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An Unattractive Vampire

3.81  ·  Rating details ·  1,860 ratings  ·  367 reviews
"Jim McDoniel's first novel is quirky, wild, and weird, and definitely for those who hate those sexy vampire stereotypes who like their monsters nice and gross." -Geeks of Doom

Jim McDoniel's debut novel, "An Unattractive Vampire," is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities. After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile
Paperback, 309 pages
Published March 15th 2016 by Sword & Laser (first published March 1st 2016)
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Average rating 3.81  · 
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 ·  1,860 ratings  ·  367 reviews

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Jun 15, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I get sent pre-release copies of books quite often. Usually because authors or publishers are looking for promotional blurbs or a little help spreading the word about an upcoming publication.

This was one of those books. I got an ARC ages ago, but I only recently pulled it off the shelf.

Starting to read it, I was pleasantly surprised. Good start. Pulled me right in. Good language. Good, distinct tone. Playful but well-written.

Then I looked at the letter that had been sent along with the book and
Feb 28, 2018 rated it liked it
An Unattractive vampire? You may cry "Inconceivable" to that idea, my dear post-twilight audience. How can be a vampire be unattractive in this century? With their perfect cheekbones and irresistible sex-appeal, their swaying hips, half-open shirts, and such hot fangs!

Unfortunately, Yulric Bile is not from this century.

Neither does he the like the modern week-ass candy cane vampires.

Let the games begin!

An unattractive vampire is a fun novel which takes advantage of the popularity of vampires a
Mar 04, 2016 rated it it was amazing

I will admit to being a fan of Twilight (well the first three, the fourth was a monstrosity). I am guilty of swooning over GQ worthy vampires full of never-ending wit and sarcasm, and for some reason always with a British accent?

I love the sympathetic villain and can even side with an occasional mopey teen vampire. I am addicted to all things vampire and as such love even their parodies. An unattractive vampire, who's title itself makes me laugh, was a fun and hilarious diatribe of the “modern”
Apr 14, 2016 rated it liked it
Shelves: sci-fi
This was a light and fun read. It was not quite as good as I was hoping it would be, but it was still entertaining and filled with plenty of hilarious moments.

300 years ago evil vampire Yulric Bile was imprisoned. Now he has escaped and is eager to begin a new reign of fear and terror! Yulric is soon horrified to learn that society has changed and that modern vampires are now objects of romantic worship and heroic deeds. He vows to put an end to this atrocity and bring the terror back to the vam
Nov 01, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: fiction
I love the central premise of this book. Where it goes with that premise is another thing, but the core idea is very cool.

Yulric Bile, a millennia old vampire trapped for four centuries underneath a New England House, awakens in the 21st century to find that vampirism as he knows it has changed.

Yulric has been awoken by twenty-something Amanda Linske and her little brother Simon, who introduce Yulric to 21st Century life and a TV vampire show called The Phantom Vampire Mysteries (which by its d
Jan 18, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-ebooks
Fun and flowing story, if a bit fragmented (minor plot holes). 3.5 stars rounded up because it's a debut novel and it was an entertaining read paved smooth with nice writing and interesting characters.

The last three warnings were obviously the most recent: in Arabic, May Allah protect against that which is inside and damn any who open it; in English, For the preservation of the Empire, sealed 1910 under orders of his Majesty by his humble servant Sir Henry Calibrey. May God preserve us; and in
Fangs for the Fantasy
Apr 03, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This book is HILARIOUS

Go buy! Go! Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book!

There have been a few books that have poked fun at how the concept of vampirism has changed over the years – especially how the most common portrayals tend to have vampires who are attractive and sexy above all else.

Enter Yulric Bile, an old school vampire who has woken up after an unfortunate period of downtime (damn those puritans. In fact can we have an aside where I just hail the awesomeness that was th
This is the anti-Twilight book and is a general satire of the gorgeous, irresistible vampire stories. An old, evil vampire goes into hibernation and emerges 300 years later in modern times. The first woman he meets doesn’t believe he’s a vampire because he’s not stunningly sexy.

