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Stuck On You and Other Prime Cuts

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4.20  ·  Rating details ·  144 ratings  ·  52 reviews
A word of caution, gentle reader...

... These tales will take you places you’ve never been before and may never dare revisit. They’ll whisper truths so twisted you can only face them in the darkest hours of the night. They’ll unlock desires so decadent you’ll never wash their taint from your flesh. Think Jack Ketchum meets Poppy Z. Brite.

“The kind of magic we’re looking
...more
Kindle Edition, 274 pages
Published September 30th 2014 by Crystal Lake Publishing (first published March 25th 2014)
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4.20  · 
Rating details
 ·  144 ratings  ·  52 reviews


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.Karéz.

4 That's what you get for not keeping your *#%k in your pants!!! Stars

This read was deeply disturbing-->
description



it's about a guy named Ricardo. who happens to go to Mexico because his girlfriend asked him to pick up some trinketry items for her business!
Now on the way back. Ricardo notices a "Hot Stuff" chick named Consuela
(view spoiler)
who was standing by his car. she was contraband some illegal stuff and needed someone to drop her off. in return for the "fr
...more
Stuart Keane
Apr 14, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: must-read-horror
I made the decision to read this during a lunch break. That's right, I read this whilst eating a donut and some scampi fries, despite the warning of the reviews and the book itself. I have a strong stomach so even though I didn't chuck my guts up, I read the book in one sitting. I'm proud I didn't puke though, the story is anything but savoury.

However, I wasn't disappointed. And I wasn't put off.

First of, the book is a novella/novelette. Simple story, beginning, middle and end. Not to ruin the p
...more
JaHy☝Hold the Fairy Dust
3.5 "THAT'S NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN" STARS

This book is definitely different and not for the squeamish. Shat, I'm not squeamish and yet one scene fucked up my stomach.



Stuck On You is about a shitty boyfriend named Ricardo. Said douchenugget can't seem to keep his prick to himself, which we all know can only lead to trouble. Ricardo agrees to travel to Mexico so he can pick up some trinkets for his girlfriends business. On the way back from his shopping excursion he meets a nice piece of butt <
...more
Beth
Aug 03, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Wow erm what the hell do I say here?

I thought nothing would turn my stomach and I've read some crazy stuff in the past but this...what the hell was this lol

I'm giving it for stars for the story, the way it was written and the authors completely screwed up imagination. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I didn't like it I'm saying I have no clue what so ever what I think other than sick. Do not read this if you have a weak stomach (or had pork in the last oh I dunno 6 months).

now excuse me I need
...more
Bob Milne
Mar 17, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Justice may be blind, but she's also cruel - and, in so far as Stuck On You is concerned, she has a razor sharp sense of irony.

All Ricardo had to do was drive across the border into Mexico, pick up some cheap little artesanias for his wife, and bring them back home for her hobby business. The side-trip to the cheap strip club might have been excusable, but agreeing to help Consuela smuggle her belly full of contraband back across the border certainly was not . . . and following her into forest f
...more
Celeste
The blurb was a warning....
The review's were a warning...

Yet I still read this book.

OMG photo shocked_thumb.jpg

My review is going to be a warning...

Do you like; sick, disturbing, violated genitalia, gory erotica necrophilia than this book is for you. I almost puked during one chapter in this book and saying the word puked brings back disturbing memories of that chapter.

Jasper Bark you have a disturbing-dark-sense of humor! I don't know what you had on your publisher but it must have been something good.

I am doing a rea
...more
Angel Gelique
Wow, what a story! It was a bit confusing at first and I really had no clue what was going on. However, it's just the author's way of getting us to experience how the main character, Ricardo, is feeling. He wakes up in great pain, badly injured and slowly begins to remember what happened to him.

Readers quickly learn that Ricardo is a cheating scumbag and his latest extramarital affair is not going as planned. And this time, he's pretty sure his wife, Ellen, will find out. What could he possible
...more
Andrew Lennon
Mar 13, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was disgusting! I made the mistake of reading it before bed and now I will see that stuff in my dreams!
Really enjoyed this. I liked the writing style. I liked the quick chapters it felt like I flew through the book.
It's a quick read, only took an hour. Well worth checking out!

All reviews can be found at http://lennonslair.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1
Kat Desi
Mar 13, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: horror
This is one of the most depraved stories I have ever read and I loved it. I will definitely read more from this author!
Kit Power
Sep 30, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Let’s get this out of the way upfront: Yes, these are dark tales. In them, gruesome and grotesque things frequently happen to people. Some will make you question the limits of human endurance. Some will make you question what you had for lunch, or kill your appetite stone dead. My experience of extreme horror writing is fairly limited, but if there’s stuff that’s hugely more extreme than these tales, I’m certainly not in any hurry to read them.

However, there’s something which for me is far, far
...more
DoodlePanda
Sep 15, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Lovers of horror and gore!
It has taken me some time to write this review. Firstly I had to recover from the shock. Then I had to try to figure out what to rate it.

This is a horrible book. But the blurb warned me of this before I started it. I guess I just though it was exaggerating. But it most certainly was not. It truly is really sick and twisted.



