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287 pages, Paperback
First published December 27, 2014
Life follows many directions and hopefully, eventually, your mind and body and life and love, all will catch up with each other.
“How about if we don’t find anyone by age, I dunno, thirty, we marry each other?”
“You’re actually serious”
“Aye.”
Maybe I would take that chance and turn him into something more than a friend. But there lies the problem. How do you ensure someone feels the same way about you without telling them how you feel?
I just want to be everything to her. I want to be the best and her only. I want to make her want me, crave me, yearn for me, all the fucking time. I want her to know what it’s like to want and I want to know what it’s like to be wanted by her.
Life leaves scars. Sometimes you don’t see them until later. Sometimes you don’t know where they’ve come from. Sometimes they fade before your eyes. But the world leaves its mark on us.
“If neither of us are in a serious relationship by the time we are both thirty,” he says, looking at me so dead in the eye that I can’t help but hold my breath, “then we agree to marry each other. Agree?”
I find my voice. “Agree."
“I want her to realize we’re both not with the people we should be. And if she already knows that, I want her to know it’s not too late.”
“I’d give up everything for you.”
“That was real. That was something. Tell me you felt something, that you felt what I felt.”
“What did you feel?” I whisper.
He runs a thumb across my lips. “I felt you. The you I’ve always wanted.”
“Don’t act like you haven’t been thinking about that kiss every single day since it happened. Don’t pretend you haven’t thought once about what it would be like to do it again. To do more.”
"This is huge, isn’t it?”
He cocks his head and grins, nodding his head. “Well, the ladies seem to think so.”
I roll my eyes… “I’m serious,” I tell him. “One minute we’re just friends and the next…”
“The next I’m kissing you. And I realize I’ve been a fool for not doing it sooner.”
"Nine years. I've been waiting nine years for this. Nine years to finally have you the way I've always needed you."
"Life leaves scars. Sometimes you don't see them until later. Sometimes you don't know where they've come from. Sometimes they fade before your eyes. But the world leaves its mark on us."
"I wanted Steph. My best friend. She was my baby blue and I was her cowboy. So a pact, a foolish, naive pact, was born."
“That was real. That was something. Tell me you felt something, that you felt what I felt.”
"Every day, every year, feels like an evolution to the person she is now, the woman sitting beside me, especially when you scroll back to where we all started."
"I want to tell her all the filthy things I think about, be real, raw and unfiltered. I want to make her cheeks flush from my dirty mouth and her body squirm with desire."
It all started with a pinky swear…
“If neither of us are in a serious relationship by the time we are both thirty,” he says, looking at me so dead in the eye that I can’t help but hold my breath, “then we agree to marry each other. Agree?”
I find my voice. “Agree.”
“This is huge, isn’t it?”
He cocks his head and grins, nodding his head. “Well, the ladies seem to think so.”
I roll my eyes… “I’m serious,” I tell him. “One minute we’re just friends and the next…”
“The next I’m kissing you. And I realize I’ve been a fool for not doing it sooner.”
“The two of you in a marriage? World’s pickiest woman with the world’s biggest manwhore? Yeah, have fun with that.”
“I wanted Steph. My best friend. She was my baby blue and I was her cowboy. So a pact, a foolish, naïve pact, was born.”
“How do you ensure someone feels the same about you without telling them how you feel?”
“You’re it, you’re it, you’re it. All this time you’ve been it.”
“I’m going to relish every inch of your body until you’re begging for release. Then, I’m going to f*ck you so hard, so good, that you’ll still feel me inside you days later.”
“Nine years. I’ve been waiting nine years for this. Nine years to finally have you the way I’ve always needed you. And now that I’ve had you, I want nothing else.”
“He is my rock. He is my Linden. Always has been. Always will be.”
“Life isn’t a linear journey. Sometimes it’s one step backwards, two steps forward and then a jump out to the side. It’s kind of like the “Time Warp”, when you think about it.
Life follows many directions and hopefully, eventually, your mind and body and life and love, all catch up with each other.”
“I’m nowhere but I’m somewhere and it’s not where I want to be. I don’t really know what I want. But I know I don’t have it.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m falling in love with her. Sometimes I wonder how long I can pretend I’m not.”
“Life leaves scars. Sometimes you don’t see them until later. Sometimes you don’t know where they’ve come from. Sometimes they fade before your eyes. But the world leaves its mark on us.”
Everything is changing. I’m nowhere but I’m somewhere and it’s not where I want to be.
I don’t really know what I want.
But I know I don’t have it.
Sometimes, when he looks at me, I can swear something in him has changed. The glances are more intense, his eyes seem molten and charged. Sexual.
And I like it. I love it. I want it. I want there to be this change, for this to be a thing because then maybe, maybe I would act on it. Maybe I would take that chance and turn him into something more than a friend.
“It’s okay to want me, you know,” Linden says thickly.
My stomach quivers. I manage to shake my head and now his fingers are trailing behind my neck, running into the base of my hair and another shiver escapes down my back.
“Since when is it ever okay to want your best friend?” I say softly, nearly choking on the words. Because that’s what he is, that’s what he’s always been.
He smiled gently, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Isn’t that the best person to want? The person that knows you inside and out. The person who has seen you at your ugliest and most beautiful and still wants to be with you. The person who believes in you and has your back, no matter what.”
“All of this, you and me, is brand new, you’re right. Let’s just take this one small step at a time.”
“These small steps include sex, right?”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
He reaches for my hand and pulls me to him. “You are not going to lose me,” he says, peering down at me. “I promise.”
I want to believe him so badly. I need to believe him. “What if you lose me?”
He smiles at me, his grip hard. “Then I’ll just hold on tighter.”
Life isn’t a linear journey. Sometimes it’s one step backwards, two steps forward and then a jump out to the side. It’s kind of like the “Time Warp”, when you think about it.
Life follows many directions and hopefully, eventually, your mind and body and life and love, all catch up with each other.