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The 7 Stages of Motherhood: Making the Most of Your Life as a Mom

Ann Pleshette Murphy

3.12 · Rating details · 148 ratings · 38 reviews

Motherhood is the ultimate transformation, a powerful and thrilling metamorphosis. Yet the vast majority of parenting books focus on the how-tos of baby and child care, not on the care or development of mothers. Ann Pleshette Murphy—the former editor of Parents magazine, current parenting contributor to Good Morning America, and herself the mother of two—looks at the emoti Motherhood is the ultimate transformation, a powerful and thrilling metamorphosis. Yet the vast majority of parenting books focus on the how-tos of baby and child care, not on the care or development of mothers. Ann Pleshette Murphy—the former editor of Parents magazine, current parenting contributor to Good Morning America, and herself the mother of two—looks at the emotional lives of mothers, at how we change and grow from the moment we get pregnant to the day we watch our kids graduate from high school.

The 7 Stages of Motherhood urges women to reflect on the seismic shifts they undergo at each stage of their children’s lives and to focus on their own evolution. Only by doing so, says Murphy, can we give children the best of ourselves. Many new moms assume that once things “get back to normal,” they’ll jump right back on their pre-baby path. But there’s no going back, according to Murphy, and that’s actually good news. Each stage of motherhood has its own challenges and opportunities. Motherhood forces us to hone muscles we never knew we had; to question our choices and goals; to reshape our relationships with family, friends, our spouses; and, most important, to rethink who we are and where we’re going. There’s as much circling, sliding, falling back as there is surg-ing ahead—and Murphy provides exactly the encouragement women need to overcome obstacles and celebrate their strengths. Writing with wit, warmth, and unfailing empathy about the challenges mothers face at each stage, Murphy offers insightful advice and gentle reassurance, showing moms how to make the most of their lives as they raise their children.

Drawing on hundreds of interviews with leaders in the field, a wealth of personal experience, a decade at the helm of Parents magazine, and, of course, countless conversations with other mothers, Murphy offers women invaluable advice about how to cope and how to thrive along with their children. She identifies periods of particular intensity in a mother’s life and provides indispensable tips about how to manage at each stage, from the roller-coaster ride of early childhood through the ambiguities of adolescence and the tumult of the teen years. The 7 Stages of Motherhood is an exuberant, joyful, not-to-be-missed journey, full of life-changing insights and affirming wisdom and support: a buoyant contribution to the literature of maternity and self-discovery. ...more

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Hardcover, 288 pages

Published September 7th 2004 by Knopf (first published January 1st 2004)

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3.12 ·

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· 148 ratings · 38 reviews

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Jul 11, 2008 Megan added it · review of another edition

I didn't rate this book because I didn't finish reading it. It didn't seem to have anything new or revealing to say. I keep hoping to find a book that reflects more of how I feel about motherhood, or encourages me to see it in a valuable new way. Not having much luck. The reason I quit reading this book is the same reason I hate going to baby showers. We don't seem to have the right vocabulary to talk about being mothers. Instead, we reduce it to awful cliches that either fail to do it justice o ...more

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May 26, 2009 Nikki rated it liked it

The last stage of the book is when the kids are about to leave the house. I really have to disagree with that thought. I would at least say that for me there is at least a stage 8 or 9 stage. The 8th stage being relying on my mom to help me through college and being there to support me in deciding a career path. The 9th stage being becoming a grandmother I rely more on my mom now for advice with my daughter than I ever have. In my opinion this book just stopped too early in the stages of motherh ...more

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Apr 21, 2018 Gigill rated it liked it

Shelves: parenting, non-fiction

Picked this one up at the library randomly. Overall, I enjoyed the book but I was will looking for a certain "something" to round out the book. There was one perfect paragraph in the conclusion that nailed motherhood and made this book worth it to read, so I like how it ended on a perfect note. I also nodded along to stages 1 & 2 (which I've already passed) and enjoyed getting a preview of the stages I'm in (3) and the future ones. Motherhood's a complicated beast, and I'm glad there was a b ...more

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Sep 06, 2018 Tricia rated it liked it · review of another edition

As the mother of a 1 year old I enjoyed this book because it gave me a "sneak peak" into the stages I have ahead. And there were several practical bits of advice that I know I will find helpful. It was also nice to hear honest stories of other Mom's struggles so I don't feel like I'm the only one facing certain issues. My only complaint is that nothing in the book felt particularly profound or enlightening - a lot of it was sort of common sense.

