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How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive
Beyond any shades of grey, there's an entire kinky world of BDSM, full of real life dominants and submissives enjoying an intimacy and satisfaction in their relationships that vanilla folk only dream of.
Whether you want to explore your own submissive fantasies, or you're just curious about what BDSM is really like, this book will answer all your questions, plus some you didn't know you had. Erotic author Kate Kinsey ("Red," and "The Totally Uncensored Kinky Adventures of Chloe St. Claire, Sex Slave") brings over a decade of experience as a submissive and kinky educator to this practical step-by-step guide to being a healthy and happy submissive.
Topics covered include: the differences between dominants and masters, submissives and slaves, and tops and bottoms; the different dominant styles; the truth about "training" to be a submissive; how to find like-minded folks in your area; how to negotiate scenes and relationships; what to expect at your first dungeon party; why some people actually enjoy pain; and the warning signs to look out for when talking to potential partners.
"Kinsey has written a no-nonsense guide that thoroughly explains the various kinks and fetishes that come under the umbrella of BDSM. Most importantly, she emphasizes the importance of protecting yourself along the way with knowledge, friends and self-awareness."
"This is not fiction, but reality. Kate Kinsey has the experience to tell it like it is, not the way some vanilla writer imagines it to be."
Whether you want to explore your own submissive fantasies, or you're just curious about what BDSM is really like, this book will answer all your questions, plus some you didn't know you had. Erotic author Kate Kinsey ("Red," and "The Totally Uncensored Kinky Adventures of Chloe St. Claire, Sex Slave") brings over a decade of experience as a submissive and kinky educator to this practical step-by-step guide to being a healthy and happy submissive.
Topics covered include: the differences between dominants and masters, submissives and slaves, and tops and bottoms; the different dominant styles; the truth about "training" to be a submissive; how to find like-minded folks in your area; how to negotiate scenes and relationships; what to expect at your first dungeon party; why some people actually enjoy pain; and the warning signs to look out for when talking to potential partners.
"Kinsey has written a no-nonsense guide that thoroughly explains the various kinks and fetishes that come under the umbrella of BDSM. Most importantly, she emphasizes the importance of protecting yourself along the way with knowledge, friends and self-awareness."
"This is not fiction, but reality. Kate Kinsey has the experience to tell it like it is, not the way some vanilla writer imagines it to be."
190 pages, Paperback
First published September 4, 2014
349 people are currently reading
497 people want to read
About the author
Kate Kinsey
6 books83 followersKate Kinsey is a saucy wench with a highly sophisticated brain that sometimes still gets obsessed trying to remember all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song.
She's a truly fabulous person who just can't figure out why she's not rich and famous yet, or why the universe refuses to admit that she is indeed the center of it.
She currently lives in Tennessee with a cat who is in the Witness Protection Program — at least, that's his story and he's sticking to it. He has a fetish for leather shoes and bare ankles, and an obsession with squirrels.
Kate has been collared to her Sir for more than fourteen years. She has been very involved in her local community since she first stepped off the vanilla cliffs and dove into the kinky world of BDSM.
When she's not tied to a cross in a dungeon somewhere, she loves to read as well as write. She's also a painter and a film buff.
Hard as it may be to believe, Kate was raised Southern Baptist, but is recovering.
She's a truly fabulous person who just can't figure out why she's not rich and famous yet, or why the universe refuses to admit that she is indeed the center of it.
She currently lives in Tennessee with a cat who is in the Witness Protection Program — at least, that's his story and he's sticking to it. He has a fetish for leather shoes and bare ankles, and an obsession with squirrels.
Kate has been collared to her Sir for more than fourteen years. She has been very involved in her local community since she first stepped off the vanilla cliffs and dove into the kinky world of BDSM.
When she's not tied to a cross in a dungeon somewhere, she loves to read as well as write. She's also a painter and a film buff.