Now, the thing is I've read a lot of horror books. And rarely do I actually find them that horrifying. Until now. This book actually had me cringing several times, and I don't
...more
Duncan Ralston
Mar 08, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a review of STUCK ON YOU and OTHER PRIME CUTS. A virtually perfect collection of short stories. Many of these reminded me of the best of Harlan Ellison, widely considered one of the greatest writers of short stories. It contains my first foray into the "weird West" subgenre, a bizarre premise written with such straight-faced conviction it's impossible not to be pulled along by the sheer force of Bark's will. Highly recommended.
Lynn
Mar 13, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book came with a warning not to buy if you couldn't deal with the horror contained in this novella. Being only 42 pages, I decided to give it a read. Really, how much horror could 42 pages contain? Well...It started on the first page and ran non-stop through to the end. Yes the main character is a douche but does he really deserve what happens? Or is he just getting his comeuppance? There are sexual situations but nothing I wasn't able to deal with. If it had been a longer book though I wou ...more
Luke Walker
Feb 13, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
HAHAHAHAHAHA. That was my reaction to the title story which probably says something about me. Or the author. Or both of us. Anyway, nasty fun all round.
Justin
Oct 18, 2016 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: free-to-review
Brutal.

Also, the audible version is well narrated.
Joan
Mar 31, 2014 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Do not read this during or just after eating.
It's a twisted survival tale with a rather nasty ending.
'Secrets have a way of eating you up inside.'
Stewart Horn
I read this on an aeroplane journey and occasionally had to stop and turn to my partner and say, “You’ll never guess what’s happening now,” before describing in lurid detail some abomination I’d just read.
Within two paragraphs Jasper Bark establishes that this book is not going to be nice. The situation our obnoxious protagonist finds himself in is hideous, painful and life-threatening. It’s full on Grand Guignol from page one. If I told you that it gets steadily worse you might wonder how, but
...more
Cathy
Oct 11, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Be warned, don't read this while eating. I have a pretty strong stomach and still felt those gagging reflexes kicking in whilst reading the first story, Stuck on You.

This was a fantastic collection of Jasper Bark's works. Well written and all amazingly original stories. I would be hard pressed to pick a favourite, as they were all contenders in their own right; each being so different to the next. However, The Castigation Crunch sticks out in my mind as being so unlike anything I have ever read
...more
The Grim Reader
Mar 18, 2015 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Stick with it

I got this on recommendation from someone, and it turned out to be a great read. Funny, Splatterpunk goodness. I will be checking out more from Jasper Bark for sure. Recommended to horror fans, particularly those who like body horror.
Shadow Girl
Apr 10, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: amazon-imports
RTC
Rob Moran
Mar 29, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Unadulterated filth and carnography...in other words, 'A bloody good read1!'
Lisa Jenkins
Mar 31, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The first noticeable thing about any book is the title and Jasper Barks novella Stuck On You has that universal appeal of being short and simple. It could mean anything…that is until you start reading the first page and realise that the title is literally the storyline.

There is no build-up to the action; no long-winded attempt to seduce the reader with little morsels of information. We are, instead, thrust (thrust, hehe) straight into the dilemma faced by the protagonist, Ricardo. In the opening
...more
Cory Cline
Dec 23, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This well-written short story collection of the works of Jasper Bark is solid in all manner. With a refreshing and unique voice, Jasper will chum the waters of your imagination with this impressive gathering of horrors and shocks that will leave you questioning your morals as much as his characters may inwardly question their reality.

Taking The Piss is brilliantly brutal, leaving the reader feeling like the need for a nice hot shower afterward. Nicely executed revenge tale that brings with it a
...more
Kevin Lintner
Jul 08, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Angela Crawford
Warning! Do not buy this book, gentle reader.

No really, we mean it. Move along, click away from this page and go look at some Dino porn instead. We’re not kidding. The only reason we published it is because award winning author Jasper Bark has got some serious dirt on us. Honestly, there’s no other reason to put out something this depraved.

This is the sickest, filthiest and most horny novella you’re likely to read this year. It will turn you on even as it turns your stomach. Think you’ve seen ev
...more
Tanasia Thomas
Jun 09, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I think this books is described as an erotic horror with dark humor. I was hooked from the very beginning wanting to know what the burning pain inside of Ricardo's crotch was. Then, when I learned that he was hit by lightening and now has his member stuck inside the body of a female corpse, the story just became even more interesting. I wanted to know what happened and, I loved the way the author took us back to when he and the female he's stuck against met, what brought them to this place in th ...more
Bruce Blanchard
Oct 11, 2014 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Jasper Bark is a voice you will never forget, though some might wish to because of the short stories in this collection. They cover sex, magic, other dimensions, Hell, and the Old West. His stories take you places and hold plots I have never run across in my wildest imagination. The warning needs to be said they are never meant for the faint-hearted or easily offended, 'cause they will just that. Challenge yourself on your own strength as a reader. I have this as an ebook - it's available that w ...more
Darren Dilnott
Mar 10, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Jasper Bark dishes out an unhealthy selection of some of the most horrific and original stories i have ever had the pleasure to consume. No two stories are similar, and are so brilliantly written, that you have to wonder what corruption exists in his crazed mind.
Tamara
Dec 23, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Bark has put together one of the best story collections I've ever read. These tales are well-written and contain all the blood and guts a horror fan could want. 5 stars for Jasper Bark ... master of horror.
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Horror Aficionados : Stuck On You and Other Prime Cuts by Jasper Bark 1 12 Oct 05, 2014 12:47AM  

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60 followers
Jasper Bark finds writing author biographies and talking about himself in the third person faintly embarrassing. Telling you that he’s an award winning author of four cult novels including the highly acclaimed ‘Way of the Barefoot Zombie’, just sounds like boasting. Then he has to mention that he’s written 12 children’s books and hundreds of comics and graphic novels and he wants to just curl up. ...more
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