Is That For a Boy or a Girl?

by S. Bear Bergman, Rachel Dougherty (Illustrator)

Meet some awesome kids who have gotten pretty tired of being told that certain things are for girls and others just for boys. See how they mix and match everything they like to get what suits them best!

Genres: Gender, Picture Books, Childrens, Queer, LGBT, Fiction, Transgender

28 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2015

About the author

S. Bear Bergman is a storyteller, a theater artist, an instigator, a gender-jammer, and a good example of what happens when you overeducate a contrarian. He is the author of Butch Is a Noun (reissued with a new foreword by Arsenal Pulp Press, 2010), Lambda Literary Award-finalist The Nearest Exit May be Behind You (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2009), Backwards Day (Flamingo Rampant, 2012), Lambda Literary Award-finalist The Adventures of Tulip, Birthday Wish Fairy (Flamingo Rampant, 2012) and Blood, Marriage, Wine, & Glitter (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2013) – as well as the editor (with the inimitable Kate Bornstein) of the multiple-award-winning Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (Seal Press, 2010). Bear is also the creator and performer of three award-winning solo performances and a frequent contributor to anthologies on all manner of topics (see his CV for an extensive list of publications of presentations). Bear can be found many days in an airport lounge, writing stories on his laptop and letters on any piece of paper that can pretend to be stationery.

A frequent lecturer at colleges and universities regarding issues relating to gender, sexuality, and culture, Bear enjoys digging in to complicated ideas and getting dirty doing it. He also works extensively helping to create queer and trans cultural competency at universities, corporations, health care providers, and governmental organizations. This work has included training, policy development, policy reviews, and process/barrier audits, as well as cultural awareness consulting for external marketing.

As a Jew, Bear also speaks extensively about how his religious and cultural lives have shaped one another and the intersection of identities, especially as it relates to being both Jewish and queer. He remains exceptionally pleased to have been asked to write the chapter on trans inclusion for Hillel International’s LGBTQ Resource Guide

Less recently, Bear was one of the five original founders of the first Gay/Straight Alliance, a frequent lecturer at high schools and colleges on the subject of making schools safe for GLBT students, and a founding commission member of what is now called the Massachusetts Safe Schools Project. Bear was an insufferable know-it-all in high school, but is reformed these days. Somewhat.

Bear was educated at Concord Academy, Hampshire College, and the University of Massachusetts. He currently resides in Toronto, Ontario where he has set up housekeeping with his husband j wallace skelton and their children, and travels frequently to visit the many people close to his heart.

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

The book opens a little heavy-handed about how society tries to define everything as "boy" or "girl," and the more teach-y any given piece in the book felt, the more forced it felt to me.

However, I really enjoyed all the kids. I expect they're fictitious composites created to prove a point, but they're so much fun. I really appreciate that the kids enjoy a mix of BOTH traditionally feminine and traditionally masculine things -- the (Asian?) kid who loves bugs and animals but also wants hot pink and glittery garb; the red-hair and freckled white kid who loves trucks etc. and whose dad (by request) decorates them with rhinestones; the white blonde kid in a wheelchair who wants to know what the toy with the meal is not whether it's a "boy" or a "girl" toy; the white kid on the bus with 2 braids who doesn't wanna sit down and says, "I could rhyme if I felt like it, but I'm too cross" (keep embracing your externally-directed anger, young child who gets read as female!); the white kid with short hair who does football and ballet and theatre (okay, I think this kid may be a bit too over-scheduled) and bakes and wants to learn to snowboard and whose family goes to church (as a queer Christian, I appreciate when faith community participation gets to be a non-issue in queer contexts); the black kid with a ponytail who mostly dresses in jeans but who has one fancy red dress that feels so good; the tree-climbing long-haired princess who can rescue herself; the skinny tall [though ngl, the kid does not look that tall in the illustration] black kid who gets asked "Do [you] want to grow up to play basketball?" and loves words; and okay I don't love the teachiness but short-haired kid speaks the truth about how there's no fuss about using the bathroom at home and "when I push open the right [door] for me. / They say I'm mistaken, how could that be? / I'm the expert, I'm in my own body. / Just let me pee! No need to get snotty"; and similarly, the "let's not gender-delineate graduation garb" at the end.