Hard as it may be to believe, Kate was raised Southern Baptist, but is recovering.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
November 30, 2014
This one hits it out of the park as a primer for people new to BDSM, whether sub or dom really. Kate speaks from experience and with a friendly big-sister tone, and doesn't lecture or dictate, but urges people to educate themselves and be sensible. Then she gives them some tools to do so, and encourages them to go learn more. An excellent read for everyone getting involved in the lifestyle.
December 31, 2014
Fabulous book, everyone needs to read!
This book is a must read! It tells it like it is and to me feels like a girlfriend telling me the pros and cons about the lifestyle. I believe anyone that wants to get into the lifestyle should read this first. What she says is so true!!
This book is a must read! It tells it like it is and to me feels like a girlfriend telling me the pros and cons about the lifestyle. I believe anyone that wants to get into the lifestyle should read this first. What she says is so true!!
December 15, 2014
Ever since the appearance of Fifty Shades of Grey, there has been a renewed interest in the sexuality of dominance and submission(BDSM.) Along with that interest have come scores of fantasy novels filled with dangerous misinformation which are little more than formula romance novels with dominant businessmen in the place of pirates, written by authors who know no more about BDSM than they know of real pirates. That is tragic, as BDSM has the power to enrich our lives without measure, but it also can lead us to disaster and ruined relationships if we base our kinky explorations on those misguided fantasies.
How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive provides vital information passed on by someone who knows the reality of satisfying and healthy submission. Kate Kinsey explains the language and the ethics of power exchange as well as the responsibilities and limits of both the dominant and submissive in a relationship. She tells the neophyte where the dangers lie and points the way to the joy.
Think of this book as a roadmap for entering into our world of magic and growth, and a source of understanding that will prepare you to explore on your own when you have reached the end of the map. Ultimately, everyone must be responsible for their own safety and happiness, but it is easier to achieve when prepared with understanding gained from the experience of those who have gone before.
The book is written from the perspective of the female submissive, but it largely rings true to my experience as well. - Donsideb
How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive provides vital information passed on by someone who knows the reality of satisfying and healthy submission. Kate Kinsey explains the language and the ethics of power exchange as well as the responsibilities and limits of both the dominant and submissive in a relationship. She tells the neophyte where the dangers lie and points the way to the joy.
Think of this book as a roadmap for entering into our world of magic and growth, and a source of understanding that will prepare you to explore on your own when you have reached the end of the map. Ultimately, everyone must be responsible for their own safety and happiness, but it is easier to achieve when prepared with understanding gained from the experience of those who have gone before.
The book is written from the perspective of the female submissive, but it largely rings true to my experience as well. - Donsideb
February 1, 2025
Preface: this book is very cis het gender normative. There’s nothing wrong with that per se, but someone who doesn’t fit into that group may find this book more lacking than others.
I did enjoy this book, but it is not without its issues.
I most appreciated how well rounded the text is. It covers a lot of kink 101 even in terms of how to find community.
The book was written in 2014, and I’d like to think that the kink community as a whole has grown a bit since then. A couple issues: the author appears to have an idea that submissives are all born with a goal of obedience. That’s not to say that some (many?) aren’t, but the world is large and varied.
While the book isn’t perfect, it is recommended for new submissives looking to find their way.
I did enjoy this book, but it is not without its issues.
I most appreciated how well rounded the text is. It covers a lot of kink 101 even in terms of how to find community.
The book was written in 2014, and I’d like to think that the kink community as a whole has grown a bit since then. A couple issues: the author appears to have an idea that submissives are all born with a goal of obedience. That’s not to say that some (many?) aren’t, but the world is large and varied.
While the book isn’t perfect, it is recommended for new submissives looking to find their way.
February 23, 2024
Great introduction to BDSM and the D/s dynamic. Whether you're new to the scene, have dabbled and want to learn more, or are experienced and like to have a little refresher on the basics, it's a wonderful addition to have as study material. Kinsey writes in a way that is fun, easy to read, and contains plenty of information without dragging it out. There were times I was reading it myself (namely the section for Aftercare and Sub Drop) that I thought to myself "Man, I wish this chapter was longer, I want more information." By the time it got to the end...no, all of the information was definitely there! It's just not overly explained. Everything is packaged neatly in a small box, the contents of that box are just much bigger than they look from the outside.
