The Goat in the Bedroom

The Cocky Kingmans #6

by Amy Award

When your love life stinks and you’re clearly the worst at choosing someone who won’t break your heart, why not ask your best friend to find you a date?

Unless of course…you’re in love with her.

I've been friends with Artemis since high school, when we bonded over crushing on the same guy. Six years later, we’re roommates in our shiny new post college lives—she's training for the Olympics while I start my pro football career. We’ve both recently had bad break-ups and she says if she’s going to get back out there, she needs dating lessons. Naturally, she asks me—her completely platonic roommate—to teach her.

We practice eye contact. Hand holding. Cuddling during movies. Because that's what best friends do, right? Practice intimacy? For science?

She thinks I'm being helpful. I think I'm losing my mind.

Meanwhile, I'm out here sabotaging her dates, getting jealous of my own teammates, and having heart-to-hearts with our pet goats about my feelings while she's literally in the next room.

But we're definitely just friends.

The evidence we might be idiots:

• The documentary crew filming my rookie season knows.
• Our pet goats know.
• Everyone knows. EVERYONE.
• The only people who don't know? Us.

This sports romance features two bisexual dating disasters who are Olympic-level idiots for each other —a football player who falls first and pines HARD, and a curvy rugby goddess who's oblivious because she's convinced she's "too much,"— matchmaking goats with excellent taste in humans, that Bridgertons-meets-American-Football family that's about to stage an intervention unless someone snaps and locks them in a closet together first, a documentary crew catching every slip and you've got a love story everyone can see coming … except them.

Genres: Romance, Sports Romance, Audiobook, Friends To Lovers, Sports, Contemporary, Contemporary Romance

448 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 14, 2025

About the author

Amy Award is a curvy girl who has a thing for football players, fuzzy-butt pets, and spicy romance novels. She believes that all bodies are beautiful and deserve their own love stories with Happy Ever Afters. Find her at https://www.authoramyaward.com

Reviews

[kell.]

i will take no criticism for who i become when this book comes out

[Darlene I read WAY to many books]

im not even going to rate it. I was kinda bummed this was the first book I've ever dnf from Amy.

why well the mmc is getting a bj from someone and the fmc whos his best friend and love intrest down the road. she sees it and gets turned on and confused. worst part.
mmc catches her and winks at her. 😒😒😒

yup no thanks. I dont care if it was for fun.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/5 ⭐️
2/5 🌶️

I was really looking forward to this one, especially because Amy was teasing two bi babes, and that alone had me fully invested. Unfortunately, that aspect ended up feeling pretty underexplored. In a time where bi-erasure is still very much a thing, it felt like a missed opportunity to really dig into that representation instead of letting it stay mostly on the surface.

That said, this book stays true to what the series does well. We continue to get plus-size representation, which I always appreciate, and there are definitely some steamy moments that deliver on the heat 🔥.

As for the audiobook, the narration was solid overall. Stella Hunter is her usual reliable self—she always brings energy and emotion to her performances. Connor Brown didn’t quite work for me; his narration wasn’t bad, it just felt a bit flat compared to what I was hoping for.

All in all, this was an okay listen for me. I enjoyed parts of it, but I couldn’t help wishing it had gone a little deeper, especially when it came to representation that really mattered.

Thanks to the author, their publisher, and NetGalley for the advanced audio copy of this book.

[Madison Warner Fairbanks · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Goat in the Bedroom by Amy Award
The Cocky Kingmans series #6. Contemporary sports romantic comedy. New adult, college and first year after. Alternating 1st person POV. Can be read as a stand-alone but family from prior books make an appearance.
Gryff and Artemis have been friends since high school. Heading to Los Angeles after college, they decide to be roommates. Platonic roommates. He’s starting a pro football career, while she’s training for the Olympics. One late night confession after a break up has the two practicing together. Eye contact. Cuddling. Intimacy. Just things that best friends would do for each other. And maybe a bit more.
Eventually they have to make some decisions. Is it truly just a friendship or is there more?

