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Femininity

Susan Brownmiller

3.80 · Rating details · 382 ratings · 26 reviews

With intelligence and humor, Susan Brownmiller explores the history and unspoken rules of the burden of "feminine perfection"

What is femininity? How is it measured? What are its demands? How are women meant to dress, look, think, act, feel, and be, according to the mores of society?

Susan Brownmiller offers a witty and often pointed critique of the c ...more

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Paperback, 272 pages

Published February 12th 1985 by Ballantine Books (first published 1984)

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· 382 ratings · 26 reviews

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Sep 13, 2013 Christine rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: netgalley-and-arcs, feminist, women-writers

Disclaimer: ARC read via Netgalley for a fair review. Thank you to Open Road.

There is apparently a rule for the Olympics that can require female athletes to prove that they are, in fact, female. There is no corresponding rule for male athletes. This new rule, established prior to the London Olympics I believe, was most likely done because of the success and “controversy” surrounding an African woman who participated in track events. Apparently, her competitors thought she was too man Disclaimer: ARC read via Netgalley for a fair review. Thank you to Open Road.

There is apparently a rule for the Olympics that can require female athletes to prove that they are, in fact, female. There is no corresponding rule for male athletes. This new rule, established prior to the London Olympics I believe, was most likely done because of the success and “controversy” surrounding an African woman who participated in track events. Apparently, her competitors thought she was too manly, read too fast.

So even in the world of sports you have to be a feminine woman. Presumably a woman who transgenders to would not have an advantage. (But don’t women have better coordination or reflexes?) Or does it mean that being a woman is so desirable but who wants to be a man?

No, I don’t think it is the last one either.

I was thinking of this as I was trying to start my review to this book. The question of what it means to be a woman (I refuse to use female. I am not an animal) is still raised today. Look at what happened in Australia prior to the recent election. Hilary Clinton was said to be too mannish until she was too emotional. I have lost track of how many woman hip-hop singers were first supposedly men because they took forever to perform some sexy video or something.

It would be fair to say that in some degrees Brownmiller’s book is a little weak and does to show its age a bit. The Open Road edition which I read lists the original copyright as 1984. For instance, there is really nothing about women dressing in man’s clothes. In fact, men are more likely to be penalized or question if they wear skinny jeans. Additionally, I would have preferred stories other than her personal ones. While Brownmiller does give statistics and sources, I would have liked to see some stories from other women.

These weaknesses aside, the collection of personal essays (for they do feel this way) makes a good companion to The Beauty Myth or Cinderella Ate My Daughter. The breaking of the book into different sections – emotion, hair, skin, voice, body, ambition, clothes, and movement – allows Brownmiller to explore the concept on various levels. Like Naomi Wolf, Brownmiller’s stories are largely personal, yet unlike Wolf there seems to be a more general feel to them (except for the curtsey story). The sections also allow Brownmiller to look at any conflicting ideals that exist – such as in the case for ballerinas. Her section on hair focuses on all types of hair, and the section about certain types of shoe and porn movie, while you might want to look at your own shoes (or your wife’s, daughter’s, sister’s). In many ways, perhaps because of the personal feel of the essays, Brownmiller makes connects and examines details that Wolf let pass – such as the connection between the decline of the corset and the raise of the tottering heel, both things constraining women’s movements.

In her sections about hair and skin, Brownmiller looks at each aspect from both a gender and racial perspective. Her analysis in these topics stands out from those of other writers who tend not even to mention race when discussing the issue of appearance. It would be fair to say that race should also be taken in consideration when discussing the other aspects (in particular voice and ambition), but I wonder if this lack is due in part to when this book was written. What would Brownmiller say about Nicki Minaj? I’m not sure, but if she ever updates this book should take dress in terms of music stars into consideration.
...more

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Jun 19, 2014 Sarahc Caflisch rated it liked it

If you like lists of cultural mores that are oppressing you, then read this book. Actually, if you like lists of things that informed and oppressed your mother, and maybe grandmother, and then informed how they reared you, then read this book. If you don't like that, walk on by and leave it in the Little Free Library and just know that all of us have been messed with and are doing the best that we can and everyone should leave us alone to figure it out. Upshot: Girdles will injure your organs. B ...more

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Nov 04, 2011 K Kriesel rated it liked it

Shelves: feminism-womanism

There are many problems with this book: transphobia, stereotyping lesbians and gay men, summarizing of and speaking for all women, racial insensitivity, generalizing and bemoaning all femininities. Excellent points are made as well, sometimes in extremely specific contexts, but strong media literacy skills (the dreaded "critical thinking") are needed in order to process the book as a whole.

