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I Will Find You: A Reporter Investigates the Life of the Man Who Raped Her

4.10  ·  Rating details ·  1,624 ratings  ·  254 reviews
When Joanna Connors was thirty years old on assignment for the Cleveland Plain Dealer to review a play at a college theater, she was held at knife point and raped by a stranger who had grown up five miles away from her. Once her assailant was caught and sentenced, Joanna never spoke of the trauma again, until 21 years later when her daughter was about to go to college. She ...more
Hardcover, 256 pages
Published April 5th 2016 by Grove Atlantic/Atlantic Monthly Press
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4.10  · 
Rating details
 ·  1,624 ratings  ·  254 reviews

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Oct 07, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: netgalley
5 stars for how engaging and moving this memoir was. Given the topic, I was somewhat reluctant to read I Will Find You, but decided I would give it a try. Joanna Connors is a journalist. She was raped in her early 30s while on an assignment. Over 20 years later, she decided she had to tell her near adult children about the rape, and that she also wanted to understand more about what happened to her and her rapist. The title "I Will Find You" has a double meaning. This is what Connors' rapist sai ...more
Apr 26, 2016 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, memoirs
This is a difficult book to review because the subject matter is so disturbing.

In July 1984, when Joanna Connors was 30, she was raped at a college campus in Cleveland, Ohio. A newspaper reporter, Connors had gone to the college to meet an interview subject, but instead she ran into a man who held a knife to her throat and assaulted her for about an hour.

The man let her live, making her promise not to tell the police because he didn't want to go back to prison. After escaping, the first person
Connors was a young reporter running late for an assignment for the Cleveland Plain-Dealer (still her employer) when she was raped in an empty theater on the Case Western campus. She had ignored the twinge of alarm she felt when a young guy with an Afro invited her in to see his work on the lighting– not wanting to be that stereotypical white woman afraid of black men – and that was it. By using present-tense narration, Connors makes the events of 1984 feel as if they happened yesterday: a blow- ...more
Feb 02, 2017 rated it really liked it
Recommended to Caroline by: Rebecca

It could be the title for a romance or maybe a thriller, but I Will Find You is the title of a memoir about rape, and those four words are significant. They were the last ones Joanna Connors’s rapist said to her before leaving her, bruised and bloodied, in a parking lot.

Connors was a newspaper reporter on an assignment when she was raped by a stranger in a deserted theater in 1984. Her memoir easily could be an angry and self-pitying railing at this man who changed her life on
Marilyn C.
Jul 02, 2016 rated it really liked it
Shelves: read-in-2016
This memoir was very unsettling to read, and a story that you will definitely lose sleep over.

Joanna Connors was thirty years old when she was brutally raped at knife point, while on assignment for the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Her rapist was arrested the next day and was later convicted of this horrible crime. Joanna will go on to have two children with her husband and grow her career as a reporter. But as the years go on, she realizes she has internalized all of her fear and anxieties. She stat
Ellen Gail
This is it. My rape. I knew it was coming. Every woman knows it, anticipates it, fears it, yet also doesn't believe it will happen to her. And now here it is. My turn.

4.5 stars! Fantastic, heart-wrenching, and spectacularly engaging. I Will Find You is a standout work of nonfiction.

In 1984, Joanna Connors was raped and assaulted in an empty theater on a college campus. For years, she pushed the trauma away and convinced herself that she was over it. He was in jail, what was there to mull over?
May 10, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Joanna Connors displays more courage on every page than I have in a lifetime of writing.
Nora Eugénie
Este libro es... ¿maravilloso, increíble? No sé definirlo. Sé que es necesario, que es desgarrador, que está terriblemente bien escrito y concebido. No he podido dejar de llorar con el relato de Joanna, pero también he sentido cosas que nunca creí sentir en un libro que investiga una violación. Porque va mucho más allá de eso. Joanna Connors sufrió algo horrible (no solo durante la agresión, sino también durante los siguientes veinticuatro años en los que vivió deprimida y aterrada) y sin embarg ...more
Oct 06, 2016 rated it it was amazing
The author of this book was raped in 1984. She spent 23 denying and swallowing her pain. This book is her attempt to crawl out of the hole she fell into that horrific night. She discovers that her rapist had died so she finds his family, visits the jail that housed him, and finally his grave. It is not a happy story but it provides a close and harrowing look at rape from many different perspectives.
Fakt síla. Opravdu nevím, jak popsat knížku, v níž někdo do detailů podává výpověď o vlastním znásilnění. Joanna Connors sama přiznává, že přestože to zpočátku viděla jinak, znásilnění není jen o té jedné osobě, které se to nejvíc týká, ale i o všech okolo. A tohle všechno ve své knize popisuje, svoje obavy, traumata, vypěstované návyky, předsudky, které mít nechtěla a za které se styděla, stud jako takový, výčitky, sebeobviňování, strach…prostě všechno. Už jen tím, že se po dvaceti letech vydal ...more
This was such a haunting and affecting memoir. Joanna Connors' story is so compelling and moving. This one explores the writer's rape by a stranger in the 1980s and the aftermath of that event. The subject matter is definitely disturbing. It's not for everyone. The events that took place are described in detail which may be too much for some readers. After her rape, the author tries to push her feelings about this rape away, to pretend it was over and she was fine. But, it eventually floats up a ...more
Kris - My Novelesque Life
Feb 21, 2016 rated it really liked it
Written by Joanna Connors
April 2016; 272 Pages
Genre: nonfiction, crime, memoir