One of the best things about the story is how unpredictable it is. It’s so refreshing. On top of that is engaging writing and great characters. Every page has several laughs.

Blurb Beware: The second paragraph of the blurb
In reality, it's probably a 3 star book. But, I think I'll bump it up to 4 stars for a few reasons:
-- It's the antidote to Twilight. It's time the glittery glamour boy vamps went away. Bring on the old-school vampires!
-- The pairing of an evil, 300-year-old+ vampire with a precocious, cheeky, slightly-evil eight-year-old boy was devilishly delightful.
-- I like the vampire's excuse of not needing to wear a seatbelt: "I have no need for a life saving restraint." You know, since he's immortal anywa
That was funny. Strong tongue-in-cheek type humor, making riotous fun of the paranormal romance craze. I like paranormal fiction, and I couldn't help laughing (with recognition!) at every hilarious caricaturized trope.

Still only $2.51 for Kindle, and if you're in need of a laugh, I'd definitely recommend.


This one has dropped from $6.99 to $2.51 for Kindle, and the premise and reviews are promising. I got mine here.
This was so damn funny.
Feb 12, 2019 rated it really liked it
Quite humerous.
Lolly's Library
I'm still trying to figure out this book. While the writing itself was funny, quirky, witty, and fast-paced with those wonderful asides (of the Pratchett-type, footnote variety) of which I'm particularly fond, the story was... rather baffling. As in, what was the whole point of it again?

Yulric Bile is a thousand-year-old vampire recently unearthed from his resting place by Amanda, a vampire-obsessed blonde, and her precocious eight-year-old brother, Simon (who also happens to be the reincarnatio
Mar 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This one was smart, so much fun to read, and really funny (also meta maybe?) This is not your typical glittery vampire story.

Yulric Bile is a 1000 years old vampire that wakes up in the 21st century. Acquiring his knowledge of the new world from TV, and the two siblings Amanda and Simon, he's looking for answers as to how the vampire reputation became so weak. He's in for trouble.
Dave Packard
Apr 26, 2017 rated it really liked it
Fun read! Fast moving, and a little twisted, just the thing for a summer read.
SheriC (PM)
I had such high hopes for this book, but just couldn't fall into it. The concept seemed like great fun, but the execution was... just not very interesting.

Audio via Audible. DNF after several attempts.
Mar 18, 2018 rated it really liked it
The only thing I wasn't a fan of was all the annotations. But I have a grudge against them after reading House of Leaves *shudder* ...more
Bailey Skye ♡
Feb 23, 2016 rated it really liked it
Shelves: arc, 2016-reads, vampire
I received an advanced electronic reading copy in exchange for an honest review.

3.5/5 Stars

If I'm being honest, I have an adoration much greater than I expected for this book. I was very excited when reading the book description poking fun at today's vampire stereotypes - young, attractive, good natured, and sparkly. An Unattractive Vampire is a humorous take on the battle between classic and modern vampires.

Yulric Bile is woken from his three century long slumber to find a much more modern civi
Jeff Miller
Oct 09, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Closer to 5 stars just for pure enjoyment.

An ancient vampire arises from reset to find himself in modern times where nobody believes he is a vampire. The ancient one is more of the Nosferatu type and is dismayed by TV vampires that are beautiful and likable.

This book is a humorous response to Twilight vampires - but is much more than just a mocking response.

What I liked the most is that while there is humorous intent it is not primarily a comic romp. It takes the premise seriously and reads like
Joli Mamon
Feb 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I can't tell you how much I liked this book because anything I say will do it injustice .
The conflict between old and new vampires was hilarious and intriguing and the writing of the books itself was fantastic. I also loved the ending,it was perfect.
Some seriously funny bits. Good, quick and easy read.
Sep 02, 2016 rated it really liked it
For those who are wondering, I wouldn't call this a satire on Twilight, or a parody, or has anything to do with the concept of 'twinkly vampires'. This book and story is independent from all of that.