I listened to an audiobook version of this book narrated by Stella Hunter and Connor Brown in alternating POV chapters. Both created lively and vivid characters in their performances for Gryff and Artemis as well as many secondary players. I loved hearing the clearly expressed emotions of joy, hesitation, lust and righteousness. The audiobook brings an upbeat rhythm to the story.
I listened at 1.5 and slightly higher for reading and conversational speed.

New jobs, new home, enhanced relationship that family always expected. He knows it. Just needs to convince her. Lusty fun, and special connections.
One or two less mentions of her thighs would still have gotten the message across. He likes them.
Bonus of a wacky chapter at the end from an unusual POV that will amuse you.

I received a copy of this book from NetGalley and Dreamscape Media.

[suonnahbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

The goat in the bedroom by Amy Award
ARC from love notes PR
Release date: Oct 14th 2025
-I love their friendship and how open they are with each other
-love the bi representation in this book
-ate up the goat therapy 🤣🫶🏾🐐 I want to try goat yoga lol
-love the spicy drama with Xan 👀
-I love the Kingman family so much omg adorable the pillow ceremony was everything 🥰
-ouu roommate situation gotta love forced proximity I love how they act like a married couple living together they are meant for each other
-I love the slow realization of feelings mixed with the mutual matchmaking project
-the double date 🤣👌🏾
-I relate so much to Artie when it comes to dating
-these practice sessions have me giddy and weak 😩
-Gryff’s conversation with his dad 🥹
-the spice is CHEF KISS WOWWW ❤️‍🔥🥵
This book was amazing Artie and Gryff’s friendship/ relationship was so beautiful I’m obsessed with them I want a love like that 🥰
Rating:⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Anita · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC review:
I have loved the Kingmans for six books now and its really bittersweet that we only have two books left, Isak and Jules's stories. I love this series because of how it sheds light on issues that many people sadly have to face everyday, especially fatphobia. The way this author takes that kind of negativity from the world and creates something so beautiful and meaningful is incredible. The way the Kingman men love their significant others is something i desperately need in real life.
Now onto this book...
Gryff and Arties story was great. I was anticipating their story so much and i was not let down. The way this book represents bisexuality in both Gryff and Artie and the way it is addressed was very well handled in my opinion! I did like the LA setting and I thought we wouldnt get much of the big Kingman clan since they are in a different state and all but I was thankfully wrong. The talk between Gryff and his father??? Oh, my heart. That scene BROKE me. I sobbed.
Now, a thing I had an issue with is the pacing of the book. I dont know what I would have done differently but the pacing threw me off a few times.
Otherwise I really liked this book and I highly recommend this series if you want an escape from real life - that is exactly what this series is and what its purpose is and i think thats wonderful.

[Jessica Parsons · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book as an arc read and I was soooo excited at first! But soon after getting into it, I realised this book just wasn’t for me. As a trope, I absolutely hate miscommunication and this book was full of it! Whilst there were some cute moments and sweet goats, this book just didn’t do it for me!

[Kate groot · Rating 2 out of 5]

Damn was I disappointed. I love this series but for me personally this really hit the mark for me. I don’t care for any of the tropes and I found the characters annoying. Will I continue the series yeah- but this one was not it.

[KorenaJo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the Kingman family! Book 6 in the series we follow one of the Kingman brothers who is moving to LA. His brother GIFTS him a house and of course he doesn’t want to live alone so he asks his best friend since high school to move in with him. His best friend Artemis agrees and they are both pine for each other. 🫣

[Tara Copeland · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was my least favorite of these books but I cannot quit this series. It was the least spicy, the least well written, the least interesting. Needed an editor and more details. I wonder a little bit if AI isn’t helping draft this one. I dunno. Will I read books about Isak and Jules and Bridger if they come out? Yes. Will I like them? Not if they are like this book as opposed to the first couple.

