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Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child
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Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child

4.16  ·  Rating details ·  1,026 ratings  ·  135 reviews
In Raising Human Beings, the renowned child psychologist and New York Times bestselling author of Lost at School and The Explosive Child explains how to cultivate a better parent-child relationship while also nurturing empathy, honesty, resilience, and independence.

Parents have an important task: figure out who their child is—his or her skills, preferences, beliefs, values
Hardcover, 304 pages
Published August 9th 2016 by Scribner
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Bam cooks the books ;-)
#2106-aty-reading challenge--week-19: a non-fiction book.

I thought this was an excellent book on parenting skills--resolving problems with collaboration and teaching empathy and appreciation for another's point of view. Oh, if these skills could only be applied to the world at large, most especially the political arena!

Dr Greene lays out a three-step program for problem-solving in a collaborative partnership with your child, gives several examples, answers questions and gives advice about overc
Peter Topside
Sep 01, 2020 rated it really liked it
I felt this was a very interesting read. There is no parent who couldn't benefit from reading this. The sample dialogue between parent and child was really helpful, as it gave you a good idea of how to use the information in a realistic setting. The progression of the book was easy to follow, even if I had to flip to prior chapters a few times. ...more
Miriam Downey
Aug 23, 2016 rated it really liked it
Read my full review here: http://mimi-cyberlibrarian.blogspot.c...

At a family picnic the other day, my granddaughter (age 5) was having a hard time focusing on eating her dinner. There was a lot of food on her plate, and she had touched none of it. My daughter said to her, "I think that you have two options here: one option is to just sit here staring at your plate until the picnic is over. The other option is to come up with a solution with me about how much you need to eat and then eat that a
Jenna Anderson
So, this book basically describes three different ways to solve problems with your kids. Plan A: Impose. Plan B: Listen and find solutions that address their needs and yours. Plan C: Adjust your expectations (and maybe ignore your own needs).

It was clearly written under the pretense that EVERYONE gravitates toward Plan A. Personally, I doubt the folks that really do that would ever pick up a book about “creating collaborative partnerships with your kids.” But most of the book was spent trying t
Margo Kelly
Jul 26, 2016 rated it really liked it
I highly recommend this book. It would make a great gift for parents with children of any age – but the younger the better. It’s easier to instill a sound pattern of parenting when the kids are young; although, this book does offer excellent examples of changing parental styles even when the kids are teenagers.

Over the years, I’ve read quite a few parenting books, and one of the things I’ve learned is: you do not have to agree with every single bit of advice offered within the pages. Take what w
Mar 25, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jul 15, 2017 rated it it was amazing
As I ponder what to say about this book, I'm reminded of two quotes I like from another, Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone:
People almost never change without first feeling understood.

The single most important thing [you can do] is to shift [your] internal stance from "I understand" to "Help me understand." Everything else follows from that.
Though stated differently, those ideas lie at the core of the parenting approach Greene describes in this book. Parents can best help their children le
Tina Grove
Jul 22, 2019 rated it liked it
Not as great as I expected it to be. Some solid tips but maybe not the right book for the age of my child right now. I felt the footprints on the cover alluded that it was appropriate for younger children. All the examples are more for kids 8-16 or so. There's about a paragraph or so specifically for toddlers and how to adjust the approach for toddlers but honestly the example they gave was for potty training and not very helpful in my opinion. I will try to read again when my son gets older if ...more
Thomas Edmund
May 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
There are a lot of parenting books out there, talking about punishment, reinforcement, positive parenting etc etc but I think that Raising Human Beings captures the crux of the matter, explaining the difference between working 'on' or trying to control your child versus working 'together.'

I know that such things can sound very airy fairy to some, but its an incredible valuable perspective that the author does a brilliant job explaining. The book certainly helped me as a parent.
Jun 06, 2016 added it
Shelves: non-fiction
I liked the style of writing Dr. Greene has. He presents information and the reasons for his suggestions, he gives real-life dialogue and scenarios, and he also includes a sort of FAQ about each chapter's topics. I like that he addresses each concept with this detailed attention to suit many different styles of learning. I found myself drawn to the real-life situations and narratives and admiring how each situation unfolded rather than the question and answer portion (which I found more critical ...more
Daniel Lee
Jan 04, 2018 rated it did not like it
Laughably bad. I finished the book so I will save you from wasting your time with this summary.

Kids do well if they can. If they can’t, use a chirpy voice and ask them “what’s up?”


“Hey I noticed you’re having trouble doing homework after school. What’s up?”

At this point your child will open up to you because they realize how much you care about them and their concerns. You will both come to a mutually agreeable answer without sweeping unilateral solutions that make kids angry. Because
Feb 28, 2020 rated it really liked it
Actually a pretty good listen. A LOT of repetition, but I guess that's necessary to drive a point home. He suggests a very interesting way of dealing with kids that I'd be interested to try out, though I do think he has unrealistic views on small children's ability to communicate... but still... coming from an abusive household this seems to be a method that I'd like to try as an alternative to what I experienced... maybe spare my son the trauma 🤣 ...more
Dec 30, 2019 rated it really liked it
This book expands upon the principles for parent-child dialogue and problem-solving laid out in The Explosive Child. I find the sequence Greene proposes very helpful: showing empathy and acting listening, eliciting the child's perspective on a given difficulty, repeating back what the child suggests and asking for more information until you feel like you've gotten a complete picture; articulating the parent's concerns about the problem; asking for the child's thoughts on a realistic solution tha ...more
Jay Hennessey
May 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: parenting
Parenting = Leadership = Coaching

I really enjoyed this book - I did the Kindle/Audio combo and was really glad that I did. There were so many sections that I wanted to go back and re-read / highlight.

