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Winning Through Intimidation

Robert J. Ringer

3.97 · Rating details · 696 ratings · 64 reviews

If you've ever found yourself coming out on the short end of the stick, you'll appreciate the rewards that can be yours when you take the initiative in every area of your life. Written by the bestselling author of MILLION DOLLAR HABITS, this business gem, explains in candid terms what intimidation is, why you become intimidated and how you can avoid the mental lapses that ...more

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Paperback, 304 pages

Published November 12th 1984 by Fawcett Books (first published 1974)

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Feb 26, 2010 Tripleguess rated it it was amazing

I have to say, I learned a lot from this book, especially about that intangible yet highly relevant person-to-person tactic known as intimidation.

I don't agree with every single little thing he said, but he is on the money in this: people (with very few exceptions) are out to get you. They may be up front about it (Type Number One), they may try to be very nice about it and act so sorry once it's over (Type Number Three), or -- most commonly -- they'll assure you of their honesty and virtue and I have to say, I learned a lot from this book, especially about that intangible yet highly relevant person-to-person tactic known as intimidation.

I don't agree with every single little thing he said, but he is on the money in this: people (with very few exceptions) are out to get you. They may be up front about it (Type Number One), they may try to be very nice about it and act so sorry once it's over (Type Number Three), or -- most commonly -- they'll assure you of their honesty and virtue and then become offended when you object to being ripped off (Type Number Two, the most common and possibly the most dangerous).

In a candyland world, you might be able to plaster on a big grin and bouncy feet and get people to hand you the money you earned and deserve. In the real world, they're almost guaranteed to try to bite off your hand along with your money. Being "nice" enough to not force parties to sign on the dotted line is asking for trouble.

So, when dealing with jungle players who are out to get you, you have two choices; be intimidated (i.e. be socially acceptable, wait in the office as long as they want you to, and wind up broke and frustrated and used), or intimidate (make those oh so virtuous Number Twos sign and abide by the agreement or else walk away from the losing deal).

Another very good point was that most of the time, your major concern in life should be earning your income AND making sure you receive it. Many activities that are supposed to fatten your paycheck really amount to tail chasing because, in the end, no one pays. Hot air and pressure from the boss notwithstanding.

I found his description of the Discouragement Fraternity fascinating because I've run into them and bought some of their baloney -- "Oh, it's so hard to make a living in the field of your choice, competition is very stiff, don't even try." It's heartening to realize that maybe these people who are so down on my chances are losers looking to soothe their egos.

I will be carefully re-reading this book, buying my own copy, and sharing it with others. I'm sure it's not the end-all and be-all, but it makes a lot of sense. ...more

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Nov 29, 2012 Derek rated it it was amazing

This is a great book if you want to learn about the dynamics behind business negotiations.

The author starts out as a nobody selling real estate, but quickly hops to the big leagues. (This is actually one of the principles in the book - you don't need to "climb the ladder" to get to the top of most fields. Just act as if you have already reached the top and most can't tell the difference.)

One of the ideas that made the biggest impression on me is positioning. In the beginning of the book the auth ...more

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Aug 29, 2013 Keenan Johnston rated it liked it

This book is about the theory of intimidation, and the measures one can take to avoid being intimidated in negotiations. I didn't realize Ringer's book focalized on real estate negotiating, but his methods are cross functional to other situations. Ringer contends that the results a person obtains are inversely proportionate to the degree to which he is intimidated. This book is about the methods Ringer administers to essentially trade places with the principal. Instead of being the middle school This book is about the theory of intimidation, and the measures one can take to avoid being intimidated in negotiations. I didn't realize Ringer's book focalized on real estate negotiating, but his methods are cross functional to other situations. Ringer contends that the results a person obtains are inversely proportionate to the degree to which he is intimidated. This book is about the methods Ringer administers to essentially trade places with the principal. Instead of being the middle schooler intimidated sitting in the principal's office, create an image that reverses the roles.

He outlines several theories, some of which are cheesy and common sense, but nonetheless, interesting. For example, "sustaining a positive attitude" in negotiations comes from realistically assuming that you will fail. You assume the worst because actual experience has proven the reality that no matter how well prepared you are, only a small amount of deals actually close. Basically, if you're willing to fail, you have nothing to lose. The difference is being prepared to win.