This is a very important Second Wave tome. I've heard/read many people bemoan Second Wave femin ...more

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Jun 04, 2013 Dave rated it it was amazing

Shelves: feminism

One of the books that brought me to feminism. Maybe a little dated now, but Brownmiller presents the common assumption that aspects of femininity are pre-determined by nature, and proceeds to demolish all of them. Unapologetic and potent.

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Feb 07, 2012 Jessica rated it really liked it

I found this book an entertaining and fascinating exploration of the phenomenon, "femininity." I would like to start with the caveat that I just picked up this book in a used book store, so I have no preconceived notions of who the author "is" within activist or feminist circles. For me, this book was exactly what I was looking for. She explores the topic appropriately starting with a chapter entitled "Body", and ending with "Ambition". Each chapter is quite dense with historical references to t I found this book an entertaining and fascinating exploration of the phenomenon, "femininity." I would like to start with the caveat that I just picked up this book in a used book store, so I have no preconceived notions of who the author "is" within activist or feminist circles. For me, this book was exactly what I was looking for. She explores the topic appropriately starting with a chapter entitled "Body", and ending with "Ambition". Each chapter is quite dense with historical references to trace current trends and perceptions in America - illustrating what is considered the norm and then referencing American women who either challenged or solidified this conception. She shares her own personal reflections as she has questioned her body, her skin, her clothing. I think it is these personal anecdotes that really make this book readable. They are honest and clearly illustrated how she has struggled to resist, but not too much, to live up to society's expectations of being a woman.
If anything, I was moved and filled with pride to learn about the women that truly paved the way for the rights I have as a woman today. I did not appreciate how hard it was for women to evolve from restrictive clothing (corsets, long skirts) to comfortable clothing that allowed for freedom of movement. Often she digresses to make evolutionary comparisons to primates, other species. At times these tangents add color and a worthy perspective (I happen to welcome this sort of thing, typically), other times it is just a dead end, a futile attempt to explain human behavior or preference through evolution. Fashion, after all, really has nothing to do with survival.
I was trying to imagine how this book would feel from a man's perspective. Since I have such a deep and personal history of trying to avoid being sexualized in clothing, a swim suit, etc. it was really hard for me to step out of my life experience and consider a male perspective.
Overall this book can read a little too much like a history book, crammed with facts and figures, but in the end I remain positive as I found most of the information fascinating and it illuminated the topic.
For example, I've often thought, what is the deal with long hair? Not so much in America anymore, but in India (where I happen to be living) I think I have seen 2 young girls with short hair cuts. Two! Granted, long, healthy hair is a beautiful thing.I was pleased to read about Etruscan or Spartan warriors being proud of their long tresses. If a woman's long hair is admirable, why not a man's? Apparently, it was Saint Paul who pushed hair length as a gender specific feature. "But if a woman have long hair it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering," he said. It is always a sad day when anyone is discriminated against or socially pressured to conform in the name of religion.
It is tempting to just close my eyes tightly and convince myself that this is all behind us, and women are now "free" to wear what they want. Wear pants, men's pants even, or skirts or dresses, whatever you wish! But, sadly, it is not that simple. Female competition to get male attention still runs deep and I myself am discovering how fun it can be to comfortably reveal more of my skin. But, why? Why does this feel like giving up? Does a woman's appearance define her more than a man's? What are the implications of that? I'll accept and applaud the progress that has been made, but I think the topic of femininity should continually be critiqued. I admire this book and will look to read more from her - I look forward to becoming more knowledgeable about feminism in the US and internationally. Gender and sexuality are topics all too often ignored, despite how much they influence our lives. ...more

