Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain

by Rona Subotnik, Gloria G. Harris

What Now? Nothing your marriage has sustained in the past compares to the pain of discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful. The betrayal, rage, sadness, and jealousy is unlike anything you've experienced before. And yet it is possible to move forward, decide what to do in your marriage, and most important, heal. For more than 10 years, Surviving Infidelity has been offering sage advice and compassionate, nonjudgmental analysis. Based on the private practices of licensed marriage and family therapist Rona B. Subotnik and clinical psychologist Gloria G. Harris, Ph.D. , this third edition has been completely updated and gives you strategies Surviving Infidelity, 3rd Edition brings you the new hope and the empathy you need in this difficult time.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction

192 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 1993

Reviews

[Neil · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was suggested as a source I could use for some research I was doing for a paper. I found it to be an interesting book that had some good suggestions on how to handle different aspects of infidelity, how it impacts your marriage, and provides some steps you can take to work on improving your marriage relationship or what you can do to survive the failure of your marriage and subsequent divorce. It did hold my interest throughout much of the book as I read it; however, it seemed like the first three chapters were more stories about people either discussing their affairs (albeit briefly) or discovering their spouses had been having an affair and how it affected them.

Oddly enough, it did help me out a bit with some of the suggestions on steps I can take to work on and improve my marital relationship. It also helped me to seriously consider some frustrations in my marriage and what is my responsibility versus my wife's responsibility.

I think the biggest think I took from the book is that each spouse is a thinking, responsible individual and each spouse needs to take responsibility for his or her own decisions and actions. If one spouse engages in an adulterous relationship, that is, ultimately, their decision and the wounded spouse does not need to take responsibility for the other spouse's decision. Yes, each spouse has a part to play, but each of us chooses how we are going to react to the other person's behavior, if we are going to make 'smart' choices and react appropriately or if we are going to make poor choices and react inappropriately.

While I do not necessarily agree with EVERYTHING they said, I felt they did have some useful pointers, ideas, and suggestions to help people working through the painful processes of either discovering a spouse has been committing adultery or what happens afterwards (either repairing the marriage relationship or divorce).

[Selli · Rating 5 out of 5]

𝖥𝗈𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗁𝗌, 𝖨 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗏𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗒𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝖨 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖬𝗒 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗇𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖿𝖿𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗍𝖾, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝖿𝗍𝖾𝖽. 𝖳𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗋𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗇𝖾, 𝗆𝖺𝖽𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍-𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝗌, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆𝖾𝖽 𝖾𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝗍.
𝖨 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗂𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝗎𝗌𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗌𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒, 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗅𝗂𝖼𝗍. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗎𝖻𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝗐 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗋.
𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖨 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗌𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉, 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗉 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗉𝖾𝖺𝖼𝖾. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝗀𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗀𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾.
𝖨𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝖾𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁. 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐.
𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎. Reach out for help

Ｇｍａｉｌ ： ｔｅｃｈｇｕｙ７０７０＠ｇｍａｉｌ．ｃｏｍ
ＷｈａｔｓＡｐｐ ： ＋１ （２４０） ７９２‑９１８３
Ｔｅｌｅｇｒａｍ：  ＠ａｒｅａｓｐｙ

[Jose Tanner · Rating 4 out of 5]

𝖢𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒. 𝖨 𝗎𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗆𝗒 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗍𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝖨 𝖻𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗇 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖽-𝗀𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖶𝖺𝗌 𝖨 𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗈𝗋, 𝗈𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀?
𝖨 𝖽𝗂𝖽𝗇’𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗈𝖿, 𝗌𝗈 𝖨 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝖾𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗆𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗒 𝖿𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗒 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿.
𝖪𝗇𝗈𝗐𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁 𝗀𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗆𝗒 𝗏𝗈𝗂𝖼𝖾. 𝖨 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝖺𝗄 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖺 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗒, 𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗌𝗎𝗌𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗂𝗈𝗇.
𝖨𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗇𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗆𝗂𝗌𝗌𝖾𝖽, 𝗂𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗌. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝗁𝗎𝗋𝗍 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗅.
𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚜, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. Reach out and seek for the truth

Ｇｍａｉｌ ： ｔｅｃｈｇｕｙ７０７０＠ｇｍａｉｌ．ｃｏｍ
ＷｈａｔｓＡｐｐ ： ＋１ （２４０） ７９２‑９１８３
Ｔｅｌｅｇｒａｍ：  ＠ａｒｅａｓｐｙ

[Hugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

𝖨𝗍’𝗌 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒’𝗋𝖾 𝗆𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒. 𝖳𝗁𝖺𝗍’𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖨 𝖿𝖾𝗅𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗇𝗍𝗁𝗌. 𝖶𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖺 𝗁𝗈𝗆𝖾, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗇𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗐𝖾 𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗉𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀.
𝖨 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖾𝖽 𝗌𝗆𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗌, 𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝗎𝖼𝗍𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖽𝖺𝗒, 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒, 𝗀𝗎𝖺𝗋𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝖾𝖼𝗁𝗇𝗈𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗒.
𝖠𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌, 𝖨 𝖽𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗄 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒. 𝖨𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝖿𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍; 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗍𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗉𝖾𝖺𝖼𝖾.
𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗇𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖺𝗋𝗒. 𝖭𝗈𝗐, 𝖨 𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝖼𝗎𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝖻𝗎𝗂𝗅𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗋𝗈𝗈𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗒, 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌.
𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚜. Seek help today

Ｇｍａｉｌ ： ｔｅｃｈｇｕｙ７０７０＠ｇｍａｉｌ．ｃｏｍ
ＷｈａｔｓＡｐｐ ： ＋１ （２４０） ７９２‑９１８３
Ｔｅｌｅｇｒａｍ：  ＠ａｒｅａｓｐｙ

[Marichell · Rating 5 out of 5]

For Anyone that is Married or Single

This was a very hard book to read. It gives you insights to what the different types of affairs are, how it has affected some, how one can recover. So many good stories in this book that anyone can relate to.
I recommend this book to everyone that wants to know what can happen to one's relationship. Keep an open mind. Don't think it can never happen to you. If it does, I am truly sorry. But know that you are not alone.

[Vicki Lannerholm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional book with insights on how to navigate a relationship where your partner has cheated. Should you stay or should you go? No complicated formula's, just straight understanding and practical strategies.

[Diane Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read! Really helpful book that gives understanding and tools for healing after infidelity.

Best book I have read on surviving and thriving after infidelity. This book explains the different kinds of cheaters and why they do what they do. It is very realistic in what kind of relationships can survive infidelity and those best walked away from. No pat answers or judgement offering many options and reasons for people’s choices.

[Thomas Lanphier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book that helped me put the pieces back together after my ex wife’s illicit affair.

[Debbie Duran · Rating 3 out of 5]

Second time I've read this book. It does help during this difficult time.