[Zenya Weatherall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made my lil Queer heart happy! I loved the bisexuality representation. How they talked about the fact that being in a hetero relationship doesn’t make a person any less bisexual. It doesn’t mean that it was a phase. Amy award always delivers amazing strong plus size women who may have their struggles with their body but still know their worth and don’t shy away from going after what they want. I have loved this entire series and am so glad I got an ARC for this one. I am going to suggest this series to everyone I know. This is perfection. I haven’t been able to stop talking about this entire series!

#NetGalley #ARC #TheGoatintheBedroom

[My Reading Era · Rating 4 out of 5]

Artemis and Gryff have been best friends since high school and are now roommates. Artemis is training for the Olympics, while Gryff is just starting his professional football career. After both experience recent breakups, Artemis asks Gryff for some dating lessons with neither of them realizing the truth about their feelings for each other, even though everyone around them can clearly see it. With a little time, a nudge from fate, and the help of two adorable goats, they begin to finally figure it out. This is such a sweet, heartwarming story and a wonderful addition to the Kingman Series!

Thank you, Amy Award and Love Notes PR for the ARC.

[Queenie2023 aka Rita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok so I have been loving this series but this latest one released is not as top tier for me as the others before it. 3.75 stars and The goats and goat names super super cute. Griffs story definitely starts out interesting- not a super huge fan of the best friends to lovers trope but it was a cute story all in all.

[Kisa Lape · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was at least 150 pages too long.

[Marie-Hélène · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gryff and Artemis are besties who might just be in love with each other, *and they were roommates*. The book starts out wonderfully: tiny goat yoga is the way to my heart, so kudos to Gryff for organising that. I love how they orbit around each other, unaware of doing so - absolutely endearing, but also very frustrating. Look, if I’m being honest here: I spent at least half this book giggling out of secondhand embarrassment and awkwardness. MY DUDES. How are you so BLIND. (@ Artemis, mostly) I am aware these are fictional characters but if these were my real life friends, I would have thrown my entire snack collection at their heads (and they would have deserved it). I have never in the hundreds of books I have read, wanted to violently force two people together this hard. They are horrible, they are the worst, they need to TALK and I need to scream at them. (Not really)(maybe)

Honestly, this book had me checking where I was in my menstrual cycle. I don’t know how Amy does it, but her stories get you so emotionally invested. Both Artemis and Gryff love so deeply, so beautifully, and they fit so well together. The entire Kingman family is so wholesome and their supportiveness is unrivalled, something that manages to make me tear up every time. The queer rep and support were also done beautifully - and there were goats, so what more does one need?

[Viola · Rating 3 out of 5]

eARC provided by Love Notes PR in exchange for an honest review.

I am so conflicted about this one...it was a good book, but something was missing for me to fully love it.

For context, I randomly stumbled upon ARC sign ups for this book while on Instagram and I thought, "why the hell not?". The premise sounded so fun, the cover was hella cute and I *love* when the leads are both queer in some way...enough for me to be willing to forgo my uncertainty about goats for it. Aside from my goat-related iffiness, I unfortunately did not like this book as much as I thought I was going to. I still think it had a strong premise, but the execution was just not there.

This story follows Gryff and Artemis, two best-friends-turned-roomates-turned-eventual-lovers athletes, who venture off to LA post graduation to follow their dreams to pursue careers in the sports they love so much. Gryff has had a major crush on Artemis for pretty much the entire time he's known her...which is definitely complicated by the totally platonic relationship that they have (more on that later....). When they move to LA and start living in such close quarters things start to bubble up in such a way that they are both no longer able to ignore it.

