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296 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 2015
Is that what it felt like for you when you put the gun into your mouth? When you turned it on yourself after killing the others? When you brought the death toll up to eight, not that your death ever counted? When you pulled the trigger that time were you still not scared? Was it as dull as jumping the goddamn crevice?
And just like that he’d raised the forbidden subject. Back home, nobody ever talked about what had happened. That day three years ago – it was like this big, deadly elephant in the room. They’d say it with their eyes and their spit and their hate, but never with actual words. Hearing it out loud, I don’t know whether it was a relief or a new kind of torture. Either way, I’m pretty sure that I was shaking.
Just for the record, I didn’t have one of those lame ‘Am I dreaming?’ moments. I didn’t pinch myself or rub my eyes like a cartoon character to see if that would fix it. I don’t know why they even put that crap in movies. Just because you can have a dream and not realise you’re dreaming, that doesn’t mean it works in the reverse. When you’re awake and bad things are happening, deep down you always know that it’s for keeps.
What was your last feeling before you pulled the trigger? Were you pleased or horrified? Did you feel like a monster? Was pain the last thing you felt in life? And if so, how long had it been going for?
The world doesn't revolve around one disturbed girl, no matter how low she sank to make an impression. Life is more than that. It's blissful and rubbish and crappy and kind and infinite worlds of emotion. And you know what? So are people.
What was your last feeling before you pulled the trigger? Were you pleased or horrified? Did you feel like a monster? Was pain the last thing you felt in life? And if so, how long had it been going for?2.5 stars. This book was such a mindtrip. The nightmare dreamscape world was truly unique and the writing style was beautiful. Unfortunately, it started losing steam about halfway through and the ending wasn't resolved enough for my taste. But my main disappointment was that I was looking forward to some epic twist that just never came. The main characters certainly sound like unreliable narrators (what with all the withholding of information and obscure references to mysterious happenings) so I was having fun doubting everything they said and putting together my own theories. *sigh* I shouldn't have bothered. ["br"]>
"Here's the thing about moments. The world can change in them and people can die in them and just one is all it takes to make a mistake that will last you a lifetime."
"History wouldn't repeat itself. That I was just being paranoid. That fixating on something so morbid, so exquisitely unlikely, was simply a product of trauma. That the nightmare of what you did playing out all over again was not a rational fear."
"The precise moment it all went to shit, for the second time."
"They buried the seven kids you killed. They put them under the ground, out of sight, so all that was left were the shiny memorials. So that no one could see how everything was still sinking into the holes they'd left behind."
"The protagonist lives in the shadow of a murderous sibling. I wanted to capture a sense of hidden identity and desperation with an image that had a in-your-face physicality and a subtle fantasy element... I created the artwork in Photoshop out of bits and pieces of budget stock photography and knitted in a landscape and sense of place. I hand drew the typography with a dramatic scrawl to match the drama of the cover artwork."