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Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Girl

Donna Williams

3.95 · Rating details · 2,000 ratings · 173 reviews

"This is a story of two battles, a battle to keep out 'the world' and a battle to join it."

She inhabits a place of chaos, cacophony, and dancing light--where physical contact is painful and sights and sounds have no meaning. Although labeled, at times, deaf, retarded, or disturbed, Donna Williams is autistic--afflicted by a baffling condition of heightened sensory perc

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Paperback, 219 pages

Published February 1st 1994 by Avon (first published April 23rd 1992)

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Feb 11, 2021 Paul rated it really liked it

Shelves: autobiography, reading-women-challenges-2021-bing

3.75 stars
This is the first of Donna Williams’s autobiographies and covers her childhood and early adulthood until she is about 25. She identified as autistic and this is her account of how she experienced the world and other people. Narratives of illness and disability can be difficult, especially if they stray into self-help or preaching. This mostly doesn’t. Williams also suffered significant abuse from her mother and a sibling. She related to the world through two other personalities, Carol 3.75 stars
This is the first of Donna Williams’s autobiographies and covers her childhood and early adulthood until she is about 25. She identified as autistic and this is her account of how she experienced the world and other people. Narratives of illness and disability can be difficult, especially if they stray into self-help or preaching. This mostly doesn’t. Williams also suffered significant abuse from her mother and a sibling. She related to the world through two other personalities, Carol and Willie, each of whom had different functions. Matters were complicated when she was diagnosed with schizophrenia (wrongly, as it happens). Williams had a significant fear of other people and communicated through objects. Like many who are not neurotypical she was met with fear, misunderstanding and abuse. Williams collected the usual words attached to those who appear different: “mad, stupid, retarded, insane, wild, disturbed and so on.” Williams explains the problems she had eloquently, with some humour (which can help as the subject matter is difficult) and can explain what she was experiencing:
"I knew the meanings of the words they used. I could even make meaning of many of their sentences. I could have tried to make a match with some information I had linked to key words they used. But I didn't understand the significance."
As Oliver Sacks has pointed out, whatever medicine can do, only those experiencing a condition or state of mind can tell us what it is really like. Williams describes her experience of what might be termed common emotions remarkably well:
"I used to think that nobody else really felt love because I didn't (or, if I did, then constant systems shut-downs made it a highly inconsistent and fragmented, almost unintelligible experience). I had learned how to pretend its existence, so I assumed that was what others did. To me, the illusion of love as a real thing was a sort of agreed-upon, mass social conspiracy to self-delude."
There are a couple of chapters at the end where Williams explains more technically what her autism consists of and what it isn’t; she then gives some indicators as to how to approach someone with autism, adult or child. Some of this information would seem to be very useful, although I had some issues with the use of the word retardation. I have some experience with autism in terms of my work and there are as many different approaches and solutions as there are people.
This is a very good account of a difficult and abusive childhood, adolescence and early adulthood from someone who has the ability to write eloquently about it all and to clearly explain how she experienced the world.
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Jan 16, 2009 Lisa McKenzie rated it it was amazing

It felt like a real privilege to see the world through an autistic point of view. A one of a kind achievement.

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Jul 14, 2020 Aurélien Thomas rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: learning-disabilities

'I believe I was born alienated, and if not, I was certainly so by the time I got left behind in emotional development at about the age of three. Autistic people are not mad, not stupid. They are not fairies, not aliens -just people trapped in invisible, crippled emotional responses. At the same time it would be misleading to think that such people do not feel.'

Every life experience is different. When it comes to autism, Donna Williams (who wasn't diagnosed until she had reached adulthood) certa
'I believe I was born alienated, and if not, I was certainly so by the time I got left behind in emotional development at about the age of three. Autistic people are not mad, not stupid. They are not fairies, not aliens -just people trapped in invisible, crippled emotional responses. At the same time it would be misleading to think that such people do not feel.'