That sounds cute enough, right? Well yes, I guess. In theory. But, sadly, I just found the characters to have no real chemistry with each other, even if I did like them individually. I did not buy into their relationship and the supposed love they felt for each other. I realise that it can be challenging to write a book where the relationship is already built to some extend prior to its beginning, but how this progresses and deepens should be part of the story. I felt like so many actions and decisions made by the characters did not make a lot of sense, at least when it came to the romance aspect. It very much seemed by Artemis was not interested in Gryff and then all of a sudden she was. What made this worse and the lack of build up even more apparent was how EVERYONE in the book seemed to know that Gryff and Artemis were in love with each other even when they were not aware themselves. I know it was supposed to be a funny gag, but I personally just found that it stilted how much I believed in the romance, especially with Artemis saying that they were just friends about fifty times. I unfortunately found their romance quite boring, which its sad because I do adore unrequited love and love-stricken characters giving bad dating advice to prevent their partner from falling for someone else. I just did not feel there were any real stakes there for me to root for...

Another thing that I feel detracted from me enjoying this book fully was that the pacing was way off. So many things were happening in the one chapter, but also nothing at all. On a technically story-telling standpoint, I think there were just way too many scenes in this book -- they were at university, then LA, then the beach, then vegas, than scotland, etc. I felt I was being jostled from place to place just so that the scenery could be changed but it did not offer much in terms of the storyline. I also felt that most of the characters outside of the main couple were kind of superficial and had WAY too much page time. I guess it is worth noting that I have not read the previous books in this series prior to this one, so I understand that a lot of them are probably returning characters that people love from other books. However, considering that this is still marketed as readable as a standalone, I don't think giving so much attention to people from previous books to the extent of detracting page time from the main couple is the best decision to make here. At the end, I did find myself skimming sections where random side characters had things happening to them because I just did not really about them or even know them.

That said, there were definitely parts of the book that I did enjoy. The subplot happening with Sloane and the third act conflict was absolutely my favourite part of this book. I think it was handled very well and I liked the message that it was trying to say. Overall, I also really appreciated how this book normalised the diversity of the characters in a way that it did not make it the only part of their characters. Both Gryff and Artie was bisexual, but there is more to them that their sexuality; they are complex characters, with their own goals and likes. I know that is the bare minimum, however, there are so many books out there that very much hone in on characters' sexualities in a way that I personally find a little strange. I particularly liked how both of them discussed their bisexuality and I also found it very realistic. I also really liked Artemis being a muscle-mummy, like why is that not more of a thing in books???? In general, I did like the characters themselves, and I felt they were both super sweet and lovely. This was such a cute and wholesome story that was very nice to read.

The writing was also very strong and easy to read. I do struggle a bit to get used to some contemporary romance writing, but I had no issues here. Aside from the some-what unrealistic or cringey things that some characters would say some times, I felt it was still enjoyable to read. There were definitely some things I read that made me laugh out loud, which its always nice!

Overall, would I recommend this book? Hmmm, it depends. As mentioned, I personally felt that the romance was lacking but the story around it was not. So much time was spent with characters that I did not really know or care about, so I am not sure if maybe if someone were to have read the previous books they may potentially enjoy this a bit more. I don't think this is the book for someone who is looking for a deep love story, but if someone is looking for a cheeky simple time than maybe this would be a good choice!

[Lisa Ann D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

There weren’t a whole lot of places in the world where I didn’t have to think about how my body was going to fit.
🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐

The Goat in the Bedroom (The Cocky Kingmans, #6)
by Amy Award
🐐



Amy Award has such a distinct and beautiful voice. This series never stops hitting the right notes. This installment blew me away. Gryff & Artemis are 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. As always the representation in this novel was incredible.

The plot and our subplot/strife that brings all the Kingmans out in force- was important. And, important for all of us without a clan of Kingmans to back ‘em up.