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Dec 15, 2014 Kerry rated it it was amazing

Shelves: incredible-women, society-and-class, gender-feminism

Femininity is educational while being entertaining, and it is precisely so because it presents its case without being emotionally overwrought or preachy. It veers into neither misogyny nor misandry. Except for a somewhat derisive take on makeup, Brownmiller, for the most part, presents an idea fraught with booby traps with the emotionally neutral and orderly journalistic precision that is engaging without being irritating, straightforward without being oversimplified, and personal without being self-cente Femininity is educational while being entertaining, and it is precisely so because it presents its case without being emotionally overwrought or preachy. It veers into neither misogyny nor misandry. Except for a somewhat derisive take on makeup, Brownmiller, for the most part, presents an idea fraught with booby traps with the emotionally neutral and orderly journalistic precision that is engaging without being irritating, straightforward without being oversimplified, and personal without being self-centered.

One of the most interesting aspects of this book is its continued relevance. Despite being first published in the 80s, it is incredible to notice what has changed, and more so, what hasn't. Though some of the language and anecdotes are dated, the principles of traditional femininity, cultivated over centuries or millennia, continue to be expressed, admired, encouraged, and even competed over. While she reveals the facts behind the myths about femininity (for example, that length of hair is a characteristic of gender, an idea written into the Bible as a result of a narrow-sighted St. Paul), she also doesn't argue vehemently against them; she presents the facts as she has gathered them and lets the reader decide for her- or himself. Additionally, rather than dismissing some ideas about femininity that have been portrayed as negative, she instead illustrates how such traits might be useful or necessary (for example "gossip" a way to make sense of a world). She is also careful to acknowledge biological differences, stressing how men and women are different and how evolution might explain these differences.

This book is an important read not only for women, but men too. It shows how and why women have been (or are) seen in certain lights, the historical origins of some misconceptions or characterizations, and why these stereotypes are mistaken or could be viewed through a different perspective. Men and women sometimes treat each other as mysterious, heightening the alienation between the sexes rather than trying to bridge the divide through a gathering of information that leads to understanding, dismissing each other as one way or another without critically thinking about what they are saying--is a man "incapable" of showing emotion because that is the deficiency of men or because that is what society dictates is masculine; is a woman "shrill" when she tries to make her ideas known and heard, or is she being judged for having a naturally higher voice? The book is important reading for anyone who wants to get to the humanity behind gender stereotyping, and, it might be argued, for those who have or want children who are interested in questioning their own ideas about sex and gender and what that means for the world their child grows up in. ...more

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Dec 13, 2012 Athena rated it did not like it · review of another edition

This is a book I had to read for class. It had a lot of interesting points, facts, and reminders. The author expressed her ideas extremely well and was clear and organized.There was an entire history of feminine behavior, be it voluntary or involuntary. Did you know that women were fired from their jobs if they cut their hair in a bob because men had fits about women with short hair? These women would be considered too masculine! If women wore pants then they would be accused of being cross-dres This is a book I had to read for class. It had a lot of interesting points, facts, and reminders. The author expressed her ideas extremely well and was clear and organized.There was an entire history of feminine behavior, be it voluntary or involuntary. Did you know that women were fired from their jobs if they cut their hair in a bob because men had fits about women with short hair? These women would be considered too masculine! If women wore pants then they would be accused of being cross-dressers! There was a ducking stool that was used for the "loud" women who disrupted the neighborhood, loud as in a woman who spoke. And of course domestic violence was allowed if a woman spoke out at her man in public. This book includes all these interesting facts and then some. On the other hand the author never lets you forget all of the trends that women were not allowed to participate in for fear of being too masculine. The makeup, clothes, the hair, the jewelry, it all had to be worn and worn correctly or women would be laughed out of public places or ridiculed back to what they rebelled from in the first place. I got the feeling that the author was incorporating her own beliefs and opinions in some of the complaints that were stated in the book regarding the suffragettes. She found long hair too hard to maintain, she didn't want to wear dresses but was afraid that she would look too boyish with short hair and no earrings. She gave the impression that she was using history as an excuse to vent about the limitations of how to appear more feminine when really she should've just been bold enough to what she needed to do in the name of comfort. The author needed to stop whining that she didn't want to do something but was forced to because of the opinions of her peers. This is why women were able to be bullied: because they cared too much about what everyone else thought of them. This comment is not for the times when it was illegal for a woman to be out alone without her man, or for being arrested for smoking cigarettes in public. Women need to be stronger and understand what they need and what they want, and, more importantly that they have the option. ...more

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May 15, 2008 Hillary rated it really liked it

I whish that when women were speaking of reading “chick - lit” these are the kind of books they were referring to.

