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The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

(5 Love Languages)

4.25  ·  Rating details ·  298,056 ratings  ·  12,146 reviews

Simple ideas, lasting love

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life?

In the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide.

Kindle Edition, 209 pages
Published December 11th 2014 by Northfield Publishing (first published January 1st 1990)
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Kelly Kellett This is an insightful book. Very helpful for understanding how love can be miscommunicated and how to fix it.
Nathan Speak them all? I don't see what's wrong with that. Changing things up and speaking a different love language than you're used to is what will keep yo…moreSpeak them all? I don't see what's wrong with that. Changing things up and speaking a different love language than you're used to is what will keep your love alive.

Also, you're not managing them. You're loving them. And you've got 5 languages/ways to show that.(less)

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Average rating 4.25  · 
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 ·  298,056 ratings  ·  12,146 reviews

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Oct 29, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: suckers
Shelves: psychology
this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending
I think the basis for this self-help book is good. I totally get the "love languages" thing. My husband's "love language" is Physical Affection and mine is Quality Time. I totally see that. But this is like a "Love Language For Dummies." It talks to you like you're an idiot who has never had basic human social interaction before. And there isn't really any advice, just this guy rambling on about how smart he is for figuring out that people need to be loved in different ways. Like, his advice for ...more
May 31, 2011 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was recommended to my friend by her pastor to read before she got married. My assumption was that it would be religious in tone and not very relevant to today's relationships.
I'm so glad I was wrong! This is one of those books I would suggest everyone read. It is such a simple explanation of what can so often go wrong in relationships. It's not about men vs. women, it's about the way people receive love.
The basis is there are 5 Love Languages (obviously). And if you speak a different
Jun 23, 2007 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: the relationaly obtuse.
This book is based on the premise that everyone has a "love language". Things others say or do that make one feel "loved",they are follows:

-words of affirmation.
-recieving gifts.
-acts of service.
-physical touch.
-quality time.

Personally I want you to tell me how great I am (words of affirmation) while walking in the house with a collection of poetry for me (receiving gifts), make a beeline for the trash that needs to be taken out (acts of service), then come back in and read quietly next to me (q
Feb 24, 2008 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
My mother in law gave me this book and I hesitated reading it because it sounds so cheesy (and just take a look at the cover--how dorky!) But I was stuck on vacation with nothing else to read so I reluctantly gave it a try. In a nutshell, this book has changed my life. Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, "yes! Thats exactly right!" If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe "changed my life" is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my marriage like nothing ...more
Aug 18, 2017 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This was recommended by a “friend” of my wife, which proves part of the old adage: “A friend of thy wife, is thine enemy”.

That’s from the Bible or the Decameron or Archie Comics.

I think.

I’ll do the whole would-it-kill-you-to-read-something-positive-with-me-for-a-change thing if I want something in return in order spend some time with my wife. Plus, bonus, the audio book was relatively short.

I’ve had to read a few scoops of self-help crap literature over the years, so I’m down with the lingo:
I won't go into the circumstances which lead to this bizarre buddy read that took place at Disneyland. Sometimes life can be stranger than fiction. I will say that this book has some reasonably helpful thoughts and ideas, but... it is way too simplified and way too heteronormative and way too traditional Christian-value based to speak to me in any meaningful way.

Every single example featured a husband/breadwinner and wife/homemaker (who sometimes worked outside the home) couple. In one example,
Mar 15, 2011 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Doing what your spouse asks of you makes them love you more. There. I just saved you $14.
Shannon (leaninglights)
4.5 stars

I absolutely recommend this book to EVERYONE. Whether you are married, dating, single, whatever. The ideas and concepts in this book will benefit any relationship. The idea of loving others the way they need to be loved might feel counterintuitive, but it something so essential to growing as a person and understanding what love really is.

