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Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Do Grief
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Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Do Grief

4.53  ·  Rating details ·  273 ratings  ·  48 reviews
The death of someone we love
cracks us open
inviting us to become
the person we were born to be.

This is the book Tom Zuba wishes he had read after his daughter Erin died. And after his wife Trici died. It’s the book he wishes he’d been handed following his son Rory’s death. But Tom had to live it. First. Before he could write it. For you.

In the beginning, Tom did grief t
Kindle Edition, 128 pages
Published November 18th 2014 by Wasteland Press (first published November 1st 2014)
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4.53  · 
Rating details
 ·  273 ratings  ·  48 reviews

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Jeri Paull
Apr 14, 2016 rated it it was amazing
I am almost 19 months out from losing my son. I read this book last month, and immediately gave it to a friend in grief and ordered 5 copies for my support group. Tom Zuba gets it, and he communicates in a way that touched my soul and my ruptured heart. I wish I had picked it up sooner - I think it would have been the perfect read in those agonizing 3rd and 4th months where the numbness is wearing off and the horrific reality is setting in. Thank you, Tom, and bless you for sharing so much of yo ...more
May 15, 2016 rated it really liked it
This was helpful, uplifting, and hopeful. I know I'll end up reading it again and again whenever I'm having a particularly hard time with my grief.
Shelby Dremely
Apr 12, 2019 rated it it was amazing
I don't like most books I (attempt to) read about grief. However, when looking for poetry about something, anything other than love, I came across this book and decided to give it a try. And oh my, how this book has reshaped my perspective. I keep a few of these on hand to gift to friends who lose a loved one. The words are perfect, relevant, kind, and ambiguous enough to fit most situations. It's a must-read for anyone who is or has dealt with grief in their life.
Javen Swanson
Dec 26, 2018 rated it it was amazing
I'm a progressive Christian pastor and read this book on the recommendation of a parishioner whose husband died suddenly and unexpectedly. She said this book helped her immensely. So I read this book as a practitioner, not as someone who is currently grieving. My take: It's a quick read but is full of helpful insights. I'm considering buying several copies in bulk to have on hand to give away to church members who are grieving.
Mar 11, 2017 rated it it was amazing
This book gave me more comfort and hope than any so far. The poetry format is the perfect bite sized chunks of information for the foggy grief-brain. So glad I stumbled across this book today.
Mar 13, 2017 added it
the first grief book I have read that truly helped me
Ineke van Mackelenbergh
Apr 07, 2017 rated it it was amazing
Although my grief belongs to some years back, I was totally overwhelmed by the author's way in which to work through it, recognizing so many of the stages one does definitely go through in grief: the questions, the bewilderment, personal recriminations in 'what if', the sense of loss. He has fully addressed these..
At first the way in which the book was written took me by surprise, thinking it was a kind of poetry in motion and yet as I kept reading I felt it was the only way in which he could ha
Jan 16, 2015 rated it it was amazing
What courage Tom has to write this book and reach out to others. It is a quick read but an important read. You have the choice how you want to do grief and how you want to live after the death of someone you love ♡♡♡
Charles Atchison
Jan 16, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Excellent book

Tom's book is the first book to accurately describe my grief on losing my wife. Very helpful and therapeutic. Well written, could not put it down. Highly recommend it!!! Would give it six stars if I could.
Nancy Saltzman
Feb 12, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This is absolutely one of the most insightful and helpful books about grief and loss that I have read. Buy it for yourself and anyone you know who has experienced loss.
Louise George
Apr 20, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Ended up reading this in one sitting. So much of it resonates with my own grief journey as a bereaved parent. Tom acknowledges the devastation and enormity of loss throughout while also offering hope for a healing that isn’t about moving on from loss, but learning to live with loss and the person that loss has made you and how your relationship with your loved one still continues beyond their death. It’s sensitively and gently written and has left me with food for thought. Would thoroughly recom ...more
Dec 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
The title of this book jumped out at me instantly from the library shelves. I checked it out and held onto it for 5 months without opening it. Today I read it cover to cover. I told myself that I don't have to do what the book says just yet. I just need to read it. To let the words settle. I tell myself I will give myself permission to mourn in one tiny moment, just to start. It's just a beginning.
Jan 31, 2019 rated it it was amazing
ummmmm idk im kind of really okay with having feelings and this book’s hot take is that its ok to have feelings. so it wasnt totally revolutionary but i bet it will be to a lot of dads. really easy, gentle, kind, tender read if you have lost someone dear. good for a major cry.
Alison Warner
Feb 24, 2019 rated it it was amazing
This book was gifted to me when our daughter died. I thought I'd die, too, and this book has brought me comfort in some of my darkest moments. HIGHLY RECOMMEND to anyone grieving the loss of a loved one, whether the loss is recent or from long ago. May it bring you some peace & comfort!
Jul 31, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Beautifully written

Thank you, Tom Zuba. I have felt lighter and more connected as I read your words. Perfectly phrased, so that we,who are already feeling lost, don't lose focus on these important words and concepts.
Steve O'neill
Apr 04, 2019 rated it really liked it
This is a really good book. I'm an atheist and some of this just doesn't apply to my belief system however this book is great.

