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All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness

Sheila Hamilton

4.10 · Rating details · 1,048 ratings · 185 reviews

A reporter chases the biggest story of her life -- her husband's descent into mental illness.
Even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband David's mental illness unfolded before her. By the time she had pieced together the puzzle, it was too late. Her once brilliant and passionate partner was dead within six weeks of a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, ...more

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Hardcover, 291 pages

Published October 13th 2015 by Seal Press

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Jan 27, 2017 Petra-X rated it did not like it

Do you ever read the introduction of a book and it spoils it for you? This one just has for me. In order to dramatise her book, the author wrote, "More than half of people with bipolar disorder commit suicide." Really? That would make it one of the most dangerous illnesses in the world with a 50% mortality rate. There are about 5.7 million people in the US with Bi-Polar disorder and about 1 million suicides (from all causes) per year. So I looked up this 50% figure

The sites I looked on said that ...more

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Aug 25, 2015 Galadriel rated it it was amazing

As a survivor of suicide (someone who's lost a loved one), it often feels like no one understands. Suicide isn't like other deaths - you go through the same process that you would grieving a regular loss, but with the added bonuses of guilt, shame, abandonment... I could go on.

I've never sought a book like this. It seemed pointless - why open that back up? I already know what it feels like. When the opportunity to read an advanced copy appeared, something told me to give it a shot. So, As a survivor of suicide (someone who's lost a loved one), it often feels like no one understands. Suicide isn't like other deaths - you go through the same process that you would grieving a regular loss, but with the added bonuses of guilt, shame, abandonment... I could go on.

I've never sought a book like this. It seemed pointless - why open that back up? I already know what it feels like. When the opportunity to read an advanced copy appeared, something told me to give it a shot. So, reluctantly, I did.

This book has changed me. Changed the way I view my own loss. In the book, Sheila Hamilton details what it was like to witness mental illness in her husband and his eventual decline to suicide, all the while raising their daughter Sophie. I was Sophie. Sheila was my mom.

Seeing the story parallel ours so closely was shocking. And difficult. But also, healing. Somehow, it made me feel less guilty. Because if mental illness was the common thread in our stories, then maybe it had much more to do with the illness than anything that we could have done to change events.

I also had a realization that my mother, like Sheila, had shielded me from so much. She bore the brunt of the trauma. I hope she and Sheila know what a difficult but amazing gift they have given to their daughters. My dad's suicide has defined me in many ways. But I was able to thrive because of how my mother filtered everything. Reading how Sheila did this for Sophie was revelatory.

Technically, this book is great to read. I studied journalism in college and I'm sensitive to style. I hate flowery prose. Sheila Hamilton's training as a journalist shines through here... the story is heartbreaking enough, and she lets that breathe and stand for itself.

It's hard for me to know how this book would be for someone who is just a curious reader. That's so far from me, but I think it's a very important read. Anyone who has ever thought suicide was just a selfish choice should read this. Anyone who doesn't understand what leads someone to make that choice should read this. And anyone who has considered taking his own life? Please read this. You'll know what it feels like to be left behind by suicide. ...more

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Jul 12, 2016 Darlene rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, audio, abandoned

I have always read fiction for entertainment, to travel in my mind to places I could not possibly go and sometimes to distract or quiet my sometimes chaotic and unsettled mind. But I began to read memoirs several years ago for a completely different reason. In this world that feels too busy, sometimes fake and often superficial, I have found that memoirs help me make a personal connection for a time to another REAL human being. Life can be incredibly challenging and often difficult and memoirs I have always read fiction for entertainment, to travel in my mind to places I could not possibly go and sometimes to distract or quiet my sometimes chaotic and unsettled mind. But I began to read memoirs several years ago for a completely different reason. In this world that feels too busy, sometimes fake and often superficial, I have found that memoirs help me make a personal connection for a time to another REAL human being. Life can be incredibly challenging and often difficult and memoirs are a personal acknowledgement of those everyday struggles… something tangible that I can hold in my mind and that inspire me.

Sadly and with regret, this memoir 'All The Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness' by Sheila Hamilton did not provide that feeling of recognition that I often get when reading of a person's struggles. I listened to the audiobook version of the book and it was read by the author, herself. I listened to this book for what felt like 3 VERY long hours and I finally abandoned it. Abandoning books is not something I do often and I confess that I feel guilty.. almost as if I was turning my back on Ms. Hamilton, herself.