[Cole Jack]

This picture book by S. Bear Bergman is told from the perspective of different kids questioning societal pressure to designate their behaviors, activities, and interests as being "for girls" or "for boys." I appreciated the different voices of kids that reflect their different ages (baby to late elementary) and interests. The illustrations compliment the text and make this a special text. I personally appreciated having a text that highlights children who are people of color and a child wheelchair user.

The publisher, Flamingo Rampant, describes itself as a "micropress with a mission--to produce feminist, racially-diverse, LGBTQ-positive children's books, in an effort to bring visibility and positivity to the reading landscape of children everywhere." This book certainly fulfills this aspiration.

[Erin]

Illustrations are fantastic. 5 stars there! But the text is cumbersome. i.e. "I know their search for awesome thing is almost never done, / Not boy or girl or pink or blue, but green and orange; teaching and fun!"

The message is great but perhaps overstated....I think it misses the mark as far as a book for children.
Instead of captivating a child's imagination this reads like non-fiction.

I also dislike the page with the children on the bus. The picture is of a girl hanging upside on the bus seat. The text says "I'm not going to "sit like a lady" ... Kids should do what makes them feel good." - sure they should but I really hate it when parents let their children get away with things like hanging upside down on bus. Pretty obvious, it's not safe and it's not appropriate.

[mg]

I loved the sentiment of this book - that gender has zippo to deal with what kids like (despite what society, corporations, and marketing try to tell us). However, the carry-through was just not as polished as I would have hoped. The rhyme scheme changes throughout the book and the cadence is often clunky. The illustrations are really great, and embody a great deal of diversity (AWESOME!).

[Kit]

Fantastic little book that teaches kids about gendered expectations, being yourself, and how activities, toys, clothes, behaviors, etc don't have to exist on a binary. Beautiful illustrations with life, personality, and broad representation.

[CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian]

This is a really fun, rhyming book featuring a whole bunch of kids talking about what their interests are, and debunking gender stereotypes about what toys and activities are for boys and girls. It also features a trans kid talking about public bathroom use, a super important topic!

Although this doesn't have a plot per se, I think kids might really connect with the rhyming and the diversity of activities and like portrayed--lots of kids would be able to say "I like that too!"

Also I really liked the illustrations, often full page spreads of kids doing fun things like climbing trees and looking at bugs and reading and snowboarding and driving tractors, and more! Nice clean lines and bright colours!

Check out Flamingo Press: http://www.flamingorampant.com/index....!

[Phannie]

In Is That For a Boy or a Girl? we are introduced to a different child on each two page spread. We hear about all the clothes, activities, and interests that they each love, and about their desire to just be who and whatever they want to be without all the social rules.

This illustrated children's book is written in rhyme and was fun to read out loud. The illustrations are filled with colour and energy. They complement the story perfectly. I highly recommend reading this to your kids.

Age: 6-10
Grade: K - 4

[Mieke Leigh]

Love this awesome book that debunks gender sterotypes.

[Edwina]

What a great book! Not just one token kid who is different, but a whole book full of kids doing it their way.

What does it matter if you are a boy or a girl when all you want is the kid's meal with a toy. Or if you just need to pee. Seriously, a baby's toy is a baby's toy. Give them something fun.

Stereotypes make the World easier to understand, and easier to navigate, but they don't always make it right. Stereotypes are like trying to understand a movie from a screen shot.

I hope this book finds the readers who need it, for guidance and support.

[Cheyenne]

Re-read as part of a Winter Reading Program 2025 challenge: Read the shortest book you own. Any of my 6 Flamingo Rampant books would have worked for this, but I didn't remember this one as well as the others, so I picked it for this challenge, and it's still great! :D

[Danni Green]

Another adorable Flamingo Rampant book. This one features mostly-rhyming poetry and brilliant illustrations of children with a wide range of gender identities and expressions. Beautiful.

[AbsentLibrarian]

Challenges gender bias without becoming preachy or political. A Great addition to our picture book collection. Love the diversity of the characters in illustrations too!

[Mills College Library]

Picture B4992i 2015