Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty

by Dannah Gresh

EVERY WOMAN IS BORN WITH POWER!

We live in the age of low-rise jeans, belly-button rings, and backless shirts. Many girls and young women today could not even define the word modesty, let alone tell you how to live it out.  Teen girls often  

Why can't I wear what everyone else is wearing?     My parents are hung up on their old sense of fashion.  Times have changed, why can't I?    Isn't is really the guy's problem if he is tempted?

In a fresh and trusted voice,  Dannah Gresh has a new message for modesty itself is a delicate yet formidable power . In Secret Keeper , she teaches that modesty not only issues a challenge for one man to romantically earn your virtue, but it also expresses your love for and obedience to God. 

Includes The "Truth or Bare" Fashion Tests and Fashion Challenges that will resonate with a teen girl. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Parenting, Religion, Christian Living, Christianity, Teen

96 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

Dannah Gresh, a mother/daughter communication coach, has sold well over three quarters of a million copies of her books—including And the Bride Wore White and 2008's best-selling CBA youth book, Lies Young Women Believe (coauthored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss)—making her one of the most successful Christian authors targeting teens and preteens. With the belief that today's culture has been seeking to rob little girls of their innocence, Dannah has been fighting on the front lines to protect them. Her fun line of Secret Keeper Girl mom/preteen daughter connecting resources and live events that tour the country provide moms with just the right tools to fight back. She has long been at the forefront of the movement to encourage both tweens and teens to pursue purity and is often called upon to defend the conservative position of abstinence in national news media like USA Today, Time, Chicago Tribune, and Women's Wear Daily. She is also a frequent contributor to FamilyLife Today, Midday Connection, and Focus on the Family. Dannah lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Bob, and their children, Robby, Lexi, and Autumn, whom the family adopted from China in 2007. She and her husband founded Grace Prep, a new model in Christian high school education, which Bob administrates. She is shamelessly in love with her labradoodle, Stormie. (DannahGresh.com)

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

I devoured this book as a young teen and regret to say I shared it with others. Looking back now I can see a lot of the ideas were chock full of victim-blaming, evo-psych pseudo-science, and well-known adults in the American Christian community telling young women they deserved to be afraid of--and even experience--sexual assault. That that was God's intent and plan for them. I took these damaging concepts to heart because I believed a Christian adult wouldn't guide me wrongly.

Following every point of advice in this book in good faith gave me no power of any kind against my abuser--who I excused for years on the basis of his being a church member, taking the guilt for myself because I guessed I hadn't tried hard enough to hide that I was a woman, as if he couldn't have known what he was doing or helped his choice to act against me and my boundaries. The power of rape culture, physical strength, and my own sense of guilty complicity despite my earnest effort to repress every element of my emerging femininity and adult physicality, were all his.

I found this book as I cleared my old bookcase, finding new homes for books I no longer wanted to keep, and carefully setting aside books I wanted to stay with me.

This is the only book I burnt.

[Sam · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's books like this that I feared as a teen services librarian- heaven forbid one of my teen girls get sexually assaulted and have a book like this enforce upon them the idea that it was their fault. By all means, be spiritual and modest, but don't tell teen girls that they are at fault for all the things men do.

[Colleen · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I don't oppose dressing modestly, or as I view it: professionally, this book goes about it poorly. It is full of lies and is misleading. Specifically that all men are uncontrollably dictated by their natural urges (that's not degrading to men at all) and that women are at fault for what happens to them after tempting men with their immodest clothing (in other words: victim blaming). Women are discussed objectively, as objects that men desire in order to complete themselves and womens' only value is determined through their bodies, no mention of their minds or abilities. The author only sees two sides: the "modest, save yourself for one man" way and the "let it all hang out, sleep with everyone you ever meet" way and completely ignores the shades of gray between those extremes. The author claims statements are "scientific" but cites no sources beyond the Bible and her other books. One star for decent guidelines on telling if your clothes are appropriate (no one needs to see anyone's crack or flashed underwear); -4 stars for content that's degrading to both men and women.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't even. Absolutely disgusting. I actually started to cry when I read it. I was so fucking pissed. Anti feminism. Anti women.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book more than I did. I've always been a big proponent of modesty, so I like that aspect of the book and the practical guidelines to be modest yet fashionable, but I did not like that it was so centered on guys. Yes, it's good to include some information for teen girls about how hormones affect guys, but I did not like the view that a woman's beauty was given to her by God for her husband. As much as the book is saying that modesty gives women power (which I agree with), all the talk about men felt to me like all that power was being taken away. Modesty is good so as not to "cause another to stumble" but I've always viewed it first as something I do for me, out of respect for myself.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

On a whim, I picked this little book up and read it. It's such a refreshing outlook for teen girls about the way they dress and act, compared with what we are bombarded with in our culture on a daily basis. A great read for any teen girl who values herself, along with purity and honoring the Lord.

