Bigfoot Pirates Haunt My Balls

by Chuck Tingle

After years of having their natural habitat encroached upon, bigfeet are finally forced to leave the forest and head out into the open ocean. At first, we think that it’s the last we’ll ever see of them, until bigfoot piracy becomes rampant across the Seven Seas.

When the most notorious bigfoot pirate, Lorko the Black, is killed off the coast of Santa Monica, a man named Andy begins to feel a mysterious throbbing in his balls. After a trip to the doctor, Andy soon learns that what seemed like a coincidence is actually an acute case of haunted balls, and the only prescription is a bigfoot ghost pirate gangbang!

This erotic tale is 4,500 words of sizzling human on bigfoot ghost action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies, bukkake, double penetration and pirate love.

Genres: LGBT, Humor, Erotica, Fiction, Romance, Ebooks, Gay

17 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 6, 2015

About the author

Chuck Tingle is a mysterious force of energy behind sunglasses and a pink mask. He is also an anonymous author of romance, horror, and fantasy. Chuck was born in Home of Truth, Utah, and now splits time between Billings, Montana and Los Angeles, California. Chuck writes to prove love is real, because love is the most important tool we have when resisting the endless cosmic void. Not everything people say about Chuck is true, but the important parts are.

Management and general inquiry: infotingleverse@gmail.com

Literary agent: DongWon at dongwonsong.com

Reviews

[⋆｡°✮ Lucy InTheSky ✮°｡⋆ · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I've picked this book as a part of my Funny pick of the month reading goal, where I pick a book with a funny title or a cover.

I've decided to read this book, because there was a talk of furry cocks in someone's review, so naturally, I had to investigate.



🟢 A pirate romance?
🟡 A twink/bigfoot gangbang
🔵 So, a furry pirate gangbang romance

Andy is our hero here, he's living in Santa Monica and having a medical emergency, where his balls hurt.
His doctor tells him his balls are haunted.

“At this point, we can’t say for sure, it’s too early in the haunting to get any real sense of who, or what, has possessed your balls."

On the other hand we have a famous pirate captain, Lorko the Black. He's a bigfoot and now a ghost on his famous pirate ship, Nice Abs . He calls to Andy and Andy has no choice but to go to his ship.

“Welcome to the Nice Abs!” Lorko tells me. “How are you balls?”
“Haunted.” I tell him.
“Well worry not, matey.” Lorko shouts. “Soon, your ass will be just as haunted as your balls.” 😄

Andy then gets a furry gangbang of his life where the whole crew gets a taste of him.

“Tell me what you want to do to me!” I beg them. “Call me your dirty human twink!” 😄

When they all finish up, Andy gets thrown overboard and wakes up alone, balls no longer haunted, BUT gets his declaration of love - weird, unnecessary, but as ridiculous as the whole story was.

Yes, yes...this was a nice morning. I have a new outlook on life now. I think I'll be reading this author again. 😉😄

[Dustin Reade · Rating 4 out of 5]

a masterpiece!

[Jess Brady · Rating 4 out of 5]

The absolute only reason I read this book was because of the title. Nothing else. Literally nothing else. I was not disappointed. Maybe a little floored but not disappointed.

[Mackenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is camp

[Auti · Rating 4 out of 5]

In which fulfilling the sex wishes of a ghost Bigfoot to relieve a sex haunting is just good praxis 😤
(One of my favorites)

[Isabel · Rating 5 out of 5]

"they’ve helped me come to terms with my life as a cock hungry bigfoot lover."

¿CÓMO QUERÉS QUE LES ESO Y NO LE DE 5 ESTRELLAS AL LIBRO?

¿CÓMO?

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chuck Tingle out here proving love is real, even with Bigfoot Pirates.

I’ll say that I did not see the moral of the story coming, which according to Chuck Tingle is if you’re sick go to the Doctor. If your balls are haunted, that’s a real issue and you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help. And maybe that doctor’s visit will lead you to the love of your life, a spectral Sasquatch.

[Florence Salmon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Adhering to the strict pirate code of no buggery? Man, what is even the point of sailing the high seas if you aren't aboard the TUI swingers cruise.

[Kirk · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many people give these tales reviews based on their expectation about what books should be.

But these aren’t books. They are a pair of tinglers, as is found in most every offering from Mr. Tingle.

The first is a tale designed to tantalize, to offer up a story of love making with some new sentient object or creature that in many cases man has never interfaced with sexually before.

The second story is designed to provoke thought. Whether an exploration of physics and multiple dimensions, a meta analysis of literature, or a deep dive into the tingleverse, you’ll always learn something new.

At first I read these just as a joke, but they’re actually pretty good. Sure there are typos and minor issues, but the content always shines through.

As with Animorphs, I don’t plan on reading every book by Chuck Tingle, but I’m definitely reading the titles I consider to be high watermarks.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really like the sad yet hopeful ending. And that ball hauntings are apparently common.

[Erin Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This book was ridiculous!! I laughed out loud at the nonsense. Out of the three tinglers I have read this was definitely my favorite. The main characters also had some real chemistry which I loved.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Day 25 of Tinglers

If you never got to bang a twink in your lifetime would your ghost have unfinished business?

I gotta hand it to Chuck it's actually a great premise. It comes preloaded with happy ending: no strings attached, everyone disappears when they're done. Clean & tidy.