I had always known about this book and the love languages, but this was the first time I actually read it. Of course, as with any self-help type of boo
Jun 09, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: relationships, 2018
A quick and valuable read to help you better understand how you and your partner best like to express and receive love. Great for helping you see what you truly value in a partner and what your partner truly values in you.
Aishu Rehman
Jul 16, 2018 rated it liked it
Chapman used many real-life examples from his own marriage, and of couples that he had counselled across the years, to illustrate the concepts in his book and how they can be applied to address different marriage/ relationship issues and circumstances. These are case studies help us to identify similarities and lessons for our own relationships.

In the book, he also offers 2 pages of additional ideas and suggestions for each of the 5 love languages, as well as separate love language profile surve
Marnie  (Enchanted Bibliophile)
2017 Reading Challenge
This year I'm doing a Reading Challenge; so I have 26 books with specific subjects that I need to read.
BOOK21: A book that will improve a specific area of your life

I think every married couple should read this at least once.
Do the quiz and know what Love Language your partner speaks.

For the advice given in this book I give Chapman a five star rating.
The writing on the other hand was not that good. He tends to "speak" down to the reader, making you think - I am not that stupid. Also he repeat
Oct 14, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I found this book useful without being preachy and guilt ridden. Gary Chapman is a marriage genius. I felt like I was in couple's therapy without paying hundreds an hour. He used Jesus as an example once, for anyone avoiding religious text.

As we all know marriage is hard and it is a daily choice to love but after the honeymoon bliss is over can we still have a happy marriage? Did the other person suddenly change or did we change without thinking about it?

There's so much static in our daily liv
Apr 21, 2013 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this book in 2 days; it is a quick read that incorporates stories to illustrate human nature when it comes to expressing love--especially in marriage. It is brilliant not for its originality of ideas but rather in its categorization and clarity of ideas. In the words of John Lennon, "All you need is love." Love is the most important thing, and yet, many people have a truly hard time feeling loved and successfully expressing love to those who matter most to them. Why is this? Dr. Chapman t ...more
Nov 29, 2007 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone in a relationship
My dad actually recommended this book to me and I finally decided to check it out from the library. Although I think my husband and I have a good relationship - it was amazing how much I learned from this book! And how I realized that by understand how we communicate differently - it could strengthen our relationship. I would recommend this book to just about anyone! A lot of it seems common sense but it's a good reminder and an eye-opener to read it.
Matthew Moes
The author says love is a choice. He says that the infatuation that people experience in the beginning of the relationship is not real love. It is something else. Real love takes work while the infatuation period is instinctual and effortless. But isn't it the stuff we dream of and wish would last forever? Can we really accept that we will only get that chance at the beginning of the relationship and that thereafter, in order to remain monogamous, we must accept that it is not for us to feel eve ...more
Joe Wisniewski
Jan 13, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Everyone has "the" relationship book. This book will NOT automatically solve all relationship problems. People have to want to work on things; have to want to communicate needs and expectations. Having said that, I have not seen a better way to tie in to your significant other's point of view, then trying to understand how THEY need to have love expressed. But even more importantly, maybe, is looking at ourselves and seeing how we automatically expect others to "get" love the way that we need to ...more
Apr 10, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: help-me
This book looks cheesy as fuck from the outside, but it's full of practical, down-to-earth wisdom. If you are married (or thinking about getting married), divorced (or thinking about getting divorced), read this book.
Feb 18, 2009 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I was tempted to not give this book a high rating because I do not like self-help books and especially marriage advice type things. So many people recommended this book to me that I wanted to read it just so I could have an opinion on it and I have to say that I think it is pretty useful. It is definitely cheesy and certainly oversimplified, but the author is on to something. I have been trying this out not just on my marriage, but also with my children and other relationships and it's just nice ...more
May 13, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: life-changing
I loved this book! Before reading I had considered the premise to be very basic, common-sense knowledge and didn't think the book would tell me anything I couldn't have figured out on my own. Five love languages, not everyone speaks the same love language....ok, well as long as you know what they are, shouldn't have to read the book, right? Wrong. Gary Chapman's years of marriage counseling have brought him invaluable insights that EVERYONE should be privy to. I'm not just talking married couple ...more
Feb 13, 2009 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2007
I would never have read this book on my own but was urged to read it after a debate with a friend of my roommate. It's written by a marriage counselor and directed towards couples, but it can be applied to all relationships, both romantic and platonic. The author's theory is that there are five major ways to express love (the five love languages). Each of us has a primary love language, and relationship problems occur when others fail to express love to us in that language. It's an interesting t ...more
When I finished reading this book yesterday, I thought the first 70% of the book wasn’t that bad. Hell, I can even go as far as to say that it had pretty good points for someone new to relationships.

