Exit the Labyrinth: A Memoir of Early Childhood Depression Its Onset and Aftermath

by Stephanie Kay Bendel

For more than forty years, Margo Witz has been troubled by the effects of an early childhood trauma she can’t remember. Despite years of therapy, she has experienced severe depression and recurrent nightmares. She knows that as an effect of the forgotten trauma, she has difficulty connecting to her own emotions and wants desperately to become normal. When her father needs emergency heart surgery, she travels to Wisconsin to be with her family despite her dread, for her depression usually deepens when she returns to her childhood home. That fact is particularly puzzling, since her energetic, boisterous family has always been loving and supportive.

During hours of waiting at the hospital, Margo relives some of the unusual occurrences in her life. Why does she hear an old wooden screen door slam when no one else does? Why was she, as a child, terrified of the walls in her home?

374 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 1, 2015

Reviews

[Poetry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before going into much detail, I’d like to point out that although this book is a memoir, it’s not like most memoirs. When I first came across this book, I was sure it wasn’t my thing until I saw a review which mentioned that this memoir was told in ‘novel-like’ structure. After much debating, I thought why not give it a try (I usually get bored reading memoirs as I feel the writing is very dry but that was NOT the case here).

As a reviewer, let’s discuss the technicalities first.

The book, although being a memoir, is no different than a novel (except the events actually happened).It was very interesting to read and know what would happen. The flow of the voice was flawless. The author jumps back in past from time to time and the events are not in chronological order but it doesn’t disrupt the flow and keeps you hooked. The book is about depression but it is NOT depressing.

You might think it would be hard to relate to Margo due to the aftereffects of her childhood trauma and depression. I thought so too. But I was wrong. Margo is a very relatable person. We learn so much about Margo, thanks to the brilliant writing – it seems as if you know her so well. We go on a journey alongside her and how she recovers those forgotten memories and relives the events that her subconscious blocked. We’ll go with her into her labyrinth and find a way out.

Through this book, you’ll learn so much about how our brain and feelings react to certain situations. If you’re one of those people who feels unfit among everyone, who seems away and unrelated to your surroundings, Margo will let you know you’re not alone. You’ll also find so much inspiration from it.

So, if you’d like to read about someone who deals with guilt and mental dilemma, not necessarily clinical depression, you’ll not regret reading this book. In fact, if you often ponder about our brain, thought procedure, human emotions or lack of, child psychology, along with a story and character to relate, this book is for you.

At times, I had to encourage myself to pick this book again after leaving. Not because it bored me or I lost interest, but like Margo, I felt I wasn’t ready to know more. I can’t tell you anything else – just read it, you’ll know.

~*~*~*~*~

MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS

I have to add this ‘personal’ section because this book was therapeutic for me. If I add how much Margo and I are similar, this post will be 50 pages long. First, I had never been through depression. I had rough patches here and then, but nothing as serious as Margo. So, it was quite shocking for me to realize this. And many coincidental events in both of our lives creeped me out.

I highlighted some of the lines from the books that were stolen straight from my mind (not really!).

"I was fascinated by printed words. I found them everywhere: in newspapers and story books, on cereal boxes, envelopes, signs, labels on cans, and on the insignias on appliances. I couldn’t resist reading them all."

Secondly, Margo’s dad goes through a bypass heart surgery on February 16th, the same day as my mother had her bypass heart surgery (in 1998; I was 3) and the same day she passed away 15 years later (in 2013). Like Margo, I over analyze some situations, love to write and read (fascinated by product titles and fonts even), have bizarre thoughts, think that I don’t have similar feelings like everyone else.

"I’d often suspected the nurses at the hospital where I was born had mixed me up with another baby and given me to the wrong family."

Although never going through depression or trauma, I relate to Margo so much it baffles me. This book is much more than depression awareness. It’s a memoir, I know- a personal experience, but most of the readers like me would find themselves in Margo, trying to understand everything.

"You couldn’t allow yourself that much freedom. For some reason, you put impossible expectations on yourself, and when you couldn’t live up to them, you took what you saw as your negative qualities and projected them into a separate person. ‘She’ was bad, not you. That way you could satisfy both your need to be ‘perfect’ and your need to be a normal child."