Yulric Bile wakes in the 21st century to find everything has changed. Even the modern day vampire has changed- actual, real life vampires, not just the concepts of them- and Yulric ends up striking an odd friendship with Amanda, whose basement he was buried in.

I really enjoyed this book. It's weird,
Vakaris the Nosferatu
Feb 02, 2016 rated it it was amazing
The rest of this long winded review is at [ Night Mode Reading ]: Yulric Bile is an ancient saxon vampire, a master of survival and deception, a true evil mastermind of the kind that was neither pretty, nor good. The type that does not get “sired” or “created“, but rather is too evil to stay dead. He lived this long thanks to his cunning, and, of course, immortality, so when an angry mob with pitchforks and torches marches towards his home: Yulric doesn’t break a sweat. After all, everything i ...more
Aug 13, 2017 rated it liked it
Upon reading this book, I didn't dislike it, nor did I love it. It dwells in a realm of fun to read, but ultimately will be forgotten within a month. The reason for this lies within many reasons, many of which I feel I cannot properly articulate. The humor had its moments, moments in which the jokes matched with my own sense of humor. But more times than not, the humor was a hit and a miss. In addition, the thing that bothered me the most (and is pretty nitpick-y) was the repeated mention of how ...more
Dec 03, 2015 rated it really liked it
Publisher: Inkshares

Publishing Date: March 2016


Genre: Fantasy

Rating: 4.2/5

Publishers Description: After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile—also known as the Curséd One, the Devil’s Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors—awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he’s just too ugly—modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty,

Review: This was a heck of a lot of fun
Feb 01, 2016 rated it liked it
3 out of 5 stars

I thought this book had a great premise, it was very satirically funny. The problem that I had was it jumped around too much and time would pass from one paragraph to another. It did not have a good flow and felt very jumpy.

The characters were pretty good but not great could have done with more development. Loved the whole vampires don’t sparkle, they’re not that attractive and they definitely aren’t good vibe, but then again I liked vampires before Twilight. I appreciate the di
Review also available on my blog The Shameful Narcissist Speaks.

An Unattractive Vampire begins as a cleverly tongue-in-cheek novel with a similar silliness and satire to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, seamlessly steering your sympathies towards an unholy monster and its last remaining followers.  A subversion of a subversion, the story takes the new(ish) idea of the beautiful, more modern vampires and makes it absurd with the introduction of the Nosferatu-like Yulric Bile, who's been ento
Joe Schmidt
Apr 17, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a really fun read! A 1,000 year old vampire wakes up from a 300 year long sleep and discovers that the beautiful, young vampires of the modern day are drastically different from the fearful creatures of the night they used to be. Its a fun, funny read that I would recommend to any reader.

What you'll see on most review sites is people lavishly praising this book, but giving it 3-4 star ratings. In fact, I will say that I would have given this book 3 stars if I didn't love the main charac
Tyler Cole
Oct 07, 2017 rated it really liked it
Your usual vampire book - Is what I might put in my review if I read a different vampire book.
Many Vampire books focus on a dark or mysterious theme. They dive into those themes so hard that it usually feels bland in its similarities.
This is not one of those books. I often wondered if the intent of the scene I was reading was to be comedic or serious. By often, I mean to say almost every scene was like this.
I'd like to think that this was the intent behind this style of writing. One reader, mig
Jerico Walls
Dec 23, 2019 rated it really liked it
I honestly went into this book without knowing anything about it and without high hopes (I am not a vampire story fan). I was only going by the title of the book and the thought that it might be an entertaining spooky read for October.

I was pleasantly surprised to find action, superb humor, interesting characters and twists that I didn't see coming (because some of them were just ridiculous)... If you're as sick of sexy, shiny vampire tropes as I am, you might enjoy this book -I certainly did.

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“and what he felt for her involved words used only to describe tapeworm infestations.” 3 likes
“The racket, which Amanda insisted on calling music, came in two varieties Yulric dubbed screech-screech and thump-thump” 1 likes
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