Amy calls her works ‘fluff’ and I always say that never does it justice.
𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞.
𝗟 𝗢 𝗩 𝗘 𝗗‼️


Perfectly executed. Strong characters. Family/ found family of dreams. Beautiful. Funny. Loving. ✅
Pet patrol. ✅
Kingman family game night. ✅


Queer rep. Curvy/fat/plus FMC(s). Closeted rep. Open rep. Taking up space rep. 🐐 And goats goats goats🐐



🐐: “I know it’s weird to ask your best friend to teach you how to be comfortable with sex, but⁠—“ :🐐


─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴.* :☆ﾟ. ───

[LaHobbitCurvy_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lo sapete, The Cock Down The Block è stato il mio primo plus size romance, e leggere i libri di Amy Award per me è come tornare a casa. Inutile dire che se mi date un romance in cui la protagonista è palesemente quella bona fotonica di Ilona Maher allora AVETE GIÀ LA MIA ATTENZIONE IN PARTENZA. Se poi la bona fotonica è accompagnata da un altrettanto bono fotonico (giocatore di football) e se sono entrambi bisessuali, non c’è gara, ci sono i presupposti per diventare il mio preferito della serie. Anche se, per ora, il gradino più alto del podio è ancora occupato da The Jackass in Class (yep, sono ancora innamorata persa di quel maledetto asinello). Ma questo lo sta facendo vacillare! Amo come lo stile di Amy si sia evoluto nel tempo, e non vedo l’ora del prossimo libro 🥺

E QUELLE CAPRETTE AAAAAAAAAAAAA ne voglio una.

[Courtney Johns · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love these fluffy books so much! I can’t possibly rate them lower because you get exactly what you’re told you’ll get from the start. Important topics discussed in a fictional world where everyone is accepted, sprinkles of good spice thrown in and all round light fluffy ridiculous romance with no heartbreak!

Plus this one gets bonus points for having the New Zealand woman’s rugby team in an Olympic Final (even if they lost) because the world should recognise NZs woman’s team isn’t the one to downplay and I’m Bias.

[Heidy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cutie lil bisexuals, Griff and Artemis are rulers of idgitvile. Their teach me/ coach me through it moment was delicious. Excuse me while I thrown this book at my husband so he can learn how to communicate in bed. Outside of bedroom communication, these two really needed an intervention though!! This was sweet and easy, but it did feel a bit repetitive and too mindless for my current state of ADHD. However, I will never pass up a Cocky Kingman 😝

Thank you Net Galley and Dreamscape Media for the ALC!

[Abbey]

Thank you Libro.FM for the ALC.

This was…not for me. I picked it up from the catalog this month because I wanted a fluffy romance. But I didn’t care about these characters or whether they got together. It confused me how liberated the main couple seemed at the beginning (library scene) but then they tiptoed around each other for an almost 10 hour audiobook only brought together by a….fake dating scheme? And it wasn’t even a dating scheme for like, appearances it was specifically to “improve” the FMC’s “skills.”

Look, I enjoy a good romance. Once in a while I’m absolutely smitten over the most cliche fluff romance book in the bookstore. But this truly felt like a book built on viral tropes and it suffered for that.

[Nicole Wheelbarger · Rating 4 out of 5]

We return to the Kingsman fam with Gryff and his bestie, Artemis. This book has a little bit of everything, fake dating, spicy lessons, an amazing family, the battle to love yourself, LGBTQ awareness and oh, of course, GOATs.


For me, this book felt a bit like a repeat in plot areas for blackmail and it feel a little short for me compared to the rest.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I rated this book higher because of the epilogue by Vincent van goat.