"Take what you want, and leave the rest" is a sentence than ends one of the first chapters, and it's important to remember through this, or any, submissive study material. A lot of it deals with being a member of the community, finding the right partner, and exploring within the community to find what you like. Did it necessarily apply to me? No. I've never interacted with the community for the purpose of finding a Dominant partner or meeting other submissives. I have a monogamous partner who is also my Dom, and exploring the community for a partner isn't something that applies or appeals to me. It was extremely informative, but not for me. But the entirety of the book squarely focuses on rule #1: Safety. Whether or not I'm meeting new partners, it's always good to have the daily SSC reminder!
No matter what your experience level is with kink, there's something for everyone here. The checklist, safety precautions, toy ideas, safety precautions, dynamic types, safety precautions, etiquette within the community, safety precautions. All of it is so thoroughly explored without being an epic-length novel over-explaining things. There's room to do your own research if there's a subject that's interesting to you, but there's still more than enough information to learn what you need to know about it and whether or not it's for you.
All of the safety discussion throughout comes to a head with the heartbreaking final chapter, The Last Four Hours of Shirley Beck's Life. It's a difficult read, but important, really cementing just how important every safety reminder in every chapter truly is. It's a heavy way to end the book. There's no fun final chapter about personal anecdotes, no funny stories, no rehashing of dynamics and partners, just the final, devastating reminder that it isn't all fun and games when everyone isn't following safety protocols - or not following anything at all - and lack of information, vetting, respect, safety, sanity, and consent can lead to the worst possible outcome.
Highly recommend for anyone interested in learning more about the lifestyle from either side of the coin!
"Take what you want, and leave the rest" is a sentence than ends one of the first chapters, and it's important to remember through this, or any, submissive study material. A lot of it deals with being a member of the community, finding the right partner, and exploring within the community to find what you like. Did it necessarily apply to me? No. I've never interacted with the community for the purpose of finding a Dominant partner or meeting other submissives. I have a monogamous partner who is also my Dom, and exploring the community for a partner isn't something that applies or appeals to me. It was extremely informative, but not for me. But the entirety of the book squarely focuses on rule #1: Safety. Whether or not I'm meeting new partners, it's always good to have the daily SSC reminder!
No matter what your experience level is with kink, there's something for everyone here. The checklist, safety precautions, toy ideas, safety precautions, dynamic types, safety precautions, etiquette within the community, safety precautions. All of it is so thoroughly explored without being an epic-length novel over-explaining things. There's room to do your own research if there's a subject that's interesting to you, but there's still more than enough information to learn what you need to know about it and whether or not it's for you.
All of the safety discussion throughout comes to a head with the heartbreaking final chapter, The Last Four Hours of Shirley Beck's Life. It's a difficult read, but important, really cementing just how important every safety reminder in every chapter truly is. It's a heavy way to end the book. There's no fun final chapter about personal anecdotes, no funny stories, no rehashing of dynamics and partners, just the final, devastating reminder that it isn't all fun and games when everyone isn't following safety protocols - or not following anything at all - and lack of information, vetting, respect, safety, sanity, and consent can lead to the worst possible outcome.
Highly recommend for anyone interested in learning more about the lifestyle from either side of the coin!
