkans during the early nineties. it's deeply troubling stuff-- almost a psychosexual counterpart to a day in the life of ivan denisovich. which begs the inevitable question-- why am i reading this? certainly there's an impulse to somehow "bear witness" (however wishy-washy), and drakulic does a great job of emphasizing the necessity that such events be remembered (as well as, ironically, ...more
Bogdan
Oct 25, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: central-europe
I always thought that war atrocities are something from the distant past, when there was no human rights neither Geneva convention. Usually I imagine them to be part of wars from the Dark Ages, or even more distant, like Antiquity or Stone Age. But I always forget how relatively recent were World Wars (a meager 70 years), or the Bosnian War or even more recently, the War from Eastern Ukraine, about which if I will hear similar atrocities I would not be surprised.

This is just what this novel and
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Calzean
A sad tale of the brutality of rape in war told through the experiences of an unnamed Bosnian woman who is entrapped as one of a group of women who are repeatedly raped by their Serbian guards. The story covers her capture, her life in the camp and importantly the months after being freed and how she copes with her life.
The writing is a sparse, cold and bleak. The story is ugly but it tells a real tale for what happens too many women who find themselves in a conflict or war zone. An important bo
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Ruby Hollyberry
Jan 17, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: literature
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Ian
Jun 30, 2012 rated it really liked it
This a great book but a really difficult one to read. It is set during the 1990's Bosnian war and is about the systematic rape and killing of Bosnian Muslim women by Serbian soldiers both in their towns and villages but later in the concentration camps. It is a story told by a woman only identified by the initial S. - the sad truth being that the women will never identify the rapists, for fear that they will be victimised even further after returning to the Muslim community.
Ron Wroblewski
Feb 22, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a terrible yet realistic book about the way woman are used (misused) during war. It is very sad that things like this happen and the men who treat women like things to be used should be used on the gallows.
Amalie
This book provides insight into the physical and psychological horrors Croatian women faced during the Bosnian War in the early 1990's.

The author never gives the names of the women depicted in the book. Instead, she chooses to identify them only by an initial. The protagonist identified as "S" is not necessarily a real person, she appears to composite the true experiences of many women. Therefore, the few stories in this book give voice to around 50,000 Croatian women who were raped and torture
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Kristyna Muhlfeit
Apr 25, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Perfectly written novel. It is the plot and message of the Handmaid’s Tale but it - it is not Gilead- it is Bosnia. It is not a dystopian future- it is reality. (And the language and writing style are far superior to that of The Handmaid’s Tale. The reader feels more part of the story and empathetic to the characters) Slavenka Drakulić is an amazing writer and astoundingly underrated. She beautifully portrays the savagely tragic life of a Bosnian school teacher as she endures unspeakable evils d ...more
Kayleigh
4.5 stars.

Read in October of 2014, not going to review. I'm just adding books to my read shelf that never made it there when I originally read them (thanks, child Kayleigh, for deciding to keep a list of all the books you've read, their dates, and their rating since early 2007).
Shaun
"S.," also know as "As If I Am Not There" -- a harrowing, haunting novel set in Bosnia in the years 1992 and 1993 -- is about the systemic rape and humiliation of a schoolteacher of mixed Serbian and Bosnian heredity. When Serbian forces enter her village, S. spends months in an all female compound of a Serbian concentration camp where she is subjected to continual sexual violence and beatings. The novel culminates with her arrival in Scandinavia as a refugee -- pregnant, homeless, and ambivalen ...more
Kelly
Apr 26, 2011 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Postmodern non-linear narratives are hard to read. You never know "when" you are. I love this in movies because visual cues always show me where I am. Non linear narratives mess up the story in compelling ways and show how our past and future often collide in our present. And yet, I always have trouble reading out of time. I miss the cues that are obvious to other readers. S. is a non-linear novel in the beginning and I certainly had trouble keeping in time.

S.reveals the tragedy of war on women
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Rob
Jan 22, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Perhaps the most devastating thing about the 1990s war in Bosnia was that it took place while elsewhere, we were cheering on USA 94, listening to Suede and Blur, watching Supermarket Sweep and debating the Maastricht Treaty ad nauseam. Meanwhile, genocide and rape were taking place on our virtual doorstep.

This volume takes the character of 'S' and charts her progress from Serb internment camp to Croatian refugee camp to Swedish exile, painting a vivid portrait of everyday horror, the vast ma
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Thurston Hunger
A horrifying book, horrifying that is in terms of its topic/setting. The writing is hard to judge, for the simple reason that atrocities get stacked up so rapidly that I had to simply stop reading at times. The words disappear, but their story does not. Actually if anything the writing and the self-assessment of the lead character are as brutally plain, as the treatment of her in Bosnian camp is plainly brutal.