I liked his description on the brotherhood of lawyers in any deal. In his first real estate deal he represented a guy on an all or nothing basis. I didn't realize that commissions for brokers were often difficult to collect, and that in the end, many get walked over by the sellers. In this example, Ringer sold the property then got told at the end that his client couldn't afford to pay him. Instead of being intimidated, he brought his own attorney (which nobody does) to the close and got his fee. At the end of the day, there is an unspoken brotherhood between attorneys. No matter what goes on during the negotiation, the attorney's always leave hand in hand talking about Sunday golf.

A lot of Ringer's success was based on being "mysterious" to his client's and creating an aura that he was too "big" to work on the client's measely deal. This allowed him to make big commissions and make the seller think he had a superstar broker. He basically played the "hard to get card". It worked because all major real estate owners and executives worth tens of millions of dollars are wired similarly, and are accustomed to getting whatever they want at this point in their careers. They're intrigued by a broker who doesn't respond to calls right away, sends brochures without his name or contact information because it's assumed, doesn't make promises, etc. He'd take a lear jet to meetings with three associates, helping create his "rockstar" image.

He told a story of walking into a local bank in a black suit, briefcase and dark glasses just to cash a normal check. He was amazed by the different treatment he got. You should try the same some time for entertainment's sake.

I also picked up some tactics that could be helpful for when I'm looking for another property and how to come off as a serious buyer. Non serious buyers focus on important, but not critical information like location, construction, age of the property, etc. Real buyers are purely into the nuts and bolts of cash flow. They want to know what they make in rentals, and how much work needs to be done to get it operational.

Overall, there were a lot of pages I could have skipped over, but you pick up enough that it is a worthwhile read if you have an interest in real estate or work in a career like sales, purchasing or private equity where you are constantly negotiating with a brokers, sellers and buyers.
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Sep 12, 2013 Derek Lewis rated it it was amazing

A must-read for any business professional.

The title is accurate, but it could also have been "Winning Through NOT Being Intimidated."

To be candid, I was intimidated myself by the title. By nature, I am a congenial guy. My approach with new clients in my business is to establish a personal rapport while earning their respect for my experience and expertise as a business book ghostwriter.

But I've lost thousands of dollars and incurred far too much stress because of what I've allowed some of my pas ...more

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Dec 09, 2019 Sooha Lee rated it really liked it

I learned a couple of things from this book about the rules of the jungle.

It is a bit sad that it is the nature of the business world that the author had to come to direct contact with the "reality" and adapt to the brutality.

But my own real-world experience confirms that everyone is after their chips.

So we'd better face it and defend ourselves!

The author says it is often what people say or do but the posture that is a dealbreaker in many business situations. It is a game of being intimidated ...more

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Jul 13, 2013 Tim Malone rated it really liked it

I read this at a young age, before I really got started in my business career. It helped tremendously. Don't be fooled by the title. It all about being prepared - not intimidation. Here's a review I wrote early on when I first started blogging:

One of my favorite books from the seventies is Winning Through Intimidation by Robert J Ringer. I also liked his other bestseller, Looking Out for #1. If you have read the books you know that they do not endorse selfishness or thoughtlessness towards other I read this at a young age, before I really got started in my business career. It helped tremendously. Don't be fooled by the title. It all about being prepared - not intimidation. Here's a review I wrote early on when I first started blogging:

One of my favorite books from the seventies is Winning Through Intimidation by Robert J Ringer. I also liked his other bestseller, Looking Out for #1. If you have read the books you know that they do not endorse selfishness or thoughtlessness towards others. In fact, they are quite the opposite.

Mr. Ringer preaches that the path to success is in being prepared and ready to handle difficult situations as they come up. His story is not about how to intimidate others, but how to be organized and ready so you are not intimidated by others who practice intimidation as a way of getting what they want out of life.

I vividly recall his story of closing a deal that was about to go south because the client wanted a contract revised. He had his secretary there on the spot with her typewriter make the changes. And this was before word processors. He was prepared and he got the deal. He is also emphatic that people who practice intimidation forget about you when they get what they want.

The premise of Mr. Ringer’s books and philosophy is that your happiness benefits others. If you are happy, you will be in a better position to help bring happiness into the lives of others. You are happy when you are confident and you are confident when you are prepared. So why not face reality and prepare yourself to deal with the intimidating people in life?

