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101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged

3.98  ·  Rating details ·  682 ratings  ·  54 reviews
The Perfect Remedy for Cold Feet!

More than half of all couples who become engaged this year will never make it to the altar. Why? Leading experts believe it's because couples fail to really get to know their potential mate before getting engaged. Relationship expert and noted couples counselor Norm Wright steers potential brides and grooms through a series of soul-searchin
Paperback, 144 pages
Published June 1st 2004 by Harvest House Publishers
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Average rating 3.98  · 
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 ·  682 ratings  ·  54 reviews

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Nicole G.
Aug 02, 2015 rated it liked it
I am nowhere near engaged at this point in my life. I'm not even dating anyone! However, I was curious to see what sort of questions were included in this book. And there are some good ones, very thought-provoking - some of which, I'm embarrassed to say, I never thought to ask in my previous relationships.

The book is written from a Christian point of view, so bear in mind that there will be some religious questions. However, not as many as I thought.
Jun 18, 2013 rated it it was amazing
This book is fantastic.
When my husband was courting me (yes I use the word court, because marriage was our goal from the day we met each other and we weren't able to date in the 'normal' sense) we went over this book of 101 questions to ask each other. Covering topics like

- How we were raised, our family dynamics, our expectations of family and marriage
- Former dating/marital/sexual relationships if there were any
- Our view of the church, Jesus, denomination, doctrine, other religions etc
- Expec
Eliza Huffman
Apr 09, 2020 rated it really liked it
Do not be scared away by the seemingly daunting title of this book. This book is helpful to go through with the person you're dating, even if engagement/marriage is a far thought. If marriage is a thought at all, which I believe it should be if you're pursuing someone in dating, I would encourage you to go through this book. Wright poses questions ranging from basic to those one wouldn't think to ask. I found this book very helpful and would recommend!
Dana Nield
Feb 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a fantastic book for dating couples to get to know each other better if they are starting to talk about engagement! The introduction is titled "Warning---Never Marry (or Get Engaged to) a Stranger" and invites readers to take a serious look at the relationship and make a concentrated effort to get to know the other person. Each question can range from a ten minute conversation to forty-five minutes or an hour, which is so wonderful. They open up so many conversations.

The book is present
Ryan Dsouza
Jan 09, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
It's always amazing to be prepared before ha d for any life events. The concept of this book is to explore the vulnerabilities within oneself and talk about it to the other person in a very honest way. The outcome of the book ensures that each is well informed about the insecurities of the other and thus sets the relationship for better quality of expectations
Travis Herring
Sep 28, 2020 rated it it was ok
Most of the questions in here seem to be for two people who have just met, not just about to get engaged. You must wade through inane and frustrating questions to get to the few that prompt any sort of engaging discussion. If two people can get through the questions in this book, then they should get engaged because they can get through anything.
Athena Deck
Dec 01, 2012 rated it did not like it
This book has a good number of great questions, but the set up for the book in the intro makes it sound like: You need an excuse to break up, let us help you find one. Anyone who struggles with being self-aware the least bit or putting their thoughts into words is going to get dumped by someone reading this book every time.
The ideas behind the questions are great, but I prefer something with more coaching and also one that stresses the importance of thinking about YOUR answers to the questions.
Genevieve West
Aug 20, 2013 rated it it was amazing
These are great conversation starters, whether you've just met, are headed to the alter, cohabit, or are in a long-distance relationship. If you don't hate each other by the end of this book, I'd say go get yourselves some pre-engagement counseling, pop the question, and get yourselves hitched!

My husband and I learned more about each other during this book than in the three years of dating prior. We discovered that we did not agree 100%, but that we valued clarity over agreement and were able to
Sophie Colon
Oct 25, 2018 rated it really liked it
I enjoyed this book and went thru the questions with a friend that was very interested in me. It helps to bring out dialogue that is important yet awkward in some instances to ask. I’ve purchased it since then for several people. A must read especially if your trying to figure out deal breakers versus deal makers. Also helps to see the “red flags” up front. Definitely separates the men from the boys - a time (and life) saver!
Feb 23, 2011 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: any Christian dating couple
Recommended to Zuzana by: Heather
A very good list of conversation starters for dating couples. For eHarmony people a number of these will have been covered before you even meet the person (and that's a good thing), but it's always good to think about important issues up front.
Allison Anderson Armstrong
Jan 03, 2017 rated it really liked it
Shelves: books-i-started
Didn't entirely get through all the questions in this, but we did what we could before the big day...maybe I'll keep going with it, but I just want it off my currently reading list, lol! I'd definitely recommend this book with all its questions to anyone engaged. Brings up good stuff.
Mobley-Carter Victoria
Nov 23, 2018 rated it it was amazing
When I began reading this it was as if my eyes were glued to the pages. The content is vitally important to one's future. Discussing these questions with someone who wants to marry another deepens the connection, conveying a realistic perspective of areas within a relationship that need improvement, areas that need prayer, and areas of strength. Topics of discussion mentioned in this book include: relationship fears, relationship ideals, perspectives on pornography in a marriage, how each person ...more
Jul 21, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: religious
My wife and I went through this book before getting married. I'm glad we did this book. It asks questions that I would never think of asking. It also helped us sit down and think about how as husband and wife we would tackle certain issues and situations and understand each other's backgrounds better. We took one of those compatibility tests in pre-marital counseling and nailed it!!! Just an FYI - I added one more question to the book. After answering the book's last question I asked my wife to ...more
Grace Masters
Jun 05, 2017 rated it it was ok
I'm on the fence with this book. It seems to have more of a warning, negative undertone. However, I think a lot of the questions are great in delving deeper not only into the relationship, but ones self. Some questions had me questioning how I truly felt and what I thought about these topics. I do plan on using this with my S.O. as a way to dig a little deeper as the Disney song goes. But being I know this isn't his type of style book, I will just be sticking to the questions.
Aug 25, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was such a helpful guide to foster difficult and deep questions that are important for considering prior to engagement. It took my boyfriend and I about 8 months to go through the whole book, and it brought up endless, helpful discussions that brought about more clarity in our relationship.