At each chapter, I would look at the time stamp as part of the title and could not hel
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J.
I saw the Irish Produced film first, which is how I found out about the novel. The film was very similar, but the novel, of course, was better. The writing is effortless, and one has to read this in one sitting. The events seem absolutely inconceivable, but I suppose that is how all of these kinds of conflicts start. With a sense of disbelief. One of the best first hand account type works I have ever read. Even though it is fiction, it is clear that the author is very familiar with the subject m ...more
Erik Graff
Feb 08, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: everyone
Recommended to Erik by: Anna-Kristina Graff
Shelves: literature
This book was given to me as a Christmas present by my niece, Norwegian on her father's, Bosnian Serb on her mother's side. Based on interviews, it is a novelized account of one young Bosnian woman's life from the time of her capture by the Serbs, through her imprisonment to her resettlement as a refugee in Sweden--a period of just about one year. While imprisoned, the protagonist, 'S' in the novel, is, along with other young women and girls, repeatedly and often violently raped, her story begin ...more
Deanne
Mar 17, 2012 rated it really liked it
Most books dealing with war seem to focus on life in the frontline, As if i am not there deals with what was happening to civillians in Bosnia and in particular to the muslims.
The characters are referred to by letters, which makes them seem to stand for more than just any individual. People deal with what is happening to them in different ways, by pretending it's not them, or trying to seem invisible. It's harrowing and difficult to read, but it's also a book which ends with a glimmmer of hope.
Olivia Camp
Jan 05, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: current-lit
"Their murderers need to forget, but their victims must not let them."

What a powerful story. Never have I read something so horrific yet beautiful, with an emotional depth so unimaginable. I found myself constantly shocked as I continuously remembered the truth and nearness of its events. This novel will wreck you and leave you feeling utterly empty of all emotion over what thousands of women went through during the Bosnian war. Never have I ever felt such despair and connection over a story. I
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Erma Odrach
Jul 29, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
S. is about a Bosnian woman who finds herself in a prison during the Bosnian war of the early 1990's. She is repeatedly raped, dehumanized and starved. Drakulic paints a horrific picture and with great detail. It is a book not just about the suffering of female prisoners but also of how war can turn some men into animals. A very upsetting read, but necessary. Although this is a novel, I felt it would have faired much better in the non-fiction category.
Chanell
Nov 07, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Terrifying yet enthralling! Amazingly well written account of war, torture, and rape in the Bosnian war. I remember studying this war in my history class sophomore year. As a sophomore I felt so detacted from the realities and emotional/physical accounts of war. As an American, I am still detacted. But this novel (for a moment) placed me at the forefront. I agree with my friend Alessandra - as a citizen of the world, you must read this book.
Julie
Apr 13, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A dark, uncomfortable novel about a Bosnian Muslim woman taken to a camp where she is repeatedly raped by Serb soldiers. She becomes pregnant in the camps and must decide what to do with the child when she finally gives birth as a refugee in Sweden. As upsetting as it is to read, it is an important novel that gives insight into the mentality of people during times of war.
Mila
Jan 23, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: balkans
It is certainly important to testify on the gruesome realities of war, in this case the rapes committed by Serbian soldiers on Bosnian muslim women, but I think that the choice of a first-person narrative that focuses on the projected inner life of the victim is an inappropriate idea. It sounds inauthentic and slightly exploitative.
Wendi
Sep 19, 2010 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
Truly haunting. The ugly picture of war. Painful to read at times. It was not a comfort remembering this book was fiction, as it came about from numerous interviews of women who lived through the Balkan experience-so somewhere it all could have happened or did happen or even worse.
Sonja
Sep 10, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: library-book
this book is devastating.
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Slavenka Drakulić (1949) is a noted Croatian writer and publicist, whose books have been translated into many languages.

In her fiction Drakulić has touched on a variety of topics, such as dealing with illness and fear of death in Holograms of fear; the destructive power of sexual desire in Marble skin; an unconventional relationship in The taste of a man; cruelty of war and rape victims in S. A N
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“She wonders what else she will have to give up and what is the minimum of things with which one can survive without losing the feeling that one is human?” 11 likes
“With a practised hand he pulls out a knife and presses it against her throat. Hurry up, he hisses through clenched teeth, hurry up! At that same instant she is again struck by their inability to express themselves in normal sentences; they use only monosyllabic words, as if they have forgotten how to speak. And perhaps they have. Perhaps that happens to people in wartime, words suddenly become superfluous because they can no longer express reality. Reality escapes the words we know, and we simply lack new words to encapsulate this new experience.” 3 likes
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