Sheila Hamilton wrote this book after her husband, David's death from suicide. David had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder just 6 weeks prior to his death.. but after most of a lifetime of suffering and struggling but refusing to acknowledge his troubles or seek treatment. Ms. Hamilton was left with many unanswered questions, feelings of anger and betrayal and huge financial debt.

From the moment I began listening to this book, I felt on edge. Ms. Hamilton began by talking about the daughter she shared with her deceased husband… commenting that her daughter had just entered her teen years and thus far, has not demonstrated any symptoms of mental illness, bipolar disorder in particular. She proceeded to discuss the genetic component to bipolar disorder and remarked that because of the possible genetic link, her daughter would always have to be conscientious about using alcohol and that she would not be able to 'safely' experiment with drugs.. certainly both statements seem like 'no brainers' to me. Perhaps I misunderstood her meaning , but I'm really not aware of any 'safe' way to experiment with drugs.. regardless of genetic predisposition to mental illness. The comment struck me as odd and it seemed it was a strange thing to focus attention on.

There was one good feature of this book… Sheila Hamilton spoke with a number of mental health professionals and she did provide and suggest resources for the reader who might be facing a similar situation. She spoke to all the appropriate, knowledgeable people and she gave voice to all of the 'correct' things you might expect someone to say. For example, she referenced the fact that her husband's erratic, secretive and often confusing behavior was due to his untreated illness.. and NOT a defect in his character. Of course… but although she spoke those words, it continued to feel as if there was a subtext constantly at play… although she was speaking what would sound appropriate,she actually was struggling to FEEL those emotions.

Of course, Ms. Hamilton's feelings of betrayal anger and disappointment were reasonable and understandable….. I'm not blaming her for feeling the emotions she felt. But in the several hours I listened to her story, she talked of her need to forgive… I was never quite sure if she was referring to forgiving David… or herself. It seems to me that perhaps she should have considered putting more distance and time between David's death and her writing this book.

I suppose my real problem.. or difficulty… with this book was that Ms. Hamilton's anger was so palpable to me that I just couldn't get at what she was trying to say… I couldn't connect with her.Perhaps if I had read a print edition of this book, the tone I perceived in her voice would not have been a difficulty for me. But it was HER voice narrating this book that I ultimately could not connect with.

I will say that the book has received many glowing reviews on Goodreads; so I concede that the problem is most likely my OWN inability to understand her point of view. ...more

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May 28, 2018 Rene Denfeld rated it it was amazing

This is a gorgeously written, thoughtful book on losing a loved one to mental illness. I highly recommend it for anyone dealing with mental illness in the family, suicide losses, or just concerned and wanting to become educated on mental health issues.

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Feb 21, 2016 Esther Gierman rated it really liked it

Shelves: read-in-2016

As a professional who works with people who suffer from mental illness this is a moving read. As a woman who suffers with depression, it's enlightening and kind of fascinating. As the child of a man who has had suicidal ideations, it's horrifying and heartbreaking. Mental illness is REAL, and it is not talked about nearly enough. Break the stigma that is attached to it and let's start talking.

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Dec 17, 2015 Coleen (The Book Ramblings) rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir-biography

A courageous and riveting read, All the Things We Never Knew is about the impact mental health has on individuals and their families, vulnerability, love, loss, and healing. Sheila Hamilton has shared a compelling and bold memoir with everyone who can relate in multiple ways, whether living with mental illness, or knowing someone who is. It is brutally honest, but humbling, and heartfelt. It’s beautifully written, and well composed.

I did take my time reading this memoir, because it is heavy and ...more

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Nov 16, 2018 Linda Lipko rated it really liked it

Shelves: read-in-2018, library-book

A successful TV/radio producer, Sheila Hamilton fell in love with an attractive, outdoorsman. When she met his parents, she sensed a mercurial temperament of his father, and a sense of coldness by his particularly attractive mother.

At the wedding, her sister mentioned that she thought her soon to be husband was very out of it and distant, non interactive on a day when he should have been very happy.