I highly recommend every dating couple go through this book. Both the questions and the comments below the questions are valuable!
Sep 29, 2020 rated it it was ok
It was okay. I love the idea, and these are definitely things every couple should talk about before getting engaged, but a lot of the questions were repetitious (as if the author really wanted to hit that 101 mark) and quite a number of them felt like first- or second-date questions, like things you would way already know by the time you're taking about getting married. It was an interesting experience to do, at any rate.
Would recommend to anyone for good questions you might not have thought to ask a significant other. Great for generating important, interesting discussion. My dad, who has been married 29 years, was so impressed with some of the questions, he bought the book for himself to read through with my mom and ask/answer questions that are still relevant to them.
Jul 01, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great guidance questions for anyone. A lot of the questions may seem minor depending upon your dating and courtship experiences, but great conversation starters and easy way to get to know your perspective mate.
Olivia Scott
Oct 16, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Powerful. Recommend for all daters and people who are engaged to read.
Lesley Lee
Apr 04, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Super helpful book to think clearly about the important issues in a relationship, cutting through any fog of emotion that otherwise clouds our judgment. Highly recommend.
Jul 03, 2020 rated it it was amazing
This is definitely a book I will use the next time I am in a relationship.
Mar 09, 2017 rated it liked it
Hastiness, especially regarding love, is rarely wise. And this book helps you to slow down. Lots of good questions - most will help you to grow deeper in connection with one another. Others will reveal a hidden, unknown aspect of the other. Guaranteed to help communication and reflection. Recommended.
Mar 11, 2017 rated it it was ok
This book is super Jesusy weezusy and many questions are redundant
Brooks Lemmon
Apr 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Using a question book to aid you in the dating process might seem like a cop out for creating your conversations, but it is actually so so helpful.

If you're dating someone and you have any thought of marriage on the horizon no matter how far off I recommend this book to you. H. Norman Wright lays out 101 question ranging various topics that open the door for such great conversation. Some questions can be answered in 5 minutes and some will take an hour. You will learn about the one you are datin
Jonathan Halbur
Oct 05, 2016 rated it it was amazing
Loved the discussion this book brought my girlfriend and I confirmed we were headed the right direction!
Dec 12, 2018 rated it liked it
Shelves: relationships
2.5 ⭐️ may be worth going through but not a life changing book
Jul 19, 2012 rated it it was amazing
My wife and I read through this book as part of our pre-engagement counseling. This has to be one of the most challenging books to go through with a potential spouse because it really requires participation on both people to make this a beneficial process. The book is set up with a question (or group of questions) at the top fo the page with much blank space. At the bottom of the page is a summary to read after you have both discussed the question.

She and I wrote our answers to our questions on
Eric Mikols
Oct 20, 2011 rated it really liked it
This is highly recommended, for those dating, engaged, or married. There's a lot of fun questions, a lot of serious questions, and plenty of "I never thought about that one!" Every page is a new questions (though some repeat themselves, and allow you and your partner to discuss the answers together. There's bits of advice at the bottom with suggestions and convictions. A lot of the discussion that comes from this book might not come from other places and being able to have them brought up to you ...more
This book is popular in Christian circles but it isn't just for Christians and it is not just for those dating someone. After my last relationship I realized I didn't know myself well enough to commit to someone. I went through this book on my own to understand what I can give and need in a relationship.

I know before I get married this book will be essential when dating. I am thankful I can go through it before being committed to someone so that my answers aren't tainted in anyway.

I highly rec
Emilee (emileereadsbooks)
Apr 11, 2016 rated it really liked it
I really like this book and my boyfriend and I found it beneficial to go through it as it led to good conversation. I suggest answering the questions by writing your response down separately and then coming together to discuss your answers. Some questions are repetitive, but they are spaced out so I think they are made to make you revisit some conversation points after you have asked other questions. I would suggest just using these questions as a jumping off point, not just sticking straight to ...more
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H. Norman Wright is a well-respected Christian counselor who has helped thousands of people improve their relationships and deal with grief, tragedy, and other concerns. He helps couples bring vibrancy to their relationships through counseling, seminars, and more than 90 books, including Before You Say “I Do” and After You Say “I Do.” Norm also reveals insights for spiritual growth, great relation ...more

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