[Corinne Akers · Rating 5 out of 5]

The GOAT in the Bedroom

If you want to read a book about representation, about family, and about love in general - then this book is for you. There’s so much to love about this book. I don’t honestly know where to begin, It deals with found family and finding your place when you don’t think that you fit in anywhere.. It’s about falling in love, especially when your best friend is the one you’re falling in love with and his entire family, except you are theirs without question. To finding out you’re not “extra” - you just needed to find your people and your place in the world. And the overall body positivity that has been in this book and throughout this entire series. If you want to read about a family that gives you positivity, love, support, and all the feels than this series is definitely for you. I highly recommend this book and this entire series! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Jessica Frances · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5*

[Dannii Logan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually LOOOOOOOOVED this one!! I might be bias cause the gay representation but it's just filled with love and kindness 🥹🥹

[Melinda Marasigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

ARC Review!
Amy Award has done it again😍
The Kingsman twins finally both got their HEA. Reading the relationship grow from friendship to forever had me kicking my feet with giddiness 😂. I laughed and cried riding the emotion roller coaster 🎢 that was amazing and kept me reading. Add in adorable baby goats 🐐 and it warmed my heart.

[Celeste · Rating 3 out of 5]

“𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛."
🐐✨🏈🏉💕🏡


Artemis and Gryff have been friends, best friends, for six years. They're each other's person, and even in their worst moments, they've never stopped supporting each other.
So, when they both move to Los Angeles after college, they decide moving in together is a good idea. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Between intimacy lessons, cute goats, group outings, and sweet moments at home, they begin to realize that their friendship could be, or perhaps always has been, something more.

While the "friends to lovers" trope isn't one of my favorites, I LOVED it here. I loved how Gryff cares for Artie, so sincerely and deeply, preferring to suffer rather than risk losing her friendship.
That part of the novel—the yearning, the attempt to make her understand that he's always loved her—I found it super romantic and well-written, truly a butterfly-inducing experience.

Artie is also a wonderful character. She appears confident, but hides deep insecurities and just wants someone to cuddle her and allow her to be vulnerable.

The style is simple, ironic, and full of funny moments (sometimes perhaps a little too absurd), typical of Amy Award's novels. If you've read her other books, this, in my opinion, is one of the most successful.
I also really appreciated the final chapter dedicated to the family's pets: decidedly unusual, but very sweet.
I wasn't convinced by all the drama surrounding the journalist and her being randomly the villain; I found it a bit artificial.

A book recommended for those who love light, funny stories where family is always at the center of everything. Because the Kingman men surely love with all their heart.

[Drea · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

Gryff and Artie! 😱💜🏈🔥🏉🤗

This is book 6 of the Cocky Kingman series and I swear the series just gets better and better with each book. These two are sooo cute, soft, strong and special. This book covers Artemis and Gryffen both best friends since high school, following the last year of college graduation as well as working on their professional sports careers. Artie’s goal is to become a professional rugby player and make it on to the Olympic team, Gryff’s is to play professional football alongside a sibling or two. When these tell find themselves single for the first time, they work on their friendship, their respective sport while realizing they may have feelings for one another but unsure whether to ’ ruin the friendship.’

These two are adorable, wanting to protect the other completely and are completely selfless and full of love for others and it just makes for such a beautiful story. This book is full of such special moments and to see the other characters in this family and their little peaks of growth in this book are just so so so special. I don’t want to say much, but please TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS IS A MUST READ and you will FALL IN LOVE WITH Artie and Gryff (and maybe some baby goats too!!)

Amy, you truly did crush this, thank you for the opportunity to read this as an ARC and please know I will continue convincing my coworker’s to start this fun, steamy, and beautiful series!

[Mercedes Collins · Rating 1 out of 5]

Okay, I’ll go ahead and say I’m new to romance novels, but I’ve obviously read things where there’s a love story, or love interest. I also know this book is part of a series I guess, but it reads as a stand alone and I assume the previous novels weren’t necessary as a precursor to this one. I also listened to the audiobook on this one. This came across the “trending” section in Hoopla and went for it.

This novel makes me want to never pick up another romance again. Is this how they’re all written? This was terrible. The characters weren’t well developed, and there were a few times that minor characters were thrown in like I was supposed to have an emotional attachment to them already (so maybe the previous novels WERE necessary?). This also seemed progressive (being bisexual isn’t being confused, consent needs to be crystal clear, you deserve to ask for things you need, fetishizing is wrong), yet there’s a #AllKingsmenMen aspect where they paint all the “Kingsmen” men to have the exact same qualities. I take that as a red flag in real life when men push their last names as some sort of major quality. Also seems weak on the author’s end to just slap the same qualities on, what, seven brothers?

