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288 pages, Hardcover
First published April 26, 2016
“New things I remember about that day:
1. Dillion wasn’t swimming back to look for Eddie. He was looking for someone else.”
"If you come with me, I'll get naked for you."
He nods, but I know he thinks I'm deserting him. Just hang on a few more days, Dilbil, I think to myself as I leave him. I'm sure that getting to the bottom of the drop-off is going to give me all the answers: to remember what happened, to get closure. It just has to. And then I'll be able to focus on Dillon.
"Okay, calm down, I won't tell," I says, moving my head away from his mouth. "Why don't you get in the shower. You smell really bad."
I'm suddenly fed up with his disgusting smell, his arrogance, and the fact that he keeps saying weird things and then denying them, I'm totally fed up with him.
When the door is shut, Dillon pulls my head toward his. I try to keep my nose away from his mouth, which smells of vile vanilla meal replacement.
"Hmm. Not quite skinny enough yet. Still got flabby thighs. It's a shame about your brother, though. He used to be quite fit. I saw for myself, you know. And now he's an ugly mess of skin and bone."
I pretend I'm not hurt by her comments and hold my head high. "That's odd," I say. "I wonder why you still follow him around."
"I didn't want to be saved," I say quietly.
"It wasn't a suicide attempt," I say, "It was just a stupid thing to do."
"That's the thing with art. You always have to look at it from a different perspective."
"My advice to you, Elsie, is go with your heart, not your head, because your head doesn't know what it wants. It only thinks about the moral high ground. And if your heart isn't happy, when you try to share it you'll make others unhappy too."
"I'll try. And you promise me that you'll breathe."
"My advice to you, Elsie, is go with your heart, not your head, because your head doesn't know what it wants. It only thinks about the moral high ground. And if your heart isn't happy, when you try to share it you'll make others unhappy too."
"I'm so relieved he's not running away that I kiss him, on the lips, and I have to rein myself back in before I literally eat him."
"I wonder if part of me wants her to go through this so someone understands how I feel"