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There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate
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There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate

4.18  ·  Rating details ·  1,938 ratings  ·  140 reviews
This book reveals the origin of self-hate, how self-hate works, how to identify it, and how to go beyond it. It provides examples of some of the forms self-hate takes, including taking blame but not credit, holding grudges, and trying to be perfect, and explores the many facets of self-hate, including its role in addiction, the battering cycle, and the illusion of control. ...more
Paperback, Revised Edition, 239 pages
Published October 1st 2001 by Keep It Simple Books (first published May 1st 1997)
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B. D. Satterfield I'm not saying the ebook doesn't exist. It would be difficult to have in that form with the hand drawings in the paperback version. Good luck in findi…moreI'm not saying the ebook doesn't exist. It would be difficult to have in that form with the hand drawings in the paperback version. Good luck in finding, it's a life evolving book for sure. (less)

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Average rating 4.18  · 
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 ·  1,938 ratings  ·  140 reviews

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Emma Sea
May 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: ordered-in-pb
"People 40, 50, 60 years old
are waiting for their parents
to parent them.

The odds are very good
that's not going to happen

If your parents could love you the way you want to be loved

it would already have happened"

Huber will show you how to love that little child inside you who hurts. All you have to do is accept it. And guess what?

"Your love will always be conditional as long as you are excluding any part of yourself from it."

If you are already practicing mindfulness, I rec this book
If you are
Feb 07, 2010 added it
pg 124 - 125
"At some point, now or later, you're going to have to risk BEING YOU in order to find out who that really is. Not the conditioned you, not the "you" you've been taught to believe you are, who you really are. And this perhaps will be the scariest, the most loving, the most rewarding thing you have ever done."

So how do I tell the difference between the conditioned me and Me? Like this:

pg 220 - 221
"What's Really Going On
This is why meditation, paying attention, awareness, and long retre
Miya (struggling with pain, doing my best)
This book literally changed my life. I read it in a hospital, and my entire world just flipped. In the best way possible. I give this book to so many people...especially teens I know who are just struggling with being a teenager. It is such an easy read. I really can't put into words how much this book means to me. I'm not Buddhist, but the words are easy for anyone to grasp. When I am asked what book impacted you most, I always say this book right here. Always. ...more
Sep 29, 2007 rated it it was amazing
This is a playful and disarming introduction to Zen Buddhism written for people (like me) who grew up believing that self-correction is the path to happiness.

I'm currently reading The Mandala of Being by Richard Moss which is a much more "serious" examination of the exact same topic. I'm glad I read Huber first, though, because her spacious presentations and almost childlike handwriting gave me the humility I needed to actually begin practicing.
Feb 03, 2012 rated it liked it
A Zen infomercial for the powers of meditation. Well, no it's a little more than that. The subtitle may be off-putting to people who don't take as broad a view of the term "self-hate" as the author, a Zen Monk, does. However, in true Zen fashion, Huber is talking about ... "suffering." On p. 209 she specifically states, "Suffering provides our identity. Identity is maintained in struggle, in dissatisfaction, in trying to fix what's wrong. Suffering, egocentricity, fear, self-hate, [the] illusion ...more
David Dort
Feb 20, 2012 rated it liked it
As with most self-help books, the value in this Zen-oriented approach is in the patience of waiting for the tidbit that is of particular value to oneself. The first thought is exclusionary "oh, this doesn't really apply to ME." And, this book may not, as it initially appears to be geared to those who are excessively self-critical and people-pleasing. But in a deeper reading (and it can be read very quickly) with a more open mind, I found that it was applicable to me not only to some of the unapp ...more
Deb Jones
Oct 31, 2021 rated it liked it
Sorry, this book's messages just didn't speak to me. I'm happy for all the people who've been positively influenced by it. ...more
Mar 19, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Amazing book. I first read this in my twenties and was blown away both by her fun way of illustrating the idea of negative self-talk/self-hate and by the fact that what I thought was a thing personal to me, was something that many people experience. Cheri Huber is a wise and kind woman. Her words still guide me today, almost 20 years after I first read this book.
Coyora Dokusho
May 07, 2014 rated it it was amazing
"Any time a voice is talking to you that is not talking with love and compassion, DON'T BELIEVE IT."

gonna read it again, reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally helpful
Dec 18, 2021 rated it it was ok
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jan 03, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-improvement
This book joins "Your Erroneous Zones" and "The Untethered Soul" as my top three self-improvement books, although after reading this book I now understand self-improvement is a trap. Huber writes, "Self-hate uses self-improvement as self-maintenance. As long as you are concerned about improving yourself, you'll always have a self to improve, and you will always suffer".

Huber explains how we have been taught to believe there is something wrong with us, and how we believe it is a good thing to loo
Sarah Obsesses over Books & Cookies
Never have I encountered a self-help book with such simplicity yet such profound wisdom. Everyday issues that everyone has (in degrees) this book has shed light on such things as holding ourselves to a standard that leads to pain and guilt and pressure and self hate. We have this innate concept that we aren't good enough or have to do our to-do list and do it right or......
well that's it. Or what? We hold on to this identity that we have to do or be or act certain ways or something will happen,
Oct 03, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: spirituality
When this book was given to me as a gift I read the title and was a little offended. "What, he thinks that I think that something is wrong with me?" Then my gears started turning: "Maybe there is..."
Ironically, this sort of defensiveness and the resulting negative self-talk are exactly what Cheri Huber dissects in a book that is far more spiritual than psychological.
This book is anti-self help because it promotes a belief that everything you need is inside you - there is nothing to fix, the self
S. Wigget
Dec 13, 2011 rated it it was amazing
An essential read for anyone who experiences self-hate and is open to taking up meditation and learning to embrace self-acceptance.
Ahmad Adel
Aug 10, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: english, non-fiction
This book got me through a very difficult time. It was a changing point for my mental health, and my relationship with what's between my ears. I last read it about a year ago, so I will not do it justice if I try to give it a detailed review, but this book probably had more impact on my life and mental health than any other book.
It made me realize a very simple yet often forgotten truth: Beating myself up for everything single mistake will not make me a good person, because I already am. Self-ha
Jan 29, 2015 rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
Perhaps the most simple self-book I have ever read, though, it's a book to read again and take notes. Fashion photographer, Sue Bryce recommended this book and I am glad I listened to her! This book really brought out some of my struggles, issues that I didn't realise I had and some that I did but did not know how to deal with them/get over them!