I have had my share of experiences dealing with people who practice intimidation. For some people it seems that life is made up of one adversarial confrontation after another. And they appear to thrive on it as if it were a game to them. I guess if you are competitive by nature then you just want to win, no matter what it does to others.

I abhor this selfish philosophy. Let me reiterate. Intimidation is not what Mr. Ringer was teaching or continues to teach today. He wisely counseled that to win with people like that you simply need to be prepared to deal with them and anticipate what they will do. I don’t think of myself as a competitive person but I embraced the philosophy of being prepared long ago.

Let’s apply this to living in today’s world. If you believe in and stand up for principles that are true, you need to be prepared to defend them when attacked by those who do not value them. And attack them they will. As time goes by, what Latter-day Saints believe and practice will come under criticism, ridicule and condemnation by those who do not uphold the truth.

Will you be prepared when your beliefs and private religious practices come under attack? It may be subtle or it may be direct. It may come from a stranger but more likely from someone you know. You can safely use the media as a guide for what is being attacked – marriage, the family, and Christianity in any public display in America. Are you prepared to defend your faith?

Source: http://latterdaycommentary.com/2007/1...
...more

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Jan 27, 2016 Jesus Lopez rated it it was amazing

Very good book!!!! It is original and it is one of the books that I will have to read again becuase I have currenly read as a way to improve my english skills.
I hope that I will have enough self-discipline to prepare me and understand the rules of my work which let me leapfrog to another level.
I have seen that I have been intinimated during my life by "problems" that they were not really problems.
I never finish to learn but I just hope that in my time living in UK I get to be enough mature to so ...more

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Oct 11, 2012 Geldar rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction, psychology, personal-essay, business

Despite what Ringer told me to think about this book, I don't really think it had too much to say about "life in general." Sure, the theories apply, but almost the entire book is composed of personal anecdotes, which, though, interesting, are not as illustrative as they are claimed to be. It would have been better if there were more than 2 chapters or so on the theory. A few of the 20 chapters about specific things that he encountered could have been better spent. Not a bad book though. ...more

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Nov 16, 2009 Chris rated it it was amazing

Most of the lessons in this book I ended up learning the hard way, but having read them here helped me avoid making the same mistake twice. Short read and just a great, great book about how to avoid getting your chips taken from you.

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Dec 31, 2014 Daniel Taylor rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: business, foundational-business-books, self-help, career, classics, marketing, foundational-self-help-books, philosophy, wishlist, investing-property

Even though business (and life) is a game, people will try to screw you. With his No BS reality-formed philosophy, Ringer shows you how to succeed without being intimidated.

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Jul 28, 2019 Michael David rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Winning Through Intimidation is Ringer’s first “self-help” book. I put “self-help” in quotes because it’s not the typical self-help book peddled by people like Norman Vincent Peale or Dale Carnegie. In fact, it’s different in that in contrast with the “general” selling techniques with Carnegie’s books, Ringer provides both his thought process and specific examples to show the reader that selling something in the real world is closer to Glengarry Glen Ross rather than a walk in the park.

I rank t ...more

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Jan 06, 2021 John Stevenson rated it liked it

Some interesting thoughts - more about selling and mindset. I will take a few things from this book. It is a classic.

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Jun 18, 2012 Reid rated it it was amazing

Shelves: the-street, business-philosophy

The original title of this book, A Brutal Experiment in Business Reality, was actually more descriptive of its contents. Author Robert J. Ringer published this book during the early 1970s when American society was undergoing a period of chronic introspection, and Ringer chose to shatter the typical success myths about "hard work" and "determination." He writes about a rogues' gallery of characters who are determined to use all manner of tricks to cheat him out of his hard-earned commission for b ...more

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Aug 09, 2011 Matthew rated it it was amazing

By far the funniest book on business and the Commercial Real Estate industry, and one of the snappiest, most cynical, pragmatic, unvarnished looks at success, ever.

Ringer pulls off an incredible task by stripping away all pretense, anything remotely smelling of academic theory, and produces a roller coaster of a ride, a cautionary tale of those who would "steal your hard earned chips," and an amazing understanding of human nature as petty, cruel, weak, viciously duplicitous, and above all greedy ...more

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Dec 07, 2007 Briana rated it it was amazing

No, this isn't a book about how to use intimidation to your advantage. Well, not in the way you think. Rather, this book teaches you how to be successful despite the use of intimidation against you at every turn.