November 10, 2019
(The English review is placed beneath Russian one)
Содержание книги можно описать одним словом: здравый смысл. Хочется отметить, что здравый смысл пригодится не только в такой деликатной теме, но и во многих других. Возможно, именно поэтому выходит так много книг, где этот здравый смысл описывается на протяжении всех 300, или около того, страниц. Плюс этой книги как раз и состоит в том, что автор не стала искусственно раздувать книгу на сотни страниц, а уместила всё важное на 190 страницах. Вторым плюсом является акцентирование на технике безопасности, только не в смысле использовать/не использовать что-то и как долго и так далее, а что подход к выбору доминанта должен быть очень тщательный, любые странности должны рассматриваться как сигнал, что перед нами, возможно, не тот человек, кому можно доверится (преимущественно я подразумеваю под доминатом - мужчину). Автор очень точно указывает, что в реальности не все доминанты – Мистер Грей. Поэтому начало отношений стоит рассматривать как дружеские и только в дальнейшем переводить их на уровень игр. И последний интересный момент, это важность красного флажка. Как пишет автор, не следует играть в игру «я выполю все приказы», ибо, как правильно замечает автор, это может быть откровенно бредовые и унижающие человека приказы, как например, побриться наголо, что является явным выходом за рамки. Как точно отмечает автор, реальное рабство и игровое, это две большие разницы. И, следовательно, не нужно одно подменять другим. Автор предлагает, в контексте этой темы, три сигнала (то, что отсутствует в эротической литературе типа 50 оттенков): зелёный (мне нравится), жёлтый (нет, мне это не нравится) и красный (немедленно прекрати) или какой-то сигнал, если отсутствует возможность что-то произнести.
В заключении стоит отметить совет автора вступить в соответствующие местные сообщества, которые с одной стороны предлагают необходимый инструментарий и как вариант (если пара не возражает против присутствия третьих лиц), контроль на первых порах, т.к. подобные игры могут закончиться довольно плохо, включая и летальный исход и заканчивая простым человеческим общением людей входящих в данный клуб.
В целом, книгу можно рекомендовать тем, кто хочет реализовать в реальности то, о чём писала E.L. James в своей книге «Fifty Shades of Grey». Однако чего-то более глубокого, каких-то техник, тут ждать не приходится.
The contents of the book can be described in one word: common sense. I would like to note that common sense is useful not only in such a sensitive topic, but also in many others. Perhaps that's why there are so many books that describe a common sense throughout the 300 pages or so. The advantage of this book is that the author did not artificially inflate the book on hundreds of pages, but placed everything important on 190 pages. The second advantage is the emphasis on safety, but not in the sense of using / not to use something and how long and so on, but that the approach to the choice of the dominant should be very careful, any strange things should be considered as a signal that in front of us, perhaps, not the person who can be trusted. The author very accurately points out that in reality not all dominants are Mr. Grey. Therefore, the beginning of the relationship should be considered as a friendship and only in the future to transfer them to the level of games (BDSM). And the last interesting point is the importance of the red flag. As the author writes, you should not play the game "I'll fulfill all the orders", because, as the author correctly notes, it can be frankly delusional and humiliating orders, as for example, to shave off hair, which is a clear violation of the limits. As the author points out, real slavery and playfulness (the game) are two big differences. And, therefore, there is no need to replace one with another. The author offers three signals in the context of this theme (something that is not mentioned in erotic literature like Fifty Shades): green (I like it), yellow (no, I don't like it) and red (immediately stop it) or some signal if you can' t speak.
In conclusion, it is worth noting the author's advice to join the relevant local communities, which on the one hand offer the necessary tools and, as an option (if the couple does not object to the presence of third parties), control at the beginning, as such games can end up quite badly, including fatal outcomes. These clubs also offer a simple human communication between the people who are part of the club.
In general, the book can be recommended to those who want to implement in reality what James wrote in her book "Fifty Shades of Grey". However, something more profound, some techniques, from this book it is not necessary to expect.