Soon after their marriage, Sheila became pregnant. Throughout the years, it was their daughter A successful TV/radio producer, Sheila Hamilton fell in love with an attractive, outdoorsman. When she met his parents, she sensed a mercurial temperament of his father, and a sense of coldness by his particularly attractive mother.

At the wedding, her sister mentioned that she thought her soon to be husband was very out of it and distant, non interactive on a day when he should have been very happy.

Soon after their marriage, Sheila became pregnant. Throughout the years, it was their daughter that held them together. While non effusive to his wife, David was very much actively involved in his daughter's life and it was obvious that he very much cared about their child.

Throughout ten years, Sheila watch as her husband exhibited supreme erratic behaviours. One minute depressed, the next flying high. It took years for her to discover a label of bipolar. He tried to kill himself, and before she could get to the hospital, he was released. Later placed in the care of a mental health facility, again he was depressed and then off- the -roof energetic.

Soon after their marriage Sheila discovered David's indiscretions. Keeping the marriage together for the child, as David's behaviors became increasingly frightful, she saw a lawyer about divorce. The news of his wife's plans and his father's death coincided to place David on a path of supreme manic chaos. Knowing David had a gun, one that he stole from his girlfriends house, he lied to mental health professionals and all others regarding that he knew where the gun was hidden.

In the end, no one could save him. This is a very frank look at mental illness and the fact that resources are spotty at best. Sadly, while friends would normally rally around someone who had a husband with cancer, it was true that the stigma of mental illness was not treated as a disease of the brain, but rather something David's family knew about before Sheila's marriage to him, they turned the other way and did not talk about it.

Sadly, some of the medications given to David, only made him worse. After his suicide, Sheila was very much present for their nine year old child. Sophie was in deep grief regarding the fact that her father never left a note or said goodbye.

Highly recommended, this is an intense report of the terror of watching someone who is loved, spin out of reality of sanity and who listened to the very real words that he felt talked to him to end his life because he was a failure.

After each chapter, the author reports various journal articles regarding mental illness. The percent of mental illness and suicide is high. Perhaps if we change our way of perceiving this tragic illness, more resources and a positive outcome would be available.
...more

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Feb 18, 2018 Kaila rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2018, nonfiction, 2018-uno, 2018-popsugar

I missed much of the unfolding of my husband's mental illness. By the time I'd pieced together the puzzle of who David actually was, he was falling apart.

All the Things We Never Knew is the powerful true tale of Sheila Hamilton's struggle to understand and cope with her husband's mental illness and suicide and its effect on her family. With the brutal benefit of hindsight, Hamilton walks you through their tumultuous relationship in its entirety and into the difficult years following David's choice to end his life.

I don't read non-fiction often, and I was bracing myself for clinical terminology when I began. But Hamilton's narrative talent from years as a top reporter truly shines, and her prose transports you right into the moment. The writing is simply beautiful, especially for such a difficult subject matter. I loved how the chapters were snapshots of the past, told from the emotional perspective Hamilton recalls from the time interspersed with the new questions and answers that have arisen from the years of research she has now done into her husband's bipolar disorder. Each chapter concludes with a brief article about topics such as suicide prevalence, "magic bullet" psychiatric drugs, and involuntary hospitalization. It's such a powerful way to drive the facts home - by complementing them with her real life experiences.

This was a difficult and emotional read, but it is an incredibly important one. For someone who has had the fortune to never have lost a loved one to suicide or a serious mental illness, it is impossible to understand the complicated grieving process. Hamilton shares her insight in a beautifully candid and thought-provoking manner. If we ever want to be properly prepared to recognize the signs and symptoms and encourage others to seek treatment, it's crucial that we end the stigma that surrounds mental health issues. I am so grateful for Hamilton's courage to contribute by sharing her story with the world.

"Look to the living, love them, and hold on."