My brother recently was hit by a car at 43. It hurts to read this book but I think the crying and despair that I feel is normal and is part of the process.
Emilea Smith
Dec 19, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great reading

This book reflected all the emotions and fears i felt after my husband passed. I found in these pages permission to grieve my way and permission to be whole and happy in time. I whole heartedly recommend it to everyone, especially those grieving
Dec 05, 2018 rated it liked it
Shelves: grief
I'm not sure it really helped me. I cried through the whole book. This book would be more helpful for those who believe in an afterlife. The beginning did reiterate to me that what I'm going through is normal.
Aug 08, 2017 rated it it was amazing
A beautiful, comforting amazing book on grief.
Jen Trulson
Oct 19, 2017 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: grief
There were parts of this book and parts that didn't resonate with my own walk with grief. I think you have to read it to know if it's for you.
Sherry Sharpnack
Jan 01, 2017 rated it really liked it
This book is a very quick read, written like poetry. It is also profoundly moving, & just a bit healing. If the author can lose two children and his wife within 10 years & move on, so can I.
Apr 19, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I wish I would have had this book 16 years ago. I will reread and reread. If you have lost some one close to you this book is a must read.
I lost my sister 6 weeks ago. This ain't my first grief rodeo, but this little book was a gem. I am so grateful to Tom for writing it. It is right, and hard, and the way through.
Jan 19, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Received a friends copy after loosing my grandmother, found comfort in many of the pages. While it is not going to mend a broken heart it may ease some pain. Would recommend.
Barbara Klaviter
So understanding

Tom has been there. In the black deep hole of despair. He understands. And he has chosen life. Thank you so much for writing this.
Twyla Sparks
Feb 23, 2017 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

This was a whole different look about grief. I feel better after reading this twice now and I plan on reading it over again.
Ken Reed
Mar 28, 2015 rated it liked it
Shelves: borrowed
Take this review with a grain of salt. The writing is clear and almost like the flow of thought you go through when grieving. He explains about his struggle with the 3 losses in his life and through that gives advice on handling grief. It is a good read. Yes, I'd recommend this to someone who is grieving and not handling it well. So why the low score?

The author didn't take into count people with emotional or mental disorders. And why should he? He was writing about his battle and enlightenment,
Apr 17, 2016 rated it it was amazing
This book, written in prose poetry is a quick read. I read it on Friday morning and then again on Saturday morning. When I first saw the book, I didn't want anything to do with it. Tom Zuba has suffered the sudden loss of two children and a wife over a 15 year period. I object to a world where one family is subjected to so much grief. But this book surprised me. It is a comfort. Many simple truths lie within these pages. Many simple truths that can help a grieving person feel not only permission ...more
Jun 16, 2016 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Unique style - unique thoughts

Permission to Mourn is written a free prose style which makes for fast and easy reading. Many helpful nuggets nestled in this self help book for the bereaved. I would recommend this book for those a few weeks down their path. Hugs to all who need such a book. Peace to you.
Gina Orzak
Nov 04, 2015 rated it it was amazing
Very helpful to do list - liked the 5 to do's to work towards healing. Grief books help with all kinds of loss not just the death of a loved one. Examples of loss without death is - divorce, long distance move which cause separation from daily life, a friendship turning in anther direction, etc. I found the book a good read and would have been helpful the last time I was mourning a loss.
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“If you are working with a therapist counselor social worker grief expert minister priest or anyone else who is trying to help you navigate the wilderness of grief and they start talking about the groundbreaking observations of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross suggesting there is an orderly predictable unfolding of grief please please please. Do yourself a favor. Leave. People who are dying often experience five stages of grief: denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance. They are grieving their impending death. This is what Elizabeth Kubler Ross observed. People who are learning to live with the death of a beloved have a different process. It isn’t the same. It isn’t orderly. It isn’t predictable. Grief is wild and messy and unpredictable” 1 likes
“The death of someone we love dearly cracks us open. Big time. It’s supposed to.” 1 likes
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