Every life experience is different. When it comes to autism, Donna Williams (who wasn't diagnosed until she had reached adulthood) certainly ticked many of the expected boxes -the hypersensitivity; the spinning and jumping; loosing herself into objects while trying to avoid people; the obsession with classifying, ordering and copying; the challenging behaviours (by her own reckoning: aggressive, uncooperative, disruptive); the lack of common sense; her way of talking 'at' people, not 'with' (which her family pejoratively called 'wonking')… Yet, how much of that was down to autism? How much to her very own personal upbringing?

The thing is, Donna Williams grew up in a dysfunctional family and was particularly abused, as a child, by her mother (who wanted her locked up into an institution against the prevailing wishes of her father). The home dynamic was toxic; and when children grow up into such traumatic environment, whatever the type of abuse being melted upon them it leaves scars that always get carried into adulthood. It's all part of an emotional make up and learnt ways to cope so as to survive. She, of course, didn't escape that, although she mitigates it ('my home life affected some of the forms that my behaviour took, though not the behaviour itself'). She actually went as far as to depersonalise herself, creating herself different personalities to help her cope with the outside world. Was there here an issue with mental illness? Well, she was first diagnosed, wrongly as it turned out, with schizophrenia...

What's truly sad here is to see her repeating self-harming patterns -the abusive boyfriends, the precarious jobs, living on the poverty line when not, at time, being homeless... Beyond autism, here's indeed the autobiography of one of these countless runaway girls fleeing abusive homes, just to end up being abused again and again, until abusing even themselves (e.g. she will reach the point of self-mutilating). Is that steering away from autism as such? Not really. After all, abused childhood or not, autistic people too are at risk of abuses and exploitation, and they too struggle with personal relationships, let alone finding a place in society and on the job market!

We moved a long way from her era, though. She grew up in the seventies, and this book was first published in 1992. What I also found interesting here is the mindset from that period, not so far back in time. There's the taboo if not ignorance (denial?) as to her condition (she was simply labelled 'disturbed', a lack of proper recognition which seriously messed up her schooling to start with, while her mum overall was perceived as being one of those 'refrigerator mother'...). There's the confusion even among the medical profession (again, her misdiagnosis as schizophrenic; a common mistake back then...). One cannot, in fact, but wonder what would have happened had she grew up a few decades later? Her life would certainly (or so we hope) have been very different...

Here's an extraordinary autobiography indeed. Her path might not be the typical path of an autistic, and many things have changed since the seventies and eighties. Nevertheless, the insight into her mind as an autistic, and, the story of her reckoning and triumph through a painful journey remains a powerful and harrowing account. It still worth a read if you have any interest in autism. ...more

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Feb 22, 2020 Erica rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-read-in-2020, own

I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness while reading this book. Aside from the fact that the writer is autistic, I felt everything she felt. She endured a lot of abuse in her lifetime, which only reminded me of mine. I had mini flashbacks of my childhood as I read about her life. The way her mind works and the things she felt about herself, reminds me of myself. This is definitely one of my all-time favorite non-fiction books. I recommend to anyone who wants to learn more about how an autistic ...more

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Jan 02, 2009 Arminzerella rated it it was ok

Shelves: abusive-relationships, nonfiction, relationships, autism, families, borrowed-from-the-library, autobiography-memoir, australia

Donna Williams wasn’t diagnosed with autism until she was in her mid-late twenties – and she self-diagnosed at that point and had already written her autobiography, which she then shared with a physician who told her that it should be published. She had a very rocky childhood with a mother and older brother who were at least verbally abusive (her mother was also occasionally physically abusive). Donna’s relationship with her father was better, but he remained aloof or distant. She spent some tim Donna Williams wasn’t diagnosed with autism until she was in her mid-late twenties – and she self-diagnosed at that point and had already written her autobiography, which she then shared with a physician who told her that it should be published. She had a very rocky childhood with a mother and older brother who were at least verbally abusive (her mother was also occasionally physically abusive). Donna’s relationship with her father was better, but he remained aloof or distant. She spent some time being homeless or moving obsessively from place to place and job to job, never keeping friends for long. She found it difficult to connect with people and with the world as herself, and invented several personas to deal with different situations (Carol and Willie, for instance). She often found herself in other abusive relationships, with boyfriends taking advantage of her, still she managed to (finally) extract herself from these, get a college education, and learn to understand herself and her relationships with others. Particularly interesting is how much of her difficulties were alleviated by altering her diet – she had many food allergies that contributed to her problems.