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Jul 30, 2018 Kristy Ledford rated it did not like it

Not what I was expecting or looking for. The audiobook was particularly boring and didn’t offer anything new. I should stick to audiobooks written and read by comedians.

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Jan 25, 2014 Jennifer rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: professional, read-2014, non-fiction

The best thing about this book is that the idea of writing it is what enabled Murphy's children to have a parent around more of the time. That's not me being snippy - towards the end of the book she talks about how we are judged on our parenting and yes I'd agree that is mostly a bad thing with an overfocus on outcomes rather than process. But I do believe there is a lot in the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis quotation that if you bungle raising your children nothing else you do well really matters v The best thing about this book is that the idea of writing it is what enabled Murphy's children to have a parent around more of the time. That's not me being snippy - towards the end of the book she talks about how we are judged on our parenting and yes I'd agree that is mostly a bad thing with an overfocus on outcomes rather than process. But I do believe there is a lot in the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis quotation that if you bungle raising your children nothing else you do well really matters very much. I had to step back at various points and reflect how all the experiences she relates were actually coming out of very short periods of time with her children - neither parent home until after 7pm at least on weekdays. (Of course a good deal of the work of parenthood may not be done with them right there, and she shows that well... but still....)

Anyway, unlike other journalists who write books about parenting, Pleshette Murphy didn't do it as an extended maternity leave, nor did she go back to work and quickly decide it was a terrible mistake. A strength of this book is that she writes about how children and mothers (not much about fathers here) evolve together and showing how it isn't a steady process of increasing independence, that your children merely need you in different ways. I admire her for recognising at a point where the expectation is often that mothers move further away from their parenting role, that the right thing for her family was to focus on it.

I almost gave up on this book early on. She is offensive about a particular breastfeeding support organisation yet does it in a sneaky way so she can claim she's only quoting... but her endorsement of the opinion is clear (even if the evidence for it is not) It ill behoves someone who has made a good living almost certainly based on formula advertising revenues to trash breastfeeding support volunteers in this way... and does nothing to help mothers.

Elsewhere she doesn't do this delineation of tribes or label styles of parenting which is so tediously prevalent now, and this contributes a good deal to the book's readability. She's chatted to a few friends, some of them in the UK... and I rather like the number of therapists-as-parents who share their own challenges. She also, unintentionally I think, shows just how many people are writing books about how to parent which is thought-provoking.

The narrowness of experience does show up when the final stage of motherhood is when the children fly the nest to college - this seems to be because that's the stage she's at with her own family rather than because that really is it, job done, game over. I suppose it is an example of taking one day at a time! I don't think the book is about making the most of your life as a Mum, despite the title, but it does depict some of the themes. ...more

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Jul 17, 2009 Kristin rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I grabbed this book on a whim at the library, and I am very glad I did. Although I could only personally relate to stages 1-3 (I am currently in stage three of motherhood: Letting Go: The Toddler Years, One and Two), I very much enjoyed Murphy's insights into the stages that I will eventually be entering. The forecast is greatly appreciated, since, upon first learning that my husband and I had conceived, I really had no idea what I was in for.

I could definitely relate to stage 1 - Altered State I grabbed this book on a whim at the library, and I am very glad I did. Although I could only personally relate to stages 1-3 (I am currently in stage three of motherhood: Letting Go: The Toddler Years, One and Two), I very much enjoyed Murphy's insights into the stages that I will eventually be entering. The forecast is greatly appreciated, since, upon first learning that my husband and I had conceived, I really had no idea what I was in for.