The narrators for this one were meh, and I think that was another reason I didn’t like listening to this one. Artemis’s narrator made all the other women characters sound pretentious, snobby, and just unbearable to listen to. Griff’s narrator didn’t match Artie’s voice when he had to speak as her. I don’t know, it seemed all over the place. It didn’t help that most of the characters in this novel were either cringey or annoying. I feel like the author tried writing them all to be lovable and quirky, but with the “eat the rich” mentality most of her clientele have, having a super rich family full of private jets and “I flew my OBGYN to a fucking football game in case I go into labor” doesn’t bode well. The fact that the “it’s a Kingsmen” thing is mentioned every chapter and makes the family have an excuse to push themselves into the center of attention at all times also got super annoying at lightning speed, along with “your face is X”. Is this author as cringey in all her other novels?

The plot was outrageously predictable and pure fantasy. Oh, we’re winning every football game, every rugby game, and everyone is magically always playing at their top performance all the time! How quaint. Teehee! The only conflict anyone had was Artie and Griff having some rough practices and that Sloane woman trying to ruin people’s reputations. There was zero feeling of danger when any of that was happening, and got resolved super quick with a pretty pink bow tied on top. It was boring and flat. Yes, we’re here for spice, but god bless give me some story! Make me feel like these characters will face consequences! I guess it’s just a Kingsmen thing to never have consequences. Members of the football team risked NFL fines just to sneak the twins’ girlfriends into the hotel rooms, and for what?! What seemed like 20 minutes of cuddling then they left? High risk for barely a reward. Immature and risky for nothing. Most of what this author spit out on paper was unnecessary and frivolous fluff that in no way shaped the story.

And the goats. Ugh. For one, this book is called The Goat in the Bedroom. Singular. One goat. It wouldn’t have been hard to call it The Goats in the Bedroom and slap on another goat to the cover. Seriously, what the hell? Both MCs are GOATs in their sports. And they have TWO GOATS. Seriously, who made that decision? Weak. On top of all the other fantasy bullshit throughout this story, we have the baby goats who somehow knew that Artie and Griff should be together, literally pushing them together, proceeding to act mad at their affection, than later stomping and shitting on all the paperwork tied to Sloane. Why? Why anthropomorphize these goats so hard? Oh yeah, the author needed more fluff. What she did with all of the animals in this story was catered to five year olds, yet this is supposed to be an adult novel. I get it, people like cutesy shit, but goddamn make it believable and good. It doesn’t need to be oozing.

Once the characters finally realized their love for one another, I thought “thank god, I’m finally almost through this shitshow”. Nope. Three more hours left to listen. A weak conflict with zero danger of consequences. Going to a football game. Winning the football game. Going to another football game. Winning another football game. Having Griff propose. Having Artie win gold for the US team in the Olympics. Honestly by the time I got to the end, I was so checked out of the “story” that I wished they would’ve lost the Olympic game. Actually at three hours left to listen, I said “one of them better fucking die in the end”. I was disappointed.

I cannot believe that something else could possibly happen in this novel to make me hate it more, but of course, there was: the goat’s chapter at the end of the novel. What. The. Fuck. Why was this here? Why would baby goats know about homework? What kind of drugs was Amy Award on when she wrote this dumpster fire? If I could give it zero stars, I would.

I definitely have more to tear apart, but I was so relieved that I’m finally finished this terrible writing that I practically came when the audio cut off.

One entertaining bit:
“I’m gonna make you ride my fingers while I suck on these nipples until you cum so hard you can’t breathe” “only if you let me do the same to you” made me laugh so hard I had to pause the book for like five minutes.