Blog · Instagram ...more

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Apr 05, 2016 Lilisa rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, favorites, 1, 2016

A deeply personal account by veteran reporter and on-air TV and radio personality Sheila Hamilton of her husband's struggle with mental illness, his diagnosis of bipolar disorder and his sad demise by suicide. An engaging and vibrant person, David was to all intents and purposes successful, happy and had a wonderful family - Sheila and daughter Sophie. But unbeknownst to anyone, including Sheila early on, and below the surface of his "I've got my act together" facade he suffered terribly from ...more

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Nov 11, 2015 David Quinn rated it liked it · review of another edition

Overall this a solid and readable book about a heavy subject (mental illness/suicide). The author’s account felt honest and I liked the post scripts that ended each chapter. (The chapters followed the author’s experiences and each chapter concluded with a separate one or two page point relating to mental illness or suicide. Such sections were entitled “Stigma”, “Early Treatment”, “Signs and Symptoms” and so on. These sections augmented the book very well.)

I would like to rate the book higher but ...more

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Oct 18, 2015 Bonnie Brody rated it liked it

When Sheila Hamilton first met David, it felt like love at first sight. She saw David as powerful, adventurous, creative, and extraordinarily sexy and handsome. For the first time in her life, she thought of having children and what it would be like to raise them with this man. David had some quirks but none that truly concerned Sheila. Sheila's sister Diane was wary of David and, even on their wedding day, warned Sheila against marrying him. She told Sheila that there was something wrong with When Sheila Hamilton first met David, it felt like love at first sight. She saw David as powerful, adventurous, creative, and extraordinarily sexy and handsome. For the first time in her life, she thought of having children and what it would be like to raise them with this man. David had some quirks but none that truly concerned Sheila. Sheila's sister Diane was wary of David and, even on their wedding day, warned Sheila against marrying him. She told Sheila that there was something wrong with him, that he was not relating to other people and that he was 'checked out'. Sheila was blinded by love and refused to see any of this, nor did she heed the warnings.

Shortly after marrying, Sheila became pregnant and gave birth to Sophie. Sophie was the love of David's life. Though David was able to be stable with Sophie and connect lovingly with her, he became distant with Sheila, growing more irritable and angry, becoming more secretive. It was not long before Sheila discovered that David was having an affair, one that likely had been going on throughout their courtship. There were other signs that things were not right with the marriage but Sheila was in denial and chose to ignore them.

As David became more and more hostage to his bi-polar illness, Sheila began to rationalize and pretend that things were not as they were. She did ask David to see a psychiatrist but he refused. They continued to live in the same house but were more like roommates than a married couple. As David's illness took over, Sheila took refuge in another man whom she met through a friend. She viewed Colin as near perfect from the first time she met him and their relationship became her touchstone.

The book alternates between chapters that are a memoir of Sheila's life with David and informational chapters about mental illness, research and resources. I found the structure of the book interesting and the book as a whole very readable. However, I was not able to understand Sheila's inability to see what was right in front of her - a man drowning in his sickness with evidence at the turn of every corner. It seemed like more than denial. It bordered on Sheila's own delusional-like belief that what she experienced was not real.

I think this book could be helpful to some people, especially those who love someone who is seriously mentally ill. However, I encourage those who read this book NOT to deal with the issues as Sheila did. It is essential to acknowledge symptoms early and take preventative action either by reaching out to friends and family or utilizing community resources for the mentally ill. In some ways, this book is an homage to a man who lived in Sheila's heart but not in reality. ...more

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Mar 23, 2016 Paul rated it really liked it

This book relates a fascinating and scary narrative about the author's unusual ten-year marriage to a man with bipolar disorder and his ultimate death by suicide. It is a gripping story, marred only by clinical notes she inserts between each chapter of narrative, which leaves you on a cliff top and then gives you two or three pages of boring clinical description about bipolar disorder, how to spot signs of it, how many men/women get it, how many of them it kills.

I would have given this book five This book relates a fascinating and scary narrative about the author's unusual ten-year marriage to a man with bipolar disorder and his ultimate death by suicide. It is a gripping story, marred only by clinical notes she inserts between each chapter of narrative, which leaves you on a cliff top and then gives you two or three pages of boring clinical description about bipolar disorder, how to spot signs of it, how many men/women get it, how many of them it kills.

I would have given this book five stars if the author had taken out all the interstitial clinical information and put it in the back of the book. The narrative by itself is worth five stars. The author falls desperately in love with a man who strikes her as unconventional and slightly strange. They decide to get married, even though, as in the case of Scott Fitzgerald's courtship of Zelda, friends and family tell her that this guy is off somehow--or perhaps even crazy.