[Erin Cataldi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second book I've read by Dannah Gresh and it just confirmed my belief that she is the most talented and inspired female christian non-fiction author.

This book explores what modesty really is compared to today's standards. With soo many conflicting images in the media it can be hard for Christian girls to know what is morally acceptable to wear. Dannah breaks down what the bible says and what it means for christian girls who want to be morally and spiritually pure for God and their future husbands. You can flaunt your allure but it most be done to God's standards, not todays fashion trends.

It's a short little guide with written exercises, tips for being fashionable yet modest, pictures, personal testimonies. This is a perfect guide for young christian girls.

I was given this book for free from Moody Publishers in return for my honest, unbiased opinion.

[Candace · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this when it first came out. This book is appalling. It teaches that men are uncontrollable beasts and women are objects that constantly make men stumble. This book is part of the purity culture dreck - teaching women to hate themselves and teaching men that they have no self control at all.

This book should be out of print and its author shamed.

[Emily Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a subject close to my heart. I feel like as a culture we are so exposed and into vulgarity and I really want my kids to understand that this isn't what God calls them to. For both my sons and my daughters I found many good tips and insights in this book.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dannah Gresh tackles a much need topic in modesty for young ladies. In a time when ‘anything goes’, Christian girls continue to want to fit in with their peers. What does the Bible say about modesty? Do these young girls need to wear dresses to their ankles and veil their faces?

Dannah expresses to the girls that they are uniquely beautiful and God intends for that beauty to intoxicate one man that she will marry. Until that time comes, there are some basic guidelines to help a girl be more modest. “Modesty is the first line of defense for your purity”.

In the ‘Bottom Line’ Dannah mentions that if girls reading the book are ruffled by these simple truths that they may have a love issue, an issue loving and obeying God even if what He commands is hard to swallow.

Dannah shares hints on modesty as if she is your older sister helping you walk through the scary forest of life. Very insightful into young girls and the questions they seek on modesty. A must read book for this fashion crazed society.
Kuddos to Dannah for tackling a difficult subject with grace and love.

I received a copy of this book from Moody in exchange for an honest review

[anna catherine · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book just randomly popped into my mind so I decided to give it the review it deserves. My favorite part was when they blamed Bathsheba and the fact that she took a bath for David’s adultery and murder. That was really great. I also liked the part (I think this was in this book) where a girl’s dad and brother would tell her what outfits were “tempting,” meaning that her dad and brother were tempted by her. That was also a classic moment. If you’re a mom looking for a way to encourage your daughters to dress modestly, teach them about respecting themselves, not living in fear that a man is going to lust after them. Bonus: teach your sons the same thing because their bodies are also a gift from God that needs to be cherished and respected. I am a woman who chooses to dress in a way that I think is modest, and I do it because I respect myself, not because I’m worried that some creep in the church is going to have “lustful thoughts” about me. Do right things for the right reasons.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Secret Keeper is a modest little book, tiny in size and packed with power. Dannah makes it her mission to make modesty attainable. She strips away the myths of fashion trends and appeals to a female's reasoning while gracefully incorporating Biblical revelation. Dannah teaches modesty with fun little tests that include visual demonstrations. She also shares some advertising tricks of the trade with deep and profound relevance to women. I also enjoyed her explanation of sin as "missing the mark". She explains that though a woman can hit the target with her attire, is she really hitting the mark of God's best?

This book would be great for young adults and unmarried women. It stresses the need for purity, preserving ones self for one man forever.

This is a super fast read and a beautifully designed book. At times text overlaps with images and that becomes sort of distracting and makes the true text more difficult to read. Some of the design element of the book is a little too much, but the heart and message is wonderful.

I would like to read more from Dannah. I encourage you to look for this and other titles written by her, especially if you have a teenage daughter.

I received my free copy of Secret Keeper via Moody Publishers in exchange for my honest review.

[Jessie Mattis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was looking for a book to help me guide the modesty discussion more in depth with my girls, and this was perfect. It's short into the point, and I am appalled by some of the reviews that trash this book and blame it for them becoming victims. Nowhere does the author blame the woman for a man's actions, but she does point out the responsibility women have to support their brothers in Christ by how they display their bodies. Living in this world is a team effort, where we are called to care for each other, not just do whatever we want at the expense of everyone else. Yes, ultimately the guy is responsible for controlling himself, and the author says as much.
Discussing the power, or allure, of women was fantastic, as modestly extends far beyond how much skin is shown, and that was a great teaching point.
Even though it's dated now (there is an updated version from 2011, but I think that's the most recent), I totally recommend it as a discussion tool between parents and daughters!

