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There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate
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There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

4.17  ·  Rating details ·  1,709 ratings  ·  106 reviews
This book reveals the origin of self-hate, how self-hate works, how to identify it, and how to go beyond it. It provides examples of some of the forms self-hate takes, including taking blame but not credit, holding grudges, and trying to be perfect, and explores the many facets of self-hate, including its role in addiction, the battering cycle, and the illusion of control. ...more
Paperback, Revised Edition, 239 pages
Published October 1st 2001 by Keep It Simple Books (first published May 1st 1997)
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Brian Satterfield I'm not saying the ebook doesn't exist. It would be difficult to have in that form with the hand drawings in the paperback version. Good luck in findi…moreI'm not saying the ebook doesn't exist. It would be difficult to have in that form with the hand drawings in the paperback version. Good luck in finding, it's a life evolving book for sure. (less)

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 ·  1,709 ratings  ·  106 reviews

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Emma Sea
May 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: ordered-in-pb
"People 40, 50, 60 years old
are waiting for their parents
to parent them.

The odds are very good
that's not going to happen

If your parents could love you the way you want to be loved

it would already have happened"

Huber will show you how to love that little child inside you who hurts. All you have to do is accept it. And guess what?

"Your love will always be conditional as long as you are excluding any part of yourself from it."

If you are already practicing mindfulness, I rec this book
If you are
Feb 07, 2010 added it
pg 124 - 125
"At some point, now or later, you're going to have to risk BEING YOU in order to find out who that really is. Not the conditioned you, not the "you" you've been taught to believe you are, who you really are. And this perhaps will be the scariest, the most loving, the most rewarding thing you have ever done."

So how do I tell the difference between the conditioned me and Me? Like this:

pg 220 - 221
"What's Really Going On
This is why meditation, paying attention, awareness, and long retre
Sep 29, 2007 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: perfectionists
This is a playful and disarming introduction to Zen Buddhism written for people (like me) who grew up believing that self-correction is the path to happiness.

I'm currently reading The Mandala of Being by Richard Moss which is a much more "serious" examination of the exact same topic. I'm glad I read Huber first, though, because her spacious presentations and almost childlike handwriting gave me the humility I needed to actually begin practicing.
Feb 03, 2012 rated it liked it
Recommended to Mpho3 by: Marianne
A Zen infomercial for the powers of meditation. Well, no it's a little more than that. The subtitle may be off-putting to people who don't take as broad a view of the term "self-hate" as the author, a Zen Monk, does. However, in true Zen fashion, Huber is talking about ... "suffering." On p. 209 she specifically states, "Suffering provides our identity. Identity is maintained in struggle, in dissatisfaction, in trying to fix what's wrong. Suffering, egocentricity, fear, self-hate, [the] illusion ...more
David Dort
Feb 20, 2012 rated it liked it
As with most self-help books, the value in this Zen-oriented approach is in the patience of waiting for the tidbit that is of particular value to oneself. The first thought is exclusionary "oh, this doesn't really apply to ME." And, this book may not, as it initially appears to be geared to those who are excessively self-critical and people-pleasing. But in a deeper reading (and it can be read very quickly) with a more open mind, I found that it was applicable to me not only to some of the unapp ...more
Oct 03, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: spirituality
When this book was given to me as a gift I read the title and was a little offended. "What, he thinks that I think that something is wrong with me?" Then my gears started turning: "Maybe there is..."
Ironically, this sort of defensiveness and the resulting negative self-talk are exactly what Cheri Huber dissects in a book that is far more spiritual than psychological.
This book is anti-self help because it promotes a belief that everything you need is inside you - there is nothing to fix, the self
Coyora Dokusho
May 07, 2014 rated it it was amazing
"Any time a voice is talking to you that is not talking with love and compassion, DON'T BELIEVE IT."

gonna read it again, reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally helpful
Sarah Obsesses over Books & Cookies
Never have I encountered a self-help book with such simplicity yet such profound wisdom. Everyday issues that everyone has (in degrees) this book has shed light on such things as holding ourselves to a standard that leads to pain and guilt and pressure and self hate. We have this innate concept that we aren't good enough or have to do our to-do list and do it right or......
well that's it. Or what? We hold on to this identity that we have to do or be or act certain ways or something will happen,
Jan 29, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
Perhaps the most simple self-book I have ever read, though, it's a book to read again and take notes. Fashion photographer, Sue Bryce recommended this book and I am glad I listened to her! This book really brought out some of my struggles, issues that I didn't realise I had and some that I did but did not know how to deal with them/get over them!