In 1984, a reviewer for a newspaper, Joanna Connors is raped in empty University theater. Her rapist is caught the next day and is convicted 30-75 years in prison. After her last day in court, Joanna decides to put away the rape incident but it actually takes over her life for the next twenty years. When her college bound daughter is looking at University, she decides to tell her and her son about
Denisa Ballová
Dec 30, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Najskôr tá otázka stála takto: "Prečo ja?" A potom sa zmenila na: "Prečo on?" Je to síce prílišné zovšeobecnenie, ale Joanna Connors si podľa vlastnej knihy prešla množstvom vnútorných stavov od panického strachu, sebaobviňovania, hanby, zvažovania samovraždy, až po odhodlanie pochopiť, prečo sa jej to všetko stalo. Jej príbeh nie je len o pátraní po násilníkovi, ktorý jej život za hodinu otočil naruby, je o bielo-čiernej Amerike, segregácii, nefungujúcom súdnictve, katastrofálnych podmienkach v ...more
Filip Struhárik
Jedna z najlepšie napísaných absyntoviek.
Laura Kovácsová
May 02, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
,,Trasiem sa. Nedokážem to ovládať. Toto je ono. Teraz ma znásilnia. Vedela som, že sa to raz stane. Každá žena to vie, očakáva to, bojí sa, a súčasne verí, že jej sa to nemôže stať. A hľa. Prišiel rad na mňa."

čo ma ale prekvapilo, nie je to len kniha o znásilnení, o dopade na život a rodinu, autorka krásne oísala systematický pôvod sociálnych problémov v USA.

možno si pri niektorých jej pasážach čitateľ povie, že to s tým nemá žiaden súvis. no ona presne vedela, prečo to napísala.

opisuje zlyhan
Jan 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Nečekala jsem, že to bude příjemné čtení, ale bylo to mnohem silnější než by si jeden představoval. V celé knize není snad kromě historky o nošení skleněného oka do zastavárny vůbec nic pozitivního. Ten závěr se hřbitovem je takový divný, ale chápu, že autorka si to všechno potřebovala asi nějak uzavřít.
Vanessa (splitreads)
Overall, a tough read. I've read many books on the subject but not any from a first-person perspective until this one. I applaud Connors for the courage it took to confront and discuss her rape and also for the attention she pays to social issues that impacted her rapist (plus seeing how her background also provided her with advantages when prosecuting). I think this book's structure was one its downfalls for me. The second half of the book focuses on lots of family lore and rumors, especially f ...more

This is the most beautiful, moving, important book that I have read in years. It may have struck me this way because it is exactly the book I needed to read at this moment in my life, but even if that is true, it is still a brave, beautiful account of a rape survivor's story -- and her rapist. Although stranger rape is not as common as date-rape or acquaintance-rape, that is what happened to Joanna Connors. The aftermath of her rape - a trial, a conviction, the opportunity to speak wit
Michaela V.
Sep 16, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Ťažké čítať o utrpení iných, ešte ťažšie snažiť sa vcítiť do ich prežívania. Hlavne keď hocikto (schválne nehovorím len o ženách) z nás sa môže (nedajbože) ocitnúť v podobnej situácii. Autorka opisuje svoje vyrovnávanie sa so znásilnením, všetky problémy v prežívaní, ktorými ju poznačila nešťastná náhoda v minulosti, no hlavne pátranie a hľadanie odpovede na otázku 'Prečo?' Ťažko hodnotiť tento príbeh inak, než piatimi hviezdičkami. Každý človek, ktorý sa nebojí otvorene hovoriť/písať o svojich ...more
Jul 30, 2016 rated it liked it
This a tough one to rate. I so wanted to give Connors's book four stars. 3.5 is more accurate than 3, though. Before I read it I was hoping for a five star read. Perhaps my expectations were unrealistic to begin with. I'm one of the in five women; I know what rape feels like.