I wanted to like this book more than I did. I found it really difficult to get inside of Donna Williams’ mind (and her writing), which felt read kind of choppy and all over the place. Maybe this is supposed to lend it a more immediate feel? Or, it’s just how she processes her own experience of living with autism and it’s not ever going to be something that I can fully grasp. I’d like to read more about autism and how it manifests in people – Donna is described as a “highly functioning” autistic, but there are people who function less well. It’s clear from her story that Donna has had to fight to be a part of and stay “in the world” – the one we all share as opposed to the one that she created for herself for safety and reprieve – and this seems to be something that autistics share with schizophrenics and other people who get inventive or disconnect when they can’t deal with what’s going on around them.

I was most taken by the last chapters and Donna’s after word in which she describes how she was able to relate to other autistic people/children. She was even able to help them by demonstrating to them the ways in which she’d learned to cope when outside influences became too much for her to deal with. The way that they communicated was really different from how most non-autistic people communicate – it was like they had their very own language that was immediately understandable to its native speakers. I’d like to read more about this. I’m curious about whether earlier understanding and communication might help more autistic children become as highly functioning as Donna is.

There’s a new(er) book out called, Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s, by John Elder Robison, that’s on my to-read list, which has received some good reviews. I might try that and see how these compare. ...more

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Jul 14, 2020 Alex Ankarr rated it really liked it · review of another edition

I liked it.

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Mar 27, 2010 Valarie rated it really liked it

Shelves: europe-north-america, autism-lit, biography-memoir

**Some people have called the author's autism diagnosis into question, claiming she actually suffers from dissociative identity disorder, which does make sense. Do not read this book as one of your first autism memoirs**

This is an incredible story of a woman with autism learning how to function in neurotypical society, and an intriguing look at the personal experiences of Autism Spectrum Disorders. I'll admit, though, that for anyone uninterested in autism, this memoir may fall flat, because the ...more

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Nov 11, 2012 Karen Yarrington rated it it was amazing

Amazing book for anyone who loves an autistic person! If you ever want to delve into an autistic's mysterious world--read this book. It's the story of Donna, who was very abused and misunderstood while growing up in "her world" and yet was able to figure out for herself that everyone else lived in a different world--"the world". Many severely autistic people have a hard time understanding, let alone explaining, this difference to us--most don't even want to try. She is a gift! ...more

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Jun 06, 2017 Faith Spinks rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: biographies, recommended-to-me

A fascinating glimpse into the world of autism.

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Jan 17, 2016 Jigme Datse rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, recovery, favorites, magical-creatures, asd, biography, library-borrow, mental-health

This was a bit of an odd read. I read it just after reading Somebody Somewhere: Breaking Free from the World of Autism, and it was kind of doing that "backwards". I read it that order because for some reason while trying to pick up this book, I ended up with the other one. Which of course was fine.

I found this one was not *quite* the "this is the book for me" as the continuation in Somebody Somewhere. I'm not really sure what kind of was "missing" here, or what was here which was "bothering" me. ...more

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Dec 23, 2019 Kristi rated it it was amazing

This was the first book I read after my oldest son was diagnosed with autism because it was the only book on this in our small town public library. I’m so glad I did because it’s a first person account of what it’s like to be an autistic person, rather then a clinical explanation. Eventually all three of my kids were diagnosed with autism, & I’m thankful for insight & foundation Donna’s books gave me so early in my journey. Nearly 20 years later, this book continues to hold memories & meaning.
D ...more