Now that I’m writing this review, I don’t think I can hold back because the remaining part of this book is fucking trash and I have to talk about it!

If you’ve ever been in a relationship where there’s healthy communication, I think all the advice given by the author won’t sound so revolutionary. That
Jane Stewart
Interesting, insightful, useful. Good dinner conversation.

The author is a Baptist church pastor who counseled thousands of people. As a result he discovered what he called the Five Love Languages. It works as follows.

One should figure out what their love language is - which may be different from their spouse’s language. A person tends to do things for their spouse that they would like done for themself, but that won’t please the spouse if the spouse has a different language. For example, the hus
Linda Hart
Nov 08, 2019 rated it really liked it
It's an interesting look at how we communicate with those we love and how they communicate with us.
Aug 27, 2011 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone interested in understanding their spouse better
Recommended to Gaijinmama by: a friend whose opinion I trust
Shelves: self-help, nonfiction
The premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may not feel lo ...more
Nov 17, 2016 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
Reasons I read this book:

- It was free;

and on a slightly more embarrassing note

- I read blogs about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and every season someone very seriously mentions their "love language", and not even in a self-deprecatingly British way, which is really the only way to pull off saying, "my love language is words of affirmation". Just to be clear, I don't actually watch the television show, I just really enjoy reading blogs that analyse each episode and all of the delightfully r
Aug 28, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I highly recommend this book for ANY couple. Married, engaged, dating, gay, straight. It matters not. I even recommend it if you're single. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce, even separated, but after some counseling and reading this book it has helped us out tremendously! I bought a copy for my mom, sisters, and brother because I think it is that important to read his book and understand your significant others love language.
J.K. Miller
Dec 21, 2017 rated it did not like it
Quite disgusted by how the author counseled a woman, “Ann” who said her husband cursed her, mistreated her, and said he hated her. Chapman told her to stay in the marriage for six months, and do ALL the emotional labor and follow “the teachings of Jesus.” I fear for her safety. Ann’s closest friends, who presumably knew of her situation, told her to get out. I hope she followed their advice.
Honestly, this could be a 5 star book, but the last 50 pages get really preachy. As in, "You are more likely to find and keep the love of your life if you already love Jesus."

The 5 love languages themselves were the best and most interesting part of the book. I was constantly thinking, "Of course! That's why this thing works and that thing doesn't!"

Now, if your partner happens to be a philosophy might have more problems getting the ideas in this book across. There's not much in the w
Apr 04, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Although I did learn what my and my husband's "love languages" are I kinda already knew it.
I'm not saying this book isn't helpful, 'cause it is. It teaches some very valuable techniques to strengthen marriages.
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Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over forty years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The 5 Love Languages®: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit t ...more

Other books in the series

5 Love Languages (10 books)
  • The Five Love Languages of Children
  • The Five Love Languages for Singles
  • The Five Love Languages of Teenagers
  • The Five Love Languages: Men's Edition: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
  • The Love Languages of God: How to Feel and Reflect Divine Love
  • Keeping Love Alive as Memories Fade: The 5 Love Languages and the Alzheimer's Journey
  • A Teen's Guide to the 5 Love Languages: How to Understand Yourself and Improve All Your Relationships
  • Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities
  • Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart

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