Содержание книги можно описать одним словом: здравый смысл. Хочется отметить, что здравый смысл пригодится не только в такой деликатной теме, но и во многих других. Возможно, именно поэтому выходит так много книг, где этот здравый смысл описывается на протяжении всех 300, или около того, страниц. Плюс этой книги как раз и состоит в том, что автор не стала искусственно раздувать книгу на сотни страниц, а уместила всё важное на 190 страницах. Вторым плюсом является акцентирование на технике безопасности, только не в смысле использовать/не использовать что-то и как долго и так далее, а что подход к выбору доминанта должен быть очень тщательный, любые странности должны рассматриваться как сигнал, что перед нами, возможно, не тот человек, кому можно доверится (преимущественно я подразумеваю под доминатом - мужчину). Автор очень точно указывает, что в реальности не все доминанты – Мистер Грей. Поэтому начало отношений стоит рассматривать как дружеские и только в дальнейшем переводить их на уровень игр. И последний интересный момент, это важность красного флажка. Как пишет автор, не следует играть в игру «я выполю все приказы», ибо, как правильно замечает автор, это может быть откровенно бредовые и унижающие человека приказы, как например, побриться наголо, что является явным выходом за рамки. Как точно отмечает автор, реальное рабство и игровое, это две большие разницы. И, следовательно, не нужно одно подменять другим. Автор предлагает, в контексте этой темы, три сигнала (то, что отсутствует в эротической литературе типа 50 оттенков): зелёный (мне нравится), жёлтый (нет, мне это не нравится) и красный (немедленно прекрати) или какой-то сигнал, если отсутствует возможность что-то произнести.
В заключении стоит отметить совет автора вступить в соответствующие местные сообщества, которые с одной стороны предлагают необходимый инструментарий и как вариант (если пара не возражает против присутствия третьих лиц), контроль на первых порах, т.к. подобные игры могут закончиться довольно плохо, включая и летальный исход и заканчивая простым человеческим общением людей входящих в данный клуб.
В целом, книгу можно рекомендовать тем, кто хочет реализовать в реальности то, о чём писала E.L. James в своей книге «Fifty Shades of Grey». Однако чего-то более глубокого, каких-то техник, тут ждать не приходится.
The contents of the book can be described in one word: common sense. I would like to note that common sense is useful not only in such a sensitive topic, but also in many others. Perhaps that's why there are so many books that describe a common sense throughout the 300 pages or so. The advantage of this book is that the author did not artificially inflate the book on hundreds of pages, but placed everything important on 190 pages. The second advantage is the emphasis on safety, but not in the sense of using / not to use something and how long and so on, but that the approach to the choice of the dominant should be very careful, any strange things should be considered as a signal that in front of us, perhaps, not the person who can be trusted. The author very accurately points out that in reality not all dominants are Mr. Grey. Therefore, the beginning of the relationship should be considered as a friendship and only in the future to transfer them to the level of games (BDSM). And the last interesting point is the importance of the red flag. As the author writes, you should not play the game "I'll fulfill all the orders", because, as the author correctly notes, it can be frankly delusional and humiliating orders, as for example, to shave off hair, which is a clear violation of the limits. As the author points out, real slavery and playfulness (the game) are two big differences. And, therefore, there is no need to replace one with another. The author offers three signals in the context of this theme (something that is not mentioned in erotic literature like Fifty Shades): green (I like it), yellow (no, I don't like it) and red (immediately stop it) or some signal if you can' t speak.
In conclusion, it is worth noting the author's advice to join the relevant local communities, which on the one hand offer the necessary tools and, as an option (if the couple does not object to the presence of third parties), control at the beginning, as such games can end up quite badly, including fatal outcomes. These clubs also offer a simple human communication between the people who are part of the club.
In general, the book can be recommended to those who want to implement in reality what James wrote in her book "Fifty Shades of Grey". However, something more profound, some techniques, from this book it is not necessary to expect.
December 27, 2023
ii did judge this book by it's cover (my bad) but it positively surprised me. i think for it's length it manages to cover a lot of important concepts, knowledge and guidelines, many that i specifically felt were missing in the new bottoming book. i would say it's a good 101 book if you don't mind the occasional gendered language, mostly because of how much ground it manages to cover. i would still recommend you look for more in depth resources on many of the topics though.
maybe because of the length or the author's views or how the book has aged, some things did lack nuance (although most were surprisingly comprehensive). for example SSC was said to be an "ironclad rule", where today at least in the communities i've been in that's no longer The rule or even the most common one as for example RACK has become more popular. similarly, the author says you shouldn't wear a collar as fashion or to signal you are submissive, and in a different section seems to be unaware of the existence of brats.
maybe because of the length or the author's views or how the book has aged, some things did lack nuance (although most were surprisingly comprehensive). for example SSC was said to be an "ironclad rule", where today at least in the communities i've been in that's no longer The rule or even the most common one as for example RACK has become more popular. similarly, the author says you shouldn't wear a collar as fashion or to signal you are submissive, and in a different section seems to be unaware of the existence of brats.