This book fiercely attacks the beauty standards that women daily and tireless attempt to stand up to. She references the history of why beauty is what it is, such as why light colored smooth skin is the ideal. Not since a Bare Essential infomercial have I been so enthralled with skin! She references people like Darwin, Hans Christian Anderson, and even the book Pride and Prejudice, ...more

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Dec 18, 2016 Ellen Keener rated it really liked it

Somewhat dated but does show where progress has been made and where the struggle continues for women to be who they are as a person who doesn't have to meet some artificial standards that are humanly impossible.

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May 20, 2017 Abby rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, feminism

“Femininity pleases men because it makes them appear more masculine by contrast; and, in truth, conferring an extra portion of unearned gender distinction on men, an unchallenged space in which to breathe freely and feel stronger, wiser, more competent, is femininity’s special gift. One could say that masculinity is often an effort to please women, but masculinity is known to please by displays of mastery and competence while femininity pleases by suggesting that these concerns, except in small

“Femininity pleases men because it makes them appear more masculine by contrast; and, in truth, conferring an extra portion of unearned gender distinction on men, an unchallenged space in which to breathe freely and feel stronger, wiser, more competent, is femininity’s special gift. One could say that masculinity is often an effort to please women, but masculinity is known to please by displays of mastery and competence while femininity pleases by suggesting that these concerns, except in small matters, are beyond its intent. Whimsy, unpredictability and patterns of thinking and behavior that are dominated by emotion, such as tearful expressions of sentiment and fear, are thought to be feminine precisely because they lie outside the established route to success.”

To women readers, this book doesn't contain much new information, but it's a thought-provoking collection of all the ways that femininity is impressed and enforced upon us. I appreciated the moments when Susan Brownmiller divulged that she too, despite being a pants-only, makeup-less feminist, is sucked into the femininity vortex (obsessing about her hair, modulating her posture to appear smaller or more deferential, etc.); it makes you feel less alone, and just as confused as every other thinking women about what to perform and what to eschew. The book left me feeling the same as I always do when I contemplate the masculine-feminine binary, which is, simply: frustrated. Useful to have a collection of all of these cultural rules in one place, though, I suppose, if only to wonder about their origin and how to rebel against them.

After all, as she says, "Women are all female impersonators to some degree."

“To fail at the feminine difference is to appear not to care about men, and to risk the loss of their attention and approval. To be insufficiently feminine is viewed as a failure in core sexual identity, or as a failure to care sufficiently about oneself, for a woman found wanting will be appraised (and will appraise herself) as mannish or neutered or simply unattractive, as men have defined these terms.”

...more

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Nov 26, 2018 Emily rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, unowned-and-read, sex-sexuality-gender

Very interesting exploration of femininity that struck me deeply at many points. I think in some aspects held up remarkably well, and would have been excellent if not for its whiteness and eurocentricity. There were also some quite frankly shocking and incorrect things said or implied about trans people.

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Oct 18, 2009 Tracy rated it really liked it

She takes various "aspects" of femininity, puts them in a historical context, looks at them up through the feminist movement, adds her own critiques, and compares all this to what is expected of men. I enjoyed it. Women have a crazy amount of societal expectations placed on them, and she takes a step back and says, "Ummmm...why exactly am I supposed to keep my legs smooth and speak softly?" She doesn't say don't do these things, but questions why we're "supposed" to do them. She also throws in h ...more

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Oct 16, 2008 jenna rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-that-changed-me

Yeah, baby, wake up and smell the misogeny!