After several years of a peculiar marriage to her husband, she begins to think that he's not touching all the bases every time he goes around. His behavior gets odder and odder. The author knows nothing of bipolar disorder (although she knows that her mother was depressive), and her husband's family live in the Kingdom of Denial, because his mother doesn't believe in psychologists or psychiatrists, and neglects to tell the author that her husband was kicked out of two boarding schools and that his family itself kicked him out of the house when he was 16. She also never acknowledges that her own husband is a raving bipolar I.

The plot thickens and thickens. Even though from the beginning the reader knows that the author's husband kills himself, during the time of their marriage she doesn't know enough to see his behaviors as classically bipolar. Each anecdote is more bizarre than the last. The narrative by itself is very engaging, almost like a fictional murder mystery in which you know about the murder but have to work your way back to the beginning to see how it happened.

The author is a journalist, so her writing is excellent and absorbing. It's a fascinating case study into bipolar disorder. I would recommend it to everyone. ...more

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Sep 08, 2015 Judy rated it it was amazing

Shelves: arc

I learned a lot from this book, and that is humbling and a bit scary as my job is to provide primary care to patients with serious mental illness. I work in a community mental health center, and most of my patients do not have the ability that the author's husband did, to function despite their illness. And, as a primary care physician, I have seen almost ubiquitous prescribing of anti-depressants, and considering how it harmed the author's husband, it's a significant wake up call. My patients ...more

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Oct 05, 2015 Lee Weinstein rated it it was amazing

This is a beautifully written, insightful, sensitive book about mental health's impact on individuals, families and descendants. KINK-FM News Director not only shares the journey her ex-husband went through, but also new information about treating brain disorders. This is a highly sensitive, personal book, written by a journalist (so it's a lovely read also). Highly recommend.

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Jun 10, 2015 Laura.125Pages rated it really liked it

This review was originally posted on [www.125pages.com] sucide card

4.25 Stars

I received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

Books about suicide aren't fun reads by any stretch of the imagination.
But they are necessary.Over 41,000 people commit suicide every year. It is a silent epidemic as the families and friends left behind generally feel lost and alone in their grief. All the Things We Never Knew is This review was originally posted on [www.125pages.com] sucide card

4.25 Stars

I received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

♦ Books about suicide aren't fun reads by any stretch of the imagination.
But they are necessary. Over 41,000 people commit suicide every year. It is a silent epidemic as the families and friends left behind generally feel lost and alone in their grief. All the Things We Never Knew is both a reference book, filled with facts and studies to increase knowledge and a powerful memoir that pulls back the curtain on what a family goes through in the aftermath. Sheila Hamilton's husband David was intense and captivating. He also had bipolar disorder that was not properly treated. His decent into his own mind is captured in a powerful way. The impact on his family was showcased in a way to not garner pity but to help educate. Certain tales stay with you, and All the Things We Never Knew is one of them. More needs to be done to showcase why mental health care is so important and books such as this help do that. Anyone questioning why funding and research is so important needs to read All the Things We Never Knew and see first hand the impact had on everyone surrounding the individual. I applaud Sheila Hamilton for her courage in opening up and discussing a painful and intimate issue.

AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF SUICIDOLOGY – Suicide Prevention is Everyone’s Business

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

◊ Favorite lines - "Grief is like an unwelcome stranger, an abductor who comes just at the moment you least expect and puts a black sack over your head, whisking you away to a dark, unknown place. Just when I thought I could cope with the idea of David's absence, I would wake up confused and traumatized all over again. His birthday, Easter, Christmas, and the anniversary of his disappearance all seemed to tear at the scab that had formed over the emotional wound." ...more

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Jan 13, 2016 Maureen rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I have two distinct reactions to this book: one, the scientific information supported by empirical data is invaluable to people suffering through mental illness and for the people who love, live and work with them; two, there was way too much use of the word "I" in the storytelling.

I get that this is a memoir of sorts but Hamilton is not a sympathetic narrator. She comes across as shallow: "his Italian leather shoes", "his Italian slacks", "his Italian suit", "his Range Rover", "his red Columbia I have two distinct reactions to this book: one, the scientific information supported by empirical data is invaluable to people suffering through mental illness and for the people who love, live and work with them; two, there was way too much use of the word "I" in the storytelling.