I highly recommend this book to anyone. This book can help you get out of your comfort zone and stop sabotaging yourself. You just need to be willing t
Feb 17, 2022 rated it it was ok
I was recommended this book by my therapist over a year ago and just finally got around to it. Honestly I was severely disappointed and even more surprised by the number of glowing reviews here for it.

In fairness, the ideas presented have merit in my opinion. Radical acceptance, one of the key ideas, is a powerful way to change the narrative from being victims to being in charge of our lives.

However, I found this work to be about 230 pages of rambling around this and other similar topics. It wa
Tricia Culp
Jun 19, 2018 rated it really liked it
This is a lovely, enlightening little book. It’s written from a zen/meditation perspective, so spiritually I don’t agree with everything, but it has lots of helpful perspectives, and helped me see my own self-talk and certain behavior patterns and habits in a new way. It helped me see new ways to release control and trust God and accept his forgiveness and grace.
Haley Stringer
Dec 19, 2017 rated it really liked it
Starting the year off with some self acceptance + compassion in a totally non-ironic way.
Sep 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Great intro to Zen!
Celine Evren
Oct 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Def one of the best books of my 2020 reading list
Aug 02, 2022 added it
“I just see little children, because that’s how most of us feel inside. I picture this child who doesn’t know whether she wants the red bucket or the blue bucket. The truth is, she wants them both. They’re both really pretty and she likes them equally, and she can’t make up her mind. What she doesn’t know is that in this world, you only get one because getting both makes you selfish.”
Amber Tucker
Jul 21, 2014 rated it it was amazing
This book is helping me to get my head out of an awful depression and toward self-love and acceptance. I've read similar Buddhist self helpish books before, since that spiritual path is one I feel drawn to – but none of the other books affected me quite like this one. If anyone could motivate me to meditate – a good habit I always quit in favour of yoga, though I knew that both would be beneficial – it's Cheri Huber and this easily readable, relatable intro to some Zen Buddhist philosophy. Of co ...more
Mar 03, 2012 rated it it was ok
I think the book had some good ideas, but I really disliked the font. It was very cutesy and child-like. I am not a child. I was looking for some real help. It's hard to take a book seriously when it looks like it's written in crayon. ...more
Apr 19, 2013 rated it liked it
The content was informative, however, the delivery felt a bit strange to me. The layout of the book was also a little odd. I suppose it would be most beneficial for a beginner looking to take those first steps down the path of self acceptance. Reading it certainly won't do any damage! ...more
Lisa Cole
Mar 02, 2014 rated it really liked it
The only reason I didn't give this 5 stars is that the book design was distracting. Perhaps the editor thought the handwriting would give the book a more personal feel, but I prefer books that are written in standard type. ...more
Max Smirnoff
Jan 03, 2021 rated it it was amazing
It is one of the best books I ever read. Highly recommended if you have low self-worth or don't have any at all as in my case. Also good for those with self-harm, self-aggression, self-criticism issues.
Rajasuba Subramanian
May 14, 2021 rated it it was amazing
Challenging book ! The main thing which I've learnt from this book is to reduce the gap (=0) between what we are at present vs what we wish to be at present - which frees us from self hate and gives "more freedom" to live in the present. The way to reduce the gap is to be compassionate on oneself - being mindful in the current moment - living in the present "NOW".

Interesting lines from this book

Key to clarity aka "Compassion"
If you will continue to pay attention, the
Lenny Husen
Feb 08, 2019 rated it liked it
I read this at the gym yesterday. Nothing new, but a nice summary of the reasons for meditating and the rationale behind letting go of self-hate and embracing self-acceptance.
The best thing and the worst thing about this book it that is is extremely simplistic.
It should be a Podcast or Magazine Article.
My edition is an earlier one--I am amused that she did another edition for Teens, because the whole time I read this I kept thinking, "Wow, this would be great for teens"--she didn't need to chan
Hannah Reardon-smith
Apr 09, 2022 rated it it was amazing
This book is VERY annoying, pretty damn terrifying, and very very good. Don’t be fooled by the typeset, as my therapist said when I showed her: “this book is not for children.” I think it might only be helpful for readers who are in the exact right place to receive it, and maybe if/when that’s you it will come your way. I won it in a random email raffle (there were many book options, and this was the one I ended up with, I did not choose) and I rolled my eyes when I first saw it. Because of vari ...more
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Cheri Huber, author of 20 books, has been a student and teacher of Zen for over 35 years. In 1983, Cheri founded the Mountain View Zen Center, and in 1987 she founded the Zen Monastery Peace Center near Murphys, California. She and the monks at the Monastery conduct workshops and retreats at these centers, other places around the U.S., and internationally.

In 1997, Cheri founded Living Compassion,

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