We Need to Talk About Divorce: An Important Book About Separation, Stepfamilies, and Feeling Heard

by Kate Scharff, Annika Le Large (Illustrator)

A kid-centric guide for the children of parents going through a separation or divorce, written by internationally renowned divorce therapist Kate Scharff, MSW.

Children of separating or divorcing parents often feel alone and alienated, as though no one understands what they’re going through. They need reassurance that their feelings are normal, and age-appropriate answers to their many questions. But divorce is confusing and overwhelming―thinking and talking about it are hard, for kids and grown-ups alike.

Kate Scharff (a child of divorce herself) addresses many of kids’ common concerns, such as navigating life in two homes, feeling pressured to choose sides, and adjusting when parents date or remarry. Her central theme is the importance of parent-child communication, and she offers lots of tips for how kids can speak up constructively―even in the trickiest situations.

This book, with illustrations by Annika Le Large, is suitable for kids to read by themselves or with a parent. It’s frank, honest, and open. But while the author doesn’t shy away from the painful aspects of the experience, she also reassures her reader that while divorce will always be a sad memory, it doesn’t have to be a bad turning point. In fact, divorce can make lots of things easier over time.

We Need to Talk About Divorce is the next book in Neon Squid’s critically acclaimed series tackling subjects that are hard to talk about for kids aged 10 and above.

Genres: Divorce, Nonfiction, Childrens, Family, Audiobook

64 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2025

Reviews

[Corrin V · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every school library should have this book! As a child of divorced parents, I would have greatly appreciated this resource. It talks about divorce and what to expect/questions to ask in a non-evaluative/non-judgements way. It focuses on the perspective of the child and that it is not their fault. Divorce is hard and it is something that parents need to do and take care of. It also includes some appropriate language for children when they need to share feelings or boundaries. Great book!

[Theediscerning · Rating 3 out of 5]

A guidebook showing great experience in witnessing children undergoing divorce, that aims to smooth the path for them. We get a lot of insightful information, from what a divorce actually is, to how it is never at all the child's fault, and how best to prepare ourselves for the changes involved when the parents are getting less communicative and seem to deserve the descriptor "allegedly adult" more often than not. The book is definitely on the kids' side – it says it is perfectly reasonable to play one parent off the other, to nag and goad, as it might seem justified, which I don't think such welcome advice.

There is no list of things that could cause the divorce in the first place, other than growing apart as a couple – this is designed to be fully universal and pretty much applicable to any young reader. What there is, of course, is the issue of balance in the new life, and the things that might arise when someone finds a new partner.

So it's annoying that this wasn't as good as it could have been. It's still certainly useful, and potentially something to prescribe as a needed text, but the formatting is poor. There is important, larger font text, less vital, smaller font text, and speech bubbles galore – and the reading order is totally shot on some pages. So a lot of key information comes across in almost random fashion. Some of the speech bubbles are illustrative, some are quotes from people like the reader and – when presented via cartoonish visuals – come across as less important than I feel they really are. Certainly they don't like to follow the typical comic book reading order.

It's an awkward jumble at times, then, to be sure – and I don't know if what makes it worse is the fact this is valuable, sensible content. Still, at least we get that – in some pattern or another – so three and a half stars. But I would have wished for greater clarity.

[Dusti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

We Need to Talk About Divorce is a simple guide for navigating divorce and all its subsequent changes for kids ages 10 and up that was written by a divorce therapist. As someone who is not a child of divorce but has discussed the experience of being one at length in undergrad and with friends, I was particularly interested in checking this book out.

The audiobook is filled with music and sound effects that help keep the informative text more engaging. I do think the reading experience would’ve been improved by having a copy of the physical or digital version on hand as well, as the book seems to lean toward physical viewing, but the audiobook alone is still a great resource for kids. There is a variety of advice offered that doesn’t feel condescending, and I think this would be an excellent addition to school and public libraries, and for some kids, maybe even their personal collection.

My main issue is regarding the target audience of the book. It is aimed toward children ages 10 and older, and it both feels a little advanced in language at parts and a little young in content for those who the reading wouldn’t be too advanced for. I also felt there were some situations that could have used more advice provided instead of just describing how difficult the thing is. That being said, “ages 10 and above” is a large range of ages, so while this may not be compatible with some, it could be a really helpful resource for many others!

[Saloni Porwal · Rating 4 out of 5]

A solid four stars! This wonderful audiobook covers all bases and teaches children of divorced/divorcing parents how to understand their emotions and communicate how they feel to their parents. The book plays out scenarios as examples of what can happen and different reactions that children have towards these situations. The narrator does a fantastic job of conveying the warm, soothing manner that the author hold in talking directly to the listener. She is understanding and comforting, validating everything that the listener may feel, and is clearly very experienced in dealing with such situations.