I could definitely relate to stage 1 - Altered States: Pregnancy, Birth, and the Fourth Trimester. It was especially heartening for me to be tuned into other women's accounts of their pregnancies, deliveries, and the first three months with their babies. Personally, I did not care for being pregnant, my son's birth was much more difficult than I had anticipated, and I felt like a zombie during the my son's first three months (well, actually until six months, when he finally started sleeping through the night). Before having my son, women limited their recollections to the sweet, charming aspects of being a new mom. I did not expect the sleep deprivation, loneliness, or resentment of my husband's relative freedom that I later felt. Knowing that other women experienced the exact same feelings as me was very validating. Before reading this section, I felt like I must have done something wrong, since I wasn't in constant bliss during my son's first three months. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world. Bringing him into the world (and through the fourth trimester) simply wasn't the piece of cake I expected it to be.

The only complaint I have about this book is the sparse peppering of "f-bombs" throughout the text. This wouldn't have bothered me, except I actually listened to the book on CD while I was running errands with my son. All of a sudden, the narrator would say the "f" word, and, even though my son was in all likelihood completely oblivious, I would say loudly, "Duck! Duck! The lady said 'duck!'" I just don't think this language is necessary.

the Seven Stages of Motherhood is a celebration of the most difficult, thankless job in the world. Murphy's practical advice will certainly help me as I raise my son, and her words also inspired, strengthened, and heartened me as a mother. I especially loved her analogy in the conclusion about how we (parents and children) each have our own melody. Just when we know how to sing our child's song, the melody changes, and we need switch gears into learning a new song. So true! ...more

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Dec 02, 2007 Lain rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Ann Pleshette Murphy turns her vast skills as a mother (of two) and writer (former editor of Parenting magazine) into this filled-to-the-brim book. In a refreshing take on parenting tomes, Murphy focuses on the mother instead of on the child.

I found the early sections to be full of "oh my gosh, I can relate" moments as I laughed and nodded along with Murphy's personal tales as well as the anecdotes from hundreds of women, and I made mental notes of her suggestions in the sections for parents of ...more

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Jul 18, 2013 Meagan rated it it was amazing

Although I didn't necessarily agree with everything the mother who wrote this book said, I truly appreciated this book for all that it was. Her honesty was exactly what I needed. It was so rewarding to share her experiences because as the mother of a toddler and one on the way, I felt like I wasn't alone in my struggles. Not only did I receive assurance for the past and encouragement for the present, but I also got a glimpse of my future with my own children and some of the struggles we may or m ...more

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Sep 08, 2011 Colleen rated it really liked it

I would say depending on where you are at in "motherhood" is definitely going to impact how much you will enjoy this book. I have an almost 3 year old and am pregnant with my second child. Having already gone through the newborn/toddler phase it was nice to be able to look back with my perspective and to be reminded of what is coming. The book has fabulous references to many other parenting books which I have marked to read. My favorite part of the book was the perspective it gave me for motherh ...more

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Jan 15, 2009 C rated it really liked it

As a not-yet-mother, I have been reading "mom" books voraciously to get a glimpse of what to expect. Most fall into 3 categories: the uber-mom, the anti-mom, or the feminist-mom. The 7 Stages of Motherhood is better than all 3: it's like having a conversation with a wise and down to earth friend that's been there, done that.

Ann Murphy manages to deftly move from one chapter to the next, weaving in her own experiences with those of the women she interviews. Her voice is warm and clear, elucidati ...more

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Mar 21, 2012 Kayce rated it it was ok · review of another edition

Shelves: audio-books, parenting

I couldn't finish this book. I listened through about ages 6-10. The main theme of the book is be a mom how you want to be a mom, don't stress about being perfect, and take care of yourself. These are good things to hear, but I also felt like there was a strong undercurrent of "this is how you be a perfect mom" that really undercut the message of the book. Additionally, the author is an editor of a major magazine and still has serious issues repeating words. If I heard the word "ambivalent" one ...more

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Jul 02, 2015 Cathy rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting, nonfiction

This is one of those books to read when you need some reassurance about how you're doing as a parent. The author offers practical advice, but also shares stories and anecdotes that help you relate to your own parenting joys, trials and tribulations. It's not a sit-down-and-read-all-the-way-through-in-one-sitting or read-it-once-and-stick-it-on-the-shelf-to-gather-dust book. You will find yourself gravitating toward this book at each of the defined stages.