But Tingle knows that even though a hookup can be fun it doesn't make for a good story. It lacks an ending that reverberates outside of itself. So to save the story the protagonist gets a goodbye note at the end with a heartfelt letter that promises one day, in God's kingdom, they're asses will meet.

In fact, nothing I've read from Tingle has ended up being 'just a hookup.' That would lower the stakes of the story, it would take out the romance. This is a really horny piece, but its under girded by a foundation of love. That's something about Chuck Tingle I continue to appreciate.

It might be then that all erotica is an exploration of how one wants to be loved. A safe space to feel oneself out in. You could censor all the explicit content out of this work and you'd be still be able to pick up on the two characters' relationship.

There is a seed of love in all of us.

[patty]

This will forever be known by me as the Bigfoot Pirate Ghost Orgy Book.

"I'm afraid your balls are haunted."

“Aye, the cold grip of death is a bastard! It was not my intent to make ‘yer balls ache like two oysters in the deep.”

“Welcome to the Nice Abs! How are you balls?”
“Haunted.”  I tell him.
“Well worry not, matey. Soon, your ass will be just as haunted as your balls.”

“You can haunt every inch of my body. I’m here to finish your business. Your gay business.”

“Take my living human ass.”

This whole time I thought I was helping the ghostly crew come to terms with their death, but now I realize that they’ve helped me come to terms with my life as a cock hungry bigfoot lover.

Wow. Beautiful.

[Marj · Rating 3 out of 5]

The podcast adventure continues. This one starts with a fascinating premise-- overpopulation has forced "Bigfeet" out of the forests and onto the seas, living on rafts made of tree trunks. This one is (if possible) more explicit than the others. The setup is my favorite, but the actual story may be my least favorite of the "Tinglers" that I've read so far.

[Liander (The Towering Pile) Lavoie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm listening to the podcast Pounded in the Butt by My Own Podcast and this is the third episode, and probably my favourite so far. That might have been partly the performance, which had the nice touch of piratey music playing in the background.

[Marian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Be that slutty twink of your dreams, Andy.

[nero · Rating 1 out of 5]

Admittedly, this was one of the funnier ones.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chuck Tingle is a king, a hero, and a visionary.

[Jenn G · Rating 2 out of 5]

Why is it a gorilla on the cover

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, this happened 😂

[kait · Rating 3 out of 5]

if you dig deep it's really a post-modernist take on the societal expectations placed on gay men and the false equivalencies between— SIKE it's about being FUCKED by PIRATE SASQUATCHES!!

[Mel · Rating 3 out of 5]

But… but why are they hairy 😭

[C · Rating 4 out of 5]

A haunting tale of sexy spectral sasquatch sea shenanigans. Surprising twist at the end!


Also: Someone please check on Mr. Tingler's wife...

[Valerie Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listen up, buckaroos and ladybucks...if you don't read a Tingler every now and again...what are you even doing?

[Oz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love is real.

[Aaron · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually fairly well written. I only noticed one typo. It was also thirteen pages long and the rest was hyperlinks to other works by the author.

It's also exactly what it says it's about. It is a bigfoot pirate haunting a man's balls and then having very gay sex with him.

I mean it's hilarious in it's own sort of way but it's also competently written enough that I actually found myself enjoying it, even when it got into gratuitous detail about man on bigfoot ghost sex.

This is not what I expected to write today.

Either way, this is an interesting book and a great introduction to what you can expect from Dr. Tingle. Hopefully he continues to gift us with works like this far into the future.

[Bec]

I’m not sure what made me laugh more, actually reading/listening to this, or the 1 star review I just read where the reviewer complained that it wasn’t convincingly sexy.

Horrifyingly, hilariously un-erotic as always. Bless.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is about a man who lives in a world where Big Foot people became pirates. And the worst Big Foot pirate of all had his ship recently sunk. And then the man has pain in his balls, so he goes to the doctor, and the doctor tells him his balls are haunted. I mean, wow that's impressive that a doctor can diagnose that kind of condition. Then the man finds out that he's being haunted by that Big Foot pirate. They are apparently a ship full of gay pirates that never had sex and want to have gay sex. This man is very gay and is like yes please. So he goes and has a ghost orgy with ghost Big Foot pirates on a ghost ship. I cannot make this up. But he seemed to like the orgy so good for him.

The second novella included with this one is called "Reamed by my Reaction to the Title of this Book". This one was probably the most bizarre and most meta. And weirder than all the other ones if you can imagine. A man is somehow reamed by the title of the book. That's the best I can describe it.

And so concludes my Chuck Tingle journey. I laughed. I cried? I was mostly confused. It was a good time. I definitely would read Tinglers again.

[Ellis Billington · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chuck Tingle books are always such a lifesaver when I want a quick and easy read I can finish within the hour, and I think this is one of his better stories. It's definitely one of the more creative ones as far as worldbuilding goes, and there were multiple times when I found myself laughing out loud. I did find myself having a similar issue with this one that I have with a lot of the Tinglers I've read, in that the worldbuilding and satire aspects were more interesting than the erotica itself, so when the sex scenes hit I just found myself kind of bored.

[Ophelia Crane · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, for the record, I'm just gonna four star all of these on the strength of the audacity.

Ghost Pirate Bigfoot and his crew draw a man into their ghost ship by haunting his nethers... then they have a gangbang.

And to me, the most shocking thing is that there is a fair amount of world building that involves a timeline where Bigfeet are real, but they have integrated into our society.

Tens across the board.