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640 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published June 30, 2015
It’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. Fuckin’ always.
Tack put his forearms on the bar… “Joke, your story to tell when you wanna tell it. Your story to keep if you don’t ever wanna tell. Thought you had secrets. Way you’re holdin’ back with this girl, think I’m wrong. You don’t have secrets. You got demons.” …
“It’s me protecting her, Tack.”
“Against what?”
“Demons.”
“What the fuck are you doin’?” he asked…
“That’s twenty cents,” I returned.
“Hunh?” he grunted.
“Regular curse words are a nickel,” I told him. “Bad curse words are a dime. Everyone knows the f-word is a bad one and since, starting now, you’re paying me every time you curse, that’s twenty cents you owe me… I’ll give it to charity or something. The way you cuss, we’ll probably be able to build a homeless shelter in a week.”
“You created this situation, Aaron… You’re no longer dealing with a girl who lost half her world by the time she was eighteen… You’re dealing with a mother. That’s an entirely different breed. So I’d advise you to change your tactics and your goals. Because your current fight is a fight there is no way in hell you can win.”
“I’m in love with your ex-wife,” he returned, no amusement in his voice… “I’ve loved her since high school, man. She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that’ll suck, but I’ll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I’ll fuckin’ hate watchin’ it, but I’ll put her back together… But know this, in the end, it’s gonna be me and her.”
Joker sauntered right past me.
And he did this to go straight to Big Petey.
And he did this so he could firmly pull Travis from Pete’s arms, lift him so they were face to fact, and ask, “How goes it, kid?”
Taking that in, I suddenly had trouble breathing.
Travis screamed with glee and latched on with both hands to Joker’s beard.
At one look, I saw Elvira wasn’t feeling upset about a mother done wrong.
She was just flat furious.
“Your man’s got T-minus a month to sort that jackass, then I’m settin’ Hawk on him,” she warned.
“One day, Carson Steele, you’re going to be a magnificent man. I don’t know how that will be… But whatever it is, it will happen. I believe it. And one day, you’ll see past what you’ve been taught and you’ll believe it too.”
“I think I might be falling in love with you.”
“Then quit thinkin', Carrie, because I KNOW I'm fallin' for YOU.”
“Good stuff for you out there, Carson. Good stuff… A good life. A beautiful life. You’ll get it. I know it. Because you deserve it.”
~ CARISSA
“Yeah, Carrie, it’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. F*CKIN’ ALWAYS.”
~ JOKER
“No matter what happens, I will never, not ever, not f*ckin’ ever, Carissa, regret ridin’ down that shoulder to help you and your boy. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life, and I know that in a way I know I’ll feel that until the day I f*ckin’ die.”
~ JOKER
Joke, your story to tell when you wanna tell it. Your story to keep if you don't ever wanna tell. Thought you had secrets. Way you're holding' back with this girl, think I'm wrong. You don't have secrets. You got demons.
You good?" he asked.
I swallowed. Then I nodded.
"Wanna be better?"
I pressed a hand to his chest and breathed, "Yes."
Gotta get where I'm going'."
It killed him, but that was his response.
This was because she was not his to have.
She was golden. Nothing beat her. She smiled through pain and made you believe it.
I lay under him, breathing heavily, clasped to him like I never wanted to let him go (and thinking I actually didn't), glorying in the feel of his filling me, watching with what could be nothing but utter glee as the shudders of his orgasm shifted through his powerful body as the fragments of the glory of mine whispered though mine.
I think I might be falling in love with you..."
"Then quit thinkin', Carrie, because I know I'm fallin' for you.
I'm in love with your ex-wife...
I've loved her since high school, man. She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that'll suck, but I'll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I'll fuckin' hate watchin' it, but I'll put her back together. Do what you gotta do to make you feel like you got the bigger dick. But know this, in the end, it's gonna be her and me.
“It’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. Fuckin’ always.”
“I think I might be falling in love with you,”
“Then quit thinkin’, Carrie, because I know I’m fallin’ for you.”
“Jesus, you do it for me.”
“I do…what for you?”
“Everything.”
“It’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. F*ckin’ always.”
“One day, Carson Steele, you’re going to be a magnificent man… And one day, you’ll see past what you’ve been taught and you’ll believe it too.”
“I hadn’t been about me. Not for a long time. Maybe never. I had been coasting in life for so long. I actually didn’t know who me was.”
“She doesn’t need dark. She never shoulda had it and she’s had a lifetime of it. What I got in me gets loose, it’ll engulf her.”
“It was always you. Only you. I was into you back then, Carissa, in a big fuckin’ way. And that hasn’t changed.”
“I’ve loved her since high school, man. She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that’ll suck, but I’ll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I’ll f*ckin’ hate watchin’ it, but I’ll put her back together. Do what you gotta do to make you feel like you got the bigger dick. But know this, in the end, it’s gonna be her and me.”
“It was always you. Only you. I was into you back then, Carissa, in a big fuckin’ way … And that hasn’t changed.”
“I like you…” I got up on my toes to get in his face, “a lot”.
“You haven’t made that a secret.”
“Maybe I should start doing that,” I retorted …
“Butterfly, advice. Don’t start playin’ new games when you’re already winnin’ the one you’re in.”
“Right there, his world was done. Because there was nothing that would be better than Carissa Teodoro standing a foot away with her hand warm on his, grinning up at him. Nothing.”
“I’m in love with your ex-wife. I’ve loved her since high school, man. She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that’ll suck, but I’ll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I’ll fuckin’ hate watchin’ it, but I’ll put her back together. Do what you gotta do to make you feel like you got the bigger dick. But know this, in the end, it’s gonna be her and me. So take your shot. Spend your money. Score those marks on your soul. Scar your son. Push her to the point she can’t stand the sight of you. But do it knowin’ that’s all on you. Just like everything that went before, it’s all on you.”
"It's you. It's always been you.
It'll always be you. Fuckin' always."
“She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that’ll suck, but I’ll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I’ll fuckin’ hate watchin’ it, but I’ll put her back together. Do what you gotta do to make you feel like you got the bigger dick. But know this, in the end, it’s gonna be her and me.”
“If she’s the girl and you’re it for her…then you’ll ride steady.”
"She brought him pie,"
"Fuckin' brilliant,"
"Does Joker even like pie?"
But my heart squeezed.
Didn't he like pie?
Didn't everyone like pie?
Oh no! What if he didn't like pie?
"Wanted you,"
"In high school, I wanted you. So bad, my life went to shit, like it went to shit every single fucking day, to give my head some peace, I'd draw you."
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“I've loved her since high school, man. She means everything to me. You gotta drag her down, that'll suck, but I'll pick her back up. You gotta rip her apart, I'll fuckin' hate watchin' it, but I'll put her back together. Do what you gotta do to make you feel like you got the bigger dick. But know this, in the end, it's gonna be her and me.”
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“I am going to heal you, Carson.”
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“It's you. It's always been you. It'll always be you. Fuckin' always.”
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