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Sep 02, 2014 Gina rated it liked it

This was a bit of a hard read. At first, I thought it had to do with reading about the devastating home life Donna had to put up with in her growing-up years. But as I got into the last third of the book, it just felt more like a slogging through. I know it's an autobiography, but even still, such accounts usually have a strong tie-together; common themes that yield some sort of self-discovery or grand life lesson. I felt like that wasn't very apparent here. I just kept reading about Donna's att ...more

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Jan 11, 2009 Merilee rated it liked it

This book is interesting for me, because I work with students with autism. It was difficult to read at times, because the author has suffered a great deal of abuse throughout her life, and so it was heavy. But there were gems in there - answers to why she did the things I see my students doing, which were well worth the read.

If nothing else, the two sections after the conclusion of her story at the back, where she describes the meaning of her "language" and tips for interacting with and influen ...more

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May 17, 2010 Ilie Ruby rated it it was amazing

Brava. Brava. Brava. A rare and believable look into the world of an autistic woman that found her way out of this daunting condition. Williams writes with unmistakable clarity and eloquence as she illuminates a rarely seen journey.

This is not to be surpassed by her next book [Somebody Somewhere:]. A must-read for anyone who is interested in the dynamic associations of perception and sensory processing conditions.

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Jan 27, 2009 Jennifer rated it it was amazing

Another of many books I have read, because I have a child with autism. Ms. Williams' account is enlightening and heart breaking and a must read for any person working with or living with someone afflicted with autism. Her insights will enlighten and educate others about the complicated, mysterious affliction growing too rapidly in our country to ignore any longer. ...more

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Jan 14, 2015 Nina Lenciano rated it really liked it

Shelves: 2015

A great book to take a peek in a very unique world. I salute Donna Williams for being strong despite everything she had experienced.

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May 02, 2015 Colleen rated it it was amazing

This book was really interesting. I would definitely recommend it. It was cool to see how Donna viewed the world and how she overcame different things throughout her life.

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Nov 10, 2019 Marvin Menjívar rated it it was amazing

Courageous and enlightening

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May 13, 2017 Marisa rated it it was amazing

This autobiography is compelling, it draws the reader in. It tells the story of an autistic woman who only as an adult finds out that this is the label that best fits her. I don't agree with some of the reviews here that this book is an "awkward fiction" rather than an accurate account of autism. Donna does not even use the label until towards the end of the book, so it is unlikely she was simply trying to capitalize on the label to write a book. The book relates how she grapples with being diff This autobiography is compelling, it draws the reader in. It tells the story of an autistic woman who only as an adult finds out that this is the label that best fits her. I don't agree with some of the reviews here that this book is an "awkward fiction" rather than an accurate account of autism. Donna does not even use the label until towards the end of the book, so it is unlikely she was simply trying to capitalize on the label to write a book. The book relates how she grapples with being different, it tells us of her journey of trying to understand why this is the case, and of trying to overcome some of her difficulties related to being different, and autistic. Of course, as any other person her life experiences are colored by various factors, rather than one specific label. In Donna's case, she was affected quite considerably by abuse in her home environment. More generally, she was often misunderstood by people. An interesting aspect of this book is that it makes visible that being autistic is made more difficult by the lack of understanding and accommodation of others. Donna's autistic features made her vulnerable to abuse and being mocked. Fortunately she did meet some compassionate people and a few kindred spirits along the way. Donna develops different personalities to cope with being different. I noticed that for some people posting a review here this means that her account testifies less to autism and more to multiple personality disorder. While reading this book, I did also think of multiple personality disorder but I did not see this as invalidating her account of autism. I felt that she was conveying how in her personal journey to cope with difference, she developed multiple personalities to protect herself and to be able to communicate with the world without making herself too vulnerable, and to try to pass as neurotypical.. Overall, I think this book is well-written and provides good insight in what it could be like to be autistic [copy of my amazon review] ...more