Learning about Margo helped me learn a lot about me. This is one of those books that tells your own story better than you could ever tell. I find it quite surprising that not many people have read such great books as this one. I don’t mean this book needs fame or popularity for the sake of it. But, it has something important to tell which could change the way we perceive life. We need such books!

"Enjoyment, I now understood, has less to do with what one does than with the state of mind one does it in."

I don’t know what else to add. I’m just very glad to read such good book.

[Joanna Schmitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A masterfully written account of events lived, forgotten, and remembered and the tangles that result from partial awareness. This memoir reads like a novel, piecing together past events through vivid dialogue and rich description. When Margo's father falls ill and requires open heart surgery, Margo travels to her family home in a small Wisconsin town, confronting the house that fills her with sadness. Her brothers and sister and mother all seem to know how to act and what to say, while Margo feels one step behind and out of sync. Over the next few days she unpacks many childhood memories, seeking the moment that caused her confusion.

Bendel artfully leads the reader from present to various points in the past and back to the present, binding the reader to the narrative in an entrancing disorientation that parallels Margo's. What is real? Can the senses be trusted? Is the truth always the truth? If you lie to save someone's life, have you done right or wrong? The result is a marvelous trip through Margo's memories until she discovers the moment that started her on her tortuous path and acknowledges the power and necessity of imagination.

This is a book for all creative minds, for anyone who has lived through a series of events and wondered, "Am I going crazy?" or "What is wrong with me?" Truth will out, sometimes in the most bizarre and frightening manner, demanding acknowledgement and faith. Margo's journey affirms that there is more to life than what we see with our eyes and sometimes the most important perceptions defy both logic and explanation.

[Notes From 'Round the Bend · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since she was a teenager, Margo Witz has been troubled by the effects of an early childhood trauma she can’t remember. Even after years of therapy (including hypnosis), she continues to experience severe depression and recurring nightmares. Between the ages of three and fifteen, her life is mainly a blank. As an effect of that buried-and-forgotten trauma, she finds herself struggling to connect to her own emotions and continually wonders what it feels like to be ‘normal’.

When her father needs emergency heart surgery, Margo and her daughter travel to Grandfather Falls, Wisconsin to be with her mother, brothers, and sister. As always happens when she returns to her childhood home, her depression deepens—a fact that often puzzles her, since nothing she can remember indicates her family was ever anything but loving and supportive.

During the long hours of waiting at the hospital, Margo finds herself reliving the unusual occurrences in her life. Why does she hear an old wooden screen door slam when no one else does? What started her fear of the stippled walls of her childhood home? Where did this unhappy emotional path begin?

***
I’ll admit, I’ve read very few memoirs, so I was not sure exactly what to expect when I picked up Exit the Labyrinth. Would it be dry? Could I relate to the subject? In the end, I’m very glad I opted to give it a chance! Memoir this may be, but it reads like a mystery novel and I found myself pulled in from the jump.

Stephanie Kay Bende has a grasp of language and an ability to create imagery that brings Exit the Labyrinth to life in a masterful way. As she recounts events lived, forgotten and slowly remembered, the tangled web created by Margo’s incomplete awareness is both poignant and unsettling. The transition between past and present events is smooth—it reads like the natural flow of human thought--and the descriptions of family and memories are vivid enough to make them quite relatable. Having suffered from depression myself for a number of years, I was able to identify with a great deal of Margo’s pain and uncertainty. That kind of realism is what makes this memoir so very, very hard-hitting in all the right ways.

It’s interesting to watch Margo grapple with things that everyone—depressed or not—wonders at some point in their lives. What is real and what have we imagined? Are our senses reliable and truthful? Is our truth the truth? When do the ends justify the means? Her struggle is so real it almost hurts.

Bottom line: This is a book for the creative and inquisitive mind, for anyone who has, after living through a series of life events, wondered, "Am I going crazy? Is something wrong with me?" or “Why don’t I feel (insert feeling)? Does anyone else have this struggle?”

[Bella Cannava · Rating 3 out of 5]

eldest daughter syndrome: clinical edition

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good memoir about childhood depression and its affect on a person. However, at some points were a little too unbelievable for me.

Read my full review on my Tumblr blog:
http://booklover172.tumblr.com/post/1...