I know what it's like to want to understand why men rape. I keep reading, looking for answers. I sometimes get why someone raised in violence acts out towards others. But why do some people also learn from experience, break
Feb 08, 2016 rated it really liked it
Joanna Connors was a young reporter who got raped in an empty theater when she was 31 years old. From then on, she suffered from PTSD, which wasn't diagnosed 30 years ago; none of the psychiatrists and other therapists she visited realized that it's not just veterans that suffer from PTSD. Connors does an impressive job of recounting what occurred and how she felt without being self-pitying. She has the best description of dissociative disorder that I've ever read. I wished that the author could ...more
Aug 24, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a very educational journey for me as I was expecting it to be, and I shed many tears along the way. This book will really, really get you thinking. I did not agree with some of her compassion she has for criminals and how they are treated in the prison system. I found it remarkable that she could feel compassion for them after what happened to her. However, the stories told of their childhoods and what they endured during their most vulnerable and formative years on this earth really ma ...more

Wow, tak toto bolo silné.
Oct 10, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Absyntovky nikdy nezklamou:-) Kniha, ve které se Joanna vydává na bolavou cestu za poznáním toho, kdo je skutečně člověk, který ji před mnoh alety znásilnil, se nečte lehko, jak se dalo očekávat. Nicméně musím říct, že ač kniha byla zajímavá, nepřišla mi nijak překvapivá. Nešťastný člověk, s otřesným dětstvím, z chudobných podmínek a pravděpodobně s psychickými problémy = pachatel. Dalo se čekat. Proto ta hvězdička dolů. Mnohem víc se mi líbila knížka "Lucky" od Alice Sebold, která také z pozice ...more
Apr 13, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
V pohode, zaujímavá kniha. Teda ak hľadáte skôr dokument o sociálnej situácii v USA, než hlbší pohľad na problematiku znásilnenia.

Ja som hľadala to druhé.
Veronika Folentová
Joanna Connors napísala skvelú reportáž o tom, ako človeka a jeho rodinu zasiahne znásilnenie. Ale je tam toho omnoho viac. Je to o chudobe, veľkých sociálnych rozdieloch, ale ja o tom ako znásilnenie vnímala a často ešte vníma spoločnosť, polícia a aj samotná obeť.
"Tvárila som sa, že som v pohode, tak v pohode, ako sa len dalo, zatiaľ čo vnúti som si žila na svojom tajnom ostrove strachu. S pribúdajúcim časom zoznam mojich obáv rástol. Bála som sa lietať. Bála som sa šoférovať. Bála som sa vie
Aug 13, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2017
One of the most horrific books I've ever read. I got through the worst parts when I was awake in the middle of the night, all alone (thanks to jet lag). If the book had stayed ugly, I would have given it up, but much like One of Us, it managed to redeem itself and be more about hope and recovery and the power of good people...but only just. Connors describes her rape in great detail, so if you don't think you can handle that kind of content, don't read this book (or at least don't read that sect ...more
Oct 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
D.M. Pulley
Sep 22, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Ms. Connors made me laugh and cry even in the darkest moments of this true crime story. She made me feel rage and empathy, shame and redemption, helpless and empowered all at once. With excellent writing and deft touch, she shows the truth behind a nightmare in this unflinching look at rape, gender, race, and the criminal justice system. Well done!
May 21, 2016 rated it liked it
What you read on the cover is what you'll get in this book.

In "I Will Tell You," reporter-turned-author Joanna Connors chronicles her story of rape and how she survived the brutal attack while at a university theatre on assignment.

She treats her story like a journalist, tracking down court documents and interviewing members of her rapist's family.

But what I found missing from this book was the story behind the story.

Yes, Connors writes about her overzealous parenting and failed marriage in the
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Joanna Connors is an award-winning journalist whose work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Glamour, and Redbook, amongst others. Her journalism awards include the 2008 Medill Medal for Courage in Journalism from Northwestern University, and Columbia University’s Dart Award for Excellence in Coverage of Trauma for her series of pieces in the Cleveland Plain-Dealer about her ra ...more
“My mom doesn't say anything. I don't say anything. Neither of us knows yet what you should say when rape victims blame themselves: 'It was not your fault.'

It was not your fault, even if you were drunk, even if you were wearing a low-cut minidress, even if you were out walking alone at night, even if you were on a date with the rapist and kind of liked him but didn't want to have sex with him.”
“These ancient laws also reflected a widespread suspicion that women accusing men of rape were lying--a belief system that is still operative today. Almost every time a star athlete or celebrity is accused of rape, for example, there's an inference that the charge is false, brought by a scorned, or vindictive, or drunk, or willing woman against an innocent man.” 1 likes
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