I have several top of mind take aways. First, was how the author discussed what parents want for their children - to help them on their journey to self-actualization or figuring out who they really are - what are their skills, beliefs, values, etc. (This reminded me of the Alchemist, by Paulo Cholh
Preeti Yeung
Sep 06, 2020 rated it liked it
This book certainly challenged my thinking on how I approach problem solving with my children instead of for them. I've applied this a couple of times with my four year old and he is very eager to be a part of the process.

I do however feel that this is written through a very western lens, and growing up as a daughter of immigrants (Asian descent), I found many examples and passages unrelatable.

At times I felt as if I would rate this book a 5, then a 1, then a 4, etc...which I think shows the st
Sep 26, 2020 rated it liked it
So with the major criticism of the emotionally and physically abusive relationship that is repeatedly used as an example throughout the book (I honestly couldn't believe the 'resolution' at the end of the book wasn't that the mom and kid left the abusive boyfriend and instead the boyfriend has a magical 180 and is all into the empathic process), along with other irritating things other reviewers have mentioned, I did like the breakdown of the the empathic, collaborative problem-solving, and I th ...more
Jan 20, 2021 rated it really liked it
Really liked the ideas in this book.

- Kids do well if they can. And they would prefer to do well.

- Deal with incompatibilities not the behavior. What skills are they lacking? Lacking proper motivation is not the cause.

- Control vs influence, power vs collaboration

- “I’ve noticed that [unsolved problem], what’s up?” With reflective listening. Then define adult concerns then collaborative problem solving
Chris Fernandes
Feb 12, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Clearly written. Applicable advice. A very solid approach to changing behavior and solving problems.

I have a master's degree in clinical psychology with behaviorial training. It was a difficult transition for me to go from behaviorism to collaborative and proactive solutions but I'm glad that I did.

This approach truly is effective.
Jun 06, 2020 rated it really liked it
Has some good tips for discussing issues with your child, and they could work with anyone you need to discuss things with. I'm not a fan of the "Plan A, Plan B,..." wording however - I wish authors would just say what they're talking about rather than using coded lingo (hello "The Happiest Toddler on the Block"). ...more
Alexander Morozov
Jul 17, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
Book is short and easy to listen. I liked because it provides concrete recipes and examples of using them over and over. Author's knowledge of parent's minds is just uncanny, it felt like he is reading my mind and provides ways to resolve whatever objections I have.
I already tried some of the stuff with my child and it works and it's easier than chaotic parenting I did before.
I'm going to buy paper version because of "technical" chapter which has a lot of things I just not able to remember.
Jan 13, 2020 rated it really liked it
One of the best parenting books I’ve read. Although the “scenarios” were a little hokey, and there’s an over reliance on jargon, Greene’s clear, everyday language made it easy to understand his method and its benefits.

Sarah Stewart Holland
Feb 16, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Absolutely brilliant! A guide not only to solving conflict with your child but out in the world at large!
Feb 19, 2021 rated it really liked it
Read this before. Still good. Works well with neuro typical people.
Erin Acheson
Apr 02, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This was a great time to pick up another Dr Greene book. This is important work and I have plenty of time to practice now.
Jun 20, 2016 rated it really liked it
I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley.

I usually don't read expository nonfiction like this. The title caught my eye, and I thought that reading it might give me some insight into parenting as well as teaching. I was not disappointed, and I'm glad I read this book. I think this will be a book that I will recommend to parents who seriously seek to build better relationships with their kids.

For me, a lot of this book was a welcome affirmation for my style of parenting and teaching. When I fi
Jodi Watson
Apr 12, 2020 rated it really liked it
In our every changing world of parenting, any techniques that you can have in your back pocket is helpful. I gleaned several things from this book - especially since every kid has a unique personality and we seem to get more and more complex in our everyday dealings with life, school, peers, technology. Life is not as simple as it once feels like it was.
David Shepherd
May 30, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: read-growth
*Pre-Reading Notes*
I’m reading this book because I want to improve my skills as a parent so that I can help my kids reach their full potential so they can have an exponential positive impact on the world.

*Post-Reading Summary*
Summed up in three sentences or less, the wisdom of this book is this: The old way of training your kids is in-fact, the old way -- the new way that is much more effective and fosters the best characteristics of humanity in your kids is collaborative problem solving: Plan
Emmy Nota
Mar 14, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Excellent read and great way of raising your children.
The whole book is centered around one particular (great!) idea, so it does repeat itself several times.
However, the idea is so sound that I didn't really mind that much. It has completely changed my idea of raising the kids and for that I owe mr. Greene 5 stars.
Sarah Poling
Aug 05, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This may just be my favorite Ross Greene book! Not only does he give parents the much needed perspective we need on a daily basis to choose wisely how we encourage, motivate, and raise kids we want to live with. He stops and explains how to think about meeting your child's needs, he has LOTS of practical examples and tips on collaboratively working together to develop skills like empathy.. honesty, cooperation, seeing other people's perspective, ... He really is thinking about the world we live ...more
Nov 07, 2018 rated it really liked it
I just recently read Raising Human Beings again, and it's so good. A lot of parenting books really struggle with giving you a real, definitive road map, because parents and children are all so different, and the authors seem to get bogged down in the philosophy and psychology, to the point where they never actually tell you what to *do* about what they're telling you. But this one is very practical, with a specific plan. It's not as concise and efficient as Atomic Habits, but it does a lot of wh ...more
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Dr. Ross Greene is the New York Times bestselling author of the influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Raising Human Beings, and Lost & Found. He is the originator of the innovative, evidence-based treatment approach called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) described in these books. The CPS model provides a compassionate, accurate understanding of behavioral challenges and ...more

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