I highly recommend this book to anyone. This book can help you get out of your comfort zone and stop sabotaging yourself. You just need to be willing t
Mar 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Amazing book. I first read this in my twenties and was blown away both by her fun way of illustrating the idea of negative self-talk/self-hate and by the fact that what I thought was a thing personal to me, was something that many people experience. Cheri Huber is a wise and kind woman. Her words still guide me today, almost 20 years after I first read this book.
Tricia Culp
Jun 19, 2018 rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
This is a lovely, enlightening little book. It’s written from a zen/meditation perspective, so spiritually I don’t agree with everything, but it has lots of helpful perspectives, and helped me see my own self-talk and certain behavior patterns and habits in a new way. It helped me see new ways to release control and trust God and accept his forgiveness and grace.
Haley Luvison
Dec 19, 2017 rated it really liked it
Starting the year off with some self acceptance + compassion in a totally non-ironic way.
Jan 03, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-improvement
This book joins "Your Erroneous Zones" and "The Untethered Soul" as my top three self-improvement books, although after reading this book I now understand self-improvement is a trap. Huber writes, "Self-hate uses self-improvement as self-maintenance. As long as you are concerned about improving yourself, you'll always have a self to improve, and you will always suffer".

Huber explains how we have been taught to believe there is something wrong with us, and how we believe it is a good thing to loo
Ahmad Adel
Aug 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: english, non-fiction
This book got me through a very difficult time. It was a changing point for my mental health, and my relationship with what's between my ears. I last read it about a year ago, so I will not do it justice if I try to give it a detailed review, but this book probably had more impact on my life and mental health than any other book.
It made me realize a very simple yet often forgotten truth: Beating myself up for everything single mistake will not make me a good person, because I already am. Self-ha
Mar 03, 2012 rated it it was ok
I think the book had some good ideas, but I really disliked the font. It was very cutesy and child-like. I am not a child. I was looking for some real help. It's hard to take a book seriously when it looks like it's written in crayon.
Jul 08, 2012 rated it liked it
The book gave me a new way of thinking. It never really crossed my mind not to believe what the voices in my head were thinking. I think it's helpful... I think the free videos of their workshops are more enlightening.
April Gress
Apr 19, 2013 rated it liked it
The content was informative, however, the delivery felt a bit strange to me. The layout of the book was also a little odd. I suppose it would be most beneficial for a beginner looking to take those first steps down the path of self acceptance. Reading it certainly won't do any damage!
Lisa Cole
Mar 02, 2014 rated it really liked it
The only reason I didn't give this 5 stars is that the book design was distracting. Perhaps the editor thought the handwriting would give the book a more personal feel, but I prefer books that are written in standard type.
Dec 13, 2011 rated it it was amazing
An essential read for anyone who experiences self-hate and is open to taking up meditation and learning to embrace self-acceptance.
Lenny Husen
Feb 08, 2019 rated it liked it
I read this at the gym yesterday. Nothing new, but a nice summary of the reasons for meditating and the rationale behind letting go of self-hate and embracing self-acceptance.
The best thing and the worst thing about this book it that is is extremely simplistic.
It should be a Podcast or Magazine Article.
My edition is an earlier one--I am amused that she did another edition for Teens, because the whole time I read this I kept thinking, "Wow, this would be great for teens"--she didn't need to chan
Mar 28, 2020 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2008
I think it was fluidmind that suggested I read Cheri Huber, and I believe that I actually did read this book at that time. I can't really recall...have you ever had a book like that? You find it on the shelf and it SEEMS familiar, but you can't tell if it's familiar because someone told you about it or because you actually read it, but long enough ago that you can't recall it all?