My only doubt here is the age group it is intended for because I'm not sure very young children would understand it. I personally have no experience with divorce in my family and I assume this audiobook would work for age 8+. While the audiobook is very informative and helpful, it is over an hour long and I'm not sure whether a child in emotional distress will be able/willing to hear it out. I'd recommend parents/adults to read this themselves first to then get the child(ren) to read maybe specific parts that they may relate with better. I imagine this would be a good resource in schools to deal with stigma around divorce while also offering support to children without singling them out.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

With its colorful, appealing cover and interior design using abundant speech bubbles, soft colors, diverse voices, and accessible text that reads almost as though it’s a conversation between two friends, this book will be popular with middle graders and young adolescents. Covering a topic that is often avoided because it makes others feel uncomfortable, the author covers a lot of territory in this slim volume. Because divorce is often a surprise to the children or teens involved, the different topics will help them feel seen, heard, and valued as well as shedding light on how to navigate this change in their lives. Most of all, the book is reassuring, letting readers know that there is no one way to react to the news of a divorce or separation, the challenge of living in two different homes, not choosing sides, dealing with divorce rituals and holidays, parents’ dating, stepparents, and how this way of life becomes the new normal. I’d definitely recommend this to many tweens and teens since they'll find comfort and advice from its contents and make them feel seen and their feelings valued.

[Country Mama · Rating 5 out of 5]

We Need to Talk about Divorce by Kate Scharff is a necessary book for younger children/teens and tweens nowadays who have divorced parents, which is a larger part of the population than it used to be. I have not been through divorced parents, or a divorce personally but I do know that my husband went through one as a child and it can be very rough emotionally on a child, especially when you have a nasty one and the parents are trying to use the child against each other. There are a lot of children who go through this nowadays and each of these pages have valuable information for kids and younger people to deal with the aftermath of divorce within their own families and lives. The information by the author is authentic and you can tell she has had a lot of experience in dealing with personal divorce in some way and also that she guides younger people along with teens and tweens with divorce as well. I especially liked the chapter on step families and learning how to have new people in our lives at any age. I highly recommend this one to younger children/ teens and tweens who are going through a divorce with their parents!

[DCjourno · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be enormously helpful (and ultimately reassuring) to children whose parents are divorcing and to parents who prioritize the well-being of their children in their divorce. The author has melded her professional expertise and lived experience to create a compassionate, direct, and accessible guide to navigating one of the most difficult periods of many people's lives. It's filled with profound insights and practical advice that is bound to leave the reader feeling less alone and more understood. And it should be essential reading not only for those going through divorce themselves (as parents or children), but anyone who may be along for the bumpy ride with them: school counselors, teachers, coaches, therapists, close friends, grandparents.

[Cpcdc · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I are in the process of divorcing- we have kids age 9 and 11. Our older son’s teacher recommended this book. At first our son feigned disinterest, but later I found it on his bedside table. He admitted to reading it multiple times, and said it was like the author could read his mind. This book is direct about the difficulties of divorce (including how parents can struggle to really be there for their kids), but it’s gentle, non-judgmental and reassuring that things will eventually settle into a new normal. The writing is sophisticated and never talks down to its reader. But it’s written in a clear, authoritative yet warm and reassuring voice that kids can easily relate to. My husband and I learned a lot too. I found myself wishing I could have Kate Scharff as my therapist. I hope she keeps writing on this subject- maybe a version for adults! If you’re a parent anywhere on the separation/divorce continuum, buy this book today. It’s a warm hug in a painful time.

[Lila Danisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

My parents divorced when I was already an adult, so I think I regulated my emotions good enough. My parents' divorce process was messy as hell. I was glad I was no longer a child when it happened. I still needed therapy after their separation because of the messiness following that decision, but I think it would scar me more if I were still a child. This book is good for children to understand the basic layers of divorce. The use of simple words was also great for middle-grade kids to understand. This book is actually good for the parents, so they can gently treat their divorce process in their children's best interests.

Thank you to Kate Scharff, St. Martin's Publishing Group, Neon Squid, and NetGalley for the ARC.

[Kristin Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to libro.fm for the ALC. This book would be much better read than heard. There were definitely illustrations that I was missing. I felt like I was listening to a graphic novel! The book seems to cover a variety of concerns that a child might have. The author used both her personal experience and that of her clients to relate to her readers. My initial thought was 3 stars, but I will bump it up to 4 so I don't bring down the rating. I know the print copy would be a better read.

[Allison Haehnel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book was available to me and my children eleven years ago! Kid focused suggestions are here to walk them through their parent’s divorce, future dating, conflicts between parents, how to ask for civility, parents dating, and more. It’s a great title for parents to read with their kids and gain perspective on their experience of the divorce process. I highly recommend for ages 7 and up.

[Danielle Mccoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this audiobook from netGalley for a honest review.

This book is what every kid who parents are going through a divorce needs. Common sense advice and real world examples of living through a parents breakup and what will happen afterwards. It's also good for parents to see and feel what their kids are going through at this time.

[Katrin]

Väga otsekohene ja ülevaatlik ilusate illustratsioonidega teos lahutusest. Meeldis, et see kattis levinud küsimusi, mis lapses võivad tekkida ja pöördus seda tehes otse lapse poole, mitte vanema. Kindlasti abiks lapsele ja ka vanematele, et seda kohati tundlikku ja valusat teemat käsitleda. Meeldis ka lõpulehekülg, mis ütles, et vahel lähevad asjad lahutuse järel hoopis paremaks.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

11/10 recommend for even adults who were once children of divorce, I was able to talk to my inner child with some of these same encouragements

[Lieke · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn't work for me, I did not finish it.
Maybe it would work on paper, but I didn't like the tone of the book and the writing style.