The author started out in the real estate business several decades ago. Like most of us, he was naive to the motivations and politics behind the people he worked with. Once he started to recognize the underlying motivations of his clients and coworkers, he could more easily identify tac ...more

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Dec 18, 2017 Amit Kumar rated it it was amazing

Probably one of the best book for Early Stage Managers, It has helped me immensely ever since i got my hands on this book in 2002, The Strategies mentioned inthe book around 15 years back are too much relevant today, or i would rather say, the book was meant for 2017 .

A Profound experience from someone who has seen life from close quarters , A must read for every student out of the college...

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Nov 25, 2017 Oliver rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

As many people have said, this is more a book on how to NOT get intimidated.

This book is about getting paid, not about closing.
You will find some value in this book if you have to be paid by any person, be it a traditional boss or clients (then even more so, in my experience.)

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Aug 05, 2015 Carlos DaSilva rated it it was amazing

Learn the basic principles - learn how to react to various situations.

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Dec 01, 2018 Sandyssandersatt.Net rated it it was amazing

Bought the 1973 paperback from a Library sale box after noting it was 9 months #1 NYT Bestseller.

Ok. So i read many reviews from folks who take the business view that what he describes and recommends is mandatory knowledge for engaging in the business world. I totally agree, but for diametrically different reasons. I also learned to hard way, thinking i should be as THEIR schools teach us to be: ethical, honest and cooperative with people in life. But the truth of the business world is as Ringer ...more

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Jun 24, 2019 Aaron Carroll rated it it was amazing

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jul 10, 2018 Miguel Braga rated it it was amazing

The only reason I give 4 stars instead of 5, is because I've found a little boring, too much history - but far as I know based on REAL LIFE author's experience, not a "pink happy flower self help book".

Beside that, this book IS THE REAL DEAL. Not a happy colorful fluffy self-help book.

I love Robert Ringer another books because I've found the other ones much more direct and pratical advice. I've found Winning Through Intimidation a more autobiographical book with real solid advice, but for me, t ...more

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Sep 15, 2017 Jason rated it it was amazing

This book is unlike any book on success I've ever read. Don't let the title fool you, it's not about bullying or lying your way to the top. It's about posture. The examples are entertaining and the illustrations made me literally LOL (and I never LOL).

If you are a free-market capitalist like me, then you'll appreciate the premise of this book, which is that all good things come from the inherent human selfishness of the individual's desire to better his position. ...more

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Feb 29, 2020 Jay rated it it was amazing

As a new REALTOR I found this book completely worthwhile and valuable. I especially enjoyed the last section of the book where the theories described in section 1/2 were shown in live-action through deals the author actually worked.

If I were in sales outside of the real estate world, I’m not sure I would’ve taken a ton away from reading this book. However pretty sure I was the exact audience this book was written for therefore I loved it. 5 stars.

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Dec 27, 2020 Chris rated it really liked it

My 18 year old son is reading this book with the fraternity that he is pledging for. It has some good truths, but the author incorrectly generalizes his cut throat experience in commercial real estate to apply to all of business. He is too cynical, but I do appreciate the thesis that you have to recognize and adapt to the reality that you work in even if it doesn't match how you would like things to be. I took lots of notes and am looking forward to discussing the ideas with my son. ...more

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Mar 02, 2018 jared ackerman rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Amazing!

I can't wait to read his other books!! He lays out a very simple yet practical way to identify people who will screw you over in getting YOUR money after you've earned it. It's mind. Losing to see how he went used the Leap Frog Method to bounce himself to almost one million dollars in commissions in just two years. ...more

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Mar 12, 2018 Vasilis d1af Apostolou rated it it was amazing

Excellent book. Unlike what the title suggests, this is not a book about bullying others to win in business. It's about standing your ground and getting paid what you deserve. Read this if you have your own business or plan on starting one. ...more

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Jul 28, 2019 Katherine Cabrera rated it it was amazing

Incredibly thought-provoking. Ringer makes excellent, solid arguments for managing your "posture." It is not about how to bully; it's about how to stay two steps ahead of bullies. This is the best real estate business book I have ever read. Highly recommended! ...more

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Jul 25, 2020 Kennedy D rated it it was amazing

Great book! Actually, I liked how Ringer used metaphors to describe real experiences in his sales career. It was a fun way to visualize the sales process with different personality types. All and all it was a fun read.

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