I get that this is a memoir of sorts but Hamilton is not a sympathetic narrator. She comes across as shallow: "his Italian leather shoes", "his Italian slacks", "his Italian suit", "his Range Rover", "his red Columbia jacket", "her Patagonia liner", "her Uggs", "her St. John suit". Really? Was Hamilton getting paid for product placement. This sort of label dropping along with the huge holes in the storytelling did nothing to endear her to me at all. Neither did the fact that while she is writing about her dead husband's infidelity she casually drops in that she too had an affair during their marriage and indeed started her relationship with her now THIRD husband while still married to her husband who was battling mental illness and stuck in a psych ward. Hamilton's sense of entitlement to these indiscretions was a bit nauseating. If her husband were in the hospital with a failing heart, would she say "Oh well, he is going to die anyway, we haven't been close in years, who's next on my list to start a relationship with?" Insensitive doesn't even begin to cover it. She claims she did everything that she could to help her husband but did she really? I can't answer that question because she doesn't spell out enough of what she actually did to try and help him. This book is largely about her and is more than a bit of a "woe is me" tale.

However, my heart goes out to her daughter. What a devastating loss for such a young girl. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she has peace and joy in her life.

Overall, if you can get past Hamilton's narcissism, this is an easy to read, easy to understand primer on mental illness and the devastation that it can wreck in a person's life. The sections at the end of each chapter with actual factual data regarding mental illness were excellent and thus why I gave this book 4 stars. Without these resources this would have been a 2 star book for me. ...more

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Feb 13, 2016 Anne rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read-in-2016, memoir, non-fiction

A tragic story of mental illness, suicide, and loss, yet Sheila Hamilton is able to build something meaningful from her grief. She tells her story with unflinching honesty and emotion, while also providing valuable information and resources for those struggling, or know someone who struggles, with mental illness. A necessary book to help erase the stigma and enable people to get help and begin healing.

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Nov 29, 2015 Marybeth rated it it was amazing

I almost never give 5 stars, but this one earned it. I read it cover to cover this afternoon- I couldn't have put it down if I tried. Bipolar disorders runs in my family, and I've seen firsthand what can happen of it is left unchecked; I truly felt like I was in the author's shoes while reading this. The book does an excellent job of educating the reader about mental illness; it is SO important to be able to pick up on the signs that a loved one may be in need of help.

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Jun 21, 2017 Kim Ess rated it did not like it

I started out really liking this book but I got a little tired of the author going on and on about her child. She just went a little too overboard on the loving mother scenes and they came off as too sappy for my taste. I couldn't make it through the last few chapters. I read up to funeral and had to stop because I just got bored with it.

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May 29, 2015 Anne Martin rated it really liked it

How many troubled persons do you know? yes, I mean people with mental issues. None, I know the answer. All your friends and their families are normal, this is obvious. Think a bit more, dig a little... really no one? what about the kid with trisomy you see regularly at the mall, or the husband of your friend who sounds a bit off, or the neighbor who moved away and had an institutionalized kid who came sometimes for a day, or the depressed friend who needs help, or... so many possibilities! In How many troubled persons do you know? yes, I mean people with mental issues. None, I know the answer. All your friends and their families are normal, this is obvious. Think a bit more, dig a little... really no one? what about the kid with trisomy you see regularly at the mall, or the husband of your friend who sounds a bit off, or the neighbor who moved away and had an institutionalized kid who came sometimes for a day, or the depressed friend who needs help, or... so many possibilities! In this book, the author describes her marriage to David, the man with piercing blue eyes who turned out to have bipolar disorder in his forties, and the heart aches this illness brought.
Sheila and David got married a few months after meeting each other because for the first time in her life, she wanted a child. Everything was great, the desired baby came quickly and if things sometimes got a little imperfect, it is to be expected when you get married at 35 or later. She had a demanding job at a local tv channel, he owned a building business, meaning the two of them had a tough schedule and their lives needed to be reorganized to adapt to their couple life. Sheila switches to a local radio, and their free time enables them to take care of the baby seamlessly. She gets used to work at night, when he can stay home and she would be with their little girl during the day. Such schedules are harder to apply than you would think, as they don't leave much time for rest, neither for socializing, nor for fun, but it should work. When she learns he has an affair, he swears it won't happen gain and the little girl loves her daddy so much! They go on, with things sounding a little off. Temper may flare from David, as he is moody; he lacks order and organisation and may leave his car running or park it anywhere and be desperate if his briefcase got lost or stolen as he never made a copy of anything; he hates Christmas, his father too. Slowly, little things destroy their relationship, but they feel bound together by the daughter they both love. Still his behavior gets weirder, never in time, refusing to eat the same food as his family, asking his daughter's teacher out, until the breaking point for his wife who cannot manage anymore.
Now the balance this marriage had created for him is gone and David will end up killing himself after months of medical treatment.
The book reminds you that we are surrounded by people with mental issues (one out of five persons with light problems, one out of twenty with serious ones) but we don't recognize them. We don't speak about it. It's still a shame to have mental illness and the number of death by suicide is amazing, close to 50,000 a year. More than car accidents. Plus, of course, all the ones listed as accidents... Even if this book just wakes up from our ignorance, it will have done a lot of good. The author keeps wondering "what if..." from he best to the worst possibilities. But we cannot change the past. Just try to improve he future of people who lost their balance with the world and stop pretending it doe not happen.
Still convinced you don't know anyone? ...more