December 27, 2023
Filled to the brim with helpful information. I really love how the author writes. I took notes on things that I can apply to my own dynamic as well as specific definitions of words and practices that I never really understood fully. The book briefly touched on some BDSM history which I loved reading about. Most everything that she talks about is really up to your interpretation and she states that pretty clearly. She explains things in a way that really helped me grasp what she was trying to get across. She educates in a way that I think is really easy to resonate with. It’s pretty plain to see that this book is written in a take what you will, leave what you don’t want kind of way. I loved it. I’m not entirely new to the BDSM/power dynamic scene but this book still had a lot to offer me. I think this book is good for individuals who haven't been out to many munches or other social events. It's great for anyone who hasn't discovered Fetlife.com yet. It's good for people who want to put the effort into educating themselves without feeling like they’re reading a textbook. She relates what she’s talking about to herself and her own experiences, but by no means is it completely centered around her opinion. Chapter 15 is my favorite so far. Everyone talks about being collared. I wasn’t aware that there are different stages or types of collars with different meanings, ceremonies and colors. Super cool.
May 11, 2019
Outstanding read
Well written and very informative, especially for newbies. I learned MUCH of value. Honest and clear definitions providing the reader with excellent advice and parameters without judgement or restrictive limitation. Provides valuable constructs that one can apply to ones own journey. A roadmap that acknowledged the many paths to reach ones desired destination while advice on how to void the potential risks and pitfalls that could read their ugly heads. Thank you.
Well written and very informative, especially for newbies. I learned MUCH of value. Honest and clear definitions providing the reader with excellent advice and parameters without judgement or restrictive limitation. Provides valuable constructs that one can apply to ones own journey. A roadmap that acknowledged the many paths to reach ones desired destination while advice on how to void the potential risks and pitfalls that could read their ugly heads. Thank you.
October 6, 2018
I found this book to be incredibly informative on a culture that I wasn't fully versed in. While it may have been written for someone more involved in the scene than myself, I still found myself gathering important knowledge, and as Kinsey stresses, knowledge is power. If you're even remotely interested in entering the BDSM scene, I'd recommend you read this book. It shouldn't be the only source of information you use, but it's definitely one of the good ones.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 4, 2019
Surprisingly informative and educational as it was my very first bdsm book I've read. Feel like I need paperback so I can mark in it. I recommend this book to anyone interested in the life regardless of roll in the relationship.
It was very informative. Answered many questions I had about gatherings, singnals and general etiquette. Recomended for anyone interested in entering or already involved in "the life." So glad someone recommended this book getting a food foundation.
It was very informative. Answered many questions I had about gatherings, singnals and general etiquette. Recomended for anyone interested in entering or already involved in "the life." So glad someone recommended this book getting a food foundation.
May 8, 2022
I found this book very informative and helped me realize why I haven’t been feeling as submissive lately as I have previously in my relationship. It opened up some much needed dialogue and I’m eternally grateful for having read it because I feel like it made my relationship stronger. Additionally, I’m glad to be aware of Shirley Beck’s (sp?) story and I completely a agree with the sentiments at the end of this book regarding it.
April 7, 2019
Doing some research into the BDSM lifestyle. This book has great definitions, easy explanations and copious amounts of information. She presents the facts in very matter of fact terms and gives lots of advice, guidance and tips. So far beyond the 50 Shades crap - I enjoyed this peek behind the curtain ;)
February 7, 2025
Informative
I learned A LOT from this book and I am truly grateful that Kate wrote this book! I am new to this and I am very thankful that the Dom I met suggested that I read and research on my own to make sure I knew what I was getting into and this book was what I needed! Thank you again Kate for writing this book.