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Mar 22, 2012 Trish Boese rated it it was ok

Shelves: non-fiction, parenting

2* I started out enjoying this book, enjoying the ideas to make the most of the motherhood journey through each and every stage. However, it became obvious as the book progressed that the author and I have very different goals and completely different parenting styles when it comes to training our children through the adolescent and teen years. I recommend the first half of the book but not the second half!

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Mar 23, 2015 Denise rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: e-audio-book

I liked this book. It didn't go beyond the teen years and that was the only thing I was surprised at. I thought 7 stages would include being parents of adult children and growing old as a mother also but I guess that would add way too many stages! She wrote with candor and I thought this book could be very helpful to new mothers of all ages whether you birth a child, adopt one or marry into a family with stepchildren and any other role I might have left out! :)

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Jun 12, 2009 Leonie rated it really liked it

Easy to read with great references. Great mix of expert research with case study examples. This gave me a neat framework for getting my head around what I'm getting myself into! (I'm currently in 2nd trimester of pregnancy for 1st child). Great to hear topics talked about that can be taboo. This will be a book I re-read over the next few years.

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Jul 08, 2009 Grace Smiley rated it it was ok

Best part of this book for me was the extensive bibliography. She had many wonderful quotes from other sources that were great. I related to the book until the middle when the chapters for older children were too far off in my future to garner empathy. I'll pick it up again in a few years when my baby is older.

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May 02, 2008 Peggy rated it it was ok

This book was neither inspirational nor helpful. Just a bunch of stories from the trenches of motherhood. The only thing I really got out of it is that the joys and frustrations of motherhood are universal, that we're all in it together, so to speak, and that there is usually somebody out there going through the same things you are.

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May 04, 2010 Alissa rated it liked it

Shelves: 2010, motherhood, nonfiction

I really enjoyed this look at motherhood, which included both insight and advice on how to mother children of different ages. Felt like I was glimpsing at my future once I read the 6 other stages.
A great and inspiring look at motherhood that is grounded in reality and deals with all sorts of topics.

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Jul 14, 2013 Jemma Z rated it liked it

Shelves: parenting, self-help

This is a ggod book to revisit when you are transitioning through different stages. You will be reminded of how far you have come, what you have accomplished, and that your expectations were not always realistic. Invest more time reading about being a mother than you do in reading about pregnancy & childbirth and toy will feel more grounded.

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Jul 28, 2015 Heidi rated it liked it

I didn't finish it. I felt like she was saying the same things over and over. I never got to the chapters of the stages my kids are in... which is why I wanted to read this in the first place. But I did like how she wrote about the other stages. I would consider giving this to young/new mothers.

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Dec 02, 2012 Erin added it

Shelves: not-finished

The title of this book had me very excited/intrigued...but as I read it, I realized it wasn't what I was looking for. I'm not sure why, but it kind of annoyed me. Not finishing it. There's nothing fundamentally BAD about it. It just bugged.

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Jun 01, 2011 Jen rated it did not like it · review of another edition

While Murphy touches on several motherhood principles (guilt, guilt, with a layer of guilt on top), I didn't like her writing style at all. I would have expected the editor of Parents magazine to have a better, more accurate vocabulary.

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May 20, 2008 Nicole DM rated it liked it · review of another edition

This book was helpful at the time. When you are the parent of a toddler you need to know that it does eventually end.

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Mar 21, 2009 Heidi rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: to-re-read

I read the first part of this book when I was expecting, and I would like to continue reading it now that I have a pre-schooler. I found the author to be reassuring and very knowledgeable.

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Dec 30, 2013 Alison Condliffe rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

Enjoyed the idea that motherhood can change, as your children change. Appreciated some of the ideas and personal stories. Bit of a slog through some parts but overall a rewarding read.

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Nov 11, 2008 Jeri rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: abandoned

I didn't ever really get "into" this book.

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Jan 08, 2013 Nina rated it really liked it

Shelves: favorites

Insightful book full of warm and emphatic advice. zOnce again made me realize how profoundly unique and at the same time universal motherhood really is.

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Sep 22, 2009 Samantha added it · review of another edition

Shelves: baby, unfinished

Only read up to age 10.

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Jun 22, 2009 Aspasia rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Instead of yet another book talking about a child's development, this book takes a look at the changes women go through as mothers when their children are between the ages of birth to 18 years.

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