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Sep 10, 2015 Rebekah Crain rated it it was amazing

Mental illness isn't anything new, but it's becoming a more recognized epidemic. As the author points out, the brain, like any other bodily organ, can fall victim to disease. Mental illness, in all its varieties, is just that- a disease. Unlike cancer, CF, or MS mental illnesses tend to traditionally be dealt with more privately and in fewer public spotlights. While being no more or less damning than any other disease, people tend to shy away from publicly acknowledging the existence of a mental Mental illness isn't anything new, but it's becoming a more recognized epidemic. As the author points out, the brain, like any other bodily organ, can fall victim to disease. Mental illness, in all its varieties, is just that- a disease. Unlike cancer, CF, or MS mental illnesses tend to traditionally be dealt with more privately and in fewer public spotlights. While being no more or less damning than any other disease, people tend to shy away from publicly acknowledging the existence of a mental illness. It's as if being affected by one makes the affected person and those around him feel like a pariah. So often times people will ignore the symptoms and/or not reach out for the help they so desperately need simply to avoid feeling like an outcast or someone incapable of living a normal life. It is, unfortunately, this type of behavior that enables the disease to spread and eventually, if continued to go untreated will send the victim on a one way trip down the dark rabbit hole of despair. Be it simply broken relationships, loss of self, or even death (suicide).

This book tells one such story, that of Sheila and David. From the time she first met the man who would later become her husband, David, he was a unique character. It was that something different about him that initially drew Sheila's attention and eventually attracted her to marry him. What Sheila did not, however, know at the time was that her husband suffered from bipolar disorder and depression. What seemed like such unique behaviors and traits that appealed to her were actually signs of this illness taking its hold on David.

Unwilling to seek out the necessary treatment and solace his admission could bring him, David's decline came fast and hard. His wife left struggling to hold everything together for them and their daughter. This is the story about mental illness. It's a story about love, betrayal, and loss. Put briefly, it's a story that is profoundly moving. I would highly recommend this book if you yourself or someone you know is a victim of any type of mental disorder. Even if you, like me, don't personally have any experience with this kind of situation I still would suggest you consider reading this. It's very eye opening.

I'd like to offer my utmost thanks and regards to the author who bravely shared her story. Additionally, I'd like to thank the publisher and NetGalley for allowing me this chance to read and review All the Things We Never Knew. ...more

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Jul 22, 2017 Sarah rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction

I read this in preparation for an author visit which was unfortunately cancelled due to family illness. I saw this author at the PNBA last year and I'm excited to host her whenever she can make it out to the Peninsula.