Yeah. Anyway.

This book is really about Zen meditation, but it has some good perspectives and points out some really i
Melissa Palka
Jan 03, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone!
This book legitimately changed my life!

Cheri Huber challenged my perception of myself and presented me with practices and ideas that allowed me to better my own relationship with myself. Before reading this book, I was unaware of how much negative talk I had going on in my own head. Man...I complain when someone says something rude to me and yet here I was being so awful to myself on a daily basis and not even thinking twice about it. This book made me aware of my negative beliefs and thought p
Alana Kansaku-Sarmiento
Mar 18, 2020 rated it did not like it
This is the biggest load of garbage I've read in my life. She equates self-hatred with self-evaluation, which is not only inaccurate but dangerous, as it will give people the excuse to not work on themselves. I imagine the only people who rate this book 5 stars are the people most blinded by their need for love that they will actually believe someone who tells them there's nothing wrong with them. Listen, folks: we all got shit we could do to better ourselves, and that is not hate talking - cont ...more
El  Douglas
Sep 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I read this book when I was hospitalized last year. I had actually seen the book in my church book store a month or so before and my mother had said it had jumped out at her when she had been at church the Sunday before she came to visit me. It’s real, it definitely doesn’t sugar coat the hard to swallow truths. It had brought light to some of the more uncomfortable truths of my life. I suggest this book if you are struggling with self esteem and self image. The writing is easy to understand as ...more
Trenton Judson
Apr 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This book is a great book for breaking down the negative dialogue that we all have cultivated through years of self-hate disguised as "improving." I love that meditation and living in the present are at the core of the message. Another strength of this book is that it is straight-forward and very reader friendly. Any level of reader can read this book and get something important out of it! I'd also say that it really helped me deconstruct some of my own harmful thinking errors, particularly thos ...more
Kristi Cowan
Aug 04, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I highly recommend this book to everyone, because of the presentation (drives important points home in a creative way), and speaks with a very kind but firm voice. People who have had the experience of rejection or abuse in any form would definitely find this to be what they needed to hear, yet that is my impression. We all have this inner critic or judge, but I really appreciate the way it's explained by this author. This judge is created by our minds for a practical reason, but then comes self ...more
Dec 12, 2019 rated it it was ok
I had great hopes for this book, as this is an area I struggle with. However, the author tended to offer mainly meditation as the sole tool, not surprisingly as her bio on the back says she has been "a student and teacher of Zen awareness practice for over 30 years." This is probably a book you have to be at a certain place and spiritual practice to find helpful; I found parts interesting, but ultimately not for me.
Jan 17, 2018 rated it it was amazing
A book that is both heavy and light at the same time. It took me months, no... years to read if you count the time it spent sitting on my shelf. It took me a while to get the courage to fully dive in. I finally read it while on a road trip to Utah, while and I had the time and space to absorb it. This book isn't for everyone, but it should be. It can change so much.
Rebecca Dharamraj
Jul 28, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Incredible book to evoke self reflection. Just the act of reading it during breakfast, waiting for the train, helped me feel calm and taken care of. A good alternative if you’re nervous about person-to-person therapy. The author gives you reason and images to believe that no, not everything is your fault and you’re not a terrible person.
Jan 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: library, paper, self-help
This book surprised me repeatedly, mostly because I was (apparently) ready for the messages. Highly recommended if you're ready to let go of exceptionalism, and you might be, after you read the book.
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Cheri Huber, author of 20 books, has been a student and teacher of Zen for over 35 years. In 1983, Cheri founded the Mountain View Zen Center, and in 1987 she founded the Zen Monastery Peace Center near Murphys, California. She and the monks at the Monastery conduct workshops and retreats at these centers, other places around the U.S., and internationally.

In 1997, Cheri founded Living Compassion,

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