Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of us Have
Drawing on psychoanalysis, literature, and personal experience, Necessary Losses is a philosophy for understanding and accepting life’s inevitabilities.
In Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst ...more
I'm having to return this one before reading as much as I would like, but it's just as illuminating as I remembered. This time around, I got a lot out of the chapter entitled "Convenience Friends and Historical Friends and Crossroads and Cross-Generational Friends and Friends Who Come When You Call at Two in the Morning." It is something of a relie ...more
Yes, this book is by the same Judith Viorst who wrote children's favorite, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." But this book is definitely for grownups who want to learn more about being grownups. Viorst chronicles the many beliefs we have to let go of in order to become fully mature, respo ...more
I wanted to like it ... The intro seemed exciting, and I eagerly dove in full of high hopes.
But dear god.... Every issue in life does not go back to wanting to have sex with your parents, or unresolved mommy and daddy issues.
I haven't lost friendships over unresolved homosexuality issues from Oedipal issues from when I was a toddler... I don't have anxiety because of going to day care.
Give me a break --- this book is full of ...more
And to paraphrase Mark Twain, "There are two types of people: Those that know they have fears to face and those that are liars." But that also means we all have treasures to claim...
Not facing our fears causes trouble.
"Frequently we bring about what we fear." says Judith Viorst in Necessary Losses. She says "I do unhesitatingly embrace Freud’s conviction that our past, with all of its clamorous wishes and terrors a ...more
Quotes I liked:
p. 163 "A normal adolescent describes two major goals in life 1. putting an end to the threat of nuclear holocaust and ...more
This has such high ratings and I was in the mood for a good self-help book, but psychoanalysis just seems like a lot of baseless patriarchal conjecture to me. Plus, all the gender/sexuality stuff made it feel pretty dated (Viorst: we're all basically bisexual, but hetero=evolved and homo=stuck in a earlier Oedipal stage).
I didn't read all the way to the end, but well enough over half that I felt like I'd gotten th ...more
Also, she bases her ideas on Freudian philosophy. If you ask me, Freud was a KOOK.
I did however learn that I tend towar ...more
Psychoanalysis has a lot of answers to offer and like everything the answers are imperfect.
Pick this book up when you have questions about people and relationships and self. A book that will stay on my bookshelf forever.
I was taking this book to the health club one night to read while I walked on the treadmill. I ran into a friend of mine there, and he saw I was carrying a book and excitedly asked me, "What you reading?" I turned the book toward him so he could see the title, and his face fell. "Oh," he said. "Pretty heavy." "Yeah," I said. "But worth it."
That sums up the book. Another Reader's Digest description can be plucked from the inside cover. The book is about "what we have to give up to grow." And yet...more
So, she not only has all of those brilliant books for kids that I grew up reading, but she's a poet, a fiction writer, and, oh yeah, she also writes non-fiction psychology books.
And here's the best part. . . her psychology books, well, ...more
I opened it with great expectations, as I've loved Viorst's magazine and poetry writing, and the subject is highly relevant to my life.
The book did not grab me. And when she described her friend Harvey "babysitting with his three-year old, while his wife and newborn child were still in the hospital" (p. 85) she lost me completely. There is simply nothing I am willing to learn about life and family from someone who uses the phrase "babysitting" to describe a parent's role: her conception of ...more
But better late than never. A very illuminating book, helping me understand both the losses anybody endures as well as the specific losses that shaped me.
The chapter on marriage (Chapter 13) will be one I turn to time and again to remind myself of all the wisdom there.