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Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change
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Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

4.01  ·  Rating details ·  11,914 ratings  ·  463 reviews
This text is suitable for the reader for whom being in love means being in pain. Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behaviour which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.
Paperback, 336 pages
Published January 1990 by Pocket Books (first published 1985)
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Average rating 4.01  · 
Rating details
 ·  11,914 ratings  ·  463 reviews

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Dec 26, 2014 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: others
I think this book is a necessary to be read by all women not because we are in same situation with women mentioned in this book, but because the nature of all women is to be kind and pleasing others. Then we can understand how much kindness is logical in relationships. For me my mom is the God of kindness but even in our relationship I always ask her to be kind to herself first then others and I think this is the best and healthier way to connect others by a woman.
Dec 04, 2008 rated it liked it
Recommends it for: Women
Recommended to Anastacia by: N/A
Yes, Women Who Love Too Much is the quintessential self-help book. It fits every stereotype given to this genre. That being written, I read this at a time when I needed the help and to understand relationships. It was after a particularly devastating relationship and I was in a dark place. I don't remember if anything impacted me when I read the book, but years later I find myself flashing back to it from time to time, remembering something small from the book and being able to make some sense ...more
Aug 09, 2012 rated it it was amazing
changed my life.....again. My sister gave this to me, the first time i read it, I got mad. the second time I read it, I cried. the 3rd time I read it, I left my husband......but be warned, unless God changes you inside, if we don't learn from our past, we WILL repest bad relationships...that's why i am single.
Jun 18, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Honestly, this book allowed me to realize what I personally was(is) doing wrong in relationships. This book states how our childhood can affect our future relationships with partners and friends, stories from women with different traumas they've experienced in their life, the problems they encountered with their destructive partners, and the reasons why they are attracted to them.

I've dog-eared so many pages that I thought had very good key points to keep in mind.

I recommend this to all types
Donna Ledesma
May 09, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
I have to be honest that in the span of 12 days of reading this book I have noticed a shift in my attitude -- I became irritable, more critical, maybe intolerant. That's definitely unpleasant, because the book reminded me so much of my sad adolescence.

My story is nowhere near as catastrophic as the incredible, inspirational stories shared in the book; but I'm from a broken family and my childhood/adolescence basically consisted of numerous memories of my parents quarreling and fighting. Reading
Agnes Van westerloo
I hated the book, threw it in a corner, picked it up again and weeped until the end....
Jan 28, 2013 added it
This book changed my life. I've never believed in self-help books, but this book is just unbelievable! It makes you feel as if someone just entered your mind, read every word and then put it down in a way that almost makes you shiver.

It's so perceptive, it's almost uncanny. If you are or ever have been in a relationship that's meant more pain than love, more tears than joy and more giving than what you're getting in return, this book is for you. It's the biggest wake up call you'll ever get. I
Christine Roach
Jan 26, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Very insightful book. I appreciated the ideas that you cannot change your partner, you only can change yourself. When you focus on all of your partner's "flaws" and think that if they change you will be happy, you are using that as an excuse not to address your own problems. Also that being "selfless" can be a form of manipulation. There is definitely truth in that if we focus on ourselves and strive to be better and give less focus on our partner's issues by trying to control or change them, ...more
Sep 10, 2012 rated it really liked it
I am not a fan of self-help books generally speaking, so when a friend who'd been in a situation similar to mine suggested I read this book, I blew it off for almost a year. I was pretty sure I'd be too busy rolling my eyes at it to actually absorb anything written on the page. As it turns out, this book spurred me to take a long look at myself and the choices I'd made- both healthy and un- and to ask myself a lot of questions I hadn't thought to ask myself in a very long time, if ever.
Jul 22, 2013 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
If you've ever described yourself or someone you know as a "serial monogamist" or have noticed that most your partners fit into a pattern of “difficult men”, read this book. I had heard about relationship addiction in passing but never took it seriously before reading Robin Norwood's book. It is a serious condition that can have as much potential to negatively affect a person's life as any controlled substance. I appreciated Norwood's analysis of attitudes about love and man-woman relationships ...more
Rebecca Nolan
Feb 19, 2009 rated it really liked it
I picked this up on the way out of my sons' head start during a separation with my husband. I didn't think I would get very far into it but thought I should try considering my situation. The first 60+ pages flew by and I had learned an incredible amount. Sometimes God sends us little signs, like the lonely old book sitting on the table next to the door!
Passenger B.
I would agree with those who stated they found the book to be repetitive.
A sad fact because in my mind the subject at hand is even more current nowadays than it was some 30 years ago when the book was first published.
My thought is that perhaps repetitiveness was precisely the point in order to help the reader re-wire their brain structures and form other thoughts and habits about themselves and relationships in general? I could be wrong of course.
As virtually the same story was re-told or
May 13, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Susie by: Susan Smith
Wow, this book basically sums up the story of my life and relationships! I had always wondered where I kept going wrong, as to care is to do the right things, right? Well, yes, it is good to care, it is good to love, but how do you know that you are caring in the right way, loving in the right way? Do any of us even know what love is?

