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474 pages, Hardcover
First published May 17, 2016
“What...does no la mires mean?” I’d totally butchered the words like a typical white girl who couldn’t speak any form of Spanish would.
Her brows shot up again. “Why are you asking that?” […]
“It basically translates to don’t look at her.”
…….
[…]and the fact I was asking her to translate what she informed me that morning sounded like Puerto Rican had her little ears twitching.
"I know you might not believe it, but I'm going to keep you safe forever..."
I thought about the boy who made my chest hurt, the one who’d promised me forever. It had been years since I’d seem him or even heard him speak. Four years of trying to erase everything that had to do with that portion of my childhood, but I remembered him. I wondered about him.
How could I not? I always would.
He had been the sole reason I survived the house we’d grown up in.
"Be careful," I whispered...
Rider's grin faded from his handsome face. I moment passed before he spoke, "Always."
"She understands that if I have to pick between you two, it's not going to be her."
"I never stopped thinking about you," he said in a low voice. "Not one day, Mallory."
“My name is Mallory...Dodge.” I drew in a deep breath, speaking to no one. “And I like...I like reading. And I don’t like...I don’t like who I am.”
Words were not the enemy or the monster under my bed, but they held such power over me. They were like the ghost of a loved one, forever haunting me.
Words equaled noise, and noise was rewarded with fear and violence.
"I couldn't put my finger on the exact moment I'd become a different Mallory. Maybe because it wasn't just a moment but more of a combination of hundreds, even thousands of them.
[...]
And it was knowing that I could still be...still be afraid of everything, but not letting that fear stop me from living."
"...the way he said Mouse was so different from how Paige hurled the nickname. It was soft and deep and infinite."
"The blush turned my face into a breathing strawberry."
"I never stopped thinking about you," he said in a low voice. "Not one day, Mallory.”
“I might've saved you all those years ago, but now you've saved me.”
“Forever was something we all took for granted, but the problem with forever was that it really didn't exist.”
"...the way he said Mouse was so different from how Paige hurled the nickname. It was soft and deep and infinite."
“As class ended, Hector announced, “I’m hungry.”
“ okay,” Rider responded as I said to my notebook into my bag. “ what exactly do you want me to do about it?”
Hector grinned as he glanced over at me and winked. “ I want you to take me out and feed me.” Rider snorted.”
“You're beautiful, too. I mean, you're hot,” I blurted out. “But I always knew you would be.” my eyes widened as I realize what just streamed out of my mouth, and his grin to turn into a smile. “Oh my God, I did not just say... any of that out loud.”
“you did”
“Ugh.”
"Mouse, we can't be together. We've to end this .."
"what .. are you talking.. about rider?? why shouldn't we be together."
"Mouse.."
"Don't call me Mouse, i am not a Mouse anymore, I've changed."
"Mous.. Mallory I am leaving you, you deserve better than me."
Forever wasn't being the one who needed protection. Forever wasn't pain and grief forever wasn't a problem. Forever was my heartbeat and it was the hope tomorrow held. Forever was the glistening silver lining of the dark cloud, no matter how heavy and thick it was. Forever was knowing it moments of weakness didn't equate to an eternity of them. Forever was knowing that I was strong.
“Words were not the enemy or the monster under my bed, but they held such power over me. They were like the ghost of a loved one, forever haunting me."
Emotional. Hopeful. Inspiring.
“Forever wasn’t pain and grief.
Forever wasn’t a problem.
Forever was my heartbeat and it was the hope tomorrow
held.
Forever was the glistening silver lining of every
dark cloud, no matter how heavy and thick it was.
Forever was knowing weakness didn’t equate
to an eternity of them”
Words were not the enemy or the monster under my bed, but they held such power over me. They were like the ghost of a loved one, forever haunting me.
“Do you recognize me?” His voice was still barely above a whisper.
His eyes continued to hold mine, and I spoke what turned out to be the easiest word I’d ever said in my life.
“Yes.”
My heart exploded as those strong arms pulled me against his chest. There was a moment where I froze, and then my arms swept around his neck. I held on, squeezing my eyes shut as I inhaled the clean scent and the lingering trace of aftershave. This was him . His hugs were different now, stronger and tighter. He lifted me clear off my feet, one arm around my waist, the other hand buried deep in my hair, and my breasts were mushed against his surprisingly hard chest.
Whoa.
I pulled myself out of the memory, but there were so many of him coming to my rescue for some reason or another until he couldn’t, until the promise of forever had been shattered, and everything… everything had fallen apart.
His lashes lowered and the lopsided grin appeared. “I always knew you’d be beautiful one day.”
My breath hitched as I sat straighter. What was left of the pizza , just the crust, was totally forgotten . My ears had to be smoking crack or something.
A flush swept across his cheeks as one side of his lips kicked up. “I just never thought I’d get to see how beautiful you’d become.”
"We’d been separated. But we had never really been apart."
Life was like doing this speech. It wasn't necessarily about the end result, but more about trying.
Rider had said nothing lasted forever, but some things, some scars, ran too deep to ever fade away.
"It's just that I think sometimes you miss what's going on around you, because you're so worried about what others are thinking about you and your choices."
In that moment, I knew I couldn't hold what he used to do against him. Rider...Jayden...so many other people were a product of their environment. Some got out. Others didn't.
"Understand what?" I whispered. Rider's gaze held mine again. "She understands that if I have to pick between you two, it's not going to be her."
The good kind. The bad kind. I'd learned early on that the good kind of forever was, well, it was a lie. That kind of forever literally and figuratively ended in flames, because no matter how tightly you tried to hold on, that kind of forever slipped between the fingers.
The bad kind of forever lingered like a shadow or ghost. No matter what. It stayed, always in the background.
“He had been the sole reason I survived the house we’d grown up in.”