Home With Honor: Helps for Returning Missionaries

by Randy L. Bott

Home With Helps for Returning Missionaries (Paperback) by Randy L. Bott

192 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1995

Reviews

[Steven H]

ADVICE FOR ‘RELEASED’ LDS MISSIONARIES

Randy LaMar Bott (b. 1945) taught missionary preparation and religion at BYU until his retirement from BYU in 2012. (He made controversial statements in 2012 to the Washington Post, justifying the LDS Church’s ban on Blacks from the priesthood before 1978.)

He wrote in the first chapter of this 1995 book, “This book is a compilation of ideas and thoughts we found helpful as we counseled missionaries who were about to return home. However, it is not intended to replace the advice you receive from your local priesthood leaders… My hope is that this book will help you make good decisions, establish good habits, and rededicate yourself or continue to dedicate yourself to living the gospel, that you may find real joy in life. The final portion of the book will present practical advice aimed at helping you find and eternal companion.” (Pg. 2)

He observes, “Almost all missionaries … are afraid of coming home and losing their spirituality… You may have seen other returned missionaries literally RETURN to their old ways, tossing to the wind their spirituality, testimony, and Christlike lifestyle. Yet I have never talked to a missionary yet who PLANNED on reverting back to old ways when he or she was released. What can you do to ensure that this does not happen to you? It begins with getting rid of the term ‘returned’ and replacing it with ‘released.’ Forget the idea of going back… you will never be able to fit back into life exactly the way you did before you left… You will probably not be as inclined to be close friends with them as you thought you would be. Your value systems are too different.” (Pg. 4-5)

He advises, “As you increase in scholarship, follow closely the teachings of the Brethren and the scriptures. I have found it helpful to use the standard works as a guide. If the standard works say very little or nothing about a doctrine, maybe I should follow suit. Too many self-designated intellectuals choose to endlessly discuss those matters about which God has chosen to say little or nothing.” (Pg. 30)

He explains, “The temple experience helps you keep life in eternal perspective. Go to the temple when you can enjoy the session without being hurried. Study the symbolic nature of the endowment and let your understanding unfold naturally as the Lord sees fit.” (Pg. 48-49)

He cautions, “if you served in a foreign county… you may find that the people still consider you a missionary when you return to visit… If you should decide to socialize with or date someone from that area, the people may become confused. They may wonder why a ‘missionary’ is dating their daughter or son… In three separate cities … the work came to a screeching halt when elders returned and started dating girls from those cultures.” (Pg. 54)

He notes, “Your mission has cast you forever into a leadership role. Take the challenge to throw the best parties, plan the most fun date, be the most original person around… Take charge in a positive way… Make it your job go bring out the best in others.” (Pg. 64)

He warns, “The soaring divorce rate worldwide has not altogether missed the Church. Keep this idea in mind: You marry who you date! If you don’t think you’d like to marry a person, don’t date him or her… When you return from your mission, your focus needs to be different. Dates are still fun, but there is also a serious side to them.” (Pg. 98)

‘Released’ missionaries may find this book helpful.

[Scott09g]

I wish I'd been given this book the last 30 days of my Mission to study and consider. It would have been helpful to come home with some of these things already set and determined in my mind. Unfortunately, I settled for dating the wrong girl a little too soon after coming home. Sad part is I knew I was settling and knew I was potentially compromising all my growth and development. Long story short, I drifted from activity for a few years and made my path back into activity a lot harder than it ever needed to be. My brother, seeing the direction I was heading, gave this book to me to read. I gave a few chapters a leisurely glance, felt I was being chastised, and put it up on the shelf. It was already too late to be impactful when it needed to be.

These days I am in a much better place. I'm where I could have been all along. I wasn't prepared for the things the Adversary was ready to entice me with, and it showed. Not saying this book would have prevented *all* of my bad decisions, but it may have helped me avoid the worst of them by warning me about them beforehand and giving me a few things to keep my eyes peeled for and prepare my mind against.

The book is starting to show it's age. It's mildly dated. The list of date ideas in the back is a little silly. But overall, 99% of this book is still relevant and valuable. I just think it would be best-utilized while still on your mission and preparing to come home - not after you're home and back in the throws of life. One chapter a day for a month, or two chapters a day for the last two weeks as part of your personal study would be ideal.

I'm glad I finally picked this one back up and read it. I've been home now for 9 years, am married (to the RIGHT woman, thankfully) have had a daughter, and still found a great deal to learn from the advice this author gave. RM's, don't pass this one up. It also available for download on the Deseret Book app if you can't find it in stores.

[Jacob Ladd]

This book is packed with helpful information--after reading it from beginning to end once, I found myself frequently reading back through specific parts. It is more of a reference than anything else. I would recommend ALL returned missionaries reading this, no matter how long they have been back for (though, as the book points outs, fresher is better to get started).

[Nelson]

Book was helpful...but you shouldn't have said those things, Brother Bott. Rest in retirement.