I learned A LOT from this book and I am truly grateful that Kate wrote this book! I am new to this and I am very thankful that the Dom I met suggested that I read and research on my own to make sure I knew what I was getting into and this book was what I needed! Thank you again Kate for writing this book.
April 10, 2018
This book spoke volumes to me. I strongly encourage purchasing the paperback version. This is a must have rather you are new submissive or a experienced submissive. It is very informative to today’s kinky world.
April 10, 2019
Simple insight into the workings of the mind. I love to read so many different types of books. This helped me to understand a close friend and why she is the way she is. Great insight into the kind of world.
April 29, 2020
Best, most up-to-date intro submissive play
Excellent intro for new or prospective submissive women. Well written, and with humor and humility. Good book for dominants to understand the submissive mindset and help guide new subs.
Excellent intro for new or prospective submissive women. Well written, and with humor and humility. Good book for dominants to understand the submissive mindset and help guide new subs.
October 29, 2020
Loved It!
I learned so much in Kate's book that I just didn't even think about. Common sense things of all things. RED FLAGS ! If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's probably a duck. RUN!!!!
I learned so much in Kate's book that I just didn't even think about. Common sense things of all things. RED FLAGS ! If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's probably a duck. RUN!!!!
November 7, 2020
Showed up on my Libby app search so figured I would read it. It's very much a 101 primer but I would recommend it to anyone new to the BDSM scene. There's some good information that's easy to digest for the newbie.
June 7, 2021
For Male Submissives a definite read
Kate does a great job at explaining even for male submissive. It really gives the reader an understanding of how to think and be smart in the wonderful realm of BDSM and to be safe, sane and consensual
Kate does a great job at explaining even for male submissive. It really gives the reader an understanding of how to think and be smart in the wonderful realm of BDSM and to be safe, sane and consensual
April 12, 2025
There are a handful of good books to explain the basics of bdsm, and this is definitely one of them. It tells you a lot of what you should know before doing anything, and I believe it can be an eye-opener for some who come with what they learned from Fifty Shades of Grey. 5 stars
April 13, 2018
Good information for those who want to dabble or are curious.
July 24, 2019
Thank you!
I’m new and just...thank you for your words in this book. I will be sure to always remember them! Much love & respect!
I’m new and just...thank you for your words in this book. I will be sure to always remember them! Much love & respect!
September 27, 2019
Helpful
I thought it was extremely helpful and I learned things about myself I didn't know. I look forward to something else by this author.
I thought it was extremely helpful and I learned things about myself I didn't know. I look forward to something else by this author.
October 26, 2019
Good
I found it very real and down to earth. There is nothing sugar coated, just real honest tell it like it is informing.
I found it very real and down to earth. There is nothing sugar coated, just real honest tell it like it is informing.
December 8, 2019
Very informative
Very pleased with the information in this book. Great for beginners! For someone who knows about the community, I even learned a few new things
Very pleased with the information in this book. Great for beginners! For someone who knows about the community, I even learned a few new things
December 28, 2019
Short straight and to the point
I'm just starting up on gathering information about BDSM and the book is quite concise and yet, thorough. I liked it and recommend it.
I'm just starting up on gathering information about BDSM and the book is quite concise and yet, thorough. I liked it and recommend it.
September 30, 2021
It's a great 101 book if you are brand new to BDSM. I would highly recommend it to all newbies. Though if you're experienced it feels a bit redundant. I will be recommending it all new subs
November 1, 2022
well done
A very good guide book for novices on the topic of submission punctuated with a disturbing cautionary tale at the end
A very good guide book for novices on the topic of submission punctuated with a disturbing cautionary tale at the end
May 18, 2025
Good for an introduction
Good for an introduction and good at defining most of the common terms. Good for anyone looking to dive into the kink world. Not too long ans an easy read
Good for an introduction and good at defining most of the common terms. Good for anyone looking to dive into the kink world. Not too long ans an easy read
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