The book is approachable and understandable. Relatable. The author writes about her family experience, and between each chapter is a short section-- a page or two, three at the very most-- that is more researchy: it has statistics or support group resources or some other ...more

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Dec 07, 2015 Laurie rated it it was amazing

Newswoman Sheila Hamilton didn’t know David Krol all that well when they married- they were married and she was pregnant within a year of meeting- but many couples commit to each other that rapidly. So it’s not like she knew nothing about him when she committed her life to his. And it was several years into the marriage before she realized David had something wrong with him. She felt he had quirks, but she trusted him. He was running his construction business while she was doing first TV and ...more

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Dec 27, 2015 Michelle rated it it was amazing

Shelves: seattle-public-library, ebooks, reviewed

A courageous remarkable read "All The things We Never Knew: Chasing The Chaos of Mental Illness" authored by Shelia Hamilton recalls her battle against the mental illness that claimed the life of her husband David, as she struggled to maintain her own sanity and care for her young daughter. With one in five Americans developing mental illness during their lifetime, a suicide occurring every 13 minutes, Hamilton raises awareness that more must be done to overcome the stigma of mental illness that ...more

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Feb 01, 2018 Heidi rated it liked it

Shelves: brain-and-mental-illness, bio-memoir

A truly moving memoir, written by the wife of a brilliant and exciting man who died at his own hand, only months after his bipolar diagnosis. I appreciate the details the author included because they accomplished her spoken goal in writing this book: to educate loved ones of those with mental illness, so that they can recognize the signs and no how to respond. And to fight for improvements to the mental health care system in our country, which truly is appalling at this point. Between each ...more

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Dec 29, 2015 Patricia rated it really liked it

Heartbreaking. I was very moved by the candor of Hamilton sharing her life story from her falling in love with David Karol, their marriage, the birth of their daughter Sophie, his intelligence, the mental decline, mental illness and mental demons of David, the stresses placed on their marriage, his lies, his infidelities, and his suicide. My heart broke for David, Sheila and Sophie. David was a good man.
Bipolar disorder and its demons are in the genetic makeup of my husband's family. His mother ...more

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Nov 08, 2016 Julie rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: sheila-hamilton

Very interesting read. Good perspective from someone who experienced the after affects of a suicide. I don't think those in the state of mind that they want to end their life are able to comprehend how their decision will affect the people they leave behind. They are focusing on ending their pain. In the book, the authorities that found Michael stated that he looked at peace when they found his body. There are probably so many people walking around in this world living in pain. It sounds as ...more

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Oct 30, 2015 Kate rated it it was amazing

Sheila Hamilton tells her family's personal story with honesty, compassion for those who might have acted in other ways, and vulnerability, interweaving it with short summaries of what she's learned about mental illness and best practices in caring for those who have the condition. I find it especially interesting that children who are not able (refuse to) engage in counseling when they have been abused,lost a love one, or encountered some other trauma, are calmed and able to self-soothe by ...more

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Nov 30, 2015 Beverly rated it really liked it

Recommends it for: 16 - Adult

Shelves: non-fiction-for-fiction-lovers, everyone-needs-to-read-this-book

All the Things We Never Knew is a heartbreaking and inspirational personal account of loving someone with a serious mental illness. Journalist, Sheila Hamilton, tells her story in a sparse, candid, poignant style that is easy to read, but hard to forget. Along with her story, Sheila Hamilton shares the shameful facts about the dismal state of mental health care in the U.S. and the desperation and frustration of families desperately seeking help for a loved one. Most importantly, she uses her ...more

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Aug 14, 2015 Jaclyn Day rated it it was amazing

This brutal, compassionate look at mental illness is one of the best books I’ve read on the topic. Hamilton’s background in news lets her switch between her personal story and the bigger story–of mental illness in this country more generally–and that’s so important to include. Hamilton’s raw reactions to her husband’s decline, and her constructive, thoughtful assessments in hindsight show how someone can talk about the complexities of mental illness without resorting to shaming. I think Hamilton ...more

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“If David had been diagnosed with diabetes at a young age, members of his family, school, and church would have undoubtedly mobilized support. His caregivers would have communicated his need for dietary changes, exercise, and/or insulin. This was not the case when David exhibited the earliest signs of depression. The myth persists that mental illness is a character flaw. It is my hope that one day disorders of the brain will be treated with as much care, compassion, and tenacity as diseases of any other organs in our bodies.” — 2 likes

“Of all the research I've read about breakthroughs in mental illness, this message resonates most loudly. We need one another to lead healthy lives, and when faced with the prospect of illness, be it mental or physical, we need to believe others can help us through to the other side.” — 2 likes

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