[Heather Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short but powerful book on modesty. I was a little worried about how such a big subject could be adequately covered in so few words, but Gresh nailed it.

I will say I was under the impression that Gresh wrote for the preteen/ tween audience, but this book was obviously written for teens. Probably 16 and up as it touches on some more explicit topics and the author admittedly covers some college course topics. It definitely won't work for my younger girls, but I will save it till they are older and would definitely recommend it to older girls.

I would also add that this book is specifically written for girls who struggle with modesty. If you don't struggle in this area, you may still get some out of it, but it's obvious by her tone that she is expecting readers to have strong contrary feelings to what she is writing.

[Shawna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was hoping to read a different book by this author ("Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl), but this was the only book the local library had. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this quick read. Gresh did a great job of explaining the importance of modesty to a teenage audience. I loved the scripture references and examples she shared. I really appreciated the chapter on "the inner quality" and how she included modesty in the form of how you act around guys. I'm LDS and didn't know any of the Christian stars she mentioned, but that didn't matter because I loved the things they said. This book made me feel beautiful. My daughter will definitely be reading this book in a few years.

[Tonya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the perfect gift to give to each teenage girl you know or come in contact with!

Such great advice, all taken straight from the Bible! Really it is a sin to me immodest. To cause another to sin because of your own sin, bleck. Doesn't sound so good does it? But it's fashion. If we decide to follow ourselves and our own ways of thinking, do we truly love our God? Ugh. Hits home doesn't it?

I love the bullseye way of thinking. Really a good activity to do with teenage girls. Dannah Gresh really knows how to get some productive thinking and be proactive, before it is too late.

What a blessing this book is!

[Shantelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Secret Keeper was a short book with a big message. I really liked it, because it didn’t drag on… wasn’t a huge book that overwhelmed you. Instead, it was short and sweet and made you think.

It was about modesty, with a little different twist to explaining it than usual, I think. –Really interesting. Really encouraging and thought-provoking at the same time.

I encourage girls and young women struggling with staying modest to read this book. Dannah Gresh really brings across a powerful message!

[Crystalin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very impressed with how this book handled the delicate subject of modesty. It did a great job discussing why modesty is so powerful among men and women, but at the same time it did it in a way that 1)doesn't make young women get defensive, and 2)doesn't give more information than is needed(great for keeping innocence intact). I highly recommend this book to young women, especially over Wendy Shalit's books(which include a lot of graphic information).

[Annette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an absolute MUST for ALL girls ages 12 and up! This is a book on modesty from a Christian perspective - THE BEST book I've come across on the subject. Even though the author isn't LDS she upholds the same standards. I highly recommend that mothers read it with their daughters because it's important that both are well informed. It's a small little book, you can easily get through in less than an hour, you'll be glad you did.

[Olya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was expecting so mu much out of this book and was very disappointed. It focuses so much on the clothes that the matter of the heart is not addressed. The way she portrayed some of the women in the Bible was very biased to her own point if view. Wanted to read this book with a small group of younger girls, glad I read it through first... will not be doing that.

Don't get me wrong. I am all about modesty but the way this was given did not make me want to share it with anyone.

[Celeste Batchelor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! I bought this little book for my girls, but I found I could learn a lot from this book as well. One of my favorite parts of this book is the 6 "tests" it gives to know if your clothing is modest. I used these tests and found a few things in my closet that needed to go. We refer to this book often in teach about modesty. It is Christian based and has many biblical references.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-have for teenage daughters. Discusses modesty and the importance of in a fresh, fun way. The book is short, to the point, has lots of pictures and examples of famous people who value modesty. I highly recommend it.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helped me see modesty as something I do because I love God. I think this book really focused well on the heart attitude, instead of just laying out a bunch of rules and saying, 'here, follow these.' lol.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Secret Keeper is a book that makes you think. It makes you reconsider your choices. This book belongs in the hands of every girl seeking to honor God in her clothing choices. Dannah Gresh, thank you for such an inspiring book!

[Joanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fun book, yet somehow delicate at the same time as it describes the beautiful power that God has given to us.

[Sarah Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good for the area that it is in. Not my all time favorite read, but really good and something I'd recommend to my sisters and their friends.

[Cassondra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book. I think every teenage girl must read it!

[Relyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dannah Gresh has a wonderful ministry. This book is a must read for teen-aged girls and their parents. Whether or not you are a Christian, there is much food for thought in this book.

[Bobbie Jo Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great, quick read. Any parent with daughters needs to read this book!

[Wilmi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shows how to dress fashionably but still modest. I loved the tricks they give you to evaluate if you are dressed modestly.