Tho I'm not the uber-feminist I once was when I read this at age 22 (I shave now, care how I look and I accept that others have the right to their opinions), the book's critical analysis of the feminine did make me very aware of different injunctions around me.

It woke me up to realities I took for granted and I'm still lucid of these influences and integrate them into my understand of myself and others. I think feminism is about ...more

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Nov 26, 2011 Jennifer rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2009-reads

Brownmiller offers a fascinating treatise on the origins and history of the traditional concept of femininity, distilling several thousand years of development into a slim volume packed with trivia. (As an aside, this is the book that taught me, years ago, just exactly what that whole footbinding thing really entailed.) Femininity works best in its first chapters, where Brownmiller has a tighter focus (body/hair/clothes) for her historical explorations. Toward the end, when the categories becom ...more

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Jun 26, 2008 Katrina rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: women, feminists

Recommended to Katrina by: my friend Sharon

This was this month's selection for my feminist book club and I loved it! It was written in the 80s but everything in it is (unfortunately) still relevant today. I have always felt uncomfortable with my lack of free choice with regard to appearing feminine or not; this book helped me understand better the source of that discomfort.

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Oct 09, 2010 Jezzyka rated it it was amazing

Love love love. Jam-packed with very interesting information and perspectives.

The writing is just formal enough that it's understandable but sophisticated and not dumbed down. Except for that part where she said "The phantasmagorical specter of the engulfing superbeast". Wow, Susan.

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Dec 10, 2015 Lara rated it really liked it

Required reading for modern feminist theory. Some outdated material on trans women and men. Overall an incredible analysis of the costs to women of femininity.

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Dec 23, 2016 Reading with Cats rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: feminism, freebie, kindle, own

Originally published in the 80s and, sadly, not a lot has changed since then.

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Jan 03, 2010 Guy rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I bought off of a discount table. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and the interesting — and significant trivia — it contains, such as where "rule-of-thumb" and "blue blood" come from.

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Sep 26, 2017 Keith rated it liked it · review of another edition

Undoubtedly an out-of-date book, it sadly still depicts a society that places an emphasis on male definitions of 'femininity' and the need for women to meet its ideals.

Broken into sections, the book describes in detail the historical context of 'Body', 'Hair', 'Clothes', 'Voice', 'Skin', 'Movement', 'Emotion', 'Ambition' and how how a woman should deport herself in each of these areas of her life in order to be 'feminine'.

It should be read in conjunction with Naomi Wolf's 'The Beauty Myth' as ...more

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Jan 21, 2018 Jae rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: 2018-read, borrowed-library, non-fiction, women-s-studies, eighties

A lot of language used in this book was kind of trans-phobic, so I'm rating it down a bit. Also, a lot of interjections about the author's personal style felt a little self-congratulatory. The author's point would have benefited from other women's voices. (I realize it's a little ironic to criticize for the tone, but this book was about performative femininity as a whole and only using the author's own experience was naturally limiting.)

This was originally published in the 80's, and ...more

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Jun 16, 2017 Karen-Leigh rated it liked it

Shelves: feminist

Should be read by every woman at least once.

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Mar 09, 2019 Kate rated it it was amazing

This book is excellent. I loved it.

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Apr 16, 2014 seroquelle added it

this book is no good.

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About Susan Brownmiller

Susan Brownmiller

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Susan Brownmiller is an American feminist journalist, author, and activist best known for her 1975 book Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape.

Brownmiller also participated in civil rights activism, joining CORE and SNCC during the sit-in movement and volunteering for Freedom Summer in 1964, wherein she worked on voter registration in Meridian, Mississippi. Returning to New York, she b ...more

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Quotes from Femininity

“The tyranny of Venus is felt whenever a woman thinks—or whenever a man thinks and tells a woman—that her hips are too wide, her thighs are too large, her breasts are too small, her waist is too high, her legs are too short to meet the current erotic standard.” — 3 likes

“As Beauvoir remarked, “It is not easy to play the idol, the fairy, the faraway princess, when one feels a bloody cloth between one’s legs; and, more generally, when one is conscious of the primitive misery of being a body.” — 1 likes

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