This book teaches that love shouldn't be about suffering, no matter what overly-popular television programmes and movies would like to tell us, but should be about
Kayleen Baguley
Apr 04, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This book was definitely an answer to my prayers. I now understand myself so much better and I am so grateful for the inspiration and recommendation of my friend to read this book. I think that every woman should read this book, because even if she doesn't personally suffer from the "disease" of "Loving Too Much", I guarantee that she has a best friend, sister, mother, cousin, or another female in her life that does. I would guess that at least 75% of the female population has this "disease" in ...more
Feb 19, 2013 rated it it was amazing
For many years this book was suggested to me, until I finally read it, ... again and again.
It holds the key to a completely new self, to a better, a satisfactory and healthy life.
Wheras the main content of the book simpy is be more selfish, make yourself happy, and every one else will be;
it shows relationship structures and the origin of certain behaviours.
You deserve to be loved for who you are, and not for your sacrifices. For some it takes a book (this book) to understand this.
Bebe Booth
Feb 26, 2013 rated it it was amazing
If you are prone to give your all in relationships only to be left high and dry when it's all said and done this is an insightful book.
If you are eager to give your love this is for you to men that use it and abuse it, read this.
If you for any reason are not sure if you should read this boon then READ it. Obviously if you weren't interested in some aspect you wouldn't be researching it. You wouldn't even notice it if you aren't interested.
Brenna Gorbatov
Dec 01, 2009 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an amazing book that helped me get through a huge break up, and to look at how I had dealt with intimate relationships over the years. I also got the opportunity to dig into the deep emotional avenues of my soul, and look at my father issues face to face. I highly recommend it to any woman who has noticed unhealthy relationship patterns in their life. This books helps you to see "why," rather than blame yourself.
Jan 21, 2012 rated it it was amazing
This book was required reading for my SisterCare group. Reading this book probably saved my life. It forced me to examine myself and change some of my weak ways. I am not the same woman I once was thanks to this book.
Feb 18, 2013 rated it did not like it
I found the first chapter really interesting, but the rest was a series of incredibly repetitive case studies that were incredibly dull. I got the point from the first chapter and there didn't seem to be much reason to keep reading it after that.
Sep 02, 2008 rated it it was ok
Recommended to April by: Kate
I am all for learning about yourself, even reading one of Oprah's self help books once in a while but this was awful. If you are going to read a book about codependency or women who need to respect themselves more, I would not suggest this one.
Jul 24, 2011 rated it liked it
Plenty of good advice for those seeking it.
Roxana Dreptu
Dec 26, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A reasonably good book to read when you are well and ready to understand where some of your past and present actions and thoughts come from. That being said, I couldn't agree with some of the proposed "solutions" - such as delegating to an ethereal being all that is not yours to control - and co-dependency and severe childhood trauma are surely not the only ways in which you can end up with low self-esteem and/or a permanent desire to save or control others.
Dec 25, 2019 rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
Well, I must confess I quite like psychology stuff. We all think we are so special and nobody has our problems because we don‘t talk to anyone about our real thoughts and anxieties and we don‘t read anything about it. And then comes psychology and BOOM tells you that you are just one of these patterns. It‘s like in software design, there are lots of good patterns you can apply to solve your software design problems, in the same way we people have our patterns, just that it‘s not the factory or ...more
Aug 04, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This book changed my life! I am not a huge fan of the self help genre, so I was very reluctant to pick this one up. Once I did, I couldn't put it down. This book is especially helpful for people who grew up in dysfunctional homes where substance abuse was an issue. It will stay with me for the rest of my days as a reminder that being happy and healthy starts with me.
Feb 10, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Such great advice for women who love the wrong men. Find the cure for your misguided love.

"If you constantly find yourself loving men you want to change, Women Who Love Too Much is for you." -- Houston Chronicle

May 18, 2010 rated it it was amazing
This book is really an incredible resource for women who find themselves in a pattern of unhealthy relationships. She discusses the signs, the thought patterns, gives relevant examples, and explores ways to change. Highly recommend!
Even if you do not fall in this category you will benefit a lot
I'm glad I read it :-) and I think it is a must read for all women
Anna Mezhova
May 18, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Explores and explains the connection of destructive patterns in your current relationships with the emotional climate in your family when you were a child. If you can in any way relate to the title, it's a must read for you. Even if you can't, it's still a fascinating read if you're interested in psychology and psychotherapy.
Feb 09, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: anyone who need a little push to become assertive
Recommended to Frenchie by: A friend
I was lent the book and it stayed on my bookshelf for months, unread. I had read many books on self development, so, this one did not really attract me because of the title. I did not identify myself as a ''woman who loved too much'' . But when I started to read it, I really got into it. I would say that the beginning (the setting of the book) is a bit slow, and the stories are quite cliche (but then again, they would be because they are every day life stories by real individuals) but once you ...more
Apr 04, 2019 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: psych
I was a bit wary of the title, but I'm very glad I didn't let it put me off. Really interesting exploration of patterns of relating and the interplay between different behaviours across addictions. You hear a lot about sex addiction, but not so much about relationship addiction. This was a real eye opener for me.
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“Praising and encouraging are very close to pushing, and when you do that you are trying again to take control of his life. Think about why you are lauding something he’s done. Is it to help raise his self-esteem? That’s manipulation. Is it so he will continue whatever behavior you’re praising? That’s manipulation. Is it so that he’ll know how proud you are of him? That can be a burden for him to carry. Let him develop his own pride from his own accomplishments.” 12 likes
“It requires a hard look at what is, rather than what you hope will be. As you let go of managing and controlling, you must also let go of the idea that “when he changes I’ll be happy.” He may never change. You must stop trying to make him. And you must learn to be happy anyway.” 9 likes
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