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Jul 25, 2011 Readyourselfhealthy rated it liked it

Shelves: autism, sensory-processing, understanding-autism

This book--along with Someone Somewhere--is difficult to get through. It chronicles the life of the author, starting with an abusive and horrible childhood that is at times, very difficult to get through. It is certainly not a typical account of autism, with the author being at least very high functioning. I was not sure at all reading the book if the author was autistic, but she definitely has her difficulties. What is insightful in the book is the explanation and description of sensory process ...more

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Jun 24, 2018 Susanna rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: asd, nonfiction, memoir

This book was terrific -- an immersion into a life that is hard to understand from the outside and maybe from the inside too. Highly recommend for people looking for more of a memoir/autobiography that does not have the research/interview basis of so many books about the autistic experience of women.

That said, so many of the reviews criticize her diagnosis, speculate about whether she has other conditions (in some cases, things that she was diagnosed with -- see her website), or want more "how t ...more

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Nov 25, 2018 Sarah Rigg rated it it was amazing

Shelves: the-disability-experience, 5-star-nonfiction

The autobiography of an autistic woman who grew up before we really knew very much about autism. Today, highly-involved parents pester doctors for answers, create support groups and lobby congress. When Donna was 3 or 4 years old, she got smacked in the face every time she did something stereotypically autistic. It is utterly amazing what this woman went through and how she helped "save" herself by trying to understand who she was and why she seemed so different from most other people. As far as ...more

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Dec 29, 2019 Emily Park rated it really liked it

This book is heavy and not easy to read. I found it incredibly interesting because I have worked with students who have autism, and this book was like a window into their world. If you are not looking to learn about autism, then this book is isn't for you. Like another reviewer said, this probably shouldn't be your first book to read about autism either. But if you have familiarity with the topic and/or have people in your life with autism, this book is so eye-opening. I highly recommend it. ...more

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Feb 25, 2019 Violet rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction

On page 101 - "What better figt than to give someone their self?" This book is a wonderful gift to us; Donna gives us herself in a transparent and vulnerable way. I spent part of my time reading this wandering in the woods, trying to capture a sense of being nowhere. ...more

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Jan 01, 2013 Kathleen rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction

read in March 1994 because I'm interested in autism
didn't feel that I learned anything - the author just sounded like a "troubled teenager" and I know not all troubled teens are autistic ...more

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Sep 25, 2018 Maryann rated it really liked it

Autobiography of a woman with autism
Interesting
Gave it to Meg to read

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Apr 22, 2019 Magz Killgore rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Provided fantastic insight into what the world can be like for people with autism. A real learning experience for me.

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May 20, 2019 Kombatkat rated it it was amazing

The kind of book that can help neurotypicals understand their autistic friends better — and themselves too.

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Dec 05, 2017 Lynda Stevens added it

I would say I got a lot more than just an autobiography about a a learning disability. physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually....there is nothing that this writer's affliction does not touch.

There are the food allergies. So in large measure this seems to be a physical issue.

She cannot make sense of things. Hence the need for remedial teaching.

And an emotional illness, meaning that true meaningful intimacy of any kind feels like death to her. Interestingly, being physically mentally and I would say I got a lot more than just an autobiography about a a learning disability. physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually....there is nothing that this writer's affliction does not touch.

There are the food allergies. So in large measure this seems to be a physical issue.

She cannot make sense of things. Hence the need for remedial teaching.

And an emotional illness, meaning that true meaningful intimacy of any kind feels like death to her. Interestingly, being physically mentally and emotionally abused is something she can tolerate. At least until she begins her painful self education towards a less dysfunctional way of coming to grips with life as a young adult.

She uses a cluster of false selves that she.calls.'characters' to keep the big bad world at bay, away from the deep vulnerability of her feeling self. And this is precisely what I mean in that I got more than I bargained for. As with Tommy in hoary rock operas of old, there is only one thing you can do after emerging from the state of being deaf blind and dumb, and that is to get to be a guru - at least in some of her later books. Personally I have sometimes.found that too much of a preoccupation with personas as opposed to pure essences on high can create a desire for post-modernist uncertainties.

Donna Williams insists she was not mentally ill, yet so much of what she describes here sounds almost identical to the biographies of certain of the troubled individuals described by RD Laing in The Divided Self. And just with the characters he describes, Williams recounts her growing recognition that living through a false self system is not ultimately a feasible project. She does not go delusional as Laing's patients did but she certainly reaches a very critical state of mind.

She did come from a dysfunctional and abusive background, so it could be she was more affected by this than she claims (she states that the indifference actually helped her survive, here more demanding and cloying mother would have been more like the kiss of death to her.

It may also just be more likely that many of Laing's patients may have had problems more to do with neurology than neurosis or anything else these conditions have been christened: Donna Williams does go on to to say she meets many more individuals with autism who also have coped using similar strategies to hers.

Other factors Williams describes, such as being so vulnerable to.abuse, may certainly ring true to what can happen where cognitive empathy may be impaired (it's a cruel world and a cruel species we can be) and her love of fragments and trinkets and the neat freak may also ring many other bells for some.

Other than that as an autobiography, this is genius in the coming-of-age genre. Harrowing though this first book is, Donna William's life is also one of miraculous good luck and ultimate success as a public listed water, teacher and amateur performer, though as we now know, cut rather short. ...more

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Aug 09, 2018 Amy Turner rated it it was ok

different in many ways from Temple Grandin's autobiography, in which her mother helped her with the challenges of autism. Donna Williams' mother was abusive, and other family members blame the daughter's problems on her. I think many psychologists would say that a lot was going on in addition to (or maybe even instead of) autism. I skimmed much of this book because I got tired of all the dysfunctional relationships. But you have to admire the author for her academic and literary success in spite ...more

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About Donna Williams

Donna Williams

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Donna Williams is the author of Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic, in which she tells of her lifelong battle with autism -- a developmental disorder originating in infancy and characterized by self-absorption, repetitive and rigidly structured behavior, language dysfunction, and an inability to interact socially. Williams depicts in her book a world of disembodied colo Donna Williams is the author of Nobody Nowhere: The Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic, in which she tells of her lifelong battle with autism -- a developmental disorder originating in infancy and characterized by self-absorption, repetitive and rigidly structured behavior, language dysfunction, and an inability to interact socially. Williams depicts in her book a world of disembodied color, pattern, and sound. At times she would madly rub her eyes and withdraw into "bright spots of fluffy color," attempting to escape what she called the "intrusive gabble" of other people. Torn between a dread of physical contact and a desire for emotional connection, Williams would often beat herself then assume a fetal position. "Hurting herself," as New York Times Book Review contributor Daniel Goleman relates, "or doing shocking things ... were ways to reassure herself that she did indeed exist."

Goleman explains that books such as Williams's provide a valuable insight into an unfamiliar world, "revealing to outsiders that what may seem bizarre and unpredictable follows its own internal logic, however strange." Writing for the Los Angeles Times Book Review, Chris Goodrich found that Williams "proves herself to be rigorously analytical and remarkably free of self-pity, despite a life fraught with fear, pain, and misunderstanding." Nobody Nowhere was written by Williams in her efforts to better understand her world. Only upon the advice of two therapists familiar with autism did Williams decide to publish her writings. Goleman noted that the work provides "a fascinating testimony to an intelligence undimmed by mental turmoil," while Goodrich proclaimed that "Nobody Nowhere is as brave a book as you'll ever read."

Williams told CA: "Autism is not a 'mental disorder' anymore than it is a communication, social, perceptual, or neurological disorder. It is a pervasive development disorder (PDD) affecting many areas of development. It is not a mental illness, nor is it synonymous with mental retardation."

Source: Contemporary Authors Online, Gale, 2003.
Source Database: Contemporary Authors
PEN (Permanent Entry Number): 0000115308
...more